HER STORY

Dear Taiwo,

A friend advised me to read your column and since then, I have not been able to hide my hurts. I love to share it with your readers so that they can learn from my mistakes.

For now, it seems I am at a standstill and there is little I can do; but to accept my fate and what life has to offer me.

I am a young lady of marriageable age, but not married. I was born into an average family, the last child of my parents.

My mother is the only parent I have and the poor aged woman would not believe it if I disclose this experience to her. My father died when I was a teenager. Ever since, my other siblings had been supportive.

Since she is quite old I was forced to stay with her for a while before I later went to live with one of my siblings, my elder sister to be precise.

My elder sister was accommodating and we lived like one big, happy family. Her husband, uncle John, was very sensitive to my needs; he assisted me in pursuing my life career. After my secondary education, I proceeded to a renowned university in the country to study English Language.

During the course of my study in the university, I was a very brilliant student, but my weakness was men. Men flocked around me and I mistook this for opportunity; my psyche then was that, I was a lucky girl to have had streams of men around me.

Even though, I am not the type you can describe as beautiful, I am however plump and endowed as a lady and I used this as an advantage. In fact, the most beautiful ladies on campus could not compete with me when it came to familiarity with men.

I dated many men and what do you expect from a girl like me? I had everything I needed from time to time and this to me then was a big relief.

My sister became suspicious of my waywardness and she raised an eyebrow; she admonished me that such a way of life was irresponsible. But I denied her allegations and kept away from her house. I went and stayed with my mother in the village. After a while, when the dust had settled, my sister came to the village and advised me to come back to town.

I promised to come back only if she stopped intruding into my affairs. I told her that I was an adult and that I could manage my life without her harping on me all around. She agreed to this reluctantly and I followed her.

I continued with this way of life till I finished my university education. However, my youth service experience created a terrible impact in my heart that cannot be erased.

I was posted to the eastern part of Nigeria and immediately I arrived at the camp; I started having affairs with different male corps members. I met some who were my course mates in school and I made new friends. The three weeks camping was, indeed, an experience for me.

I made sure I got noticed by everyone especially guys. I talked freely and became so garrulous. I am sure some girls hated my way of life. I ignored them and told anyone who cautioned me that it was not everyone who would be quiet in nature.

I even made friends with and dated some of the officials to influence my posting to the city. I had a wild spree of life and I achieved my aim because I was posted to the state capital.

I had to share a room with another female corps member. The room was not comfortable, but I decided to manage it.

My roommate was the reserved type, and it was during the course of our service year that she obviously displayed her hatred for my way of life.

Barely two weeks after we were posted to the city, I met a guy in our place of primary assignment and after chatting for a while, I gave in to him. He became a regular visitor to our apartment.

My roommate did not oppose this, but she felt so uncomfortable and I did not blame her when she partitioned the room with a curtain.

There was a day she travelled and I brought this guy to our room. We had sex to our satisfaction and since then, I became unstoppable.

Unfortunately for me, my roommate came back and series of thoughts crossed my mind as to where we would be having our sex spree because the guy told me he was not in good terms with his father, so he often stayed with his friends.

Exactly two weeks after our posting, I treaded on my roommate’s privacy; I brought the guy to our room and we had sex again.

My roommate obviously did not feel comfortable with this, but she kept her calm and I pretended not to know anything.

It was that same night she demarcated the room with a curtain. The subsequent experience was nasty as my roommate fled the room to sleep with another female corps member.

When she came back the next morning, she flared up and warned me against such obscene act. She accused me of sleeping with a guy I barely knew. I disregarded her and called her unprintable names. I told her to go to hell. Everybody in the compound went against this; they persuaded me to take my roommate’s privacy into consideration. I later agreed, but, I hated her since then and did everything to make life difficult for her.

My roommate was so religious as she was always going to church and she would only rebuff my unseemly behaviour and she kept to herself more and more.

I became an enemy to virtually all the people in our compound, but I didn’t care. I had a quarrel with my boyfriend’s girlfriend, (from the same workplace) but I knew how to pave way for myself; I was always up and doing. Soon, all the feelings of hatred some had for me turned to a mixture of likeness and hatred.

However, my miseries started to unfold when my boyfriend suddenly fell sick. He was diagnosed of skin disease and terrible spots began to appear on his body. When my friend told me of the possibility of HIV/AIDS, I rebuked her.

I thought things would get better, but it got worse. Before then my boyfriend suddenly changed towards me; he became aggressive and refused to speak with me. I was worried, but I waved it aside. I felt to hell with him! I’ve had enough of him anyway.

As if misfortune was spelt for me, I received news from home that my sister’s husband who had been supporting me died. I grieved over this for a long time and went home for his burial.

After some months, I also received the news that my immediate elder sister died of liver problem. Consequently,I knew I had to draw closer to God and pray for my family so that these misfortunes will come to an end.

As if these were not enough, I learnt of my boyfriend who had been diagonised of HIV/AIDS for almost 10 years was critically lying sick. And on his death bed confessed that he had passed the virus deliberately to 13 ladies. Obviously, I was one of them and this reality almost sent me to the great beyond.

I guess God wanted to punish me for my wayward life and I think I deserve these punishments. After his death, I pulled myself together and went for HIV test, I was positive. What would I do, but to live on? I accepted my fate and began the treatment.

At present, I am working and I regret my past actions. Whenever I remember my roommate’s warnings, I feel so terrible.

This story is not a fiction I want people to learn from this especially youth corps members.

Right now, nobody in my family knows what happened to me. I do not plan to disclose it to them. Let them live their lives in peace while I suffer for my sins quietly. I don’t intend to marry until I find a man who understands my situation. My life is in chaos right now. Please, young people beware of premarital sex; learn from my story.

Thanks,

Grace, Benin.