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I Hate My Life – The Feeling of Rejection
I woke up on the bathroom floor again. All my friends had to leave because they couldn’t get in and I was alone again. “I hate my life,” I thought. I had for a long time. As far back as I can remember all I wanted was to be loved and accepted. Instead, I was ridiculed and put down for my looks and my so called “lack of brain power.” I ended up with no personality, nothing that would cause anyone to want to spend time with me.

I Hate My Life – Yearning for Love and Acceptance
How did I get here? Even when I was little, I didn’t fit in. I wasn’t pretty, I was too tall, and at one point a little behind all my classmates in a new school. That new school was where I first experienced the rejection that would scar me for life. When I had to go into a different school the next year, I just knew no one would like me, so I acted out. I rejected them before they could reject me. I just wanted to disappear off the face of the earth but life kept happening, and I was a very unwilling participant.

Junior High came and I wanted to go into my new school incognito. But that year I spent too much time at the pool and ended up with green hair. I’m sure you can imagine what the tallest person in the class who just happened to have green hair was called. It was another reason to crawl in a hole and hide. That’s just what I wanted to do the rest of Junior High and High School – hide.

All of this time, my heart was crying out to be loved and accepted, but there was no way I was going to believe that I ever would be. No one seemed to care if I was even alive other than my family and sometimes I even wondered about them.

I Hate My Life – Collegiate Mistakes
After High School, my parents told me I was going to go to college. By this time, I was a super non-achiever and definitely did not want to go to college. I had no choice but to go, but for the first time in my life I set a goal for myself. I was going to be accepted and popular. I didn’t know how I was going to meet that goal, but who cared? As it turned out, I became well known, but not necessarily popular.

As I grew up my parents would have their little parties on Saturday nights and go to church on Sundays. I couldn’t handle that and I grew to hate drinking and anyone who drank. Well, that all changed in college. During the fall of my first year, a popular guy asked a friend and me to go to a bar with him and some other friends. I did not want to go, but decided that was a way of getting to know people. My plan was to have a coke and let them drink what they wanted, but their plan was to get this little and naive freshman drunk. They succeeded and I lost, literally. I wish I could say that I was in control, but from that night on, alcohol took over. I was hooked! For the first time in my life I could talk to guys and feel like I could be a part of the group. I could hardly wait for the next party to get drunk and have fun.

Later that fall, I went out with a good looking guy that was a few years older than me. I was very flattered that he would want to take me out, but I wouldn’t have been if I would have known what he planned. That night he had sex with me and I became his special little play thing if his girlfriend was unavailable. I soon found out that the only way I was going to get invited anywhere was to give the guy what he wanted. I ended up hating men and myself. By the time college was out, I prided myself in being the biggest lush and slut on campus. That’s something to be proud of, huh?

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I Hate My Life – Hitting Bottom
This downward cycle continued to include pretty heavy use of drugs and consuming enough alcohol to make myself sick and pass out every night. I hated myself. I had nothing to live for. I had thrown away over 4 years of college and I came away with no skills whatsoever. I was at the bottom as far as personal self worth goes.

About this time a friend started telling me that I was killing thousands of brain cells as I drank straight bourbon. I told him I didn’t care, there wasn’t much to kill. But he started getting through the fog and I decided that maybe I’d better get out.

I moved in with my sister and after about a month, I hit bottom. I had no desire to go on and absolutely nothing to live for. I was too chicken to kill myself. I failed again – I couldn’t even commit suicide, so I cried for days it seemed.

I Hate My Life – Desperation
Finally, my sister asked if I would like to talk to someone and I agreed even though it was a Christian counselor. I didn’t have much use for Christians even though I had grown up going to church. I thought they were a bunch of hypocrites, but I was desperate. She told me that God loved me. There was no way I was going to believe that. She then told me that I was a sinner and I shot back at her, “That’s nothing new!”

I was surprised that God hadn’t struck me dead years before. The third thing she told was that God had a plan for my life. I was so low, that I knew I had no future if I tried to do it on my own. That day I told God that if He wanted this mess I called life, He could have it and do with it what He wanted. More power to Him! I had lived my whole life daring people to like me and I rebelliously dared God to accept me and do something with my life. My life had been marked by anger and rebellion and unfortunately those things didn’t disappear overnight. But, God has taken this very angry, messed up person and just kept showing me His love.

I Hate My Life – Finding Much Needed Acceptance
Life used to be all about me. Why don’t people love me? Who will love me? What do I have to do to make people love me? Why can’t I find peace and love? I looked for the answers to all those questions in all the wrong places: booze, sex, and drugs. Those answers almost killed me. But when God touched my heart, I found the answers to all my questions. He brought love and peace into my life when I looked to Him to provide.

As far as feeling dumb and stupid all my life, I found out that I am fairly intelligent. I might do stupid things now and then, but that doesn’t make me stupid. That’s another thing the Lord revealed to me. I am not perfect, I still have moments of wondering if anyone loves me and there are times I feel really dumb. There are also times when I am overwhelmed by shame from the past, but when I turn to the Lord through His Word and prayer, He’s always there, ready to pour out His love on me.

God has given me such joy and peace in the past few years, something that I despaired ever knowing. He has opened up my life to aspects of Himself that I had only read about before: His love for me, His desire to bless me, and the fact that He could truly love others through me.

Praise His name for taking me, a very rebellious child and loving me and never giving up on me, even when I wanted to give up on Him. But, most of all I praise Him that He has set me free, free to know Him, free to live the life He planned for me before the world was ever formed. John 8:36 says “If the Son shall make you free, you shall be free indeed.” This verse has become a reality for me and I praise His name!

