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Dear Taiwo,
PLEASE, help me out of this predicament. I am torn between two options and love for my only sister. I know that what she is asking me to do is not really right, she has wronged her husband; I also cannot take what she did, neither can I be so bold to do what she did. I am also a married woman and cannot go to that extent.
But the issue is that I desire to help her to be happy.
There are just two of us; we lost both parents in a motor accident when we were young. She was still in the secondary school and I was in 200-level in the university. Our family members from both sides were good people, they supported us, but like everybody jokes, I raised her and she is like my first child; so you can imagine the tight corner in which I am right now.
I am not trying to exonerate her, but there is nothing new under the sun. With the right approach, I want to believe things can still be sorted out and with the counsel of good people like you and that of your readers, Monica Taiwo.
My sister met her husband during youth service. Though not a youth corper like her, she fell ill at the orientation camp and due to the nature of her sickness she was taken to the government hospital. The doctor who treated her then later became her husband after a six – year relationship. Goke, my sister’s husband is an orphan too, but he is the last child of his family with three older siblings all male. When he met me, he jokingly began to refer to me as ‘mum’ because that is how my sister calls me too, though jokingly too. My husband too calls me mum, because they all tell me that I am a mother to all of them.
Since the first day he was introduced to me, we took to each other and he would even seek my help and counsel over extremely personal issues. The day he proposed to my sister was one of the happiest days of my life, because I really liked him. They got married and things were okay.
Few years ago, Goke got a Federal Government appointment and they had to move to Abuja. His new duty involved travelling overseas almost all the time, which raises their status and I can confess that my husband and I were not left out. We also are very comfortable, but being who he is, Goke does not spare his kindness and good gesture.
I don’t know what happened to my sister, about three years ago, her husband reported her to me that she was no longer the wife he took to Abuja. He complained about the friends she keeps and her way of life which obviously has been influenced by them.
I spoke with my sister on phone and when I discussed the issue with my husband, he said I should visit her. I did and it was at a time her husband was away on one of his foreign trips so I had enough time to speak with her and I was able to observe some of the things her husband complained about.
We were not poor, but I could see that her new status really got into her head the wrong way. I was also not comfortable with the way she was treating her domestic helps and I told her my mind. Partying, drinking with friends and I suspect dating other men too.
I told my sister all I suspected and I warned her that a good husband is hard to come by and that she should not destroy her home and herself. I told my husband some of the things I saw and what I suspected. He also called and spoke with her. We are a close knitted family, so communication was not a problem.
After my husband spoke with her, she denied some things and promised to change some, but unfortunately, she didn’t. I really didn’t know what happened, but I learnt from Goke that he travelled out of the country and he called his wife several times for days but she didn’t pick her phone. He, however, became worried and called one of their domestic hands who said my sister was home and okay and there was nothing wrong with her.
He said he stopped calling and came home unannounced Alas! he met his wife and one of her male friends right on their matrimonial bed. Both of them were dead drunk and asleep. She didn’t wait for his reaction, but ran out of the house with the man. I guess she realised the magnitude of her problems when she became sober.
She had tried speaking with Goke to no avail; she came to Lagos to speak with my husband and I. Meanwhile, Goke had reported her to us immediately he caught them. She came back to us asking us to mediate with her husband. My husband told me without mincing words that he wouldn’t be a part of it. I also don’t even know where to start from, that is why I need your help, please, your counsel and those of your readers will be appreciated.


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