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DEAR MET

dear met

From: Denial
Title: Confused Woman

Message Body:
Good Afternoon Met,

Where do I begin, I am writing to get your feedback and from the bloggers as well on a very important decision that I am about to make.
I am in my early thirties, I am a single mother of one child, who is a 6 years old. Met five years ago I met a man at a staff function, He stated that he was interested in having a relationship with me and after a few dates we decided on dating. Met, when I met this man I asked him he was married he said no, a year went by we still dating he is sleeping at my house and I am sleeping at his, we going out together all over and I met his step mom as his mother resides abroad, I met his sister and his kids. Well Met one day something went wrong and long story short after 3 yrs, come to find out the man is married. Ms. Met I am so hurt and confused, because this man took God off the cross that he is not married and I must ask his kids if he is and all kinda crap.

The issue that I am having Met. is that I really fell for this man, and I am gonna say that I love him, but I would be really naive to think that he will ever leave his wife. I really want out of this relationship, I cry everyday. My Bff said that it would appear that the wife and him not on good terms, ( I also found out he has an outside child) as Ms. Met this man takes me every where. The real deal is that I am currently attending University I have a year left an he is the one footing the bill, this man even bought me a car, pays for my child tuition as the father is a deadbeat. He is always there for me but honestly, since I found out he is married, I am so unhappy, I cry day and night. When I asked him why he lied he said he wanted me so badly but I told him I don’t date married men..Help!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am torn between my conscience and my heart.

111 Responses to DEAR MET

  • miss-$tullesha says:

    GURL YUH NEED FI TEK SEARCH OTHER PLACES AND MEK HIM CONTINUE FLIPPING THIS SCHOOL FEES ATLEAST YUH DESERVED THAT FOR ALL YUH TROUBLES AND HEART ACHE..YUH HURTING LIKE NOW AND MAYBE MORE HURT WHEN UNNU BREAK UP FI GOOD BUT LIFE GOES ON.

  • Tawkchuet says:

    Sender I can only imagine the hurt ur feeling now and it’s gonna be easy for ppl to say leave n all dat but try to slowly wean urself off him start saving some more money so in the near future u can foot ur own bills but let me say this his marriage doesn’t seem to be on solid grounds so why do u think he won’t leave his wife cause they sound like they have already parted ways with all the time this man spends with you

  • Anonymous says:

    Stay wid him a good yute one likkle lie a di least lol

  • Met says:

    I understand you totally and he is a liar .. it wouldnt have been a big deal to tell u this in the beginning if he is not with the wife..I want to say take his money and finish school because it is tempting but……tell him to get his divorce but dont take it while is married..if you are a God fearing person the fact that you now know he is married may not work out for you spiritually

  • Met says:

    If you are not God fearing and dont believe in God etc..tek di money and do u

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    Education over all things! Once school fees paid and yu walk fi yu degree (s) whey yu can’t afford den yu can fling out alternatives to de man. BTW…whey wife de mek all de pickney dem neva rat yu out fi de pass 3 years? Yu can tek Met advice at 10:07 or get holy and have unpaid school fees….your choice. I love looking at my frames and lambskins with parchment encased. lolol

  • Yep! says:

    But Metty ( first good morning :peluk )…. If she is a God fearing woman ( which I think is pretty obvious… Can she not accept his money as somewhat of tithing? Wouldn’t this situation be considered under those definitions?… :nerd …. Young lady, I hope you’re aiming towards a Master’s degree, possibly even a PHD

  • Anonymous says:

    Met, its so hard because this man spends christmas, new years eve and even my birthday valentine’s day as well at my house and also his birthday. He is known, respectable man and Met, is not like him a hide me, but mi always hear ppl sey dont date married man and what the bible say about it and that is what is messing up my mind.
    The thing that I love about him is that he treats my child as is he is the father, there is nothing too good he would not do for me or my child. I tell myself God will forgive me because, I did not go into it knowing he is married.
    Oh and the sex is dam good.

  • Met says:

    yeppie u know i nah lukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk tithing yeppie?

  • Met says:

    :tkp

  • Anonymous says:

    @ Phoenix that is what I don’t understand, the sons them talk up to mi and all that and mi even go out with them. Puzzling as to why him dont just leave, but ma fren was saying some man rather keep them wife than divorce, to split anything.

