(Washington)In what has been termed the US’ Evolution to Gay Marriage, president Barak Obama has gone down into history by supporting and calling for a change of law so the country can begin legally recognising same sex marriage.

Obama who reportedly gave in to pressure from the LGBT (Lesbians and Gay community) goes into history as the first US president to back same sex marriage.

History, as Obama declares Gay Marriage Rights
Hailed as having made a politically bold move, the president who still needs to convince 30 states to adopt his proposal, spoke on US television ABC:
“Over a course of several years as I talked to friends and family and neighbors; when I think about members of my own staff who are incredibly committed, monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, raising kids together, when i think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf, and yet feels constrainted, even now that don’t ask, don’t tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point i just concluded that for me personally, it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.”

“That’s a huge leap in a very short amount of time. I think the president should be applauded; his evolution of personal beliefs is very important but there is still a lot of work to be done of translating those beliefs into public policy, a political commentator said.”

The internet was awash with rumours of how well Obama will receive support from voters with commentators claiming a crisis of conscience, that he might lose support from black American voters.

Obama however said that he enjoys support from his wife and also obtained backing from his VP, Joe Biden.

My mother ruined my life; I hate her!

Dear Taiwo,
I am depressed at and I need your help to get out of the present situation I am in. I have learnt a great deal from your column and I know you can help me.

If my mother gets an opportunity to read this story, I am sure she will feel very bad because she went through a lot because of me and to her, all she is doing right now is helping me out of my present situation and she would feel I do not appreciate her efforts.

But this is not the issue at hand because I have to go on with my life. After all, she caused the whole problem from the beginning; so, I cannot see any justification for her to be so annoyed, but I am sure she will: I am using this medium to also ask for her forgiveness.

I am the only female child of my parents and perhaps, one could say that was why we are so close. I was not a lazy brat despite our closeness. I did not depend sorely on my mother for finances. I was quite dexterous and, thank God, I got on so well in my business.

You might want to know my background. Let me reiterate the fact that I am the only female child of my parents and the first; with five younger ones. We were not born with a silver spoon, but, at least, we never lacked anything and we were comfortable.

As the eldest, I didn’t have the opportunity of going to school; I opted for business, but I made sure my younger brothers got some education, the least being secondary school education.

Things started taking a downturn in my life when I met my husband, a relationship my mother never liked from the onset.

I was very close to my mother, but I knew her flaws and I decided to take only the advice that I deemed useful; but despite this, I couldn’t take charge of things; my mother almost sent Dele packing from my life at the initial stage of our relationship.

At first, I was overwhelmed by my mother’s reaction, how she had her hackles up the first time I brought Dele home. When he left on this fateful day, the first thing my mother complained about was his stature.

I think I should describe Dele, so that you can get a better picture of him. Dele was a stout man and not really appealing. But since I was not after his beauty, I gave a little thought to my mother’s lurid expression. After all, I am the one marrying him not my mother.

PART II

My mother ruined my life; I hate her!(2)

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Thursday, 10 May 2012
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Dear Taiwo,
Taiwo, at this stage, I think I should be sincere with you. What attracted Dele to me was his wealth. He was a banker and one of the topmost managers at that and it was by sheer luck that I met a guy like him.

It is not as if I am bad looking, but our class difference was glaring.

Notwithstanding, he came to me and I decided to go for him and mind you, Dele was not stingy. He was ready to lavish his money on me to any extent, but the problem was that, the day he came to my house, I decided not to reveal his identity to my mother; she had always wanted a very rich man for me.

Eventually, my mother got to know everything about Dele and his wealth and since this awareness, she insisted I must marry him.

Taiwo, you can’t believe how people can change in such a short period! My mother became exceptionally kind to Dele and anytime he came around, she would even cook the best dish for him.

To these gestures, Dele was apt to reciprocate. He showered my mother with gifts of different sorts and the whole story drastically changed to a good one.

Soon, Dele proposed and before we knew it, wedding bells were ringing. We fixed the wedding date and it was wonderful.

