Dear Taiwo,
I am not one of those people who believe in coincidence. I have never been a student of that school of thought, and I sincerely wonder why the event I am about to narrate, which I want you to counsel me on is happening just a few weeks to Christmas like it did precisely 17 years ago.

Exactly two weeks before Christmas, my wedded wife, Adun, left me. Just like her name, before she left, she was the spice of my life. Whenever I was with her, I forgot every worry and trouble. She equally gave me two beautiful gifts no one else could give. God Almighty gave me two wonderful children through her.

Our home and/or marriage was the envy of everyone who knew us until I lost my job, and couldn’t find another one for over one year.The joy in my marriage disappeared because my wife of seven years could not bear with me.

I was, however, happy that she did not take my children away. They remained my source of joy up till today and it was because of them that I made up mind not to re-marry because I cannot stand any woman maltreating my gems.

Adun and I met when we were in the university. We were at the same level, but not in the same school. She studied Sociology while I read Accounting. We met during a sporting event, though we were supposed to be on opposite sides, supporting our schools’ team but funny enough we both supported my team and we won.

I later invited her to have a drink on me to celebrate our victory and that was how our relationship started.

We graduated the same year and went for the youth service. Funny enough, she did her service in Lagos, while I was posted to Maiduguri. Throughout my service year, I did not travel down South more than twice but we still maintained our relationship and I guessed the distance really helped our relationship. In Maiduguri, I served in a bank, and probably because of my disposition towards things, hard work and luck, I was given a permanent appointment.

Maiduguri was too far from home, and I complained to the branch manager who incidentally was a Yoruba man, and who advised that I should work for some months and them seek for transfer to whereever I wanted.

I took his advice and worked for seven months, and sought a transfer to Lagos. Instead of being transferred to Lagos, I was transferred to Ilorin, where I spent another four years.

All through these times, Adun stood by me. Our love grew stronger and we started our wedding plans. She stayed in Lagos with her parents and she equally got a job with a bank in Lagos. All the while that I was out of Lagos, she met my parents and they really loved her and vice versa. We really loved each other, I must confess that I really did not know what went wrong and why she decided to leave when she did.

We got married when I was at the Ilorin branch of my office and luckily for me, I was transferred to Lagos two months after my marriage. Just before we got married, Adun left the banking job for a better one, with an internationally sponsored non-governmental organisation (NGO), which had monetary grants to work on eradicating maternal mortality and morbidity from USAID. I felt better because I was concerned about how she would cope when our children started coming.

Her job was a good one; the only thing, I really did not like about it was that she travelled a lot; but fortunately, her trips reduced the moment it was obvious she was pregnant.
Our two children came in quick succession. Our son came exactly a year and two months after his sister who is our first child. I give glory to God for the gift of these two wonderful gems.

Unfortunately, two years after the birth of our son, I lost my job to reorganisation exercise in our bank. The initial months were okay as there were high hopes that I would soon secure another job, then I had some money in my savings that I could still run my home on. I am the type of man who believes that I should shoulder all my responsibilities, and God has always given me the grace to do so.

When Adun started her Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO) job, she earned more than I did. This, however, did not make me allow her to do anything formally in the house. Although, I could not rule out 100 per cent that she did not contribute, I made sure that my wife and children lacked nothing.

Events, however, took a bad turn when I was unable to secure another job for nine months. For the fact that I wasn’t adding any supplement to my savings, my money started to run out. As if that was not enough, my father fell ill. He had cancer of the colon; I had no choice but to take care of him, being the only son and the first child. Although my two other siblings played their part, because I had no means of replacing the money I was spending it started to tell on me and I started running out of cash.

While this was going on, I expected Adun to support me. I did not stop searching for jobs, but I just was not lucky. Unfortunately, Adun at this trying period of my life became a changed woman entirely. She became a nag and would complain about everything. At a point, she made my financial state an issue. She complained about having to spend her money to run the homefront. She would pick up quarrel over non-issues and would call me names. Whenever she was in such mood, I tried to keep my cool. Ordinarily, I am a quiet person; I also grew up in an environment where open confrontation between parents and even siblings was not a common thing.

I never witnessed my parents quarrel or exchange words. I am sure it would have happened, but they did a good job at keeping their quarrels from us. If our parents were peace loving, we their children had no cause but to maintain peace in the home.

So her attitude and change in behaviour surprised and shocked me. To cut the long story short, on the fateful day, exactly two weeks to Xmas, I went out to pick our children from school. Of course Adun was supposed to be in the office, but I was confronted with a sight that I couldn’t forget in a hurry. Adun came with a haulage truck to move her things out of our home.

