MEN MI WAA HEAR WHA UNNO HAVE FI SEH BOUT DIS

Dear Taiwo,

If I say it was the devil’s handiwork, I would be fooling myself and no one else. If I accuse Tairat, my wife’s housemaid of being the the instrument, I will also be unfair and will be adding to the burden of my guilt.

I need to purge my whole being of this evil that I did. Some things are just incomprehensible that you wouldn’t believe that you actually did it and telling others becomes a task. I cannot see myself telling anybody. Kikelomo, my dear wife, who went through thick and thin to deliver our first baby, will be devastated if she gets to know. This is why I am afraid to confide in any one who could tell her.

I am a product of polygamy; I dread the polygamous family set up like hell itself. This was why I made up my mind right from my primary school days that I would marry a woman I love and there won’t be room for extra marital affairs or other women.

I have kept my words and I have remained faithful to my marital vows, even during the waiting time. We waited for eight years before the Lord blessed us and because of Kikelomo’s health, we had to look for a helper. This was how Tairat, a Togolese came to stay with us.

Tairat, a dark- complexioned young girl, who should be aged around 14 or 16 really did not know her age. “How do I expect to know?”, She queried. According to her, she has never seen the four walls of a school I have had to fight temptation since the first day I set my eyes on her. This was a private pain I couldn’t share with my wife. I would have asked that she left, but we had looked for a housemaid for a long time before we finally got her.

Her skin colour, height, set of teeth, in fact, everything about her spelt innocence and sex. To top these features, she had on a set of waist bead which adds to her cute shape.

Walking around the house, I find it difficult to keep my eyes off her. I don’t know how Kikelomo could be blind to my obsession of Tairat, I guess absolute trust! Few weeks before she was due to give birth, Kikelomo had to go in for hospital admission, leaving Tairat and I in the house. I fought the temptation for four days, in fact, I refused to sleep in the house; but whatever I did, I kept seeing her. By the fifth day, I was almost running mad. I returned home from work, a little late, she had gone to sleep. I couldn’t help myself coupled with the fact that I took some brandy, with the intentions of knocking myself off.

But it worked the other way, I raped Tairat. I came to my senses after the deed was done! What made it worse was the fact that she was a virgin. I raped and deflowered her. Till now almost three months after, I am yet to forget her plea, (the not very fluent Yourba she pleaded with). The pain in her eyes when I forced myself inside her and the way she looks at me afterwards.

I feel as guilty as hell. Would she tell my wife? Has she told someone who looks at me like the most useless man in the world? What if my friend finds out? As I am writing you now, another fear is staring at me; what if she says she is pregnant? The worst part is that I don’t have the guts to speak with her about it or even plead with her.

Please, help me. What can I do? How do I sort this problem of the flesh out? Kindly, help me.

Anonymous.