  • Met says:

    yes I understand thats why and it is a sticky situation because you were lied to at first but now you know..what is he saying about divorcing?

  • Just Saying says:

    I’m going to need more information, are they separated, estranged, in a long distance marriage, or in the process of getting a divorce? how he manage to hide a wife from you for 3yrs. Understandably you probably don’t trust a word he says now, but you need to make further inquires. Are they really on the outs or is it temporary, evalute the situation then decide. If he has done all that you said for you it doesn’t seem to me as if he was trying to take advantage of you. Regardless he still should’ve told you from the begining and let you decide if you wanted to date a married man or not.

  • Tawkchuet says:

    Oh yes the sex the sex the sex that is always good in these situations ahhhhhhhhh boy

  • Yep! says:

    Yes Metty…tithing. If I understand its meaning correctly, it’s giving 20% of your income to that of the church and/ or its respective community, that of which God has aided in blessing you financially…therefore you must tithe to those less fortunate an in need ( I am trying to use big words to sound fancy but unu get the drift)…

  • Met says:

    yeppie!! :maho

  • Anonymous says:

    Every time I try and bring it up (his marriage), the man just shut it down and say if I only knew. I strongly believe that his marriage fell apart after he got the outside child, it appears the wife travels alot @ Just Saying and is not there frequently I believe.
    They have been married from my investigations for over 25yrs.

  • Yep! says:

    She needs continuing education so let him pay for it. As Pheonix said, once you see all if your plaques and accolades it’ll then set in that he has done his best deed, which is allow you to provide a better future for your self… Which includes a much better, honest and God fearing man.

  • Met says:

    If you plan on being with him encourage him to get his divorce because yes he spends time with you but if anything should happen to him u will be the outsider..look how Rita tek ova Bob tings like dem did good like dat…

  • Anonymous says:

    Met..check mi IP, you will know is who.

    I don’t think I even wanna marry him, honestly don’t think so. I believe that if he wants to leave and love me as much as he says, he should may that decision off his own free will.

  • Met says:

    Mi did know a who from di writing mi love :kiss but mi jus verify

  • Yep! says:

    A who Metty???? Mi wa know tuh

  • DWL says:

    haha well stay de the wife dont care and know bout you. She a defend the long term investment. Meaning she want everything. Take it from me. I hate my husband cant stand him see him about once a month and that too often . In fact I divorced him secretly uncontested about 10 years ago and he dont know. If he think he can get anything from me he make a sad mistake but since he think we still married he cant marry no body else and I have control of His money and benefits. Only my teenage daughter know the truth and thats because if anything happen she can take out the divorce papers so he cant get my house and other property that I buy with his money within the last 10 years because that wont be marital property. Stay with him trust me us long term Wife and I use the term loosely dont give a shiiit bout them wutliss man de. You can stay de the man is a dutty liad and you know that. Take what you can get and hold yuh corner try nuh mash the wife toe. She glad fi the help. Trust me my “husband ” or rather ex deserve that and worse. I dont feel the least bit guily bout it more time I just DWL at his stupid azz.

  • Met says:

    yeppie mi cyah tell u ooooo

  • Anonymous says:

    @ DWL I would never think about messing with the wife, why would I ?
    This woman is just as innocent as I am.

  • DWL says:

    Well you dont have any problem as long as you know there is no future there. Get your education and let him play daddy. I dont think him wife business with him. SHe only business with the bank rll . Try nuh make she find out he giving you that much money. He must be pretty well off to hide that much money from her. Any how if she is like me money motivate me any day mine bruk him get a copy of the divorce paper. The idiot too fraid to try divorce me cuase he dont want me to get half so he will never know we divorce LOOONG time.

  • Little Willie says:

    Anony….. Nuh falla most of this foolishniss. The man love every fiber in you. You have all the evidence right in front of you.

  • Little Willie says:

    If you plan on following the advice here, and play the man, remove your child from the equation. Children are not to be embroiled in your adult gaming.

  • DWL says:

    Willie the child already involve he is 6 have a deadbeat father and have knownthis man for 3 years. The man been playing her all these years be smart girl. He reap what he sow. TAKE all you can get. You said he have outside pikney to. My god that man is a big dog. USE HIM like how he been using you.

