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CHANGED

Message Body:
Dear Met,

I have a question that I need answers to.. I am only 23 years old and I have been with almost 30 men.. I am not that kind of person anymore. But what I need to know is, does that make me a bad person? I was young and foolish and didn’t know my self worth and I sometimes cry about it because I really dislike the memories of that teenage promiscuous girl… I even get angry when I see young females and even older ones carry on this kind of behavior and not wanting to change so that they can respect themselves and in return, MEN WILL RESPECT AND TREAT THEM LIKE QUEENS…

* I applaud you and thank you for your email…CHANGE IS NEVER BAD!!! remember that. Your email may help someone today thank you*

70 Responses to CHANGED

  • Anna says:

    So you are 23yrs old and you been with almost 30 men? so to answer your question. no it doesn’t make you a bad person, you were a HOE and now you have changed, good for you :selamat

  • OBSERVER says:

    No. You’re not a bad person. You just made some bad choices in your life but the past is the past. Good luck in your present life :)

  • Dwrl says:

    Leave the past where it belong in the past. Unless it’s back to haunt you, what is the problem?? Do me and yourself a favor ” don’t tell anyone about it especially any man that may come in your life, they will take it and throw it in your face” . You said you change then change your thinking process. Change is a reason to look farword not look back. You only 23 you still have more mistakes to make, live and let live!

  • Dwrl says:

    @Ann you just affi say eeennnnnn lmfaoooooo I decide to be nice today :travel

  • Shawna says:

    Anna at that time I didn’t think it was wrong cuz I wasn’t doing it for money, I just wanted LOVE and nothing is wrong with that. It’s just the way I went about trying to find it.. The way I am today, I really wish I was like that back then.

  • Shawna says:

    Thank you very much Met..

  • Met says:

    ure welcome!

  • Shawna says:

    @ Observer I know I did n I don’t intend on going down that road again.. I ask God to cleanse me..

  • Met says:

    one question that may help someone who is still in this place…what were you looking for…what did you feel you lacked?

  • Cindy Royal says:

    From ur mail I gather u were a teen when most of those encounters occured, so I would say no, u r not a bad person, u were clearly misguided in ur teen to ur early adult hood, but it’s not ur past that defines who u r. Plus, know that u don’t have to disclose ur sexual history to any future partner or any1 for that matter to be subjected to their judgement, it’s ur business. I wish u all the best & hope ur next relationship will be a lasting one, just take ur time & be safe.

  • Anna says:

    Good for you Shawna, so since you are openign up to us, why you think you slept with so many men at a young age? what were the ages of these men? was any of these relationships or was it just a fuck thing? have you ever slept with men who knew each other? were you ever gang bang? where are your parents? were you abused at any point in your life? you can answer what you feel like its kool :angel

  • Shawna says:

    @ Dwrl I believe it will affect any relationship I might have in the future. My mind and heart is set on marriage and somehow I think no man will want me as his wife if he knew the truth about my past… And I’m a very honest person, so I won’t be able to keep something like this from him.. I’m single right now and afraid to date.

  • Met says:

    The right man will not ask about your past so dont be afraid to date

  • MAMACITA says:

    As Dwrl says…..never disclose the amount of men you have been with to anyone, especially the men you date. We all make mistakes. As Phaedra once said “Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future”. You have already been forgiven by God and you are now able to start over. Do not let your past determine your future. Hold on to the lessons learned and go on to do big things. I wish I were 23 again. ( If you were 44 and paying for sex just because your body wanted it I would have reached through my phone an cracked your skull)… Kudos to you. You have alot of innocence left in that young vibrant body of yours. Welcome to adulthood and I applaud the brand new you. Good luck young lady. :peluk

  • Met says:

    somebody tell Anna mi nah :maho

  • Met says:

    and 30 men nuh di worst some ooman cannot count

  • Mitsy says:

    @ Anna, in those years young girls searching for love tend to be that way when they are looking for love. They fall for everything these boys/men say and sleep with them that’s not being a ho.

