Jada Pinkett Smith
March 1
I have always loved these words in this song because I believe it is indicative of emotional murder that I see too often.
What is emotional murder? How we objectify people in relationships is emotional murder. How we USE people for a FUNCTION in relationships is emotional murder. How we can claim an individual to be the love of our lives but yet replace them within a day or two with a new life-love is…emotional murder. Can true love dispose of love in that way? My opinion is no. My opinion is that we can only dispose of people in that way when we have objectified them. I believe this is very closely related to the objectification of actual murders.
I don’t think we recognize how much, in how many ways, or all the justifications we give ourselves to USE people in the name of love. It’s one of the worst crimes. I don’t think we realize how easily we are willing to dispose of a person after the feelings are all used up.
But is it possible to use a person up… if we are actually in a relationship with the person themselves and relating to what we value within them as a human being, as a lover, a wife, a husband, a friend, a mother, afather and so on? Can we dispose of people when we relate to them beyond how they make us feel? With that in mind, if a relationship has changed or altered could it merit disposal? You tell me.

J

Lack of acknowledgment – murders the heart
Lack of gratitude and appreciation – murders the heart
Dishonesty – murders the heart
Domination – murders the heart
Passivity – murders the heart

If you like…continue the list.

Jada Pinkett Smith
March 6
Before I begin…I want to make one thing clear. It’s important that you know that I believe love comes in ALL forms. I believe a person should love WHOMEVER…HOWEVER they choose. But…I do have a question.

In the last month, three women, in their 40s, coming out of long term relationships with men have confided in me that they now feel that their last resort for companionship is that with a woman. These are women who have never engaged in or even desired to be in intimate relationships with other women. Now these women feel as though they have no other option. It seems as if there is a spike in same sex love all around. What is changing in which how men and women are relating to one another, that is creating same sex love as a LAST RESORT for heterosexual women?

You…tell…me.
J

And she responded to her readers!

Jada Pinkett Smith
Saturday via mobile
Our Men Have Suffered Too…

I have really enjoyed all the powerful comments and opinions in regards to my post, “Last resort”. Many of your comments and opinions have stimulated my desire to explore what our men are experiencing in the world. It is my belief, that it is their SUFFERING that is contributing to the deterioration in relationships between men and women.

I began to think about how our men suffer from oppression of various sorts and how this often leads to depression of various kinds. I thought about how our men suffer from the pressure to live up to the social standards of being strong, of being in control and filling the function as provider. What about the man who has no resources to provide? What about the pressures of having no resources which can lead a man to violence against others or even himself? What about the man who is taught that his ONLY value is to provide, and that it’s the amount of zeros in his pay check that quantify his worth and the amount of love he deserves? With this as the measurement of value, how can he put more importance or concentration on how he is actually RELATING to his woman and to his family? And what about all the feelings that come with these pressures… in a world where men are not allowed an outlet to express their fears, their concerns or vulnerabilities without risking being called a punk, a pussy or soft? If our men are not allowed to explore their own emotional world, how can they possibly navigate through ours? And speaking about navigating through worlds, what are we to do with our beautiful, energetic, vibrant, curious, strong, out going and outspoken boys that doctors and “experts” label as ADHD challenged, who we are told won’t have a chance in this world without being medicated? And what do we say to the men who didn’t have fathers to raise them? The men who had only mothers to play both roles, which at times, left her to have to betray the codes of love, trust and sweetness between mother and son? What do we do with those betrayals left upon that resentful boy who thought his mother was too harsh and now he can’t help himself for taking it out on any woman close to him? What about the men who have suffered under the hand of abuse and neglect only to find himself a perpetrator of the same pain?

Have we ever stopped to think about how our men have suffered…

This is where new, bold, courageous, non traditional thinking and actions must have the upper hand to overcome ALL the SUFFERING that’s keeping us ALL apart in ALL forms of relating. WE GOTTA THINK NEW!

J

Are we bullying our young artists?

How can we ask for our young stars to have a high level of responsibility if we are not demonstrating that same level of responsibility towards them?
This last week, I had to really evaluate the communication in regard to our young artists in the media. I was trying to differentiate cyber-bullying from how we attack and ridicule our young stars through media and social networks. It is as if we have forgotten what it means to be young or even how to behave like good ol’ grown folk. Do we feel as though we can say and do what we please without demonstrating any responsibility simply because they are famous? Is it okay to continually attack and criticize a famous 19 year old who is simply trying to build a life, exercise his talents while figuring out what manhood and fame is all about as he carries the weight of supporting his family as well as providing the paychecks to others who depend on him to work so they can feed their families as well? Does that render being called a cunt by an adult male photographer as you try to return to your hotel after leaving the the hospital? Or what about our nine year old beautiful Oscar nominee who was referred to as a cunt as well? Or what about being a young woman in her early twenties, exploring the intracacies of love and power on the world stage? And should we shame a young woman for displaying a sense of innocence as she navigates through the murky waters of love, heartbreak, and fame? Are these young people not allowed to be young, make mistakes, grow, and eventually transform a million times before our eyes? Are we asking them to defy the laws of nature because of who they are? Why can’t we congratulate them for the capacity to work through their challenges on a world stage and still deliver products that keep them on top. We all know how hard it is to keep our head above water, even in the privacy of our own homes let alone on the world stage. Imagine yourself, at their age, with the spotlights, challenges and responsibilities. Most of us would have fallen to the waste side before we could even get to a crashed Ferrari, a controversial romance, several heart breaks, or an Oscar nomination at NINE. We WISH we could have had the capacity to accomplish HALF of what they have accomplished along with ALL these challenges they face. But…maybe THAT’S the problem…we WISH we could have or even…we WISH we could.