  • Anonymous says:

    @ Willy my child is so attached so how do I now do that ? please advice, I sit down and try a weigh all the pros and cons and yes DWL him well off.

  • Little Willie says:

    DWL……a muss Wimpy you married…lolololol

  • Tawkchuet says:

    Met u know a who backsideeeee
    Sender as I said take ur time n pull out of this one if he really loves u n sees that u want no part of this kind of living he will do the necessary n make urs n his life the forefront.
    Y u don’t wanna marry him u don’t believe in marriage r is it the because of Wat he did?

  • Anonymous says:

    Because of what he did, just fear he will do it to me in the long run

  • Little Willie says:

    DWL…..I fully understand the child is involved to this point, but sender’s intentions were genuine up to the point where she found out the bredda married. Now you telling her to begin the gaming, and if she chooses that route, she needs to extricate the child.

  • Met says:

    Willie we a tell har begin di gaming because him come to the table wid one hand out and 3 finger behind him

  • Denial says:

    Willy thank you..from a man’s point a view I really appreciate your views, But Willy how can he be professing his love for me and lying to mi that just don’t make no sense.

  • DWL says:

    No Willie far from Wimpy but him “trust me” cause me a “good Woman”. hahaha. Him so busy a live him life he dont have a clue whats going on . Him love hear when Mi a fly out or take the kids on vacation cause more time fi him. Right now him think Im in Atlanta, Im actually on a mini vacation . The kids with my mother. ANyday him find out what I been up to a bellevue fi him azz. Him not all bad though he is a great father my kids nuh lack nothing,go to the best school and him very supportive of all their activities. Him call we him ” likle family”. DWL.

  • Just Saying says:

    @ Anonymous, 25yrs ok I see it’s one of those situations. Most likely they won’t divorce they at odds with each other due to this child and this is how they decide to deal with it. I know a dude who is cheating on his wife, he is quick to tell you how she (the wife) mistreats him but yet he stays and the wife is quick to boast about them being married for 25yrs to the girlfriend so you know she aint going nowhere either.

    Since you are 1yr away from finishing school ride it out, but you have to also begin to tell yourself you have no future with this man. I know it will be hard but you have to start looking for someone else if you would like to have a husband of your own one day. This man cannot offer you that the quicker you start putting him behind you the better, doesn’t mean you have to stop being friends but you can’t be lovers it won’t work if you are looking for more.

    The cheating dude I’m telling you about the girlfriend is my sister. Just like you she was lied to in the beginning and he does well by her. He even at one point moved in with my sister only to go back home. They are about 5yr in and no light at the end of the tunnel. He has done this before, so you see it’s just another wave his wife has to ride out. I’m telling you like I tell my sister this is futile, leave it alone and move on.

  • Tawkchuet says:

    Oh yes he did he never played fair from the beginning so it makes u wonder how tue his feelings are very sticky situation indeed smh

  • DWL says:

    Sender dont follow Willie. Man dont like get beat at their own game. Dont get me wrong he seem like he like you but you havent been a threat to “hsi Likkle Family” dont rock the boat but start row the boat. Trust me Im the woman on the other side of the equation “wife”. I know what Im talking about.

  • Denial says:

    Exactly, being all super jealous, the real problem I fear is that he wont want let go when I want to walk away.

  • Little Willie says:

    Ladies…..let me help you here. SENDER tie the man hand from jump. Granted, he was weak not to come straight and make his case, but let me assure you all, this man had good reason not to discuss his marital situation with someone he knew nothing about.

  • Little Willie says:

    Help me here for one minute……tell me what in heavens name was this man getting out of this relationship why you women think he “played” sender. Answer that…..Pleeaaasssseeeeeee.

  • Lisa sexybitch says:

    dwllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll :hammer

  • DWL says:

    Willie, SEX ,convenience, the thrill of having a side chick, and all the other reasons men cheat on their wives. come on WIllie its 2013 we ladies are on to you guys and your games but we are not our mothers and grandmothers ok.

  • Denial says:

    Willy :kiss
    Willy all bullshit aside, he was fucked up for all he did hiding his martial status and all.
    Willy this man has been so good to me not talking about the financial aspect of all that he has done. Been to rock bottom and he was there, a tell even wanted to go out and this man babysits my child when I had no one, and had to go to school. He is a tremendous man in spite of it all, but I cant get over the betrayal. How can you deny your wife like that.

