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A MOST INTERESTING READ- WHY MEN CHEAT

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An Unfaithful Man Explains: Why Men Cheat

We welcome reader questions, comments, and feedback here at SBM. Check out our SBM Mail series here for past submissions and you can submit your own questions using the Contact Us page. Today’s reader asks:
Dear SBM,
I just want to know why men cheat after begging a woman to take them back? And does he think that because she took him back that she’ll put up with it? My coworker was telling us about an argument he had with the mother of his baby in which he ended by telling her that he’s not changing. I could see where her anger was coming from to a degree, I mean he did cheat on her so she was expecting him to be grateful that she took him back, but women’s intuition also tells me that she expected him to miraculously turn into a new person. Just some background for you, he admits to having side pieces throughout their entire relationship (including her pregnancy) and they broke up a few months after the baby was born because she found some evidence of his indiscretions. They got back together a few months ago but he still says that he’s cheating and will continue to do so as long as he wants. From the way he describes their current relationship, it seems as though he has gotten even more comfortable and offers no apologies for his behaviors in and out of the house. Of course, I realize that I have only really gotten half of these stories and he could just be exaggerating, but I doubt it. Why does a cheater even want to be in a relationship if he’s decided that he’s not going to be faithful? And does it signal to him that he can continue to cheat if a woman takes him back?
I’ll start off by quoting some statistics for context. I read a story earlier this year that estimated between 15 percent of women and 20 percent of men are unfaithful. Women are less likely to get caught. Ninety-five percent of women and 83 percent of men reported they “successfully” cheated without their spouses ever finding out. These are married people so who knows how desolate the landscape of relationships and pseudo-relationships looks. I only point this out to note that there are a number of unfaithful people among us and many of them will never get caught (or so they believe). Specific to your friend’s situation, you seem to have two main questions:
1) Why does a cheater even want to be in a relationship if he’s decided that he’s not going to be faithful? 2) Does it signal to him that he can continue to cheat if a woman takes him back?

Why do cheaters cheat?
Women like to believe that they have a more sophisticated justification behind when and why they cheat – and it’s very possible they do. However, cheating is cheating so I’m not sure why folks are so caught up on being the morally superior in their immoral actions. That said, I’ll focus today on why I believe most men cheat.
While a lot of people have asked a similarly phrased question, I think this is the equivalent of asking why do people look for work when they already have a job? Most cheaters are in a relationship for the exact same reasons as their partner. It’s very possible they sincerely believe they like/love the person they’re cheating on. Men cheat because they don’t understand or don’t care about the impact of their actions. It’s a selfish act. These men haven’t learned to think outside of themselves or even if they do, they don’t care enough to stop. Although people attempt to confuse the two, whether or not you believe monogamy is natural is independent from the fact that the rules governing a monogamous relationship are pretty straight forward. Cheating is a conscious choice to break those rules.
Some people believe that if you truly love a person you would never cheat on them. I disagree, because that belief dictates that emotion is what drives people to cheat or remain faithful. In reality, there is far more logic involved in not cheating than emotion. I think we can all agree that Love is an emotion. Given the large number of people that cheat on their loved ones each and every day of the week, it is obviously not enough to stop people from cheating. That’s where logic comes into play. Love might keep you in a relationship, but it’s logic that keeps you from straying, especially when you believe you won’t get caught. Someone told me recently that men are as faithful as their options. This is only somewhat accurate. Most men have options. Honestly, being in a relationship might increase a man’s options considering there are a certain group of women that like to go after committed men – but that’s another blog for another day.
Most unfaithful men aren’t seeking out an additional relationship. In fact, most men aren’t even looking to replace or give up the relationship they already have. Unfaithful men are generally only seeking to satisfy physical needs. There is a smaller group of men who are looking for a woman to satisfy something they’re not getting at home – usually something ego based – but even these men are rarely looking to leave the woman they’re with. Going back to the job analogy, if a man has a job (or woman) that meets all of his basic needs except for one or two extras, he really has no motivation to leave this great job simply to go back out into the job market (dating scene).
In 9 out of 10 cases, men aren’t looking to replace the woman they already have. The exception would be if he meets another woman that clearly supersedes the woman he is already with. This is rare for a few reasons: 1) if you’re already in a relationship, it’s difficult to get to know another woman beyond the physical; 2) the woman he is already with has a head start because he’s familiar with her in his life; and 3) the only thing more amazing than how long some women will stay with an unfaithful man is how long a side-woman is willing to remain in the side-woman role.

Will a man continue to cheat if a woman takes him back?
This question is difficult to answer. The short answer is, “yes.” But, the longer answer is a man will continue to cheat for as long as he is a cheater at heart. Even if you do everything right, it is up to the man to be willing to change. If he isn’t ready, no amount of threats will make him be faithful to you (or any woman) if he is simply the type of man who habitually cheats. Although taking a man back or not taking a man back won’t dictate how faithful or unfaithful he will be in the future, continuing to stay with an unfaithful man without demanding change or holding him accountable will eventually enable his actions.
Haters gonna hate and cheaters gonna cheat

Cheating is a character flaw that a man has to address on his own. I don’t believe in the ‘once a cheater, always a cheater’ motto but I do believe a man has to want to change for himself if any such change will be sustained. If not, he’ll just revert back to his unfaithful ways over time. This is irrespective of the woman he is with. A true cheater will cheat on the perfect woman, because that is simply how he is designed.
Specific to your friend’s situation, it seems she has encountered – and continues to entertain – a man that not only has not changed, but one that has clearly stated he will not change. She is chasing a dream if she thinks she is going to inspire change in a man that doesn’t want to change for himself or her. If he ever does change, and in this instance I’m not sure he will, I can safely say it won’t occur one day before he’s ready. If your friend doesn’t want to wait that long, she should leave this man alone.
Are men’s reasons for cheating any different than women’s? Why would a man that knows he’s going to be unfaithful want to be in a relationship? Do you believe that once a cheater always a cheater? If not, what makes a cheater change and how can women tell the difference between a cheater who has reformed versus a cheater who is in remission?