She moved everything that was hers, even kitchen utensils. It was not the day of GSM, but I called her parent land line, her mother picked the call and the response she could give was, “Adun is a grown-up and she can take her decisions by herself”.

That was how Adun left me and our two kids. I was afraid she would want to take the children, but she did not even make an attempt to. We lived at Oregun I learnt later that she moved into a rented apartment on Victoria Island.

Shortly after she left, my father died. It became a double tragedy for me. My immediate sibling who married a year earlier mentioned my plight to her husband because I was almost becoming a mental wreck. My mother had to take my kids so she could take care of them. I equally moved back to my father’s house because our house lost all it had after Adun moved out.

My mother and family members made attempts at reconciliation, but Adun’s mother’s reply was always that she was an adult who was capable of taking her own decisions.

My brother-in-law, however got me a job at the company of one of the richest men in the country as an accountant, and I was able to gradually pick up my life again.

I heard that Adun had re-married. In fact, she married the man who was instrumental in her moving out of our home. She even refused to ask after her children once she learnt they were living with my mother.

To the glory of God. I was lifted up again. Now, I have my own house and even my own business that is doing very well. I always heard stories about Adun because I still loved her. I learnt she had two children for the man she left me for. Her relationship with him, however, became sour when his wife who had been abroad came back home.

Apparently, the man lied to her. He equally duped her of a large sum of money which belonged to her office and because of this fraud, her appointment was terminated and this man also left her. Talking sincerely, I never wished her evil. To my surprise, however, two weeks ago, she called my cell phone that she wanted to see me. I obliged her and we met at a popular eatery on the Island. She wanted to come back and at the same time wanted me to forgive her. Since I didn’t marry, she wanted us to make things work again. She wanted to show me how repentant she had become if I would forgive her. Forgive her of what was my question. She didn’t even know how our children grew up or their whereabouts.

I was too shocked to say anything. I asked her to give me some time and she has since been pestering me on phone. What does she want me to do? Take her back with another man’s kids? What if I had really gone over the rail when she left me? Would she have come back if I had not made it?

I am surprised, shocked and sick of her request. My children don’t even want to hear of her. They don’t even know her aside the pictures they saw and we all reside in Lagos.

She equally lost her father few days ago, her mother who felt she could take her own decisions then called that she also wanted to see me.

THE EX WIFE’S SIDE

I read with a heavy heart the story published. Although I am an avid reader of this column, but I didn’t know why I missed this one and a close family friend, who knew the story of my life called my attention to it. It is a confirmation of the Yoruba saying “Oloro, abeti didi.” Taiwo, this story I believe is mine. It is all about my former husband and I.

I commend his bravery, because he didn’t bother to change or conceal our identities. I am very sure he meant well by doing this.

It is very true that I left Adekunle while the going got tough for him. It is also true that I came back to ask him to forgive me.

I also liked the way he threw the whole story open to the people’s parliament. I don’t mean that he wanted your readers to judge me. I also know that people out there who have read his own side of the story would love to read my own side and if at the end of it, I am found guilty which I know to a large extent I am, people can help me plead with him to forgive me.

There is no point repeating how we met as he has said it all and he did not lie when he said that he took care of the home front. Adekunle did and he never allowed us to lack anything. No doubt, sometimes even without his knowledge, I contributed to the family upkeep, but my contribution then was very minimal.

When I got a job with a Non-Governmental Organisation (NGO), my salary was far better than his, yet, he never allowed me spend my money. In fact, he bought a new car for me to celebrate the birth of our second child. He forgot to tell you this.

When he lost his job, nothing stopped me from being the pillar he had always been to me and our children, but Adekunle was proud. He still insisted on carrying on with his responsibilities, believing God that he would get another job. It was also during this time that his father took ill.

I really did not know what happened but my mother called me one afternoon and asked that I see her on my way from the office and I did. She told me when I got to our house that my mother-in-law; (Adekunle’s mother), came to see her the previous day and her mission was to ask my mother to plead with me to stop making use of Adekunle’s glory.

I learnt she told my mother that as I was moving forward, Adekunle’s fortunes were dwindling. His mother accused my family of being diabolical and that they were transferring Adekunle’s glory for my use.
I was shocked when I heard this, because I felt my mother-in-law and I were too close. I wanted to believe that if she had anything to say, she should have raised it with me. For her to have accused my family and I of being diabolical was the height of it.

Since I knew Adekunle, we had our first quarrel when I got home that night. He could accuse me of being quarelsome, but he refused to state the reason. I became quarrelsome, no doubt, because I told him what my mother told me, and I asked for an explanation.

