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HOW MY MARRIAGE BECAME MY NIGHTMARE

There are so many fractions of life that need support and a voice. Of late a lot of violent stories have been released and it gives others a glimpse into the rampant lives of abuse in our society especially between couples who supposedly love each other.

The honeymoon period ended the day after we were married, six months from when we first met. Dehinde is about six foot and about 225 pounds in weight. I’m five foot four and 100 pounds. He grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up against the wall. He grabbed my hands and bent them backward, breaking one of my fingers. I was in shock. I was stunned. But I didn’t leave. A few hours after the incident, He broke into tears and told me how sorry he was. I loved him so much, so I believed him when he said it wouldn’t happen again. But life became hell after that.

For the next two months the abuse was nonstop. He kept me in a constant state of terror. I’m not a drinker, but he’d toss a bottle of beer in my face and say “drink”. He’d punch me in the stomach or kick me in the thigh if I didn’t. I started walking on tiptoes around him, fearful of everything I’d say and do. But it didn’t matter; the abuse continued.

He dislocated my shoulder several times. He’d lift me up by the ankles and bang my head against the floor in the living room. A part of me wanted to leave, but another part of me hesitated. Somehow I felt I was partially responsible for the abuse. If I hadn’t made a particular comment or if I had just sipped the alcohol everything would have been OK. And for the first few months he was apologetic after the beatings. He’d say he felt very bad and that he didn’t mean to hit me so hard. He’d actually cry sometimes and show such remorse that I’d forget my own pain.

He’d become romantic and sweet, and I’d fall in love with him all over again. I started to isolate myself from friends and family. I didn’t want them to know about the violence. I put on a happy face with my two kids and tried to act like things were fine. They knew about the violence but didn’t know the severity. When my mom wanted to see me, I’d lie, saying I was busy. I didn’t want her to see my bruises. I was embarrassed.

Sadly, the abuse worsened. The rapes began about two months after we were married. I was dressing for work when he came out of the shower and asked me where I was going. He didn’t wait for my answer. He threw me on the bed, sat on my stomach, pinned my arms up beside my head and ripped off my clothes. “If you want sex, wait until I get home tonight,” I said.

“You’ll do it when I want, and how I want,” was his response. It got worse after that. He would tie me up and put foreign objects such as necks of beer bottles into my vagina.

Five months into the marriage I endured beating after beating. While most of the assaults were done when my children weren’t home, I was worried that they might step in and try to protect me. If they did, they might get beaten, too. I began plotting our escape, but it was difficult. He had begun making threatening comments: “You can never get far enough away from me. I will always find you.

If I can’t have you, no one will.” I felt trapped.

How did I leave?

He had disappeared for three days. I didn’t know where he was. I thought he had been in an accident. I called his phone; he would answer but not say anything. He arrived home on the third night at about 1 a.m. and immediately started screaming at me that he didn’t appreciate me trying to track him down.

We were in the sitting room and he grabbed the landline-phone receiver and began to beat me in the face with it. His eyes were red and flashing like I’d never seen before. I ran to the bedroom, and he was right behind me. He picked me up over his head and threw me across the room twice. I broke my tailbone in the second fall. My 6-year-old daughter woke up. She must have heard something and came to see what was happening. She just stood there, stunned.

He looked at her and got scared for some reason. He went into the bathroom to pack his things. I found my phone, fighting the pain from the broken bone, limped to the living room, I then called my father since then I have not set my eyes on Dehinde.

47 Responses to HOW MY MARRIAGE BECAME MY NIGHTMARE

  • **tears**absolutely horrific!