133 Responses to A MOST INTERESTING READ- WHY MEN CHEAT

  • Foxy says:

    I think men cheat because they are biologically engineered to do so. Monogamy is an unnatural concept and a man-made one that clearly doesn’t work. Secondly, since women disproportionately outnumber men, most women wouldn’t know what it’s like to be in the company of a man if men were all faithful, so realistically they will have to be shared. Further, variety is just appealing to men.

    The problem is the level of understanding between the parties. It is almost impossible to ask or expect any woman to accept that the object of her affection is cheating and she is okay with it because women are territorial and jealous and every conceivable emotion in the book. It’s one thing to be cheating/having an affair and doing it with respect. Yes, I think there is such a thing. It’s another thing to be lying to the person on the outside stating that you’re not involved and selling false hopes. That is downright dishonest and setting yourself up for that person to pop up at your house and introduce them self to your wife.

    Another thing that makes it problematic is that most women are unable to disconnect emotionally from sex. So after sex comes into play, no matter what was said previously, the situation is bound to change as she will begin to want and demand more of his time, attention and affection.

    Here is where the line should be drawn. Disrespect is never acceptable. Whether by the wife or girlfriend. A woman will get dealt with accordingly. If you have standards, a man will rise up or you have the courage to walk away and find something better. Once respect is gone, it will never be restored. And believe me, its better to be respected than loved, because a man will love you and treat you like crap but if he respects you, he’s careful with your feelings.

  • Met says:

    Foxy mi nuh agree..Its men who are territorial and not women..that is why women will put up with a cheating man 10 times more than a man will put up with a cheating woman..Men are not biologically engineered to cheat because at the end of the day it is they who will suffer erectile problems because of overuse…It is society that has wired the man into thinking that it is natural to cheat

  • Met says:

    *normal – to cheat that is

  • Met says:

    Some men dont even know why di hell dem a cheat…dem jus a cheat because its available and its an option…some a dem cannot even keep a damn erection and dem a run down a bag a ooman ..its all in the mind because di body nah comply

  • Foxy says:

    Met, what society has done is allow us all to think it’s normal to be monogamous and it clearly doesn’t work, refer to the divorce rates. Going back to the days of King Solomon and all the men in history, they had harems. Yes, men are territorial and mark their turf, that is true, so are we but to a lesser degree.
    I think women stay and put up with all the bullcrap because they are scared of being alone, scared of not being financially independent, are insecure, have low self esteem issues and still wanting to keep up appearances.
    A chick like me leave if you get tagged in the wrong FB pic.

  • toni ann says:

    whether man biologically engineered to cheat or not, that is a theory i will not give into ever in my life, if so, then he must be biologically engineered to tek bun.

    it seems in this society its acceptable to say “every man cheats -facts” or “men are biologically engineered to be with different men” but when it come to women finding another man or cheating because of her partner lack of caring, all yuh hear “women cannot do cheat and still be a lady” or “she’s a slut/bitch,” nope! if you can accept cheating from it and then justify it then dont get hurt after the bun.

    I’m sorry, im not sitting with no cheating man, if him a cheat its going to afto be unda wraps because my body, my mind, and my feelings is not something to be toyed with. if mi man wah guh cheat den a hope him prepare fi get left or bun.

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy

    i think women (some atleast) stay because they believe that: he will change, there is good in him, they went through so much and probly they can salvage whats left, or some times we believe in the greater good of him… BUT! but that always left us with the serial cheater and the repeated offender.
    right now the only thing can let me stay with a cheating man is financial situations or some very very very deep feelings he’s going to change, i do not need to put effort and trust into someone that as soon as mi turn mi back me become “i have a girlfren but things nah work out” girl of his life.

  • Met says:

    Foxy nope……………..people are divorcing now because the culture has changed…there are new definitions to happiness…less loyalty and people dont care enough now to feel obligated… monogamy has nothing to do with that…Also King Soloman was the one man that had that many wives and with every biological occurrence you will have one who may ”appear” different from the norm..Soloman could not be used to describe the biology of every single man..It wouldnt make sense. Some women put up with cheating men because of our nurturing nature, it is within our capacity to forgive …more than men..If it were as you say that every man is biologically built to cheat then it would not make sense if a woman had low self esteem to be the reason why she accepts a cheater. It would be natural for a man to cheat and natural for a woman to take him back because where there is black there is white ..nature always cures its ails so , if it were to be natural of the man as u said then it would be natural of the woman to accept the man but it is not so…Women are hurt and destroyed by cheating , emotionally accepting to some degree yes but it takes away from the situation when a woman accepts a cheater. It is the natural need for companionship and the changing culture that makes a woman settle for 1/2 a man/a cheater/ settle for being a side piece…It is within her nature to give life and giving that life involves a family structure of some sort..So women will always crave men..It is how it is meant to be

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    you know if you cheat pon a man once, just once, he will hate yuh fi di rest a him damn life? all in death him probly haunt yuh.

    i was talking to a fren of mine that was a serial cheater, no stopping him, an trust mi, when him woman cheat di man bawl an cuss an carry on like him was the best ting since slice bread, an all him can imagine him seh “how di next man a fling on cocky pon har” and how “she probly all a gi di man fuk weh hi nah get” because he knew how him f000 gal weh him did a cheat with. cheating is not right, whether from man or woman.

