HEAD CORNER STONE

He denied responsibility for my pregnancy; now he wants my babies because they are twins!

Dear Taiwo,

Please, help me. My situation is causing very serious problems between my boyfriend’s parents and mine. As at now, the whole thing is beginning to extend beyond even our families to the church. The church members are beginning to take sides and the issue is becoming messy.

I don’t like what is happening, but to an extent, I don’t have a say any longer. I don’t even mind you seeing my mother. When I tried speaking with her, she was so angry and called me different names, including an ingrate and a bastard.

My mother; to be fair, tried while my father lost his life trying to save mine. So, my mother does not see a reason why I should plead on behalf of my boyfriend’s family.

I am 18; I was in Senior Secondary School (SSC) 3 when I had to drop out before our Senior Secondary Certificate Examinations (SSCE) because I was pregnant. Unfortunately, my boyfriend, encouraged by his mother rejected and denied me as his girlfriend and the pregnancy.

My pregnancy became a big issue; both our families attend the same church; we are Catholics. My family is not all that wealthy, but not poor. My boyfriend, however, is from a very comfortable family. He could be described as a child raised with a silver spoon. Although, before now our parents relate in church, but it is a situation where rich folks relate with each other.

My boyfriend and I met and became close at one of the youth camp meetings organised by our church. We both liked each other from the onset. We never had sex or relationship on our mind; we were just friends. He was in his second year studying Geology in one of the best private universities in Nigeria. My parents couldn’t even afford to send me to a private secondary school. We are three (all girls) and I am the first born. My father did not mince words telling us that even if he didn’t have millions, he would make sure we are well educated. I have a dream to become a lawyer. My father used to love it whenever I told him this, my immediate younger sister wants to be a doctor while the youngest wants to be an engineer.

But my dream had been truncated, I have destroyed my future and those of my siblings by getting pregnant and losing our father who happened to be the sole breadwinner when he was travelling to seek cure for me from an ailment I suffered when I was pregnant. The pain of rejection also made everything worse.

After we left the youth camp where we became friends, my boyfriend and I started communicating, to make the process easier, he bought a phone for me as a birthday gift. I showed my mother, she insisted that I returned it but my father intervened.

When his mother noticed that we were close, she made a big fuss about it and asked my mother to warn me. My boyfriend and his dad apologised for her rudeness and things became normal again. I was however careful until December 31, 2011 when the youth in our church had our end of the year party just before the midnight mass started.

I wasn’t sure of how it happened or what led to it, but we had sex in the car my boyfriend brought me to the vigil. It was my first and only time. He deflowered me. He said he was sorry and because I gave him that valued gift he would love me forever. I had mixed feelings, I was actually scared but this was not the type of thing I was bold enough to tell my parents, but I confided in my immediate younger sister.

I however had the shock of my life when three months latter, I discovered I was pregnant. Then, I had no choice than to tell my parents. My boyfriend was away in school, when my parents and I met his parents, his mother said it could never be true. She said her son could not go near a gutter girl like me talk less of having sex with me.

His father invited him home immediately. On arrival, he came, he denied having anything to do with me. My life crashed. I became unhappy. His father, though a nice man said there was nothing he could do since his son said he had nothing to do with me.

My mother wanted to make trouble, but my father, God rest his soul, a gentleman to the core asked her to leave everything in God’s hands. When my pregnancy became three months, I became very sick and bedridden. I couldn’t walk. I was in the hospital for several weeks and when my parents couldn’t afford the bills again, I had to go back home.

My father died in a motor accident, while he was travelling to our home town to bring herbs for me. Our grief knew no bounds. We couldn’t have survived if not for the help of a family we met while I was on hospital admission. We didn’t know them from Adam. The couple took interest in us and helped.

After my father’s demise, they advised that I went back to the hospital, they footed my bills and made sure I received the best treatment. Just before I was delivered of a set of twins through Cesarean Section, I was able to walk again. This couple has not left us for one day since then. They have been responsible even for my sisters’ schooling and they assisted mum to start a good business. To shock you, they are Muslims.

I delivered a set of twins, both boys few weeks ago and they both looked so much like my boyfriend and his father. After I had put to bed, I became a lot better. Some of our church members heard and came to see me. All the while that I was ill, my boyfriend and his family refused to see me.

Now that they heard I delivered twins and that the boys looked very much like both father and son, they wanted to come see me and the babies and even accept them, but my mother has refused to let them come even near the threshold of our house.

Her refusal is generating a lot of trouble. My boyfriend’s mother is even threatening to involve the police and family lawyer.

My predicament is creating so many divisions as some members are supporting my mother while some are for my boyfriend’s family. His father is a good man who doesn’t want trouble, but his wife is a real trouble maker. The most painful thing is that the reverend father asked my mother to see him, she did not go and when he came to our house, she also refused to see him.

Not that I want to have anything to do with my boyfriend and his family again, I just want peace to reign. I have learnt a lesson or two from what I got myself into. I want my mother to have peace of mind; I don’t want to lose her like my father. I could see that the whole thing is affecting her, please, help me. What can I do?

Anonymous.