I must confess that I didn’t marry Dele because I loved him, I did because of his wealth, pressure from friends that I shouldn’t let this big fish escape and finally from my mother.

I was so sure that everything was going to be alright; Dele being one of the top managers would not in any way run short of money and this was what I was after.

One important thing I dare not leave out was the fact that Dele left his former girlfriend for me. He told me this only later and I wasn’t disturbed as long as there was money and I didn’t know her.

Our wedding ceremony was elaborate and was the talk of the town. Every nooks and crannies of the town was agog with the news of our wedding. It was the most memorable day of my life.

In fact, it was worth the memory because my wedding gown was specially sewn and brought in from overseas. Every of my friends were envious of me. My joy that day knew no bounds and I guessed that was also the last time I ever laughed from the deepest part of me.

After the wedding ceremony, we settled down and I had to learn how to cope with my marital life which I didn’t find easy at all. Because of my closeness to my mother, I was always going home to report everything Dele did to her and she would in turn advise me.

Sometimes, I found myself reacting to Dele based on my mother’s advice and before I knew it, my marriage was crumbling before my eyes.

It also came to a point that my mother was misbehaving and even insulting him whenever she came to visit us. I tried to stop this, but all my mother did was to make me realise that I should not take things cool with any man. She was right behind me even when I knew that I was wrong.

My mother became a regular visitor in my home. And at this time, I was ready to comply with whatever my mother said. She became more or less, the mistress of my home, always dictating to my husband and I.

The birth of our baby boy, Seye, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My mother had all the excuses to be in our house. She was up and doing and anytime my husband tried to complain, she would rain abuses on him.

I heard her saying,” Do you think you are right for my daughter? Of all the men, you should count yourself lucky that you are my daughter’s choice.”

Taiwo, I wasn’t so pleased with this statement knowing how Dele had stood for us when things were not going on well; also, knowing he left his former fiancee for me, but I couldn’t just reason the other way round. I joined my mother and rained abuses on him.

Dele was so disturbed by these happenings that he kept away from the house for almost a month. When he came back, he refused to interact with anyone not even the little baby.

During his absence, my mother took me to a herbalist and introduced me as her daughter who had been having marital problems and that was when I knew that my mother had been patronising a herbalist so as to gain control of situations in our home. According to her, she would not fold her arms and watch her only daughter suffer in the hand of a cruel man.

I was so confused about what to do and so, I had no choice but to carry on with my mother’s wish; after all, I never loved Dele, but still, I had his child.

When Dele absconded from home, my mother and I went to report him to his family and there, we raved and ranted to the extent that Dele’s mother burst into tears. She pleaded with us to take things easy, but my mother only told her that things would not get better until Dele changed for the better.

But what was Dele’s offence actually? Taiwo, whenever I sit down to consider some of the things he did, I always found it absurd that I actually overreacted.

Anyway, Dele came back home and took a drastic step. As I said, he maintained a total silence and kept away from us. He would stay back late in the office and whenever I raised an eyebrow, he would not say a word.

Things got so bad that I couldn’t cope with it any longer. Then one day, the big shock came. Dele brought home divorce papers and asked me to sign them. I was shocked to the marrow and I became more confused.

I could remember that, our marriage was exactly a year when things really began to fall apart. I pleaded with him for a second chance, but he wouldn’t budge.

We have pushed him to the wall and it was then that I could see the reality of what I had been doing. When I told my mother, she ran to her herbalist but nothing came out of it all (I guess when a game is over, it is over).

Dele sent me packing from his house and now I am back to square one, my mother’s den. I am so ashamed and confused and I regret ever joining my mother in her evil plot.

Please, Taiwo, what should I do? The more I see my mother everyday, the more I hate her, but she seems in control of every part of my life. Please, help me. I need your advice.

Gbemisola, Lagos.

Why Do People Leave Church?

by Steven Clark Goad
After 30 plus years in full time ministry it is difficult for someone like me to not be personally offended at those who come into the fellowship of the body of Christ and then, for whatever reasons, decide to drop out. Amazingly, those often given the most attention and fussed over to a fault are the ones who might drop out faster than others.