  • fashiondoll says:

    So true Met. It is society that makes men think it is normal to cheat. I am sure that while there are more desirable women than men, the average man would not be able to cheat easily unless there are women who encourage and willingly participate.

    Some women have become so gullible and willing to be a side chick that this cycle can only be broken when we decide to set standards for ourselves and live by them.

  • Foxy says:

    LOL @ di body nah comply. Bear in mind we live in a society that glorifies and lionized the Alpha male. (Well wid the amount a effeminate, tight pants wearing men these days, mi affi wonder) but especially in the black community, it’s like a right of passage to have plenty women, stripes on your belt, bragging rights. That is a whole different matter having to do with the systematic breaking of our family unit.

    But I do think men have to try harder to be faithful than we do. And if a man cheats, it doesn’t indicate that he doesn’t love his woman, because a man will put his pants on, zip it up and forget about that chick like nothing.

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy
    there is a lot of men that do not cheat so we dont have to sit with one that do or treat us like crap.
    black men is not the only men for us, so if most of what we got is the effeminate, tight pants wearing lying cheating dog, then we have white men, chinese men, indian men, etc. at least for me that is how i see it.

  • Met says:

    fashiondoll if u cant take it dont dish it out….so how it fi normal? A man will cheat and come crawling back..then do it again….but if the woman attempts to do it then a bloody murder…y?? Because it is not meant to be so…

  • Foxy says:

    Met, and all that you’ve stated is correct. We are nurturing and caring and gullible and forgiving and full of fear and some of us are desperate, others afraid to be alone and all that is true. The inherent difference lies in the fact that men do not get emotionally attached to sex like we do, so he cheats for accessibility rather than to fill a deep felt need.

    @Toniann – yes, no matter how often he’s hurt us, we still hope and believe that he can and will change but after many repetitions when does it become apparent that your staying only gives him tacit consent? I believe in forgiveness, I believe in second chances but I also vehemently believe that bad behavior should never be rewarded.

    And of course when you invest time, years, effort and your heart, it’s always easier for someone on the outside to say “walk away” but this is my life’s philosophy, “what you get is what you put up with”.

    Tell me ladies, if you know of any man that has been faithful?

  • Met says:

    toni ann!! yes he will u nuh even haffi go all di way wid di cheating just the fact that another man had access to their property is enough fi kill dem and mek dem hate u

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    yessss…… all day long dem bawl bloody murda bout dem “things mi things, mi caah believe di gal gi weh mi tings” lol

  • Foxy says:

    No Toniann- dem nuh biologically engineered fi tek bun at all! As callous and heartless as they can be, when a man get bun, shit- he ain’t equipped to deal with it the way we can and have and will do again.

  • Met says:

    Foxy men pretenddddddddddddd not to be emotionally attached to sex…what they can do is feel different levels of emotions for different women…but when a man has a specific woman he keeps returning to…is lie him a tell bout not emotionally attached…it could not be a physical attachment and there is the ability to disconnect so it has to be some level of emotional attachment that brings him back..and yes I know faithful men

  • Met says:

    toni ann its pathetic because it mek u look pan dem like WTF…why u upset and u did the same thing??

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy
    i know men that are faithful. i will not sit here and say every man cheats, no. if you can say every man cheats, then you can say every woman cheats and that is just not fact. im speaking from experience and speaking for people i know and ppl spoke with that is in their 80’s

  • Foxy Lady says:

    We need some men in on the thread.
    That’s a whole other thing too. I could never accept that a man with his woman that he loves can have any place in his heart left for me to want to be with him. I have never loved 2 people at the same time and from I start liking someone else, I no longer like you. So this has always puzzled me that a man professes to loving two women at the same time.

  • Met says:

    Some a dem so stupid…u dont love or care for someone yet you cant do without f000ing them……….. where is the logistics in that? lol… men can separate their feelings..consciously but the subconscious always wins innit?

  • Met says:

    Foxy yes di man dem fi come comment..

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    very pathetic
    das y me will always tell a man, if yuh can cheat, den yuh can tek bun and if it affi get to that level den you best believe the bunnaman will be better than you in every possible way, and that bunnaman just might be the man weh replace your ass.

    when man a gi bun dem a bun yuh wid all some certified cruff but if mi a bun mi naah look nuh cruff caus am making sure you understand what yuh did to me.

  • Met says:

    toni ann ketch di joke………….u know u will have a real disgusting man whey bun from now till sundown……u si if him eva find out di ooman whey him claim to love a bun…………….him will tun pumpum watchman/mafia and body guard all stalker eno..I dont understand that

  • fashiondoll says:

    I was reasoning with a 80+ year old white woman the other day and she rightly say that it wasn’t that a man in her era didn’t want to cheat but he was committed to his family and just the fact that his wife/woman would find out prevented him. I believe that too many times we support the notion that it is ok for men to be unfaithful and moreso in our black culture most women enjoy the fact that my man cheat but he returns to me.

    A man in a relationship definitely is emotional attach and that is why no matter how much women him have on the side, he will go crazy if his main squeeze cheats or leaves.