  • mon fi dead says:

    dese ting bex mi nuh mon cho..judgemn soon come feem mashup sellf..nuh matta weh him ah try seh ah do nuh boda fi guh back ina arms wey :berduka :marah :marah :batabig

  • Good morning met and METTERS
    Im tired if hearing these same old story “oh but I love it him” , ” I couldn’t leave” KMFT if anyone live their children from the second slap if not the first they would leave! Yuh lucky a yuh tail bone alone get broke…if a man put him hand pon that’s a fight to the bloody end…mi too ignorant/ and angry.
    In my opinion and this MY OPINION, I don’t thing a husband can rape his wife (I’m not talking about this incident)…. There gonna be times in a marriage where he wants it n u don’t the other way around. If u refuse n he/she steps out the marriage, it’s ur fault

  • SERENITY says:

    Jesus wept…this man is some sort of sick fug,he’s a demon…child run & doan look back. Sorry you went thru that but I am glad you aired your story cause I am sure other females are in the same prdicament & think it’s love. Ladies men not suppose to beat or man handle you,if you are in that kind of relationship,plz find a way to leave cause one day,one of those blows might end your life.

  • SERENITY says:

    @Stully…I know you stated that is your opinion about a husband cannot rape his wife but my opinion is from the wife says no,it should be no…if he still proceed to have sex with her,then that is rape
    No means no even if you married 100 years & deh from you inna grade school

  • SERENITY says:

    “predicament” sorry mi English teacher

  • ThaTs why it’s my opinion n I emphases on MY OPINION, but at what in a marriage a husband want sex and u going to deny him, well I hope they skip the part of their vows ” gathered before God” because the bible did say u shouldnt deny yuh husband etc…

  • Dwrl says:

    For some reason I can’t feel sorry for these women. One she don’t know man from Adams but six month after meeting she run gone married him. Secondly every time he fuck her up she feel sorry for him, really ??? No police no call so he keep doing it. She protecting him and not herself.smh

    Ladies be warned a man that beats you and cry tears and apologize are fucking crazy they will kill you. Take time to know a man because you fuck, breed or marry them, my aunt had one a dem and a every woman dem beat not just one, ask questions about them you will find out. My aunty chop off him rass hand, him never beat another woman

  • WOW THIS IS SAD..

  • Lol SO mi just call mi granny and she seh I’m right but this is a new time and laws HAHHAHAHA…she wife should withhold sex from har husband and less both consent to do so until AFTER FASTEN N PRAYER…..mi gran gran a 91 November

  • Dwrl says:

    @Miss st how you don’t feel a husband can rape his wife?? It happens , the man is clearly sick in the heard. No means no wether married are not. You think the way the man abuse his wife she’s willing to sleep with him??? If he forces himself on her, it’s rape

  • kia NUNYABIZNIZ bubblez says:

    lady yu av found ur strength…keep it an walk further frm dis man. him a guh murder yu rass next time memba dat. yu nah waan di pitni si yu get beating dem a guh grow an tink a pawt a life. dem will guh to abusers r become di abuser. keep walk mi seh :travel

  • @dwrl I said “I’m not talking about THIS incident ” and I also a asked a question “why a woman would without sex from her husband?” in sense of a happy n loving marriage. This my opinion tho…as for me, I couldn’t and won’t say No,

  • Met says:

    stully when all is not well u haffi seh no…….. if u and di man jus argue over something serious u would be inclined to seh no…there are lots of reasons but no is no

  • So sad!

  • Ms stul I agree 100%0about no sympathy because they chose to stay if they stay and wanna live in denial I cannot waste time with them.
    I had a cousin stop talk to me coz I warned her about a man, so I left her to it .
    He killed her last year she was 25, although it hurt what can I say as she chose to put up with it and cut herself off from those who cared enough to advise her honestly.

    However I disagree with your opinion about a man can’t rape his wife!
    I’ll be honest I rarely say no to my partner in fact I always want it when I’m in a relationship, but if I say no then it’s no – it’s about mutual RESPECT.

    Let me give you just a few examples, as we have to base opinions on all scenarios if we are to generalise.

    If you are anything like me, you will NOT HAVE sex while on your period nor will you let anyone sex you in your batty!

