MEN, HOW WOULD YOU HANDLE THIS?

Dear Taiwo,
I am a man in my late 30s, a father of two boys, I got Married five years ago and I loved my wife dearly.

We met when we were in school, I knew she would be my wife the first day I met with her, so I did not ask her to date me, rather I asked her to be my wife. She did not hesitate accepting my proposal because she told me she felt the same way about me that very first day.

All our friends envied us when we fulfilled our promise to each other by getting married. Some of our friends actually confessed that they felt the day would never come and we might not get married. But to the glory of God, our day of joy was a glorious one.

Our almost similar background might have been responsible for our determination to make things work, especially our marriage and the home we intended building together.

I am a product of a broken home. My sister and I were raised by my mother and I know what she went through. Her situation made me to promise myself to work hard so that I can take care of my immediate family and also take good care of my mother.

My wife was raised by her mother, but not because her parents were separated or divorced; her father died when she was still a baby. Although she tried to go into another relationship, which did not work so she decided to train her child alone.

Probably the need for a complete family was our drive; we tried all our best to make our home what we wanted.

Things were going as we planned until a fateful day about 18 months ago when my cousin who lives in the United Kingdom came to Nigeria and stayed with us.

On this day, my cousin travelled to our home town to see his mother. We finished dinner late and after making sure that our boys were fast asleep, we retired into our bedroom. The television set in our room was on, that was the reason why we did not hear the armed robbers until the door of our room was banged.

To say I was shocked would be putting it mildly because we were not expecting anybody at that time of the day and if my cousin was going to come back, he wouldn’t have come into the house at that hour of the night. The door was not locked, so they gained entrance into the room without hassles.

When we discovered who they were and their number, I asked my wife to lie low and decided not to struggle with them because they were fully armed with guns and other dangerous weapons.

They asked me to produce my cousin who just returned from the UK and I made them realise that he wasn’t around. To confirm my claim, two of the robbers stayed with my wife in the room, while four of them took me round the house.

When they discovered that my cousin was not at home, they relocated our children from their room to ours. They carted away all the money we had, some electronics and all our handsets. As they were about leaving, the alleged head of the gang said he wanted to have sex with my wife. I begged him, and my wife did too. When I made move to save her, the other members of the gang beat me.

He asked them to stop beating me and said my punishment would be more severe. They made me watch as he raped my wife in the presence of my kids and two other members of the gang.

The dastardly act lasted for a few minutes, but it was the worst minutes of my life.

Dear Monica, I cannot get this scene out of my mind, even up till now. Since then, I have not been able to sleep with my wife and this fact is already generating problems in my home.

After the incident which we are yet to discuss with any other person, my wife saw the doctor; she took series of tests, HIV test inclusive. She was certified negative.

But I really cannot have sex with her again. I have come to realise that this is killing her, but I just cannot. I have tried several times but I cannot hold an erection.

Please, help me. Like I stated above, I don’t want to lose my home and family. I know I need help, but I don’t know where to seek it from.

Anonymous.