  • toni ann says:

    men cheat because we women accept it 99 % of the time, if majority of women dismissed men that cheat they wouldnt get like this.
    but most men feel like, if you dont accept it and not gonna deal with it, they gonna find a ride or die chick…..

    @foxy @met
    how many times since yuh have this blog or throught out your life have you heard women say “every man cheats, whats the big deal?” or “every man cheat a life?”

  • Met says:

    *mi correct subconsicously to subconscious* sorry lol

  • Foxy Lady says:

    What if the nookie is just that good and keeps pulling him back? Look at Tiger Woods, I strongly believed he loved his wife. Kobe Bryant the same. I don’t think it was a matter of love but maybe it’s the stroking of the male ego, to feel wanted, to validate their manhood, to validate their success. I can only speculate as a woman.

    @toniann – yes, I do know men that have never cheated though most of them are white and yes, you’re right about black men entirely and believe me when I tell you – I love my brothers but I don’t need the lack of principle, the drama and everything else so I’m done with them. No more for me.

  • Met says:

    toni ann all di while…and while I will say that every man is capable of cheating, I will say that every man is capable of being faithful..a man can cheat one time and not cheat again…its possible…

  • toni ann says:

    but hear yah nuh @met, mi si man a beat up phone an a threaten fi buss gal ass when him a f000 every hole him si, an a tell di gal weh him a guh duh if him hear seh have nuh man, an guess weh di woman deh?? nuh bloody jamaica, an him wah di oman gatha duss while him sling shot.

  • Met says:

    Foxy what if di wha good?? A nuh one good pussy deh ina di world..it is the emotional connection that the man has that makes him feel like one specific pums a di best…because a next man might go deh and seh a di worse..mi nuh think tiger woods capable of love…i just dont think so…kobe tek up big people business too soon das all

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Fashiondoll, that’s my point, the man is emotionally attached to the woman at home and disconnected from the one in the street, which is the very reason he almost always return home.
    And again, like the old lady told you, I believe that it is in a man’s nature however, it comes down to respect and principle. The two things lacking in black men, mind you, not all but most.
    If a man respects you, your feelings and his home, he is more inclined to deny those urges to wander than if he loves you and has no respect for you. Which is the very reason I said, women should not reward bad behavior.

  • Met says:

    toni ann __________________________________________________________________________________ u know mi nuh waa laugh…so him send threat to woman and him a wreck out him back u si dem man yah :tkp

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Met, mi a quote wey mi hear from man enuh. So, unless a pure lie dem a tell mi lol. This is why we need to hear the men’s honest take on why they do what they do.

  • Met says:

    Foxy remember boys are natural explorers and like an air of mischief? It is the same boy who becomes a man…so while he has learnt to hold on to things that are dear…it is the feeling of newness and exploration why he will maintain a relationship outside of the home…..he returns home because home welcomes him and what he collected is there…men almost never disconnect once they have connected with someone

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy
    if it were so, so dat would simple mean that all we are, are good punny?? if a pum pum alone wi judge pon den every women pum pum good because every stick have dem ho a bush (if a suh it guh). but wat I say is that every bitch have dem hoe a bush….. we cannot define ourselves as good nookie which is what a lot of jamaican women love to say.. “mi man love mi cause mi pussy tight/good” theres more to love than dat.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    I think it’s a comforting thought to think every man is capable of being faithful. I think every woman would like to hold on to that. I think after getting it out of his system and deciding that he’s ready to be settled but buoi me probably too jaded fi even believe or hope it. My suspicious ass.

  • Met says:

    Foxy some men like certain types of vaginas other men may not like..it is the feeling that they have found what they like specifically which has the emotional connection that enables them to return to a specific woman/vagina..if that woman were able to disconnect the vagina and give it to them to keep or to f000 they would not want it..they would want the vagina on the woman…and that is how u know there is an emotionally connection because he cannot disconnect

  • Foxy Lady says:

    I absolutely love the above statement Met and I second it wholeheartedly. But how, when, where and why that same little boy became a demon?

  • Met says:

    toni ann when mi hear dem wid di tight talk i wanna throw right up i cannot take it

  • fashiondoll says:

    @ Foxy So true. I always admire my hubby committment and principle because i know it is not just his love for me that keeps him faithful. As he often says, when a man decides to get married or be in a committed relationship, he should first respect himself and decide what he wants in the long term before taking the plunge.

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    to how di man did a deal wid di phone, i tawt any minute now police aguh buss een an charge him fi futuristic passion of crime, an him all live wid oman to.

    mi nuh inna nothing with nuh serial cheater, serial cheater is someone yuh give a chance and f+++k if a 3am, every store lock, an yuh desperate fi som sort out an yuh vibrator battery dead….. just a whole different level of desperation.

  • Met says:

    toni ann ure killing me this night ____________________________________________________________________________________

  • Met says:

    Foxy that man changes because of his surroundings which include cultural and environmental influences..as much as we would like to think that they dont make us..they help to

  • toni ann says:

    i cannot handle bun, mi nuh engineer fi dat..

    the tight pum pum thing is getting out of hand…. a fren of mine seh him sort out one of the socal “good tight pum pum” an he said he had to tell her she affi find di man weh shi did a previously fucc because fi him hood cannot match up to dat pum pum… him seh “big pussy need a big hood man.” but i digress from weh wi a talk bout, the cheating men lol.