He could not say anything. I asked that he spoke with his mother and let her know how I felt about her accusation, but he did nothing. After two weeks, I went to see my mother-in-law to speak with her. I never went to see her with the intentions of quarreling, but she raised hell and almost beat me up. The situation at that time became so bad that my mother and mother-in-law were not seeing eye-to-eye.

As if it wasn’t enough, I got promoted at work when all these were going on. Adekunle, who had been neutral all along, then joined.

I became very sad and what was happening at home started to affect my job which eventually made me get close to Niran (not his real name) a colleague of mine at work.

I have to correct the impression that Niran encouraged me to leave my husband’s house. I left when I could no longer take the heat. I didn’t leave my children intentionally, but Adekunle did not state the whole truth when he said the children were staying with us. He had taken the children to live with his mother without my consent and on this particular day, he coincidentally, brought them home, because he wanted to pack more of their stuffs to his mother’s house.

My relationship with Niran and what happened between us had no bearing with my coming back to Adekunle. It is true that he did not re-marry, neither did I, but he also had relationships that I knew of. I have always loved him and I still do. I felt we both have made our mistakes and we could make things work if he could find a place in his heart to forgive me.

No mother in her right- thinking senses would abandon her children. I made several attempts to see my children, but my mother-in-law would not allow me. She kept changing their schools; my sister-in-law could attest to this fact.

As I stated earlier, I did not write you to trade ‘blames’ I want to be with him again. I desire that he forgives me if he could. I have two other children who cannot or can never become liabilities to him. My situation is not as bad as he painted it. Yes, I am out of job, but I have a thriving business I am into.

If he can, he should forgive me and have me back, that is all I ask for.
Adun.

– Residents of Kirinyaga County are nursing the rare treat of shock and confusion as a woman who is alleged to be possessed evil spirits removed money from her body.

The woman who is in her 20s is said to have returned home after she was fired from her work place in Nairobi. It is after her return that her parents realized she looked sickly and distanced. They took her to a local hospital but medics could not diagnose the problem.

Neighbors said that after she was returned home from hospital she started rolling on the ground like a snake and speaking in strange languages they could not understand. They added that she keeps on shouting and running away saying that there are people after her.

The family which is saddened by the incident has turned to religious leaders who have set vigil at their homestead. They said that she is only calm when a bible is placed on her body or she sleeps on the bible.

On being questioned on what was happening to her she said that there are people molesting her sexually when she is asleep and that some people keep talking to her telling her weird things.

The most shocking incident is when money came out of her body as human waste. The family took the 700 shillings and prayed for the money.

The family is calling for people with knowledge on what is happening to their dear daughter to help them return soberness in her.

Naomi Thothoi, the Kenyan DAILY POST

FAQ: Most churches I have been to teach rather emphatically that Christians should “tithe,” that is, give 10% of their income to their church. I have even heard some ministers say that if you don’t tithe, God will not bless you. Must you give a tenth (10%) to the church? What does the Bible say about financial giving?

“What does the Bible say?” is always the “bottom line” in life, but that vital question needs a qualifier: “To whom?” The Bible, the Word of God, most certainly does speak about financial giving, and a good case can be made that it is one of the five most basic activities for a Christian, the others being prayer, Bible reading and study, fellowship with other Christians, and telling others the Good News about Jesus Christ.

The question must be: “What does the Bible say to Christians about financial giving?” Why? Because what God says to Christians about financial giving is different than what He said to the Jews of the Old Testament about it. The sad news is that today very few Christians understand the difference, and, as a result, many are unnecessarily living under emotional and financial stress. For a more detailed exposition of this subject than we can set forth in this FAQ, I recommend our audio teaching Financial Stewardship: God’s Heart Concerning Money and Possessions as well as a book titled The Tithing Dilemma, by Ernest L. Martin.

And, as is so often the case in examining a biblical issue, that takes us to the subject of the administrations in Scripture. Unless we understand what parts of God’s Word are written to Jews, what parts are written to Gentiles, and what parts are written to Christians, we can neither understand nor apply its truths in our daily lives.

We are currently living in what the Bible calls the Administration of the Sacred Secret (Eph. 3:9), which began on the Day of Pentecost (Acts 2:1ff) and will conclude with the Rapture of the Church (all living and dead Christians meeting the Lord in the air—1 Thess. 4:13-18). The primary curriculum for Christians (i.e., people born again of God’s incorruptible seed) is found in the Church Epistles: Romans, 1 & 2 Corinthians, Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, and 1 & 2 Thessalonians. It is there that we must look to find God’s specific directions for us today, and the issue of financial giving is given two chapters worth of ink in 2 Corinthians 8 & 9.

