MEDDLING MOTHER

Dear Taiwo,
How do I begin my story? How would the world believe that my mother is the source of my problems without being an object of ridicule before the whole world, my friends and especially the two wives I had sent packing?

I love my mother and I would do anything for her because she really suffered and toiled day and night to get us where we are but I don’t understand why she would prefer that I should live alone without a woman or a wife of my own and even children.

My father died the year I passed out of the secondary school; being the first born with six siblings, I had to start fending for myself and my siblings very early in life. I got different odd jobs so that I could raise money for my family. I was working at a building construction site one day when a fight broke out between the contractor and the owner of the building. I never knew it was my chance or my breakthrough, but I mediated between the two of them and chief- as the big man was called asked to speak with me before he left the site.

It wasn’t the days of GSM, he gave me his number to get in touch with him the following week as he would be out of town for the remaining days of that particular week that I met him. I did as I was asked. He asked me some questions and said he was interested in helping me. He did help me. He not only got me a job in one of the federal government’s parastatals, he also facilitated my education. He sponsored me to the polytechnic to study and I successfully completed my Ordinary National Diploma (OND) before my benefactor died.

His death gave me some setbacks. He took me as his own son. He did not only help me, he also assisted my mother several times by giving her money to start her own business. But one way or the other, she would squander the money and ask for more.

I don’t really know what or how it happened, but my siblings did not turn out well with all my efforts. They all dropped out of school and whenever I tried to make them do something positive my mother would accuse me of being too hard on them.

While I was growing up, I was friendly with Dora., We were neighbours and our mothers were friends. In fact, I was closer to her elder brother. Our mothers used to joke about us getting married later in life, but I had my mind on other things. Initially, I didn’t have the intentions of dating her, but somehow it happened and this made our mothers really happy.

I would have married her when I started thinking of marriage but for her refusal.

She worked in a hospital as an auxiliary nurse. Along the line, she started dating her boss and because of this, she said she could not marry me because I wasn’t a graduate.

I was disappointed at her reaction, but, of course, I couldn’t make her do anything she didn’t want, neither would I go on my knees to plead with her to marry me. She however, went her way and I moved on. I really do not know why my mother blamed me for this. It was common knowledge that she didn’t want to marry me but I don’t know why my mother blame me for this.

I later found someone I wanted to marry; I brought her home to meet my mother and she did not raise any objection about Funmilola. We dated for three years and when it was time, we decided to tie the nuptial knot. It was when I told my mother this that she started raising issues after issues about Funmilola.

I was confused and I told my mother about this. Her only excuse for such attitude was that since Funmilola came from a better background than mine, I would not be able to control her. I told her to allow me worry about this and that Funmilola did not have such a tendency. I was also surprised because my mother could not tell me that Funmilola was rude to either her or any of my siblings.

I went on with my plans and married Funmilola. On our wedding night,I learnt that my wife had been taken back to her father’s house. I looked outside my father’s house, and I saw a big commotion going on. I went out to find out what the problem was. My relatives from my father’s family and my mother were locked in a hot argument.

I learnt that the bone of contention was as a result of Funmilola’s family’s refusal to allow my family pour water on her feet before she stepped in as custom demanded.

Her family gave their reason; it was not a part of their tradition and religion. It wast this point that my mother started making noise and insisted that Funmilola should be taken back to her father’s house.

Dear Taiwo,
People around wanted to mediate, but my mother insisted that she should be taken back. This was what led to the face-off between her and my father’s family.

Although my father’s people tried to put things right, my wedding night was the end of my marriage to Funmilola. It just wasn’t the same after that night. It was one problem after the other. She said she couldn’t stand it anymore when she lost her second pregnancy and she almost died in the process.

It took me some years to get another woman of my choice. I had no problem marrying her the proper way, because Funmilola made sure we had a divorce so we could go our separate ways. But I decided to go low key with Grace. She had been married before, but she lost her husband. She also wanted a low keyed affair and we had just this.

Few months into my marriage to Grace, my mother started making trouble over her too. It was always one complaint after the other. Unfortunately, by the time I got married the second time, I had been transferred out of Ibadan. I decided to allow Grace stay back because I already had my own house and I didn’t think it was nice to lock up my house and spend a huge amount of money renting an apartment in Lagos.

But my mother won’t give her peace of mind. It was always one problem after the other. I always came home to solve a problem all the time. I would have taken her with me to Lagos, but she had a good job with a bank, I didn’t want to pull her out of her job without getting an alternative.

Because of her attitude and behaviour towards my wife, my mother and I have had cause to disagree and quarrel a couple of times. I came home this particular weekend and met my wife crying. I learnt that my mother and some family members just left our house. She had invited even relatives from her hometown into my house without my knowledge to accuse my wife that she had taken me away from her and Grace was suffering because of her. She was then given an alternative to reconcile my mother and I and ensure that I gave her some amount of money to start her business again.

This is a business I had pumped money into several times even without my wife’s knowledge and she always ended messing it up. I was furious and I went to confront my mother about this. She did not deny, neither was she repentant. She said Grace had no children for me, so she had no business in my house.

The problem was so much that I came home to meet an empty house one day. Grace left and informed me through a letter she left with the gateman that she could only endure physical war and unable to stand any spiritual warfare.

I had no opportunity of seeing her because she travelled out the very day she left my house. She must have planned it for some time. I was a sad man for over five years. I couldn’t even find my feet. I was unable to even speak with a woman not to talk of asking her out for a date.

I decided to go back to school for my degree to keep myself busy during the weekends that I had to come home. I met my current wife in school. We were studying the same course; she was taking the course on full- time while I was on part- time. She was in part three while I was in part one.

We became friendly, and started dating and she became pregnant. I couldn’t let her go. I loved her and she was carrying the one thing I had always desired, a child of my own. I met her parents and decided that we would solemnise our matrimony after she must have delivered the baby. Her parents however consented to the fact that she could live with me.

She was in her final year. My mother eventually got to know and started another problem with her too. I eventually stopped coming to my house. This infuriated her and my siblings, but I really did not care as she had caused enough havoc for me. She however told whoever cared to listen that my wife, Deola, would not deliver the baby on planet earth if her mission was to come into my life and chase her out.

Deola, eventually lost the baby, a still birth. This however kept me on my toes and my resolve not to have any of my family members in my house. I sent money for my mother’s upkeep. At a point, she refused to accept the money. I really wasn’t bothered about her action, but I made sure that I opened an account in which I dumped all the money she rejected.

As Deola is pregnant again, she has started having problems again. I was so troubled that I discussed my problems with a senior colleague and he told me that I need to go spiritual about this as my mother could be a witch.

I felt bad about what he said, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what he said. What if I agreed to go with him to the spiritualist and it is confirmed that my mother is a witch, what would I do? Please, someone help me.

George.