by Nancy C. Anderson

I asked a girlfriend who was recently divorced, “When did you first notice that your marriage was in trouble?” She replied, “Looking back, I see that it had been slowly crumbling away for years.

It happened so gradually that I can’t even tell you when we stopped having fun or when we stopped holding hands. He started spending more time at work, and I was relieved when he called to say he wouldn’t be home for dinner. We didn’t have huge fights, but we were both critical and impatient. He says that he ‘fell out of love’ because I didn’t care about his needs.”

“Do you think he ever loved you?” I asked.

“Oh, I know he did! When we first got married, we finished each other’s sentences and almost read each other’s minds. We used to share all our dreams and make wonderful plans for our future. . . . But the last few years, I got too busy with the kids and outside interests, and he poured himself into his career. Our marriage was just on auto pilot.”

“Then how did it crash?” I asked.

“There was a woman at his office who, he says, was everything I wasn’t [exciting, interesting, flirtatious, and encouraging], and he left me and our two children so he could be with her. There wasn’t any one big thing that killed our love, just a million little things.”

Her story is all too common. A verse in the Bible warns us about the small stuff: “The little foxes are ruining the vineyards” (Song 2:15 TLB). Sometimes horrific tornadoes, like the death of a child or mental illness, intrude into our vineyards and ruin them. Perhaps they are flooded by physical or verbal abuse, but more likely, the little foxes of indifference, neglect, criticism, or score keeping creep through the hedges and rob our marriages of their fruit.

Here is a little fox that sneaks into many marriages: It’s easier to criticize than to praise, and it’s hard to keep our mouths shut when our mate makes a mistake. Ladies, if you want your husband to enjoy your company, remember this important truth: You are not his mother. It’s not your job to correct him, especially about insignificant things.

We recently got a first-hand demonstration when we went to visit our neighbors. Ron asked them, “How was your vacation?”

Joe said, “It was a wonderful trip! We left early to avoid the heavy traffic.”

Sally interrupted, “Well, it wasn’t that early. It was 7:00. I remember because I looked at the clock. Did you look at the clock Joe?”

“No dear, I did not look at the clock. Anyway, it felt early to me. So we drove to this rustic little mom-and-pop restaurant in the mountains and had some of the best pancakes in the world.”

“I can’t believe you thought those were good pancakes! I thought they were lumpy and cold and too expensive.”

“Okay, maybe they weren’t so great, but I was hungry, so I liked them. By dinnertime, we made it all the way to the cabin. It’s four hundred miles-”

“Actually, dear, it’s three hundred-eighty-seven miles. I looked at the odometer. Did you look at the odometer?”

“No, dear, I didn’t.” He sighed and continued, “I cooked up some juicy T-bone steaks for dinner and-”

“We had the steaks on Friday, not Thursday. I know because I had a headache on Friday and steaks always give me a headache.”

“You’re giving me a headache right now. And if you don’t stop interrupting me and correcting me, I’m going to quit talking.”

“I’m just trying to help you. I want you to get your facts right. Boy, you sure are grumpy.”

Joe stood up, mumbled a good-bye, and clomped out of the room.

Sally said, “I don’t know what’s wrong with him. We haven’t been getting along lately. He hardly ever talks to me anymore.”

That’s because she kept shutting him down. He was excited about telling us his story, but with each of her corrections, he lost enthusiasm, until he finally gave up.

If you tend to be a corrector, ask yourself, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be loved?” The divorce courts are full of lonely people who were always “right.”

I’m not telling you that you should never correct each other. If someone has made a serious error, pull him or her aside and whisper, “You must have forgotten that Aunt Betty’s new husband doesn’t like to be called by her old husband’s name.” In general, however, unless the slip is a biggie, let it go.

I was leading a round-table discussion at a MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group. One of the women said, “I’m so upset with my husband! Just before I left the house this morning, he was taking the laundry out of the dryer and was folding the towels all wrong! I’ve shown him how to do it a hundred times, but he never gets it right!”

I formed a “time-out T” with my hands and said, “Whoa Nellie, you’re forgetting the big picture . . . . He’s doing laundry! My husband hasn’t washed a load of towels since Nixon was president.” I took a survey of the other women, and only one of them had a hubby who was laundry literate.

“You have a jewel of a husband!” I said. “Next time he’s folding towels, no matter how crooked they are, I think you should give him a big kiss and a ‘Thank you!'”

Do you remember the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf? If we whine about every little thing, our spouses will tune us out. Then when something serious is troubling us, they won’t hear us.

If we guard against the little verbal foxes and keep our vineyards safe and healthy, the fruits of our marriage will be sweet and tender.

KERRY MI HEAR SEH WEN YUH MAN GET LOCK UP (Edited…SHE DID A XYXG)…PHILLY PPL WEH UNO DEH MI WANT HEAR THE FULL STORY PLZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!