Then there are those who come into Christ and the personality of some little congregation and somehow seem to hit the deck running. One young man who had been addicted to drugs came into the church after his conversion and couldn’t wait to share his newfound faith with friends. He became one of our most successful soul winners.

There is a plethora (don’t you just love that word?) of reasons for the dropouts of the church and society. Most of these reasons are merely excuses. Having heard most of the illogic and rationale offered for why folk leave the church, I have developed some insights that might be helpful. Jesus asked some people to follow him and they at once began to make excuse. One had to go see a field he had already bought. He should have looked it over before the purchase. Another had to try out a team of oxen he had acquired. And one had to go bury his father. Can you imagine someone saying to the Lord of Lords, “Sorry, Pal, but I have funereal plans that are more important than eternal ones?”

The Excuse of Others
Often people don’t stay with the church because they find offenses in others. They come to the church with the mistaken notion that it is a provider of entitlements. They shop for church as they do for fast food. They want a little McChurch and might even suffer a few McSermons on Sunday. But don’t ask them for any McService or involvement. They came asking a myriad of questions. “Do you have a youth minister who can play with the kids? Do you have an attended nursery so we don’t have to be bothered with the baby? Do you have an aerobics class and free counseling?” McShame! You see; they came not seeking salvation, but membership in a club. They want all the perks of body life but are unwilling to extend themselves in providing the same thing for others. They are takers, not seekers. When they don’t find their felt needs, every one of them, met by the church staff and members, they drop out. Actually, they were never in the body in the first place. Like the little girl who fell out of her grandma’s feather bed, when asked what happened replied, “I guess I stayed to close to where I got in.” Ouch!

The Excuse of Time
Many have said to me after leaving the church that they just didn’t have enough time in their schedules to be active members of the body of Christ. Some houses are run like Grand Central Station where family members drop in to refuel and then are out again to do whatever it is that fills their lives. They have bridge club, and the spa, and tennis lessons, and tap lessons, and track meets, and seminars, and a 300-column newspaper to read, plus three hours on the computer, and four in front of the TV, ad nauseam. So many of us have lives so full we hardly have time to pillow our heads and rest. No wonder families are falling apart. Without time for spiritual and emotional renewal, it’s a wonder folk this busy even had time to think of church and eternity.

The Excuse of Boredom
Now I have to give it to the ones who come up with this reason for dropping out. God has not given us the inalienable right to bore each other in the name of Jesus. Gatherings of disciples should be the highlights of our week. Too many lessons are dry and ineffectual. This is a fact. Classes should be led by teachers who know the book and live it. Sermons should be dynamic and make us feel like walking closer to the Master after we hear them. They should also challenge us to reach down into ourselves and come up with the wherewithal to let our faith be felt wherever we go.

Someone recently told me he had quit attending because the class was boring. I told him the class wasn’t presented for his entertainment and that if it was boring it was his responsibility to help make it interesting. By the way, the high critic had never volunteered to teach a class in his life of 40 years as a Christian. If we approach church as some institution to meet all our felt needs and to serve us instead of us being body members who are active and eager to serve others, it’s a wonder we would hang around at all.

The Excuse of Weakness
Like an automobile that needs some mechanical attention, people will sputter and quit now and then before they stop altogether. Recently a new brother in Christ confided in me that the reason he was starting to miss assemblies was because he was just too weak to walk the walk. I told him that he was a prime candidate to keep on keeping on and to stay with it. He said he was unable to overcome the sin in his life. I asked him if he actually wanted to walk with Jesus and overcome his demons. He said he did. So I reasoned that if he would keep with it and keep praying and trying, the Lord would eventually empower him in the Holy Spirit to overcome the evil one in his life. The very reason for dropping out is one of the greatest for staying in.

The Excuse of Family
Sally was her name. She came to church with her two children who were pre-schoolers. With a vivacious presence she jumped into the programs available, not to be served, but to participate in them. She even volunteered to teach a Sunday School class. This is the kind of new member that ministers just adore. They seem to have that drive that makes them low maintenance. Within six months Sally was starting to miss services. When approached, it all came down to her husband’s inability to encourage her. He even made fun of her eagerness to be a “goodie two shoes.” She was finally beaten down to the point where she just wanted to give up.