    Now each to their own it may be something else that you’ll not do)

  • Ms stul I agree 100%0about no sympathy because they chose to stay if they stay and wanna live in denial I cannot waste time with them.
    I had a cousin stop talk to me coz I warned her about a man, so I left her to it .
    He killed her last year she was 25, although it hurt what can I say as she chose to put up with it and cut herself off from those who cared enough to advise her honestly.

    However I disagree with your opinion about a man can’t rape his wife!
    I’ll be honest I rarely say no to my partner in fact I always want it when I’m in a relationship, but if I say no then it’s no – it’s about mutual RESPECT.

    Let me give you just a few examples, as we have to base opinions on all scenarios if we are to generalise.

    If you are anything like me, you will NOT HAVE sex while on your period nor will you let anyone sex you in your batty!

    Now each to their own it may be something else that you’ll not do…
    Anyway if I say no I refuse to have sex while I bleed or partake in anal my husband should respect that if he forces himself on me husband or not that IS RAPE sexual act by force or without consent! Although I’m not one for say “not tonight or I’m not in the mood” a woman who does say that has that right and it is still rape bleeding, something you don’t do, or just not wanting to is a woman’s right.

    I also agree that if a wifewithholds sex the man may go else where.

    BETTER HE GIVE ME BUN THAN FUCKIN RAPE ME!

  • Dwrl says:

    @miss St your question is irrelevant in this topic, for one you don’t hear these things happening in ” happy and loving marriages”. Yes I see you state that but we dealing with this topic. You will say no if he beat your ass to a bloody pulp. But then again you could be like the victim up top feeling sorry for the bastard when you are the one that need the pity. Sex won’t change a damn thing. Understand this if he’s an abuser you don’t have a choice yes or no you still getting it.

    Saw a woman because she said no and he wanted to spite her, she came to the hospital her behind was ripped up, she said no he raped her ass claiming she refusing because she was cheating on him…..just hope you don’t get in such situation and stop talk fart. You will never know until you in such a situation

  • Well if all is not well I don’t think my husband would want it either…funny u said that Met because one the toast at my wedding from the groom’s uncle was ” anything time a argument a brew we should both get naked” and I remember marriage is hard work.

  • How is irrelevant and she said har husband raped her? it might somewhat off topic…And mentioning fcked in the ass and spit on during a rape is? Hmmm ok.. MET GAWN BIG UP YUH SELF…WHILE MI TEK WEH MISELF THIS IS ARGUEMENT MI SEE BREWING LOL

  • For the life of me mi nuh undastand what type of mindset these abused women have. It really puzzles me. U dont feel sorry enough for yourself and continue to be on the brink of death. One bad lick can kill u smh

  • No Joke says:

    In situations like the one above …..I have seen it sooooooo many times . Some victims go back because the want a “Happy Family “. And they will go through all means to get this and to prove to friends and family that they are happy. I have even seen men as the victim . People need to understand ….. Beating doesn’t mean love and happiness.

  • OBSERVER says:

    I recently discovered a husband can be charged with rape. NO is NO!!!

  • Belly Bang says:

    Rape and abuse is not debatable. It shouldnt be done.

  • DWRC 9:53 I totally agree with you 100% Ms $tullesha ran because she knows its the truth & she ah chat garbage lol

  • Ms $tullesha is a damn idiot..your opinion stinks.bout husband cant rape wife.yuh an yuh idiot granny..wife or no wife if a woman nuh feel fi fuck she just nuh fuck..bout bible

  • Abuse is about power and control and also can exist in cycles… maybe the husband was beaten or saw his mother being beaten/abused…Fact still remains no means no… Psychological and emotional control patterns are very hard to break as well.. this post reminds me of an old post on here a few yrs back where the son taped hid mum being abused, just plain sad