  • Met says:

    toni ann u is a wicked :tkp :hammer :tkp
    pullllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllup

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Certainly and with this culture glorifying “gallis” and ‘girls sugar’, they have come to perceive this as ‘comes with the territory’ but mi sorry if a suh mi haffi dead lonely, so be it because I will not compromise my integrity for the sake of companionship.

    And I hate to say this but I’m truly turned off from black men particularly Jamaican men because it’s so ingrown that it has become second nature. While I do believe that men are so wired, it’s the lack of respect that gets me.

  • toni ann says:

    the bottom line is, no one should not sit down with a serial cheater, men nor women.

  • Met says:

    mi seh if di video cudda talk it wudda seh * come outa mi light u lying wretch* .. every and all a dem pumpum tight like dem have vagina lock fi when it use it lock up back………..and some a dem a use it so all if it did have lock di way it open nuff di lock wudda mus lost :hammer

  • Anonymous says:

    Men cheat for the same reason women cheat. Women cheat just as much as men. White men/women cheat at the same rate as black men/women. Why do men cheat….variety. Most women are boring when it comes to sex…selfish if you ask me. Now a few women that I have met, just know what it takes to please a man. Those select few are keepers…..few and far between.

  • Met says:

    mi still a laugh…toni ann whey u seh him stamp it RETURN TO SENDER SIZE NOT HOME?_______________________________________________ *tears*

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Overall, I do not blame men. I blame women for their easy accessibility, for their acceptance of disrespect and infidelity. If men had to work a little harder, they would but when it’s everywhere all in their faces – what do you expect?

    My guy friend who is in a relationship told me the other day that once upon a time, these chicks use to want something in return, now they just want the dick. That’s where we’re at as a society suh until women start having standards, it will only get worst.

  • Met says:

    Agreed Foxy..some men are so impressionable dat dem hear dem wack ass friends a talk bout tings and dont even know if dem a go enjoy it like dem fren…bring it home to wife…wife says no…and dem run go cheat fi get dat experience…man nuh easy…u nuh si highclass seh him wife nuh like di suckment so him tongue find others fi suck? :hammer

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy lady
    im turned off from jamaican men not all, as well and black men, because it seems dem frighten over some azz….

    you said something about dying lonely, lady, with this day an age yuh should know by know… VIBRATOR!! i discover it 5 years ago an since den dick betta not even fiesty him self bout but else i say, “hello dick, meet vibrator, it makes vagina cum in seconds,” men is not a factor for me. at least for i an i it aint lol

  • Met says:

    Blame society Foxy not women alone…we one cannot shoulder di blame..yuh cyaa tell me seh some man nuh cheat because they have become so desensitized to the bodies of women dat dme run go up ina man because its different …too much naked skin deh a road

  • Met says:

    toni ann bed time :hammer

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Met, yuh si the Anonymous up top, a bet is a man. Take it from the horses mouth. Most ‘how to get a man’ books are written by women and trust me, unless the man dem all a tell like, a just variety dem like. Just like a kid that deserts his old toy for a new one. Look how many of these stars have them good good woman from before they were anything and as soon as them mek it, she nuh si dem.

  • Met says:

    because dem get access fi si whole heep more n willing meat Foxy

  • Foxy Lady says:

    @Toniann- not to brag but believe me my options are vast and varied. It’s there for the choosing and I mean ones that the average girl would do anything for. But again, I have zero tolerance for the BS. I take it to a whole other extreme. I mean if yuh miss a phone call from mi try nuh call mi back.

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    di bwoy seh, fe him hood big an it still nah match up suh him seh “a nuh big har pussy big, a just my hood nuh big enuff suh shi a guh need mandingo hood fi mandingo hole” lol

    @anony
    mi know gal weh a lik out waste outa ass, a suck saliva tru hood ole, a use warm cloth sap dem ass fi man weh dem deh wid a still a get bun…. suh dat cannot stop ppl from gi bun.
    boring?? suh if him or she damn bored in the relationship him/she nuh cut? nobody nuh tie dem.

  • Met says:

    toni ann_____________________________________________________________________________ u know u nuh easy :tkp

  • toni ann says:

    so waite, us women are bat an ball? yuh dont think we have variety tooo??? everytime us lady guh a road man look wi, but wi nuh f000 every tom, dick and harry weh seh “damn!” men must understand dem selves, and we must stop be enablers.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    So as much as I’m turned off from black men, I’m even more turned off by black women. The same black men that treat them like crap will work 10 times as hard to get a white woman and treat her like a princess and put her on a pedestal cos most black women nowadays think their whole worth is to ‘skin out’ and take ass shots.
    Dem come too easy and spoil di man dem which makes it harder for someone like me who refuses to accept what I know to be inferior behavior or manners.

    If you take me out, you can’t get me to go in that car without opening the door for me. I will not walk through that restaurant door and I damn sure won’t be sitting unless you pull that chair out. Most Jamaican guys that take me anywhere stare at me with eyes wide open like WTF, is she for real?

  • Met says:

    foxy u know mi nah luk pan di anonymous bout what it takes to please a man…nuff a di man dem seh dem dont want regular sex… ie *regular sex* now includes oral ….their pleasure is now determined by society and not them…because i definitely do not think i should go to the bedroom with a doctor bag full of tricks…just to f000… its about chemistry not surgery

  • fashiondoll says:

    Now now Foxy u got to give and take…..suppose de man did a tek a piss when u call…lol

  • Foxy Lady says:

    @toniann – yuh nuh easy at all. And it guh same suh. Some woman jump through hoops fi man and turn floor cloth, nuh have a backbone and don’t even excite the man by being a challenge.

