SHE DOES NOT MIND BEING A MATE

Dear Taiwo,
I don’t know where to start from or how to tell my story, but I know I need help and someone to tell me what to do. Dear Taiwo, I am at a loss; my heart aches and I am hurting. The sad thing, however, is the thought that I brought this on myself, please, kindly help me

I am the first daughter of my family. Although I have two elder brothers, according to my mother, a lot of responsibilities rests on my shoulders, especially those of my younger ones; three of them.

I finished my Ordinary National Diploma(OND) and, during the course of my industrial attachment, I met and fell in love with Dare, one of the IT executives at the company where I served.

I really did not know how it happened, it wasn’t what I planned, but Dare swept me off my feet and I fell for him. I am a member of the Celestial Church of Christ and an elderly woman, who was a secretary at the company and who, because of our religious affiliations, took me like her daughter, warned me.

I really do not know why; my parents also did not like him. My father, who normally takes to people, couldn’t stand him and he always told me then that there was something about Dare that he could not place.

I wish Mama Abigail, (that is what we all fondly called the elderly woman in my office) had told me all she knew about Dare. But even if she did, would I had listened at that time?

To cut my long story short, despite all the warnings and advice, I allowed Dare to have sex with me. In fact, he deflowered me and few months after that day, I discovered that I was pregnant.

Dare would have denied the paternity of my baby. If not for his mother. He lived with his mother and I had visited him at home several times. Thank God his mother liked me and when the issue of my pregnancy came up. She stood her ground and refused to allow me to have an abortion.

Apart from his own issue, I had a tough time at home with my parents and senior siblings. Eventually, my father consented to my relationship with him but he stood his ground on the fact that I must finish my Higher National Diploma before we could get married.

I was delivered of a baby boy; Dare’s carbon copy, I never knew even with the joy of the new baby that Dare had other plans for himself. During my pregnancy, in fact from the time his mother insisted that I keep the pregnancy, he became a changed man from the man I used to know. He treated me with so much disrespect and disdain that, sometimes, I was afraid to approach him for anything.

When it was time to buy the baby stuffs, his mother and mine provided the money. Even the day I gave birth, he was nowhere to be found. Fortunately, I was still living with my parents and they provided enough psychological support for me. I went back for my HND, and I went for Youth service. By the time I returned, I learnt Dare had married and was already raising his own family.

I had no choice but to continue with my life. The funny thing, however, is the fact that I was unable to relate with or even date any other man. As much as Dare disliked me, I loved him more.

My son marked his 10th birthday in June and you won’t believe that his father came back that day, asking for forgiveness and my hand in a relationship.

My parents refused to give their blessing. My father said what he was asking for was rather cheap. Dare wants me to be his other woman as his wedded wife still resides with him. People around me feel I deserve more than he is offering me. Even some of my friends are of the opinion that I don’t need Dare. Unanimously, it has been agreed that he should be allowed to take responsibility for his son.

My problem, however, is that my heart remains with Dare. How can I convince people around me that I love him so much that I don’t even mind being his other woman? Please, help me.

Yewande.