Perhaps more than anyone people whose families are not supportive may have the most understandable cause for burnout. With much love and encouragement Sally was able to recommit herself to Jesus and eventually won her husband to Christ.

The Excuse of God
“Where was God when my son died?” the sobbing man asked with tears running down his heavy cheeks. Standing beside the casket of his teen-age boy, the thoughtful preacher answered, “John, he was right where he was when His Son died.” Perhaps it is understandable why people will shake their fists in the face of God and presume to accuse him of malfeasance. “If I were God I would not let babies be born deformed. If I were God I would not allow suffering in the world. If I were God I would not let wars and famine and earthquakes occur.” But we aren’t God, are we? Actually, the problem of pain is only a hurdle for believers. Atheists don’t have one moment to quarrel with the Almighty because they think this is all one big bang of an accident in the first place. And maybe it did begin with a bang, but God was the one who lit that firecracker.

Human suffering is the hardest obstacle to overcome in the minds of many. Much suffering is brought upon ourselves by our own behavior, or those around us. We do suffer the consequences of the evil that surrounds us. But not all pain is self-induced. And this is where those with skeptical minds feed their misgivings. Tornadoes. Earthquakes. Volcanoes. Famines. Floods. These natural disasters we flippantly refer to as “acts of God.” Though we don’t have all the answers for why people suffer, perhaps the sacred hymn provides some solace: “We’ll understand it better by and by.”

The Hedonistic Excuse
One thing that makes me smile and weep at the same time is the idea that we are here to grab for all the gusto we can get. We want a Michelob weekend and all the trimmings and we want it right now. Some of us are an impatient lot as we feel the constant urge to experience every known sensation a body can have. I’ve had people tell me that life had too much fun to offer and that church restrained them from that. Well, I think church can be fun, but many of us church folk have missed the point of “church” in the first place. Our assemblies were for us and not for sad, pious, pursed lips and frowns on our faces. The writer of Hebrews tells us that our gatherings are to provoke one another to love and good works. We do a lot of provoking, but not the right kind.

As I try to end this rambling rhetoric, maybe I can at least give a solution for one of the excuses bandied about. If we did our assemblies as they perhaps should be done, sort of like they were done when Christians met in houses, maybe we would not have so many sad faces and people enjoying TV more than Christian fellowship. We have borrowed from church tradition and lined up our pews to face some performers, or at least those who can maintain our attention. And there is good reasoning for this, I know. Do we arrange our chairs and sofas at home so that we have to look at the back of each others’ heads? Of course not. If I had my way, our pews would be arranged in a way where we could see each other and interact with each other. Most of us aren’t into the performing arts. We aren’t all high profile disciples. But we might have something valuable to contribute.

An Inward Look
Without going into more detail, let me just say that our assemblies ought to be fun. They ought to be more fun than getting drunk, and committing adultery, and stripping at the beach, and attempting to grab for all the gusto we can get crammed into one lifetime. Church is people. Church is the body of Christ, with active and vibrant members. It’s truly a family affair. When we allow “Ecclesiastical George” to do all the work and have all the fun, we miss out big time. Let’s not buy the devil’s lie that church can’t be fun. Let’s make it fun. For everything we do when we are together that goads us to love and good deeds is just the ticket for why we meet together in Jesus’ name.

Demographic studies have revealed that if new members in a church do not “connect” with at least three others that befriend them and help disciple them, they will drop out within six months. This perhaps explains why so many choose to leave the church. “Discipling” is not always easy. Jesus said to make disciples, baptize them, and then disciple them some more. If a baby is left to fend for himself he will die. Spiritual babies also need tender loving care and guidance. This is the heart of discipling. We don’t like to admit it because it puts the onus on us, the rank and file of the congregation. So, instead of writing people off as merely weak and disinterested, perhaps we had better take another look at how we welcome and assimilate new faces that come in among us.

I was surfing for content as usual and ran into this…whey unno tink?