  • simplicity says:

    A jus chee question mi a ask still.

    1. If he wasn’t footing the school fee would you still need our advice?!?!?

    2. If your against being with a married man,whats holding you to this one?!?!?

    3. If your as hurt as you seem to be,why still take his things?!?!?

  • Little Willie says:

    Ten minutes later….not one answer to the question???? lololol. I’m still waiting.

  • Lisa sexybitch says:

    Met wah dis weh yuh duh pon this dear ting no mon mi haff a be dead ah :nohope

  • Denial says:

    Simplicity, its not even about the school fee, I have a Job and I can pay it because I was saving. Whats holding me back I honestly love him and he is a good person despite it all, I now learn that its always easier to say that do sometimes with matters of the heart. He is a friend to me, we can talk and he gives me some serious advice whenever I need it.
    If I should tell you how much he as steer my life into a positive direction, if only the shoe was on your foot an caught between a hard rock.
    That is why I am seeking the bloggers advice if I should just accept the facts and play it out till one of us call it quits.

  • Little Willie says:

    DWL…….sex, thrill, convenience???? Are you f#¢£ing kidding?????
    Yu nuh hear Denial seh the man well off???
    You need to get real. Which man wid tall dallaz does this to get sex? Yu nuh see Ninja and Shabba a sex without mercy?
    Come again DWL. This was never about sex for this man. Next!!

  • Denial says:

    And Simplicity I was attending University before we met, this is my last year so the school fee is not the issue and all.

  • Denial says:

    @ Willy believe me when I say well off

  • Little Willie says:

    Simply….mi love yu questions, but Denial is in love, matters of the heart. And she knows the man loves her!!!

  • Yep! says:

    Mi rhatid @ DWL; school dem my girl :hammer :hammer :hammer :hammer

  • DWL says:

    Willie almost every man with tall dollaz do just that. Them dont have time fi run up n dun n screw random woman. Them have a woman pon the side. its easier. A man running a business nuh have time fi run behind random chicks. He usually have one or two he deal with on a regular. You talking about entertainer Im talking about business man.

  • Met says:

    dwl u talking di choot

  • Yep! says:

    Willie he was gettin that ill nana ( in my best Foxy voice)

  • DWL says:

    DID you just say NINJA… Haha yuh just lost all crredibility WIllie Who inna dem right mind would be a kept woman fi Ninja AHHAHAHA.

  • simplicity says:

    i got that from her reply willie thats why i ask only chee i have ntn more tuh say

    denial mi almost call yuh a next name and haffi erase it lol…..you know what to do i have nothing more tuh add here mumz.

  • DWL says:

    Listen I married a man just like him I know what Im talking about! Let me tell you as soon as one of the side chick get comfortable and even try contact me or try mash up him dolly house,she gooone. Me and my pikney dem off limits. Thats why he dont talk bout him wife with you. Sender take my advise just do what you have to do to get a better life for you and your yute. No make WIllie tell you foolishness.

  • Denial says:

    Thanks for all the comments and advice, really appreciate it.

  • Little Willie says:

    Denial….mi nuh inna nooooo bullshit with this subject. Most women can’t identify a good man. Just read JMG and see all the waste them come here and label “good man”.

  • Met says:

    dwl but in this case the wife knows about her and their children. I feel the wife is holding onto the marriage for the money part of things..which will no play into denial’s favour in the future.

  • Met says:

    call name willie call name :nerd

  • Yep! says:

    Sender, listen to DWL cause a she a tell yuh the bible truth ( no pun intended)… Str88 from wife to mate

  • DWL says:

    Thats right Met..no future here Sender. Just finish up school and become an independent woman Take care of you and yours and remember what he doing with you if you marry him he will do to you.

  • Denial says:

    Met, believe you me and I say this as the truth. I don’t want his money am good believe me am good. I dont want his houses or his cars. I am more worried about i his outside child. I will be finishing my degree soon, thanks be to God.
    Met its all about the person that he is, can a man truly love two woman at the same time ?

  • Met says:

    Denial tek di love and anything u can get now..and then some..because if him drop a morning di wife a go run in and tek over…………..and for sure she will spitefully make sure u dont get anything,even if she was not involved with him. Encourage him to get a divorce

  • noontime says:

    Sender I believe you love him and I also believe he loves you too but sender can you live with this deceit, can you honestly trust him? If you decide that you can then have a serious talk with him and put the ball in his court. If he wants you he will do the right thing and get a divorce, if yuh find sey him a hitch then u know what time it is.