  • Met says:

    Foxy some men do not know how to treat women…its not like they dont want to..they dont know how..di jamaican men and di bunning mi cyaa manage

  • Foxy Lady says:

    @Fashiondoll, I ain’t even joking hon. Never said I was perfect or had all the answers babygirl just letting you know. Take the phone with you to the bathroom, because my suspicious ass won’t be answering when you decide to call back.

  • Met says:

    there u go foxy…a di challenge dem nah get these days…men are not being allowed to be men…they were natural hunters and now they are being hunted…so much for endangered species

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy lady
    an yuh know foxy a nuh suh, its because we’re in this likkle box, theres plenty of black women out there that hold themselves in high regards…. but you are correct, nuff black man will left yuh at the in the drop of a dime but wuk hard fi get wid a white/spanish chic..
    a fren told me that her brother left his girl for this white chic, saying he was upgrading an she seh yuh fi si whitey… she look like free willy lol

  • Met says:

    You will hear the lies bout it nuh matter when she give it up…………yet when she give it up too soon the man begins feel bored…with hunting u haffi feel like u put in work fi catch ur game…and all when di meat nuh sweet it will be sweet because a how u work fi it…thats what i believe

  • fashiondoll says:

    :hammer

  • Met says:

    toni ann and dat shit hurt mi…u have some a dem whey will talk how black ooman fat and take up a mini suv white ooman..it is the warped perception of beauty that haunts them

  • Foxy Lady says:

    That’s what mi wonder Met, how yuh call yuhself hot boy and guh out wid suh much woman and nuh know fi open di door? Fi pull out the chair?
    Just as mi tek the bunnings serious, mi tek the class thing equally serious. A modern time now and some a dem man here need to be sent to finishing school.

    Met, I met this ugly dude from Washington few years ago through mutual friends, but mi sey the way how the boy well spoken and full a class man, the buoi was like Idris Elba in my eyes and di buoi come from the ghettos enuh Met, but when mi tell yuh principled and polished- him move like Royalty and a street man. Nothing sexier than a classy black man.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    You couldn’t have said it any better Met, endangered species indeed. @Toniann, trust me a whole lot of principled, classy black women out there and that’s why them single cos them refuse fi settle and deal wid dem ole kruff yah.

  • Met says:

    Foxy if u nuh mine sharp dem stand up and a wait fi u open it ………..mi cyaa manage u and di ugly dude at all…whey u seh ugly up top buy well polished and marketable ? :hammer

  • toni ann says:

    well one thing for sure, i will not wear no damn diaper when mi reach my 40ties fi keep nuh man, or vomit up nuh pubic hair suh @anonymous can gwaan talk.

    some a dem damn jamaican man yah suh rawse freaky, hence di reason fi all di damn bunnings, regula sex cannot satisfy dem anymore. i am not willing to go days without bathing because man want firmented pum pum.

  • Met says:

    toni ann u know u have no behavior :tkp

  • Met says:

    hayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy_____________________________________________ *i dies oo*

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    dem love seh black women love money, but di last i check white women not dating any bruk man, black or white.
    i grew up in ct an dem gal seh if dem bring home a bruk pocket man, no career man, wutliss man, uneducated man, their parents will write dem out di damn will.

    suh wen mi hear black men chat dem crap mi just laff, because sometime mi affi wonda if black men weaker than other men or weaker than black women…. all when usain did seh labianca “have her own an stress free” i smh because trust me even when white ppl a cheat an a kip up f000ry dem keep it under wrapps because they will not dare try to embarrass dem name or tarnish the family socalled good name….

  • toni ann says:

    @foxy lady
    it wasnt written dat we should be with one race, we can always blend…. date who want you, and love who love you, whether he be black, white, chinese, indian etc.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    At the end of the day, the problem is not men. The problem is doormat women and there easy accessibility.

  • Met says:

    Toni ann is lie dem telling because nuff a dem a sleep wid di white woman and a tek satisfaction from the black woman pan di side.A white woman is seen as an accomplishment for a black man…nuh matter which trailer park she star ina

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Met mi have a class at 8. So talk to you later. Later Toniann

  • Met says:

    later foxy

  • oh,well says:

    Men that cheat or any gender that cheats is usually to do with what is going on in their mind. Most of the cheaters I know have some kind of weakness of personality/character. Easily bored, always think that they are missing out on something, care too much what their “friends” think of them, yet these same friends will never give them advice that will benefit them. Usually the friends are their too justify the bunning. I really do feel, especially in the Jamaican culture that patriarchy is failing men more than women. The men, due to machismo are damn near EXPECTED to have more than one woman. Obviously the bunning business aint working or else we wouldn’t find out about it so much.
    I’m one of those women that do not tolerate bun. No way, no how. It’s sexual abuse nowadays to go out there and be promiscuous and bring it home. Not in my cabinet.
    When I’ve seriously asked men what they get from bunning they rarely say “sex”. Most have said the risk they run stresses them out and the stolen moments do not equate to long passionate rolls in the hay with the sidepiece. As somebody who unknowingly got strung along by a man with a main woman back in my young, naive days, I could tell something was “off”. All the bunners I know are not good at accountability or confrontation. Most bunners are not only f000ing on the side but are f000ing up in other areas of their lives too. They solve a problem by creating another one. Drama queens and borderline personalities the majority of them. I duff my cap to anybody who takes a cheat back. Not me, though. Just because a wimp has a dick, still makes him a wimp. Dump my ass if you can’t be loyal to me. Don’t drag some other dopey woman into your problems.
    “Once a cheater, always a cheater”. “When a mistress becomes a wife she leaves a vacancy open”. “if they can cheat with you, they can cheat on you”. All tried and tested sayings . Makes me go ewwwwww when I think of all that mucky DNA flying about for some innocent man or woman at home to contend with!