    Sender, congratulations on changing your life that is not who you are it was a phase and trust me you are not alone. Plenty of young women go through that stage and some come out of their 20s with 3+ babyfathers but no hubby. Do not repeat this to anyone friend or especially man because they would use it against you. Everytime me get into a new relationship the number of men i sleep with is always around 5 DWL. Don’t count the relationships that didn’t count.

  • Shawna says:

    yes Cindy Royal, I started when I was 15 and it went bad from that. I grew up real fast cuz I thought I was a woman now. men always ask about the number of partners you’ve been with..

  • OBSERVER says:

    @ Shawna….and cleanse he will. Think about the women who touched the hem of his garment……trust and believe! Good luck to you

  • OBSERVER says:

    *woman

  • Shawna..u are not a bad person as long as yuh nuh tell people..some tings yuh just keep to yuhself and keep it moving..when people know a dem time de dem a go judge..nuhbody nuh haffi know yuh total

  • MAMACITA says:

    Thanks Shani………say it again. A dutty man alone ask ooman how many men dem sleep wid. Marriage will happen when the time is right. Not saying anything about your past is different from lying about it. So don’t be the one to offer that information to any man. An di man weh ask yuh dat…..run him. He aint tha one hunnie.

  • Mitsy says:

    DWL Anna a Dr. Phil LMAO

  • Shawna says:

    Anna they were older men between the ages of 21-45. They don’t know each other, I’ve never been gang raped, I was never abused. My dad was MIA n my mom knew nothing about it.

  • Phat Rabbit says:

    Sender you were not a bad person. In life we all make bad choices, but they will help us to make better decisions and not make the same mistakes. As you can testify and is turning your life around. Don’t dwell on what you did in the past. The number of men you have been with doesn’t take away from who you are. You don’t need to disclose the amount of men you have been with to anyone. I wish you all the best. You are still very young and you have so much life ahead of you. Enjoy sister and God bless you!!

  • Mitsy says:

    Yep @ Mamacita, him a try add and subtract reasons why him fi wife you up when in reality when a man want a ooman him jus want har. An we see how some top man weh dog some nice pretty ooman will lose it if di one dem want no want dem. So certain tings jus natural dear but if it comes up remember the number 5.

  • Phat Rabbit says:

    @ Mitsy I’m with you, anybody ask me ah 3 man mi sleep wid. Dem lucky men can’t tell anyway trust.

  • Shawna says:

    Thnx Mamacita n @ Met I’ll try to see past that n try to date again, but its like my mind or heart is not ready cuz I refuse to let another man take advantage of me knowing where I’m coming from.. I know its the past, but I just wished it never happened.. I hear you Mitsy..

  • Met says:

    Shawna ,that I understand so take your time and remember now you know way more than before so you are wiser to men now

  • milikeit says:

    All of us have a past my girl, but now just focus on the future. When I was young I did very bad things to very bad people, but I changed when I was about 20-21. As long as you have the desire to change and you do it there is no problem. Don’t look at yourself as a bad person because you want to keep up your self esteem UP. I agree with DWRL don’t tell no man that, it’s none of his business, if he can’t accept you for who you are now, well just kindly leave him alone and find someone that suits you. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT! OO

  • Dwrl says:

    Mr girl let dem ask. You can tell the truth yes more than 1 a the truth them no need nothing other than that!! Anyway am out , be back to read later. You lucky a 30 you did count to know of gal WEH pass 1000 and dem no even 35 yet , and dem married and still have a few men on the side, girlfriend dat a the least. Prostitutes get husbands Nuff said!!

  • Shawna says:

    Thanks to you all for these words of advice n especially to you Met for posting my story. I haven’t forgotten abt it just yet, but I can at least say that you all made it easier to deal with. Thanks Phat Rabbit n Misty u made me laugh, I won’t forget the number “5” I really appreciate it..