    A man who loves a woman will do what he has to in order to keep her….man give up throne already for woman. In the same breath if he wants his wife, he’s not going to leave…sharing up money and property will have nothing to do with his decision.

  • Little Willie says:

    DWL…..you said most man with tall dollars dweet. Right?
    Yes…but this man tek on a family. BIG difference.
    You don’t think the man coulda find cow without calf ( no disrespect Denial, just the terminology )?
    And Yep! …. Nuh bad a bring the Nash into this….dat fling down pon every street corner. Dat nuh short. Nash market crash years now. Junk bonds dat.

  • Met says:

    Yes a man can love two women at the same time but only inlove with one..How is he outside child treated?

  • Mr. Perfect says:

    My take on this situation is to make the best of it for however long it last. It appears on the surface that he is the “perfect” man for you, so why worry about something that is beyond your control. If you guys are meant to be together for the long term, the fact that he is technically married to someelse shouldn’t enter the equation. Life is NOT fair and NO ONE said it should be.

    Why ruin a good thing, enjoy the ride for as so long as it last. We do not live in a perfect world and what what you described, he is a good person, so why rock the boat now. You never know what the future holds and circumstances change with time. The big question is, if he was not married, would that make the relationship any different today? As YOU know, I’m always right (you always say I think I’m a know-it-all)! :thumbup

  • Denial says:

    Listen, my independence is not even the issue, more like my emotional attachment to this man. I have a very good job (thank God). Its not like am totally dependent on this man, scrap that thought.
    It more as to do with after dating my child’s father for so long, who was a total ass wipe and now meeting this man who is the total opposite. I fell in love and then had my heart broken by the fact that he is married.
    Money is not the issue guys, its is personality, his attitude, the fact that he has brought me to a place of just pure positive thinking.

  • Denial says:

    Willie, see what am saying how much man out there would take on the responsibility of babysitting my child so that I can go to school or a party, and has been asking me to give my child his last name.
    Met the outside child is well cared for and he plays and active role in the child’s life. We all go out together and stuff like that.

  • DWL says:

    LOL Willie What world you living in??? That makes it even more appealing to him because she seems like a responsible woman ,a single mother who is ATTACHED and he thinks isnt going anywhere. She is stable he can go there anytime. Willie wake up not all man like idiot gal that whine up in party and easy. Some man only date certain type of woman. And like I said he seems like he cares for her but what that have to do with anything.

  • Yep! says:

    Ok Willie if you say so :siul

  • DWL says:

    The most vulnerable women on earth are single mothers . The most deceptive men know this they know how to manipulate thier hearts byTreating their kids right, be the father the child doesnt have. The poor sender not only has to think about herself but the relationship her child has developed with this man. HE knows this and thats what make it worse.

  • Denial says:

    The real issue is that, my mom is a christian and I feel so bad every time I look at her I just feel as if I have disappointed her and am so ashamed to tell her, that this man that she speaks so highly of is married. that’s the troubling part.

  • Yep! says:

    Is it more of an ego thing for men like him? To just try and prove to himself that he can get anyone he wants?

  • DWL says:

    Sender if you really want to know if this man love you and want you contact his wife……Then you will really see his true colors. IF not, be happy with what you have cause if you dont need him for money that mean you want him for good and what you have is all you will ever have with him.

  • Little Willie says:

    Ok DWL…….mi gwine wake up outta my dream world. You have a couple good points, I’ll say that much, but please leave the sex ahgiment out of it.

  • Little Willie says:

    Denial….you have finally touched on the ultimate gift this man has given. THANK YOU!!!!
    F#¢£ the car, house, land, babysitting, money, Skool fee, etc. All material.
    He has seen you through bad times, stayed by your side, an is able to offer great advice and guidance till you are now in a place of positive and bright skies. Don’t game the man. Leave if that will preserve the progress and your sanity. Good luck.

  • Denial says:

    @ Willie thanks, wish I could go into details more but I cant think amm a do just that ride the waves till am tired.

  • Little Willie says:

    Yep!…..the man done “get” Denial years now. The chase over long time. And the man give Denial him “treasure”. She lucky.