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    i know zat, i hear black men seh “him a gwaan like seh a one white gal him deh wid, him anno nothing” suh dat simple means you are someone when you date a white woman then.
    black man will cuss yuh like a dog, an pick up trampy white chic an all married har di next day an mine har pickney dem.

  • toni ann says:

    night foxy

  • Met says:

    oh well u comment fi frameeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  • toni ann says:

    @oh well

    very well said honey. :2thumbup

  • Met says:

    toni ann si oh well spell it rite out deh………same so…all di personality thing is the truth

  • Met says:

    toni ann yes they willl

  • Anonymous says:

    @toni ann at 7:31 pm

    I think you have a warped sense of what turns me on. I’m not into anything freaky. I’m into the sights and sound. I love a talker while “engaged”. To me, sex is 90% mental and 10% physical. I could teach you a thing or two, but I won’t…..

    Question for you. Now that you have grown accustom to that Vibrator of yours, does the man have to emulate the beats per minute (or revolutions per minutes) to get you off? :cd

  • toni ann says:

    @met
    yes @oh well did……. almost exactly how my psychology teacher wouldve said it.

  • Met says:

    :tkp

  • Nah look back says:

    I have experienced a situation recently where I went snooping in my husbands FB and I see where his flirting is out of control he displays no respect for his self much less me. This is an issue we have been having for a very long time…ok many might say I shouldn’t look for things but bull any woman who doesn’t is a fool or doesn’t have a females intuition I cannot say he’s a faithful man because he’s a known cheater I plan on leaving him because if this problem hasn’t been rectified over a year now then I believe it will never stop. I mean flirt yes tell a girl she’s pretty ect. But the sucking and fing arguments are just darn right disgusting. I believe it’s just the early warm.

  • Met says:

    nah look…when u ask him what is the problem what does he say?

  • toni ann says:

    @anonymous
    its not possible for a man to match up to a vibrator.

  • toni ann says:

    wow @nah look back

  • Met says:

    ping :hammer *dies*

  • toni ann says:

    anyway @met… good night

    @anonymous
    yuh look like yuh know more bout vibrator than me, have you been cheated on with one? can yuh hood tic toc in the speed of one? if so let me know… other wise from dat mi very well ok, mi have paper to write, things fi study, an family matters to deal with, i cannot not keep a eye on a cheating cock.

  • Nah look back says:

    @met he says he loves attention and he just does it for that and that it makes him feel good lol I just feel like he has no self control and like the post talked about if you take a man back will he continue the behavior and yes I believe so he won’t change it will just get worse

  • Met says:

    night toni ann

  • Met says:

    nah look then he is lacking something within him..i dont blame u though if ure not comfortable or happy move on

  • USE YOUR HEAD says:

    OR HOW ABOUT THE WOMEN THAT STAY WITH MARRIED MEN FOR YEARS AWFUL

  • Nah look back says:

    Thanks Met

  • Met says:

    :peluk

  • Little Willie says:

    Foxy….a you have the thing lock yaaa. Nuh mek nuh baddi tell yu nutt’n.

  • Met says:

    of course she wudda have it locked little willie…das ur ticket fi cheating doe ? :maho

  • Little Willie says:

    Met…..there is no BIG secret to why men cheat. They cheat for the same THREE main reasons women cheat. You had a post on that once, and I refer to a section in the post on a regular basis. So all the women here only have to look within for the answers. NOT ROCKET SCIENCE.

  • Little Willie says:

    And please to dress up yu speech. I, Little Willie, do not cheat.

  • Met says:

    willieeeeeeeeeee u notice a doe put di likkle cause mi nah :maho

    some men have no reason to cheat

  • Lenky says:

    A doh too like di generalization/stereotype ting, but unnu muss unnerstan seh man is conditioned to cheat. “Man fi have nuff gyal, and gyal inna bungle…” “A long time mi a ole gyaliss, have a million gyal inna mi palace..” Dat dem teach wi from wi bawn. Unnu know di double standard: man wah have up nuff sex partner a Mr Mention, gyal wah have up nuff sex partner hole rev out waan retread etc etc etc.

    Suh yuh have di conditioning aspect, and yuh also have di tings wah people mention above: physical/emotional needs, and less time, “challenge.” Mi nah guh tannup try tell VALIDATE why man and man a cheat, mia try show yuh why (generally speaking). And di physical/emotional needs aspect a di same fi di ooman dem too (as smaddy else dun mention already).

    Dat is generally speaking, and den if unnu really waan get more granular unnu wudda haffi get into why individuals a dweet…

  • Met says:

    lenkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy goodnight u fi gwaan better doe :ngakak

  • Justice/kk says:

    A BOMB DROPPED HERE MET: http://www.youtube.com/user/TonyGaskins?feature=watch
    SHARE WITH METTERS…..DIS MAN A D BOSSS TONY GASKINS :hn

  • Anonymous says:

    “Why Men Cheat?” unnu always mek it look like is complicated reason why man fck more than 1 woman……it simple…..:

    Man waaan fck more than 1 woman….unnu woman nuh waan wi fck more than 1 woman…….thats why wi “cheat”

    (….Is a natural thing fi man waan fck more than 1 woman, nutten nuh complicated bout that)

  • Oh well I loooove your comment. Naah look try lef his ass as soonas u can he’s a cheater lethim f000 off wit that excuse. Mi abt to investigate my own phone & fb as well ole cheating unfaithful dog dem

  • Anonymous kin pupalick & gowey yo soon get whey yu a run dung bout is a natural thing its nasty & risky dummy

  • No Joke says:

    :nerd

  • Anonymous says:

    “….nasty & risky dummy”, suh wait deh, yu never hear bout CONDOM before ?

    besides, yu a gwaan like a me invent man a fck more than 1 woman or like say a weh day man a fck more than 1 woman.?????

    a from di creation of man an woman man a fck more than 1 woman…….it NATURAL….