Happy Sunday.

j

British Politician and Ex-Wife Sentenced to Prison

LONDON — A sensational trial that featured a leading politician, his extramarital affair, a speeding ticket, his now-divorced wife and her decision to wreak her revenge ended on Monday with a judge sending both of them to prison.

At Southwark Crown Court in London, the judge, Sir Nigel Sweeney, sentenced the defendants — Chris Huhne, 58, formerly the energy minister in Prime Minister David Cameron’s cabinet, and Vicky Pryce, 60, a prominent economist — to eight months in prison for perverting the course of justice.

Mr. Huhne and Ms. Pryce were taken handcuffed from the court to separate London prisons, where they were expected, under early-release rules aimed at easing prison overcrowding, to spend as little as nine weeks. Once out of prison, they would be subject to house arrest in their homes here until paroled, usually after serving half their sentences.

The court found that to protect Mr. Huhne’s political career, the couple had lied to hide the fact that Mr. Huhne was at the wheel in 2003 when traffic cameras clocked his BMW sedan at 69 miles per hour on a London expressway with a posted speed limit of 50 m.p.h.

Ms. Pryce, who had accepted responsibility for the ticket, concealed the deception until 2011, when she revealed it in interviews with The Sunday Times, in an effort to disgrace Mr. Huhne and force him to resign from Mr. Cameron’s cabinet.

Both defendants had pleaded not guilty, but Mr. Huhne changed his plea to guilty on the morning his trial began last month. Ms. Pryce maintained that she had acted under “marital coercion” and underwent two trials in quick succession. Justice Sweeney told the defendants, standing side by side at the sentencing, that while both had “tried to lie your way out of trouble again and again,” he found Mr. Huhne “slightly, but not greatly, more culpable” because he had initiated the deception over who was driving.

When Mr. Huhne resigned from the Cameron government last year to fight the case, it was the first time in modern British history that a cabinet minister had been forced from office by a criminal prosecution. His fall captured headlines for months with its high-octane mix of ambition, betrayal, deceit and revenge.

“Any element of tragedy is entirely your own fault,” the judge told the two in court on Monday.

“You have fallen from a great height,” Justice Sweeney told Mr. Huhne. He equally admonished Ms. Pryce, saying her effort to destroy her former husband’s career and then to evade her own responsibility showed “the controlling, manipulative and devious side of your nature.”

Sitting only feet apart in the glass-walled dock, Mr. Huhne and Ms. Pryce never looked at each other. Mr. Huhne seemed consumed by grief and on the verge of tears, eyes often downcast; Ms. Pryce, pale and impassive, stared ahead.

To many in Britain, Mr. Huhne and Ms. Pryce had seemed like the archetypal power couple. He is an Oxford-educated former financial journalist with The Guardian and The Economist, who reaped a fortune by founding and then selling a financial consultancy before setting out to reach the pinnacle of politics.

She is a master’s graduate of the London School of Economics who became joint head of the Government Economic Service, while raising five children, three of them from her marriage to Mr. Huhne.

The trial turned on conflicting accounts of how Ms. Pryce, instead of Mr. Huhne, came to accept the speeding citation, a subterfuge the police say is used by tens of thousands of British drivers caught by roadside cameras every year.

Had she done it under pressure from Mr. Huhne, feeling compelled to comply to protect her family, as her defense maintained? Or was she a willing conspirator, as the prosecution said?

What appeared to have doomed Ms. Pryce’s hopes for acquittal was prosecution evidence showing that she had done nothing for years to expose the ticket-switch, which saved Mr. Huhne from losing his driver’s license, and that her attitude changed only when her marriage collapsed.

The court heard that after the tabloid The News of The World discovered that he was having an affair with a political aide, Mr. Huhne told his wife of the affair hours before the tabloid went to press. He also told her that he was immediately announcing that their 26-year marriage was at an end, in an effort to save his cabinet seat.

Many in Britain have voiced sympathy for Ms. Pryce, seeing her as a deeply wronged woman.

“From a purely personal view, Vicky Pryce would have done well to heed the old Chinese proverb, ‘Before you set off on revenge, dig two graves,’ ” David Dangoor, a prominent British business executive and philanthropist, wrote in a letter published Monday in The Times of London.

But he added, “From a wider perspective, her actions were an important expression of the deep hurt caused by marital betrayal and abandonment, suffered by many women after years of devotion.”

This article has been revised to reflect the following correction:

Correction: March 11, 2013

An earlier version of this article misidentified David Dangoor. He is a prominent British businessman and philanthropist, not an American-born marketing executive. It also misidentified Ms. Pryce’s degree from the London School of Economics. She is a master’s graduate, not a doctoral graduate.

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