  • kgn13 says:

    @ denial.what u a stress ova.hear me a nuff ppl inna loveless marriage,dem just a go through the motion ,some time because a kids ,r because divorce a go be too costly.heff u know say a never you cause the love fe end inna dat marriage then you no have nothing fe worry bout.married man get lonely too.fada god forgive so just gwan through and do u thing ,as long as u sure no eye wata no deh pon you.why u gonna fix it if its not broken.a nuff a dem run dung wife status and from dem get ring dem get comfortable,any thing hussy ask fah ,all him get a cho me caah badda.

  • Cc says:

    @denial dat marriage bin over b4 you comin di picture, woman a guh gi yuh advice base upon weh dem guh tru wid fi dem man and not fully according to ur situation, da Bredda deh a good yute mi nuh si in which way him did a use yuh, KEEP DI MAN.

  • jackson says:

    All a uno who a cast aspersions..uno man a liad. Girl friend..single man nuh have nuttin fi give woman. Dem a always bruk pocket. Nuh single man nah pay yu tuition and yu pickney whey a nuh fi dem..school fee/day care. Stay wid him..cause de single man nuh have nuttin fi gi yu but AIDS.

  • jackson says:

    try remember dat 99.9% a dem a closet..B….Y Man. All a dem on de Down low….very Low.

  • Yep! says:

    Hear Jackson now :hammer :hammer :hammer :hammer :hammer :hammer

  • simplicity says:

    single man alone give AIDS…is where de f*k yuh hatch frm ?!?!?!?

  • Suss says:

    regardless of what we tell her she’ll still stay, thinking about all those special time that they share and not only does he love her but the father figure that he has on this kid, is not so easy to walk away from. In the mean time try your outmost best not to get pregnant as this will make your situation even worst, we’ve heard of a lot of unsolved murders and not know the situation behind it. don’t worry girl one day one day you will gain the strength you need to walk away, just continue to pray pray pray. for the kids to hide such thing I think they fear this man, or they have seen their parents go through this before. Mine you he might still be sleeping with the outside kid mother. But I hope you remain focus on your studies and your son will understand one day. don’t try to cheat on him now, but go out have fun be happy and be careful of the shoulders you cry on, if it’s one thing that you don’t want his for him to get angry and volatile. He thinks within himself that he controls you because of the care, love and support he shows you and your child. but be strong girl and stay focus and open your eyes. I’m pretty sure he as open access to your home, he bought you a car, and hopefully it’s all in your name.

  • deme says:

    Denial, I was in a similar situation (minus child), once I found out I ended all communication. I had to be harsh to him at times for him to finally get the picture (I hope this won’t happen in your case). These are the reasons I called it quits the day I found out:
    A) I fear God more than man – and the bible clearly tells us it is a sin to engage in these adulterous behavior.
    B) I was in my early 20’s then, but I knew I want to be a wife someday and would never want this done to me.
    C) If he lied and cheated with me chances are he will lie and cheat on me.
    D) I believed the man for me was out there and instead of meeting him I would just be wasting time playing house with a man I no longer trust or respect.

    I am now married with a beautiful family and I have no fear of retribution because I know (even if the wife doesn’t) I respected their marriage even if he didn’t.

    I don’t know what you will decide but you’ve been given some wonderful advice from the metters as usual. Finally “trust your intuition it does not lie”.

  • Denial says:

    Yes Suss everything he buys is in my name

  • Denial says:

    @ Deme, Bless up you are in my head.
    I think am going to change my address and Job or maybe location in order to move on from him. No form of contact.

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    Denial? stop deny de fact sey yu have a good thing going..keep yu man. If wife did a hol dung de turf yu couldn’t have him fi so much years with the inclusion of fi har and fi him kids in de mix. Often times people get married and a nu fi de bess and because of status and finance dem keep playing house.

    Secure yu own so if an when him kinova or gone yu good as yu sey…who cares whey wife whan fi have up afta wuds…that is key to why nuff a dem nuh go nu whey an all hab fi dem love life out a road to. Material things can easily done away with, better to have your desire now than never…get ova yu selfrigheous attitude bout yu feel betrayed. Me believe inna pologyny…shit! Sheba name gone dung inna history me nu know de name a de thousands a wife salamon did hab me know sheba name…lolololllllll

  • PM says:

    u stated that u slept at his house, that could only mean that he & the wife living separate for u not to notice that another woman was living there.