  • milikeit says:

    Some a we (men) scornful bad and if yuh tell we dem tings it we play in a wi mind and fuck wid wi. We nuh need fi know dat. Future, we a deal wid, past is behind and gone, learn from it but don’t live inna it.

  • Anna says:

    Thanks for answering Shawna, alot of people tend to think the reason young girls are promiscuous is because something is wrong with them or they were abused in some way or the other but you are saying nothing nah wrong wid you and you just did it just because, ok then.

  • Met says:

    Shawna u cant beat yourself up for change … if it is a good change…be happy and don’t be depressed about anything it is your past and you have move on from it..be happy about that

  • Taliban says:

    A guess Variety a di spice a life :angel

  • MAMACITA says:

    Guess what Shawna……you don’t have to date for another year if you don’t want to. It’s totally fine. Maybe you just haven’t seen anyone that catches your eye. Lol. Don’t focus so much on dating. The right guy will find his way to you when the time is right. In the mean time, pray for what you want. Yes…..it’s OK to pray for a good man ( a very good friend reminded me of that once…wink wink friend). Consume your mind with other things for now. Many happy marriages started when the individuals were well into their 30’s…….slow and steady wins the race. Good luck.

  • Taliban says:

    On a serious note now, it is good that u can make a change in your life for the better, a lot of persons find it very hard to do what u do, so keep your head up and go find a guy who will love u for who u r and not for what u have been. :thumbup

  • nettaqueens says:

    Listen, when I was 23 (26 now) I had way more mileage than you. I was with the wrong friends both male and female. the female would pretend that a lot of things were ok and normal to do, and many of my guy friends pretended to be so and use me and trick me. It took me a while to realize I was on a path to self destruction but by the grace of GOD he has given me a second chance and that is what keeps me up when I regret my past decisions. I had a baby lay year and I am going to school full time, is hard but I am so thankful. When you need that spirit booster our encouragement listen to Donnie McClurkin ”We Fall Down” Bless you for changing your life as I did mine. AND YES A HOE CAN TURN INTO A HOUSE WIFE I’M LIVING PROOF

  • Phat Rabbit says:

    Shawna you are welcome!! Yea man nuh worry yushelf. Tek yuh time and get to really know the man before you reach certain level. The right man will not care how many men you have been with before. From him want you, nothing else matters. But mi understand your honesty, but stick wid 3-5 mi dear :)

  • OBSERVER says:

    As a matter of fact, I don’t think you should be quiet about it but be wary of who you tell. Find a place of worship where you’re comfortable. Establish a bond with the pastor (brotherly/sisterly bond that is) and vent there. Engage yourself in regular prayer meetings and then when you’re comfortable……….TESTIFY!! MAKE A TESTIMONY you’ll be saving a lot of lost young souls :)

  • Met says:

    yes observer

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    Shawna, write your past off as LIFE EXPERIENCES and gwan through de nex phases. Some woman stuck wid the nightmare of their life; you had the opportunity to pick and refuse.

    Now you have the experience fi know exactly what kind a man you want and what else you want in life. Continue to strive and never let anyone hold your past against you…not even you against yu self. From you’re not stiffling the growth of others then you are living well.

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Shawna, u r not obligated to give any info about ur past relationships. Most men who ask has an ulterior motive for asking – which is to use it against u in the future. I tried telling this to a friend of mine & she wouldn’t listen & the guy used her past exploits against her, even threatening to reveal a relationship she had with a prominent Jamaican that would’ve started a shit storm. I cussed her out good & proper about her foolish disclosure bcuz most men who r really into u don’t give a shit about if u were a prostitute, hoe or anyting else b4 u & him get together. I have another friend that proved that & she was really bad & is now married to a damn good man. My point is, it’s none of their business. Spin a tail to them if it make them feel better, but u don’t have to give any1 anything specific about ur life. kmt If we were to judge me on their past not a front dem wudda get.

  • Taliban says:

    Just remember the word “past” and that is simply what it is.