    Di only reason why unnu deh yah now an ask “Why Men Cheat” is because SOME society/culture INVENT some unnatural law say man fi only fck 1 woman…..

    Stop mek it look like a something unnatural fi 1 man a fck more than 1 woman…..

    An don’t get mi wrong, nutten nuh wrong if a man waaan only 1 fck 1 woman……all mi a say is to each is own.

    Mi nuh kno why unnu ALWAYS a try OVER ANALYZE why man a fck more than 1 woman….and then pan top a it a call it cheating……

    If tomorrow you tell you man say it ok fi him fck odda woman him will stop cheat pan yu……but as long as yu continue fi (try) prevent him from fck odda woman….him a guh ALWAYS cheat pan yu……….an it nuh have nutten fi do wid weather or not him love yu or how much him love you…….

    is jus a NATURAL thing fi a man waaan fck odda woman…STOP call it cheating…….an please stop over analyze di fckings……it nuh complicated, it natural.

  • Anonymous says:

    Instead of asking why men cheat…..why unnu nuh ask why men desire other women????

    …it simple, it is a natural desire we men have.

    in trying to fulfill these desires we have to “cheat”.

    doan badda think say because di man deh wid you him naah guh have di desires…….and desires need to to be fulfilled

    just gwaan love yu man an kno say a jus suh di think set…..evn from creation days, a nutten new.

    Di only reason unnu deh yah a ask this stupid question bout why men cheat is because society tell unnu say a man must only have 1 woman.

    If unnu did live inna certain society weh tell unnu say it is perfectly ok fi a man have multiple woman unnu wudden deh yah suh a ask why men cheat.

    …..I bet say even afta mi answer di question of why men cheat some ediat woman out deh a guh still siddung an STILL a try ponder why men cheat……..in which case we will read about har file in Man Court here on JMG……………………lol, lol.

  • real talk says:

    First I must say thank you Met for posting this article. The information in this article confirms the conclusion that I have concluded to long time ago base on my own personal experience. My child’s father cheated in our relationship and even got another female pregnant. He ended up getting incarcerated and I still help him out even going as far as retaining a lawyer (at his expense) for him out of the goodness of my heart plus his family members mostly are back home. After he went to jail I found out about all his dirty deeds and decided that I would help him but I had no intentions of taking him back. I think he took my kindness as a sign that I accepted his cheating behavior. When I decided the relationship was over I also came to the conclusuion that as women when cheated on if we enable their cheating behaviors they will continue to do so because some men just don’t have any cocky principle or respect for themselves and others. Even though he continues to plead with me to take him back I will not because he has other babymothers and he has done the same things to them but the difference is, is that they took him back when he cheated on them. Anyway at the end of the day, a person will not change their dirty ways until they are ready to change and I think this is one of the biggest mistake some women fool themselves by thinking that they can and will change the person to what they see fit.

  • soap opera says:

    morning all, ms. met i feel neglected i still cannot comment at work & i am missing all the good thread. Anyway i was cheated on for years & then i was cheating with someone for 8 years (don’t judge me) but the thing is his wife lives in JA and whenever we go there he said i cannot stay out all night, does that still make him a cheater?

  • Met says:

    good morning soap opera …u should be able to…we fixed this the night before lastnight so clear your cache because you should have no issues now …:)

  • soap opera says:

    thanks mama, got frustrated & stop trying will try today. I going in late today, trying to catch my son with the unwanted guest….lol.

  • Met says:

    :hammer :ngakak

  • Jafaican says:

    Cosigning on ALLL the comments Met made! Get out of my head please and tonx. More time by mi done read the thread mi nuh affi comment just hit the like button for all your comments… This like / dislike feature is great.

  • milikeit says:

    Hmmmmmnnn :siul lol bery bery interesting.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    The fundamental difference between woman and man is that women believe what they hope. The man dem come on the thread and a tell wi how dem feel and wi a guh bad dem up fi tell wi wey wi want hear.

    Nuh wonder why unuh get rasss called mad woman!

  • milikeit says:

    FOXXYYYYYYY ;)

  • milikeit says:

    As a man speaking to me you make a lot of sense. OOO

  • Little Willie says:

    FOXY LADY…..dem ask men fi comment pon di ting, and all the man dem tell dem what is inside a man, dem nuh waan hear dat. Dats why dem won’t learn. As men mature dem guh through stages. First, we f000 most any front whe lay kayliss inna wi path. Then wi get some focus and f000 what we want (more selective). As time goes on, we find Ms Right and f000 she the most, always want her, but cock up a ting every now and again, few and far between. Then we are left with the one we want by our side till death do us part. GET IT GIRLS??
    Mi nuh know weh di hooplah bout, cause women are just the same…..nuh badda with the denial causen seh it are proven research arredi.

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