    I think he really loves u, hold on maybe u can suggest that both of u see a Councillor & see what his response would be

  • Denial says:

    Yes PM slept at his house, me and my child on numerous occasions. No wedding photos, No photos of him and the kids puzzle me though and I don’t think they fear him has they have a very good relationship with him. From then till now we rang in every new years together…Christmas and even my bdays. My child Bdays..sports days is him , even PTA so it really really deep. Sleep a mi yard, I dont wash for him or anything just occasionally cook.

  • pmrm says:

    The truth is known to all. it is a game people play.

    most women and men know the real deal after a couple months, but sometimes the lies make it better.

    So it seems that he was perfect, because all of a sudden your babyfather is a deadbeat,not minding his kids. but this married man to you is a good father and spending on your education and is kind.

    take a moment and look at this from the wifes perpective … to her, her husband would be a deadbeat who is spending the family money on a matey.

    when it comes out in the open ( something ylou knew all along from the very fact that you always were asking.. you ignored your instinct for car and money).

    you cant have your cake and eat it… either accept the fact that you a re a matey , and do what matey do, or try to be honourable and live as an example to your child.

    it is very simple, not easy to live with because of financial and emotional ties, yet a very simple moral decision

  • DWL says:

    The man have a wife and a baby momma. come on he dont want no commitment. Dont u see as soon as the last side chick breed and wanted more him move on to the sender. As soon as sender start demand more from him like DIVORCE a gone him gone. Take what you can get sender and accept the relationship for what its worth 3 years worth of lie.

  • noontime says:

    Denial you didn’t say but how yuh so sure that he’s married? the reason I’m asking is because his actions do not sound like that of a married man wid a woman (you) on the side. He doesn’t seem to be hiding at all, and him spending all that time, including special occasions, with you seem strange for a married man. Flip side to all of this is that he’s a very very deceitful man who does not respect his wife and marital home. I don’t even like the idea of him saying that you can confirm with his kids that he’s not married, is he asking them to lie on his behalf?

    I like what Deme said about being with a married man blocks you from meeting the man out there for you….think about it this man took the choice away from you just because he knew you would say no.

    As I’ve said before, u need to talk with him and see if he’s prepared to do the right thing and be yours wholly.

    Another thing I strongly believe is that not all people who truly love each other are meant to be together.

    You need peace and strength to make the right decision for you and your child, call on God.

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    Denial…yu see how easy people start to class you? My girl do what you feel is right for YOU. MI a de devil pon one a yu shoulda because some a de angel dem whey crowd up de nex shoulda are being self righteous and out right rude. Dem not giving you an unbiased opinion dem a gi yu opinion base pon fi dem position which maybe the same as dis “wife”.

    DWL sey she divorce fi har own 10 years ago an him nu know…so if a fi har “husband” a same so she would a deter yu and yet she nu have no legal standing….my girl inna de end a yu ago have yu regrets some are nothing but mere life experience betta dan not having none.

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    P.S. no need to disturb the creator/god…nothing we do a secret to that ever knowing, ever present force.

    Look how much people nham belly pon a regula and still dem bred, so yu can’t be sinning no more dan anybody else.

  • Anonymous says:

    Denial dat one likkle lie cause you to fell in love wid a man dat love an support you to di fullest an take care of you and ur son, had he tell yuh di truth yuh wudda turn him down and ur life wud hav prolly tek a totally different turn, yuh prolly wudda wind up wit a tief, murdera, pediphile etc. u didn’t end dat marriage it over long time

  • Me says:

    Dear sender, I feel your pain. I know what it is like to be caught between your heart and your conscious. It’s a wicked feeling but although it hurts your soul to the core you have to do the right thing.