  • *his

  • well I feel alot of empathy for her. When you are in a relationship there are many things that keep you in it. 1) People on the outside who says it wnt work.
    2) Your family didnt like the husband/wife
    3)Love
    With that said it is easy for ppl to say she should leave him long time. She is a victim and it is more than just the physical abuse. She was mentally and emotionally in bondage which is worst that the physical abuse. If you control someone mind then u own that person.
    ABUSERS SUCCEED WITH THAT MOTTO.
    Any man who hits you and then cries after is seeing how far he can go and he is weak on the inside. He is only physically stronger and is looking for ways to ease his inner conflict.
    You did the right thing, the child was sent to save you. So i hope u have learnt a valuable lesson. Love is of God and only GOOD things come from him.
    From one abused wife to another one May God continue to give u strength

  • No bitch I leave because y’all dumb asses can’t see where it said it MY OPINION, WHy Serenity”s approach was different unnu? Guh suck u mada n u back street puxxy seller granny…my gran gran n grandfather was married for 67 years bitch keep denying yo man not )even gonna say husband because I doubt a guh married yo dumbass ) sex n if u can mount to what my gran gran….this the same reason why I leave because mi nuh do interest/ keyboard badness…cause nuff a unnu can hold beat up finger pon keyboard…guh suck u mada again!

  • Stush just highlight the reasons why marriage is nothing but BONDAGE! Wus when yu is a weak, trained female dog,ie…bitch. MEN wrote all the biblical laws and MEN codify dem into everyday living. NO MEANS NO!!! HUSBANDS RAPE DEM TRAIN “ANIMALS” who tek holden days advise from ole oman whe lef dem frack tail mek man indulge. Stush a job well done…or opinion clearly stated *cut yeye*

  • 67 years of rape (note: my opinion)…sad, truly SAD! Such ‘gran gran” are the ones who contribute to punching bags, beatn sticks and de abuse face up a top. SAD!

  • Dwrl says:

    @miss st bitch fuck off you the only dumb ass here. Bout you can’t say no to sex because you married, you are a dumb bitch with dumb opinions. 67 years mmmmm she married from she in her teens to a older man who control her ass 67 fucking years, she the type a gran gran to tell you tek fuck yes anything to keep a ring on your stupid finger. Bible also say in you left hand a give you problem chop it the fuck off. Man fuck UNNO inna every hole inna badwudbadwud and UNNO tek it because you and you gran gran are the type a bitches that can’t breath without a rass man please bitch

  • Dwrl says:

    I must go sick me mother and you go suck you man beating stick of a granny

  • Dwrl says:

    @enter 9:44 exactly. And you do have men that don’t care if you on your period or not they demanding it. Again abusive men. If you in a kind loving relationship with a sane man that will not be a issue, but the subject is abusive men

  • Dwrl says:

    @miss st assuming you had no idea what the groom meant….” make love not war” was all he was saying smfh

  • Dwrl says:

    Miss-$tullesha says:
    August 15, 2012 at 9:55 am
    Well if all is not well I don’t think my husband would want it either…funny u said that Met because one the toast at my wedding from the groom’s uncle was ” anything time a argument a brew we should both get naked” and I remember marriage is hard work.

    When the argument brewing no when it’s already gone out of control!!!!!

  • BABYGIRL says:

    Mi always believe if yuh nuh have nuttin fi seh it best yuh shut yuh mouth..No sah!!!

  • Dwrl this is eyn 9:44, there isn’t a word you’ve said or a rebuttal you’ve aimed at ms st that I don’t agree with. You’ve made me not have to say certain things as you’ve done said it and made the point well.

    However, just to say I know what the subject is, but as ms st started going on about man can’t rape wife and she must give it up all the while, but was not understandin when everyone was trying to point out her error and warped view. I thought I’d try to break it down in a different way. The point was to give her an example that she could understand as to why a wife may say “no” and that WHATEVER the reason is if a man ignores that and proceeds then it is rape! The act of an ‘abusive man’ wouldn’t you say.

    I stuck to the subject, but within a subject points can come from varying angles.

    Anyway, it seems that everyone who’s commented (except for ms st) agrees that the point regarding ms st’s rape comment is certainly that women can say no when they feel to and no man should force himself on them husband or not.

  • Bliss says:

    So, was there a clue that he might be a nutcase or did he just morph into one during the Honeymoon?