  • No Joke says:

    THUMBS UP SHAWNA
    IT TAKES ALOT FOR SOMEONE TO REALISE AND ACCEPT THAT THEY GOING DOWN THE WRONG PATH. AND MAKE A POSITIVE CHANGE.STAND UP STRONG AND KEEP GOING DOWN THE PATH YOU ON NOW :peluk

  • JohnnyBigHood says:

    First step to change is realizing your own mistakes and accepting them, so you on the right path sender.

    But on another note, I don’t feel that you’re a DUTTY MAN if you inquire about this type of thing. It’s almost like you saying that your past doesn’t matter. Though it’s the present that counts, your past will always tell a story within itself. Tek di case of Barkey, or a woman wha a deal wid a long time killer or homo and never know till it hits the net – history does count. Those that ignore history, are doomed to repeat the failures of the past. Memba dat.

  • Met says:

    bighood di man will ask bout di last boyfriend not how many or how long was the last relationship and what happen but no real man nuh ask fi numbers

  • JohnnyBigHood says:

    Last thing. I wouldn’t say to hide that shit my dear. Eventually it might just come up, because you might find a good dude who you lie to, and end up finding out that you slept with one of his best friends.

    OWN up to the thing – mek dem know sey you know how fi FUCK – you made your mistakes but now you’re a responsible person. If the man can’t accept you for that and everything that you were and currently are, then the relationship will never ever work. REAL men will laugh at this type of history – some will be turned off by it, but that’s life. Work with the man who is strong enough to take you for what you are. REAL talk.

  • GOOD FOR YOU SHAWNA, NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT :ngakak
    As many others prior to me informed LEAVE THAT PART OF YOUR PAST THERE…..IN THE PAST. Yes men do use things against you if things dont work out. At times they even throw it in your face. All the best!

  • MAMACITA says:

    @ Bighood……When mi say “dutty man” mi have a good feeling say many ppl know wha mi mean. If she used to deh wid a criminal……yes….him have all right fi know. But I was talking about asking a woman how many men she has has sex with. A dat mi a talk. What’s the point of asking her how many penises have entered her vagina. Mi nuh see di point. That’s what I was referring to. Sorry if I didn’t make myself clear. My bad.

  • adwa says:

    well, the good news is that u have reached a realization and consequent turning point. for that, i commend you. believe me, there are countless women, your age and older who have not made such progress. congratualtions on ur transformation and always remember there is no burden the MOST HIGH won’t lighten for us. best of luck in ur journey.

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Truth be told Met, mi deh yah think an while mi neva duh di man man ting, I’ve only been asked that question once, not even that specific questions, but by my bonafided man wen him feel seh mi did a gi him bunn while he was overseas. I thought we were on a break so I was with some1, he was sure about that person, but he asked if it was only that person & di argument done. An guess wat, it was used against me in the future, but me just dash out his deeds dem too.

  • Met says:

    cindy dem use it fi ammunition man and nothing else..if the person have no aids and no present stalker dem nuh fi waa know a thing

  • MAMACITA says:

    As someone mentioned…..some want to know so they can use it against you. As unuu have a likkle argument suh, di fuss’ ting dem ready fi tell yuh……”galang ole whore cause a yuh same one tell mi say a 30 man fuck yuh. Mi shoulda know yuh a dutty gyal long time”……..Trust mi…a nuff man stay suh. I’ve been in a similar situation…..not with my sexual past….but I told him something about my past and my family……an as we have a likkle argument suh, him bawl out……..”yes, dats why x y z…..blah blah”. That’s why I said……if she buck a man weh all too concerned bout numbers…..run him.

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Same suh Cita. An some a dem cyaah handle the info either, cuz mine couldn’t. For awhile after we got back together, when sexing a gwan outta di clear blue sky him a bring up di man, bout if him duh dis, an do it like dat, like him a try done mi fi mi cyaah guh gi it to di man kmt. Is like di one man a fuck up him head, an mek him mess up my high kmt.