*HI IS NOT ME ASKING IS DI PEOPLE DEM*

A Letter To Adidja ‘Vybz Kartel’ Palmer
Published: Sunday | March 11, 201211 Comments

Carolyn Cooper

Carolyn Cooper, Contributor

Mr Palmer,

I just can’t take the chance of greeting you in this letter with the usual salutation, ‘dear’. Crazy readers of our correspondence would immediately conclude that you’re my bosom buddy. Just take a look at what Bawypy spewed out on The Gleaner’s website last week in response to the publication of your letter to me:

“Ms Cooper you are not Kartels mother, you seem more to be his woman, ur obviously in love with him and you were wrong to bring him inna the university to chat crap and now you are trying to fool Jamaican people again, stop it! Neither you or Kartel is an intellect.”

Apparently, Bawypy had to be reined in. There’s a note beneath the post: “Edited by a moderator.” This is the very first comment that comes up when you go to last week’s column. There are at least 97 others. Most of them are probably just as sensational. I don’t need to know for sure.

But even readers who are presumably much more sophisticated than Bawypy could be misled by my use of the conventional greeting, ‘dear’. Take, for instance, Mr Damion Mitchell, news editor of The Gleaner/Power 106 News Centre. He really ought to know better. In an article published on Monday, March 5, Mr Mitchell rehashes my column and proceeds to make unfounded assumptions.

This is what the news editor wrote: “In a letter to his friend, university professor Carolyn Cooper, Kartel said … .” Now, Mr Palmer, you and I both know that we are not friends in any normal sense of the word. At best, we are acquaintances. And, even so, not to ‘dat’. The first time we met was last March when you came to speak at the University of the West Indies, Mona. Since then, I’ve not laid eyes on you.

Kartel in Jamaica Journal

It is true that we’ve emailed and spoken in the course of my academic work as an analyst of Jamaican popular culture. But these interactions cannot reasonably be regarded as signs of friendship. In fact, I’m sure you will recall that your very first email to me was rather unfriendly. After your appearance at the university, we did have more pleasant exchanges on two matters.

The first was about the business of publishing your lecture, ‘Pretty Like a Colouring Book: My Life and My Art’. You’ll be pleased to hear that it came out last week in the latest issue of Jamaica Journal. Vybz Kartel’s picture on the cover of the high-quality, undersubscribed journal is likely to attract many new readers. The Institute of Jamaica must be congratulated for understanding the broad appeal of dancehall culture. If the French newspaper, Le Monde, can capitalise on your notoriety, why not Jamaica Journal?

The second issue we discussed was your endowment of the Adidja Palmer Prize to be awarded each year to the student with the best grade in the Reggae Poetry course I teach at UWI. You readily agreed to fund the prize. Given your present circumstances, the matter has been suspended. The grave charges that have been levelled against you would taint the prize, and so, must be taken into account.

I do not know if you are innocent or guilty. I trust that you will receive a fair trial and the truth will be revealed. If you are guilty, you must suffer the full consequences of your actions. If you are innocent, you will be vindicated. Justice must prevail.

Yours sincerely,

Carolyn Cooper

(P.S. I know that like ‘dear’, the closing salutation, ‘yours sincerely’, may also be misinterpreted by careless readers like Bawypy and Mr Mitchell, The Gleaner’s news editor).

Conclusion of Adidja Palmer’s letter

“Ms Cooper, please publish this letter so that the Jamaican people can see my point of view on this serious matter as my life depends on the outcome of this case.

“In closing I would like to let the people know that i am an innocent man and i have faith in my lawyers and know that i will be acquitted. Thank you. Sincerely yours Adidja Palmer.

P.S. I have enclosed a poem i wrote. feel free to publish it as well. Thanks Ms C.”

(A poem) Guilty before trial?

by A. Palmer

The police have found me guilty and i

haven’t gone to trial yet,

but they spread propoganda on T.V. & internet

Dem a beat it in the people’s mind

that i’m guilty and deserve death,

but the public knows how the police

operate, so mi nah fret.

So many people in court for allegedly

taking 4, 5, 6 pickney life,

So how they don’t discuss that on

‘CVM at sunrise’?

Allegations of extrajudicial killings

by security forces have already been issue,

but i’ve never seen them on t.v. so

much, talking about that, did you?

Me never kill nobody yet

but they say my music breeds crime,

that’s why they’re on my case they

want me imprisoned long time.

I am an artiste so i know things

will make the news,

but don’t crusade this ungodly way to

distort peoples views.

Mi swear my innocence before all

mankind and God,

why would i risk going to jail Leaving

behind 7 children, after mi nuh mad.

I am not the first man

The romans soldiers have sacrificed,

like me, that man was not guilty

That man was Jesus Christ.

Carolyn Cooper is a professor of literary and cultural studies at the University of the West Indies, Mona. Visit her bilingual blog at http://carolynjoycooper.wordpress.com/. Email feedback to [email protected] and [email protected].

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A SPIRITUAL WALK WITH NATURE PART II

So, with all this said, what do you consider to be the true religion?