PEOPLE UNNO COME THROUGH…WHA GO DUNG WID UNCLE FRANK AND DI POLICE…DEM SEH POLICE KILL SOMEONE

Police: Man shot in BX drug arrest gone wrong
(02/02/12) THE BRONX – Police say a man was rushed to the hospital today after being shot during a narcotics arrest gone wrong.

The incident happened on East 229th Street between Barnes Avenue and White Plains Road.

Police say they were about to make an arrest in a drug operation when something went awry, resulting in a man being shot. Police shut down East 229th Street at around 3 p.m., barring local residents from their homes. The road has since been reopened.

So far, the condition of the victim remains unknown.

http://www.news12.com/articleDetail.jsp?regionId=1&region_name=BX&articleId=306275&position=1&news_type=news

WE ARE THE STRONGEST.. AND CAN OVERCOME ANYTHING..DONT THINK FOR A SECOND YOU CANNOT..TEK IN TARRUS

Killed by her hair extensions: Woman dies after allergic reaction ‘to glue in hairdo’ as expert says he has seen four similar deaths in three months

Pathologist tells inquest there are ten to 20 deaths a year caused by allergic reaction to hair extension glue
Court hears that sweating from dancing all night may have caused glue to enter Atasha Graham’s blood stream
By Suzannah Hills
Last updated at 5:13 PM on 2nd February

Read more:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2095450/Atasha-Graham-dies-allergic-reaction-glue-hairdo-night-out.html#ixzz1lFe71F9Z

A housewife died after suffering a massive allergic reaction possibly triggered by the glue in her hair extensions, an inquest heard today.
Atasha Graham, 34, collapsed after a night out dancing at a club where her boyfriend was the DJ.
The hearing at Southwark Coroner’s Court in London was told the allergic reaction may have been caused by the glue used to attach her hair extensions – but there was no way to be 100 per cent certain.
Home Office pathologist Doctor Michael Heath told the inquest: ‘I’ve seen cases where people using solvent to apply hair extensions has actually caused anaphylactic shock.
‘There are about 10 to 20 deaths a year in this country, many more in America. I have seen four in the last three months.’
The inquest heard that ‘fun-loving’ Ms Graham had been fine on the night out until she stepped through the door of her home in Lee, south-east London, at 6.30am, then suddenly collapsed and stopped breathing.
Her shocked partner, Fenton Johnson, called an ambulance and tried to resuscitate her while 999 operators told him what to do over the phone.
Ms Graham, the third youngest of nine siblings, never properly regained consciousness and died later in hospital.
A post-mortem failed to find any abnormalities with her organs or substances which could have caused her death.
Her younger brother Carlus, who attended the inquest with his wife Marsha, said: ‘This is the most frustrating thing of all. We still don’t know what happened.’
The inquest heard Ms Graham had been drinking Hennessy brandy and Red Bull hours before she died, but only had a moderate amount of

Dr Heath did not find any kind of drugs or substances in her body.
Jamaican-born Ms Graham, who had eaten takeaway jerk pork and Chinese before going out, did not have any history of food allergies.
Dr Heath said an allergic reaction to food would normally occur within half an hour of consumption so he did not think it could have been anything she ate.
He then examined a hair piece Ms Graham wore to see if there could have been an allergic reaction to the latex glue used to attach it to her natural hair

Dr Heath added: ‘The hair extensions in Atasha’s hair were of a latex type. This may or may not be related [to her death].
‘If it is the hair extension normally a reaction would occur within half an hour of applying them or if some of the latex got into the solution because of perspiration and then got into the bloodstream.’
He added that sweat, for instance if she had been dancing in a club, could potentially have caused the glue to get into her bloodstream.
But the pathologist said he would expect an allergic reaction to occur shortly after the glue was applied and Atasha had been wearing extensions, which she got done in salons, since the age of 20.
After lengthy discussions with experts the pathologist said he was certain the cause of death was anaphylactic shock as the level of tryptase, which occurs naturally in the body during an allergic reaction, was 178 micrograms per litre of blood – up to 25 times higher than the normal amount of between two and 14 micrograms per litre.
‘She was such a nice person. She loved kids. She was fun-loving… she just enjoyed her life, enjoyed doing what made her happy’

However, he said he could not pinpoint exactly what was the trigger was.
Dr Heath added: ‘The diagnosis is correct, but I am not sure what triggered it.
‘If she had recovered we could have carried out tests, but the situation we have, tragically, we cannot take it any further.’
Coroner Christopher Williams recorded a verdict of death by natural causes as he said it was not possible to identify a clear link with a particular allergen that caused her body to go into shock.
He said: ‘She had an allergic reaction to something as the level of tryptase in her body was 178 micrograms, but we are not able to identify what the specific agent was that that caused this reaction.’
Speaking afterwards, Mr Johnson, Ms Graham’s partner of two years with whom she had been trying to have a baby, described her as a ‘wonderful person’ who helped him turn his life around.
Mr Johnson said: ‘She changed me a lot. It’s so shocking this could have happened. I still have to keep looking at pictures of her on my
phone.’
Ms Graham’s brother, Carlus, added: ‘She was such a nice person. She loved kids. She was fun-loving.
‘She just enjoyed her life, enjoyed doing what made her happy.
‘I was younger than her by two years, but we were like twins. She even taught me how to read and write.
‘The last time I spoke to her was the Friday before this happened. I remember her every day.’

Read more:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2095450/Atasha-Graham-dies-allergic-reaction-glue-hairdo-night-out.html#ixzz1lFfSNbp4