  • MAMACITA says:

    Lmaoooo Cindy…..yuh waan mess up fi him? When hima perform at his peak….just say “Fuck mi Peter….fuck mi. Yuh a di bes’ Peter. Skin out mi pussy a wine up ina di sweet pussy baby”……..(assuming his name isnt Peter). Dat would be di beginning of di end. Yuh never hear a next man name call. Everrrrrr. Lmaoooooo.

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Cita ______________________________________________________________________________ I think dat would end in me having my first erotic asphyxiation experience. DWL

  • Cindy Royal says:

    *would’ve ended* wi mash up now

  • Loyalpeepa says:

    Shawna anytime. U nuh like something about urself n decide fi change fi di betta I applaud u..now mi nuh believe say u haffi gi nuh man indepth detail bout u past its yr past lef it deh,a future n betterment u a deal wid

  • Regula says:

    Sender its neva too late to change, and most changes come natural with growing, that’s the one advantage the living have ova the dead. As you grow you will reallise that its not what you do with your body that counts so much as what’s inside your heart. Keep there clean and you’ll be fine.

  • Lenky says:

    Ooman fi realize any **man** wah have broughtupsy ago respect ooman true dem is a OOMAN, regardless of how much man dem a sex. People fi tap gwan ignorant, yuh fi know nuff ooman use sex fi look LOVE, while nuff man use love fi look SEX. If mi buck any ooman outta road and find out seh dem sex nuff man mi ago tun disrespectful…? NO, mi ago respect har same way.

    Nuff psychology ting mino waan really talk bout (mi date one gyal wah have fuck up family, and dat manifest in how she a deal wid man NOW) but man fi respect ooman regardless (and to how dem a deal wid dem, a dat mia talk bout).

    Suh mi stay anyway.

  • Yep! says:

    Shawna, you’ll be just fine. It’s not your past that matters, but your future that counts.

  • Big THANK YOU to nettaqueens for the level of honesty ….the sender a kill up herself over 30 buddy, when most women have racked up bigger and better numbers.
    Shawna…yu good. As Mama seh, when yu meet the right man he will love you for you, and only you. Yu cocky mileage won’t matter when he’s trying to capture your soul. Just stay in control, sex is not only vaginal penetration.

  • Met says:

    thank u so much for that :kiss

  • Met says:

    as a man fi come seh dat ………….. :peluk

  • LOL says:

    Im a man… kinda shocked at some of the responses I see women offering to Shawna… your sexual history is your business but at the same time is only a real man would ask about your history… Keep in mind if you disclose to him your past and he stays then you know he’s the right person… but as my girlfriend just said too you cant tell a guy too early wait until you both have spent some time together and seem to have a future..

  • justinitforalaugh says:

    shawna d best tings u can do is learn to love and know yourself and everyting else will fall into place

  • Anonymous says:

    Shawna, thanks for your story.Met thanks for posting it. It’s good to know this site is not all about mix up and can also be like a “dear pastor” column. It really touched me because my little sister who is ver secretive is going down that same road of desturction. She is 19, she doesn’t log on to this site or keep up with the jamaican culture as such, she was born here and is “yankified”. But to get to the point, I showed it to her, and suprisingly tears started trickling down her face unitl she just broke down in full blown bawlinggg…..I just looked at her and told her its not to late to change…….and she just hugged me and it was a real heartfelt moment that we have NEVER have because she is always trying to hide it……………..Again, thanks again for sharing (Shawna, Met & Metters) this story and the positive comments has indeed made a difference….Have a bless weekend to all.

  • Thanks 4 dis Met n Shawna for sharing!
    You know me did think a me alone racked up a big number @such an early age :-(!!
    I ashamed to share because of stigmas attached!
    My Dad was there but invisible and i looked for that fatherly love from older men and they used me!
    I only changed in the last 2 years!! Well I am getting there -A lot of prayer and self love!

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