Nature: Religion is based on rules and rituals. I am not much of a religious person .Many of these rituals that these religions do are not godly. Because if you should tell me that you would need to kill in order for God to be happy, that would not be of God. Many of these people are very happy the death of Christ occurred in a sense where they glorify it. They glorify good people dying. In the case of Christ, even he tried to hide before he was killed. He hid and his friends betrayed him and this is in reality if you don’t try to deny the truth. It took several pieces of silver to find him. There is no way someone could come to do something and would hide and feel betrayed or call it betrayed by-

He shouldn’t have been hiding for it to be said he was betrayed. I believe he was a guy who came to do God’s work. He was not born with all these things in his brain, he was born as a normal person but the important and interesting thing about this man was that he asked a lot of questions, he searched. Even when his mother was looking for him and his stepfather which is Joseph, and they were searching all over for him. He was in the temple asking questions which many big people would be afraid to ask.

But in saying that, do you think that Jesus Christ was the Messiah?

Nature:He was anointed and appointed.
What is the difference between anointed and appointed and being the Messiah?

Nature: What is your opinion of the Messiah, what do you consider to be a Messiah?

The Messiah must have been the person who came to clear the path that we as human beings who are less than angels and who were fallen short spiritually, who could not communicate with God directly and therefore could not get redemption from God directly. That person came to shorten that path, so the word Messiah for me means savior. So he came to save us and set a path so that we could we could be save. That is what the word means and yes I do believe that Jesus Christ was the Messiah because he did that.

Nature: But wasn’t Moses before Jesus Christ, so if you should say Jesus Christ , the Messiah and the reason why he is a Messiah is because he came to enable to speak more directly to God right- That wouldn’t make him the Messiah, I would have to say that he wasn’t much of Messiah than Moses. There were many people before Jesus Christ who God spoke to, they heard voices-

They were not from the linage, the pure linage. Just like you said before, people who are of those angels that came down and they will fall short of God so God had to make sure that the linage that he wanted the person to come from was pure. All those years when all those people were being born , God made sure that there was this one person that came purely from that line. Jesus was this person. If you go back and want to say that Moses could have been a Messiah, you would not be able to say that because for one, he did wrong things-

Nature: No , Im not saying that Moses was a Messiah, I am saying that if the man reason why Jesus came was to make sure that people had a direct connection with God. I am just saying that people before him had this connection and also Mary-

Mary had the seed of the blood line already in her so there was already a connection with Him, when Moses spoke to him , it was still not a direction connection for the people. When Jesus Christ came he told them and showed them ways of living.He showed them that -Here I am, I came here this way and because he came down this way he could show them how to live-. In saving someone doesn’t mean you have to take their hand and carry them across the street in order to show them how. It could be an example that you show them , you could write it on a piece of paper and tell them how to cross the street. Jesus Christ left a lot of marks for mankind to follow in the way he lived that we could follow through and be saved by that. We could not do that with anyone before because everyone before had fallen short. Remember Moses killed a man and he disobeyed God at one point.

Nature: You made a very important point in comparing Jesus and Moses but let me elaborate more about Savior . Let me share my comparison between Moses and Jesus Christ. They both became angry at some point in their life :- Moses because of his anger , broke the block the Ten Commandments were on . I also remember the bible mentioning Jesus Christ being angry in the temple when he saw the men gambling and even God himself said at one point in the bible that he became angry. So I guess we do have some characteristics of God. Also I remember one verse where it said that God cried when he looked down on mankind and saw how they became, he cried. That means God have emotions and so do we, which says we can be tempted as people who were created less than angels . The bible tells us that Lucifer , the devil who was cast down here on earth is more powerful than us so we are immune to these temptations-

No no, the bible says the angels in heaven are more powerful but remember satan was de-throned so more than likely some of his powers were taken away .
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After thousands of patrons lined up to to see the “Gully God” in concert. Many were left dissapointed as he was a no show. Hundreds of patrons lined up in freezing cold up until miniutes to 2 am at which the time change a hour ahead to minuites to 3 am;shortly after the police came and announced that the club would be closed shortly so the secuirty was ordered to seized entry into the Palladium ballroom.
At that time the ‘regular’ ticketed price had jumped from 35 dollars to 40 advance,(VIP 100, which supposedly included meet and greet and a bottle of champaigne) then at the venue it was 50 then by 1:30 – 2am it was 70!

So those inside the venue was allotted to party for the few minutes that remained then the venue was closed. After all that mavado was still not even at the venue, at three o clock! Thousands of people’s hard working money down the drain. Highly doubt the promoters have the decency or honesty to refund the patrons money. Many felt blind sided and cheated out of their money.

SMADDY EMAIL IN SEH DIS ..MMHMM MAVADO WHAPPEN YUH FIGET DI VENUE? MI WAA KNOW WHY MAVADO A MEK DEAL WID DI PEOPLE DEM FI KEEP SHOW AND HOW HIM NUH SHOW UP AND NOBODY NEVA DEH DEH FI EXPLAIN…DEN GRAMMY KIDD A GUH COME PAN FACEBOOK BOUT HIM NUH WAA NUHBADDIE SLANDER HIM AND PEOPLE FI KEEP TICKET STUB..AFTER DI FACT..A WHEY UNNO TEK PEOPLE FAH?