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me out of this mess I am in. I don’t know how I got myself into this, but, I pray the Lord will sort me out before my parents, especially my mother get to know.

She is a prophetess, we attend a white garment church, and it appears God shows her things. The reason I need your help to get out of this mess before she finds out. She is going to be very dissappointed in me. I hate to make her feel bad.

My father also loves us his children dearly. Being the only daughter of the house, I always get a preferential treatment and I would hate to make my parents feel I left the house to rubbish all what they believed in.

I am 18, a 200-level Law student in one of the private universities. I am the only one attending a private university, probably, being the only girl and the last child.

I met and started dating a senior colleague of mine in school. He is also a Law student, but in 400 level and he is 23 years old.

We started our relationship when I passed into 200 level, and when I made up my mind to date him, I informed my parents. This is because, I am very close to both of them and there is nothing I do not discuss with them and my eldest brother, who is already working in a bank. During one of my visits home on a weekend, I told my family members about Femi.

After dinner, my mother called me and wanted to know more about him. After answering all her questions, she seemed to be okay with all my answers, especially the fact that he also is a Christian but not of the same denomination. He is of the pentecostal faith. My mother’s only advice was that I shouldn’t have sex for now if I haven’t done so yet.

I assured her that I haven’t had sex with him or any other man as she has taught me I haven’t the intentions of doing so until my wedding night. My elder brother gave me the same advice before I went back to school the following day and I assured him also that I knew what I was doing.

Three months into our relationship, despite the fact that I had already told Femi that I had no intentions of having sex with him or any man until my wedding night, Femi started asking me for sex and I always gave him the same answer which was always no.

On my birthday, he insisted that he wanted to have sex with me as my special birthday gift. I refused and he said he was ready to swear to an oath that he would marry me come what may.

I said I wasn’t interested and that even without swearing on oath, he could still marry me if God ordained the union. I knew he didn’t like my reply or decision, but I really was not burdened because I knew what I wanted.

For over two weeks, he behaved funny and avoided me; I called him and tried to diffuse the tension he created, but he was very stiff and I left him alone.

Few days after the last time I called him, he came looking for me at the school library. I was surprised when he tapped and excused me out. I followed him, though I was surprised. I was even more surprised when he introduced me to a guest who he said was his aunty.

I had no reason not to greet her and she said she had wanted to meet me for a long time and that she would want me to accompany Femi to her birthday celebration the following weekend.

It was the weekend I had to go home, so I didn’t need to phone my parents to ask for permission to go with him.

Femi picked me up from home, but on getting to his aunty’s house I was surprised because the impression I had about the party was not what I met. I thought it was going to be a big bash, but it was just a family thing. After we had spent about 30 minutes, Femi’s aunty called me and said the pastor of her church would like to meet and pray for me. I have nothing against prayers, but I was a little surprised. Moreso, I see no reason why I should be singled out for such supposed favour. Her pastor was also not a part of the party, he was seated in one of the rooms.

On the long run, he prayed and said he had some revelations for me. In his vision, he said Femi is my God appointed husband and that if I do not marry him, it would be difficult for me to get a man to marry in future. He also said that my mother is a witch and that she would want to stop my marriage to Femi because she has seen that she won’t be able to manipulate Femi’s glory for her diabolical use. I was too shocked to say a word. I asked him what I should do; he told me to avoid my mother as much as possible and that I should not tell her about the things he told me or what happened.

Because of my background, I am used to prophesies, but I know that, pentecostal churches are not given to this kind of things, so I asked what the name of his church is; his answer further baffled me because he said where he worships does not matter.

He asked that I should come back and see him for some spiritual guidance.

When I came out of the room where he spoke with me, Femi wanted to know what he told me, but I refused to tell him anything.

I was however shocked to hear him repeat some of the things the pastor told me.

I have really been disturbed since then. I also tried to avoid Femi as much as possible.

I don’t know if I should tell my parents. I know my mother is not a witch. What would their reactions be? I have tried to ignore the prophecy and everything I was told, but the details keep coming back to me. Help me, Aunty Taiwo.
Anonymous, Lagos