batteyman bambam by metshani

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Dear Taiwo,

I am pained in my heart and I really need your advice and those of your readers. I am a regular reader of your column, but I never thought I would have a cause to write you.

I need your help. I am a 67-year-old mother of four, three women and a young man. My first daughter is 41, married with two kids. She and my last child; the young man are my source of joy. My second and third, both women are a source of concern to me.

I thank God that my first daughter is happily married, with her own family, if not, I wondered what people would say about me or the questions people would raise. I took care of my children alone. My husband died when my son was four years old, so you all can imagine how long I have been doing things alone, with the help and grace of God.

I am a retired matron/nursing sister, trained in Glasgow Scotland. I have a nursing home that I am managing even while I was in service; the proceeds from this and my salary coupled with what my husband left for us saw my children through school and even tertiary institutions.

They lacked nothing while growing up. We may not have in abundance, but we lacked nothing, so I really cannot place or lay my hands on why these girls are behaving the way they are now.

My second daughter, at present has three children for three different men. She had her first child when she was in her first year in the university she took in for a married man she dated then.

When she left home for campus, she became a changed girl from the child I raised. Her action almost sent me to an early grave. Her mother-in-law took the child so that she could finish school. Along the line, while still in school, her relationship with the father of her child broke up.

I spoke and pleaded with her to move on. I told her she had no reason to settle for less — a married man as there are lots of single men out there, she could get married to when ready. But alas! My daughter only listened, she did not heed my advice.

Because when she went for her youth service in Port Harcourt, she got pregnant and had another child, again for a married man. This act almost broke the man’s home. Eventually, she couldn’t get married to him. She got a job in Port Harcourt and stayed back living as a single parent. Although, the father of her child is responsible for the child.

Three years after, maybe she would have had a chance to settle down and live a good life but her fiance died few weeks to their wedding. I never knew my daughter was carrying his child until she became evidently pregnant.

Now, she has three children and remains a single parent. Her situation gives me sleepless nights.

Recently a woman walked into my nursing home to ask me to beg my daughter not to break her home.

I was shocked when she told me that my daughter had been dating her husband for over three years. She said she had pleaded with her several times to leave her husband alone. They have been married for over 10 years and this woman is still looking unto God for a child. She said she stumbled on a text message by my daughter to her husband that she (my daughter) would do anything to have a child for the man.

She said a lot of things and the fact that my daughter is bent on dating her husband at all cost that my daughter gave him a huge amount of money and is even planning to buy him a car.

I was shocked at what I heard. As if this was not enough she said that few months ago, September precisely her husband called it quits with my daughter, but that her eldest sister in Port Harcourt came to Lagos to plead with her husband on her sister’s behalf. I was too shocked for words.

I asked this woman to give me time to investigate her allegation. She, however, gave me a parting shot. She asked me to warn my daughter that any attempt by her to have a child for her husband would result in her death.

I am old enough not to take any threat with levity, I called my daughter in Port Harcourt and she confirmed this woman’s words. I then called my daughters to a meeting. My concerned daughter’s answer shocked me, she said she would rather die than leave this man alone.

Please, how do I treat this issue?

Train up your child in the word. I did my best. God is my witness but…

Please, help me.

Mrs Ade,