  • Actually dwrl if you read my comment @ 9:44 you read the one I submitted by accident before submitting, if you read the complete one @ 9:50 you’ll see what I went on to say.

  • Lipstick says:

    this is supposed to be an educational post to help women or men in domestic violence, and hear how unu a behave, calm down ladies not under this post

  • Lilyface says:

    Absolutely correct, no is no. but please don’t stray from the argument at hand. For the victim, I hope you have a woman in distress centre near you. Go to the meetings you’ll be surprise to see how many women out there that has been abused, even some much worse than you. I’m glad you found the strengh to broad cast your story. God will take care of you. So sorry you had to go thourgh such a terrible ordeal. Keep the faith.

  • What people don’t remember is that the bruises are just proof of the other abuses that carry no visible scars. Hardly will a man just physically abuse a woman alone. It starts in the verbal, mental and emotion stages-the physical is the last stop on the train before she leaves and/or gets killed.

    Plenty of west Indian men are guilty of abusing their women long before and if, they even raise a hand. Some of them use their words as weapons. Between the constant asking where she was, who she was with, telling her no other man will want her (especially if they have kids together), she’s the one who brought him down, her fault why he cheats…all manner of fuckery.

    All those words hit her skin and soak in – down to the bloodstream and becomes part of her. Before she realizes it she can’t even recognize the face looking back at her in the mirror.

    I remember back in HS coming from a bus ride and the bus was stopped right in front of Juniors on FBush at a light. I looked out the window and this man in the car next to the bus was just absolutely fisting down the woman, I mean blows like he was fighting a dude in the street, and all this little tiny woman could do was try cover her head against this man that was probably 2x+ her size. I was mortified and wonder how she got in that deep….fast forward couple of years

    I’ll admit (many woman won’t) that I’ve had my share of being “bad up” in a relationship, and I’ve let cuss outs and grabs pass. That is, until the day I realized I was becoming an abused woman and what I had in my hand made him realize that I wasn’t backing down from the fight (simple but mi tallawah) he looked at me and said “I can’t ramp with you – yuh nuh fraid fe dead” and that was the end of that. Some women are just not strong enough to break free.

    I’ve heard woman say “if him nuh beat me, him nuh love me” and will pass up good men to pick up some ole cruff that lie, cheat and den come home to beat up on dem woman. So while they are puffin up dem chest bout “who me? man a bad man” they need to add “but mi only have strength for woman” to the end of the sentence.

    Bruises, scars, fractured bones and busted lips ALL heal, the mental and emotional damage sometimes NEVER heals.

    I’m sure there are a few woman reading and maybe men that can relate to this post. If you are the abused plan your work and work your plan to get out. If you are the abuser you will either be carried by 6 or judged by 12-you choose?

  • jojo says:

    Nice post Lioness

  • Unless you’ve npbeen a victim of domestic violence you don’t know what someone feels, their thought process, why they blame themselves. My ex husband has abused me, not very often but none the less, he did, when he wasn’t hitting me and pushing me around, twisting me arms, he would tell me things to belittle me.after 7 years now I realized what he’s been doing all this time. It took him beating me in front of our kids while I was holding my son to say this is enough. Before when we did fight I felt because I hit back it wasn’t abuse but it was. All I’m saying is please don’t judge unless you’ve been in those shoes.

  • Why assume that those of us with little sympathy HAVE NOT been in those shoes?
    Maybe we been in such a positions, BUT RECOGNISED THAT QUICK AND GET OUT – NOT ALL A WE WHO FIND OURSELVES WITH A POSSESSIVE /ABUSIVE MAN, DECIDE TO ROLL OVER ANDBECOME VICTIMS!

    Love yourself AND YOUR CHILDREN FIRST NOT A MAN!
    If you can’t love yourself why you trying to love another – deal with your insecurities that these men are looking for and preying on!

    Only feel sorry for women who find themselves in that positions, but not the ones WHO CHOOSE TO STAY AND MAKE EXCUSES!

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