  • truth says:

    @ denial u are a very educated girl, u know right fr wrong and u must know what makes u happy in life. u will never get 100percent fr any man, but u have to set u pass mark. if this man to u is such a great person and him have a fault wey yuh can deal wit deal wit it. life is such a bitch and life will always be a bitch. i have been in yuh shoes its hard, its crazy, its mind blowing. u seems to love him, he sound great. live wit the little lie. yes a man can be in love wit 2 woman.denial u will be ok. if yuh get tired and feel fi move on after a while it. just dont start nog him,him soon tell u why him hide the wife. maybe the wife a hide him also. a nuff people married just because marriage is consider a good look wen u have good job and good family back ground. denial as long as him treat yuh the same way enjoy ur life. in life the truth is a nuh all a wi going to get a man for wi self or a man to marry to we. dont worry if him dead him wife going to get everything wat ever she get if him dead is hers she was the one there wen him get them. u get him wen him have him money. u just get ur own house yuh own little business yuh own car and get yuh degree. denial sometimes the right ting makes u sad and the wrong ting makes u happy. u choose girl

  • Denial says:

    I just wanna say a Big thank you for all who took time out to give me some solid and sound advice, I know I am torn between right & love and will just continue to pray. If and when I decide to fully end this, all I know is that I need time to access and pull away…Bless up

  • oh,well says:

    @ Denial. Sorry that I am late to this post. All the answers from a male and female perspective have been good . I want to ask you one question. have you considered that this man is a control freak? He seems to be very wealthy and last time that I looked, wealthy men tend to be “alpha” and not a little dishonest if they have not been jerked up from the first time that they exhibited transgressive behaviour. Well your man got you under false pretences. You are not into getting involved with people’s marriages and funnily enough this man has managed to hold back his marital status for three years. The children he has have lied in your face too, to the point of not mentioning their mother and father’s marital status to you. Blood is thicker than piss and do not be under the delusion that any good relationship that you have with this man’s children is indicative of what the man is doing behind your back day to day. He is married to his wife not because he is afraid of losing half, but because he does not want to be straight and true. He is married because he wants to be. Now the fact that you love him is something that he has planned for. He knows that you are now confused. The fact that he has taken a good woman off of her moral pedestal by putting her in a common “bunna gyal”position is sweeting him. Let this be the last and only thing that he has over you. His money is not indicative of his self esteem or self control. He controls people with money, but lacks self control of the kocki. Love or not, do you really want to be with a man like this? Liars are the worst of the worse. Better yuh deh wid tief, at least you know not to invite them into your yard to tief yuh tings! He probably does love you with his infantile, cowardly self. I suggest you tek time tek weh yuself from this situation if you are going to leave him. Control freaks do NOT like to lose control. That’s why he has taken time to ingratiate himself into YOUR family. He knows far more about you than you know about him. Do not delude yourself that you are not in a position of weakness here. You are. Your strength is that you have a conscience. he is waiting for you NOT to act upon it so that he can fling that in your face when you are in an even weaker position. How did he and the previous side woman mash up? Did she pass her place? Was she convinced of his love as you are and thought a child would tie them? I do not know where we got it into our heads as a community that men being benevolent means that they are good men. I do not know when we got it into our heads that love means more than trust. i could parade a bag of men and women who were aLso convinced to stay in morally ambiguous love relationships only to be shat on from a great height, because the one “likkle lie” they ignored was only one of many.
    Run this nigga and do not make the mistake of asking for more commitment. Yuh have yuh money and brain. Good man is out there, men who are confident enough not to try and break down a woman’s morality to satisfy their own need to control and conquer. Nuff weak man out there too. A good sign of weakness is lying. You’ve lost respect for this man. Your love for him will not conquer that. He as well as you deserve better. Why roll with a man who you do not respect? That is as wicked as him lying to you. Sorry for the harshness. I just hate seeing women who are doing better than me (especially strong Jamaican women) flinging away their character for men of no character. And vice versa.

  • Denial says:

    Oh well, I cried last night and I prayed and I know despite it all I think I am ready to walk away. This is not what I want, I am no longer happy to the point were my stomach hurts daily. I know my God is able to do all. :kiss

  • Deme says:

    @demial. i am so sorry that you are having a difficult time with this… i trust all will work out well. Take care.

    @PhantomPhoenix opinions are usually subjective and that’s what the young lady asked us for…and that’s what we gave her. I imagine if she wanted an objective perspective she would never ask us metters she would ask a professional who has done research on this topic, go online or in the library an read articles on the sociology of family etc., she sounds intelligent enough to know that. I know you say you are the devil but like the rest off us you don’t know everything “there is nothing self-righteous in trying to live a life that is pleasing to our Creator. Please, please get over yourself. Thanks

  • Deme says:

    *@denial

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