There are also some pertinent verses in other Epistles, and the message of Scripture to Christians is that because of the finished work of Jesus Christ, we do not live under the Mosaic Law, during which tithing was instituted and commanded as part of the Law. Therefore, tithing as a commandment of God has no relevance to believers today.

At this point, it is important to distinguish between tithing and giving. Although tithing per se is not relevant to Christians, giving most certainly is. As a member in particular of the Body of Christ, each Christian is to determine in his own heart how much he gives and where he allocates his resources among his brothers and sisters in Christ (2 Cor. 9:7). The Epistles metaphor by which material giving is strongly encouraged is that of sowing and reaping—the more you sow, the more you reap (2 Cor. 9:6). “Tithing” is never mentioned.

Under the Law, Jews were to give out of their produce, that is, what the Lord had provided for them. Just like the Word says, “We love God because He first loved us,” so we give because God has given to us. When we understand what God has done for us in Christ, and that the material blessings we have come from Him, and that He promises to bless us back for what we give, giving cheerfully is a joy.

Even in the Old Testament, believers understood that when they gave to God, they were opening a door, if you will, for Him to bless them in return. This is, of course, still true, but the idea has been distorted by some Christians who teach that one must give to God before God can bless him. Thus, too many Christians are giving in order to get. No, God always gives first.

Also, He does not specify just how He will bless us. If we sow, we will reap accordingly, but it may not be money for money, etc. Some Christians have become disillusioned about giving because when they gave money to their church, etc., they did not receive money back. They may have even failed to notice the blessing that God did give them. When we give in response to a blessing, and not so that we will get blessed, we can be cheerful and contented givers.

Making known the truth about this subject is critical, because the vast majority of Christians are told, and thus believes, that it is God’s will for them to “tithe,” which means to give one-tenth of what they earn. Many of the more “fundamental” Christian groups are adamant about this, and accompany this exhortation with a warning that failure to tithe will result in consequences of various kinds, usually having to do with a lack of prosperity.

In many groups, this has become little more than ecclesiastical extortion, with church leaders using the lever of people’s sincere desire to do what God says is right to squeeze money out of them. Such leaders proclaim that what God says is right is that you give at least ten percent of your income—to their organization. As a result of such pressure, financial giving has, for too many Christians, become a joyless, mechanical act of “bribing” God to avoid the consequences of not giving, and an attempt to earn His favor (something they already have!).

For many other Christians who once gave cheerfully, financial giving is no longer an act at all. They have stopped doing it altogether, either because they got sick and tired of the pressure being applied to them, or they really could not afford to tithe, or they saw the money they gave misused and feel that they were cheated when they did give.

Neither of these attitudes—giving joylessly or not giving at all—is biblically right, neither is the will of God, and both are therefore detrimental to a believer. That fits with John 8:32, where Jesus said that experientially knowing the truth, that is, practicing it, will make one free. Conversely, error regarding the Bible (the truth) will put people in bondage. And financial giving is a category in which countless Christian people are being subjected to the bondage of guilt and put through an emotional wringer they do not deserve.

If you feel that the above describes you, take heart, because you can be set free by the truth of God’s Word. Then you can also share with others the treasure you have found. In our economically driven world of today, having the right attitude about money and material things is a huge asset in life. Knowing and practicing what God’s Word says about financial giving will enable you to experience the joy of giving, and it will enable others in the Body of Christ to experience the joy of receiving and therefore having their needs met, so that together we can reach out with the Good News of God to a dying world.

A study of the Old Testament will show that tithing was instituted as part of the Mosaic Law to Israel. Some Christians point to Genesis 14 and/or 28 in a misguided attempt to prove that tithing was instituted prior to the Mosaic Law and is therefore relevant to Christians today. Their rationale is that because Abram gave ten percent of the spoils of war to Melchisedek, and because Jacob chose ten percent as the amount to give to God for watching over him on his journey, this is the prescribed amount God would have all people give. This is not sound biblical scholarship.

The Genesis 14 record takes place approximately 2000 years after Adam and Eve, and during all those years there is no biblical reference to tithing. Nor is there any record that Abram ever tithed as a result of some biblical law that told him to do so, and he certainly was “making money.” When he did give one tenth, it was not of the increase of his flocks and herds, which was the tithe prescribed by the Law, but rather of the spoils of war that he had gained by defeating the army from Mesopotamia.

In Genesis 28, Jacob told God that if He would keep him safe on his journey, keep him clothed and fed, and bring him home safely, he would give God a tenth of what he had. That was certainly not the Mosaic tithe, which was commanded whether or not those things happened. Both Jacob and Abram gave in response to a blessing.

Even in regard to Israel, for whom the tithe was specifically instituted, nothing was said about it until the beginning of the second year of their exodus. Prior to that, in Exodus 25, for the building of the Tabernacle, Moses instructed the Israelites to give “as their heart prompted them.”

You often hear proponents of the tithe say that surely Christians would do no less than what Jews did in the Old Testament, as if every Israelite gave ten percent of his income. A detailed study of the tithe is beyond the scope of this FAQ, but suffice it to say that the idea that each Israelite gave ten percent of his income (and therefore each Christian should do likewise) is far from the truth.

For example, an Israelite who had fewer than ten cattle born to him in a year did not have to tithe on them because the requirement stated that only the tenth animal that passed under the rod was to be tithed (Lev. 27:32). A farmer who had only eight cows born was therefore exempt from the tithe.

The tithe was basically on animal and agricultural products, and was paid in kind (i.e., the product itself). If one did not wish to pay his tithe in agricultural products, and decided to give money as a substitute, he was penalized and had to add a fifth part of its estimated value to the amount he paid (Lev. 27:31). Such a law was obviously not intended to encourage payment of the tithe in money.

The main purpose of the tithe was to support the Levitical priesthood. The Levites were responsible to minister to the people, and were prohibited from owning land, which obviously limited the ways in which they could earn income. God’s plan was that their support came from those to whom they ministered, much like the direction of Scripture for the Church today (1 Cor. 9:1 and following; Gal. 6:6 and following, etc.). The tithe also provided welfare for widows, orphans, etc.

One reason why there was no command to tithe until the Mosaic Law was that until then there was no Tabernacle (Tent of Meeting) and no Temple, no regular sacrifices commanded (the daily sacrifices alone commanded by the Law required more than 700 animals a year), and no class of Levitical priests to support. None of these would be relevant to a Christian today, even if they did exist.

Should a Christian today tithe? One is free to give 10% if he chooses, but we are not commanded to give any particular percentage or amount. Sad to say that many Christians, once misled and often emotionally coerced into tithing, stopped giving altogether when they learned the tithe is not required. 2 Corinthians 9:6 and 7 make it clear that the more generously we “sow” with the right attitude, the more abundantly we will reap.

For some believers who do not earn much, giving generously may not mean a large amount. For others, it may mean millions of dollars, and far more than 10%. Each Christian’s situation is different, and that is why God does not prescribe specific amounts that we should give, but allows us to make our own decisions. Remember, we are “fellow laborers” with Him, and He loves to work with us in determining how much and to whom we should give, and He loves to bless us with more so that we can give more. That kind of giving makes for an exciting element of the Christian life.

You may say, “Well, what about Malachi 3:6-10? That says people who do not tithe are ‘robbing God.’” Those verses have been used innumerable times to prod Christians into giving, but wait a moment—to whom is Malachi written? Well, in verse 9 of chapter 3 it says “the whole nation” is under a curse. What nation? The USA? No, the book of Malachi is specifically addressed to the nation of Israel, and more specifically to the priests (see 1:6,10-13; 2:1,7 and 8) who were badly mistreating God’s people. To use verses from Malachi as if they are talking to Christians is at best poor scholarship and at worst dishonest.

So what should Christians do about financial giving? 2 Corinthians 8 and 9 is the first place to go to find the answer to that question, and the heart of the message there is expressed in 9:7: “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” If, for you, that’s ten percent, great.

Beyond that, Scripture directs us to give to those who are genuinely ministering to our spiritual needs. When we do, we are making a sound investment in (that is, sowing into) a work that is bearing good spiritual fruit. Although there is no way we can help everyone who asks us, we are also encouraged to give to those in need, and we can seek the Lord for wisdom in doing so.

For a Christian, giving from the heart is all about knowing that we have a great, big, wonderful God, and also understanding who we are in Christ. Speaking of the attitude of the believers in Macedonia about financial giving, Paul said: “This they did, not as we hoped, but even beyond that, first they gave their own selves to the Lord, and to us, by the will of God” (2 Cor. 8:5). As Christians, each of us has been “bought with a price.” We (let alone our material possessions) don’t even belong to ourselves. When you know that you belong to the Lord, and that everything that you have belongs to the Lord, and that he is responsible to keep his promises to care for you, then you can truly be a cheerful giver.