MOTHER UNNECESSARY

Dear Taiwo.
HOW would I explain a mother out of the blue? How am I supposed to accept this reality?
I am 38 years old and to the glory of God, I have a good, loving husband, two lovely kids, a good job and a good life.

I never missed a mother, since the only mother I knew died six years ago. This funny and sad experience started December last year when I went to visit a friend, who had just had a baby. I hadn’t seen her in a long time; we were mates at the university. We studied the same course and were inseparable while in school.

We got married the same year, but unfortunately, she was not blessed with the fruit of the womb early like I was blessed.

She had to travel overseas for treatment. She came back home with a bouncing baby boy to the joy of everybody. I went to see her and I noticed an elderly woman who she introduced as the new housekeeper her mum had got for her to help around in the house. I greeted the woman and did not think about her again.
Funny enough, when I was leaving, my friend’s mum made a comment that she noticed some kind of resemblance between the

housekeeper and I. It sounded funny. If these words were from somebody else, I could have taken offence, but Seeni’s (that is my friend’s name) mum is like a mother to me. We were so close and since my mother died, I had always turned to her for motherly advice.

I went to see Seeni several times after that; even after her mum had left, I always avoided her house- keeper. We call her Sisi Mi.
I don’t really know why, call it intuition, but I always felt that she was always staring at me, and once or twice when I was left in the same room with her, I really felt very uncomfortable.

At a point, I started to ask myself why I felt that way and concluded that it was probably because of Seeni’s mum’s statement.

One, I cannot stop going to see my friend because of Sisi Mi, so I decided to ignore her and whatever she represented.

Early last month, Seeni asked if I knew Sisi Mi from anywhere, I said no. Where would I know Mama Londoner, I asked her? Apart from calling her Sisi Mi, we call her Mama Londoner. She had stayed in London for many years. Only God knows what happened to her to warrant the type of life she is living now. One day, Seeni said she would ask her, but I advised against prying into her affairs because I was of the opinion that if she wanted her to know anything she would speak with her about it. I never knew that what she would say about her past would involve me.

Early last month — February, Seeni called me late in the night and informed me that Sisi Mi asked her for my number. “What for?”, I asked. “How would I know”? Seeni replied me. I asked her to give her the number, I was also curious to know why she wanted my number.

After my discussion with Seeni, I told my husband what we discussed. He was of the opinion that something probably happened between Sisi Mi and Seeni and she might want to report my friend to me. I was confused because if she had a quarrel with Seeni she wouldn’t ask her for my number. Whatever, it was, I concluded, I would listen to her whenever she called.

Two days after Seeni spoke with me, Sisi Mi called and asked to have an audience with me. What for? I asked her. She told me it wasn’t an issue we could discuss on telephone. I said I would get back to her since I had her number.

I wondered why she wanted to see me. My curiosity got the better of me, but I decided I wouldn’t allow her to come to my house, since I didn’t want any undue familiarity.

I called her back and we agreed to meet in my church on her next day off, which was the following Saturday.

She was already waiting at the church when I got there. She looked much tensed up and I wondered why. I never knew she was about telling me something that would change my history.

I invited her into my car, because I thought, “whatever she was going to say, let me hear it first hand”. Thank God I did that because if I hadn’t, maybe every member of my church would have known my story by now. Definitely, those who were around would have spread the story.

It was a hot day, so I rolled up and switched on my car engine so I could use the air conditioner. I thought it was an issue we would discuss under 30 minutes and we would be through, but we ended up spending almost two hours.

I had to ask her to start from somewhere, because she said, “I don’t know where to begin” three times.

Her first word and question startled me. “Do you know so so and so?”, She asked me. She mentioned my mother’s maiden name.”Yes”, I answered her, she was my mother and she’s deceased. “Dead?”, she echoed, and when I answered yes, she started crying. Why Sisi Mi? “Do you know her?”, Do I know her? She asked three times. “Yes, I did”, she said, she was my only sister.

“Your sister?, I asked her, how do you mean?” I asked her again. “I am sure she must have mentioned to you that she had a sister called Clara, didn’t she?”. Yes, I said. “Well, I am Clara,” she replied.

You are Clara?, I asked her again. “Yes, I am”, she replied.

When she said that, I looked at her again and it was then I realised what Seeni’s mum said. She actually resembled my mum and I must have looked like her too.

She opened her purse and brought out some pictures of herself and my mother. When I looked at the pictures, I started crying, because some of the pictures were with my mother too. She had them in her album which I still have with me.

Immediately, I remembered the story my mother told me few months before she passed on. Could this woman, Sisi Mi, be my biological mother?

I have always known mum as my mother and to the glory of God, I lacked nothing and if she were to be my biological mother, I couldn’t have asked for a better life.

She had no children of her own and I was treated like their own child by both dad and mum. Dad died 10 years before mum. I never knew the end was near for her, when she called me on her sick- bed and told me about myself.

As at the time she told me, I asked why she was telling me all these, I told her I would never recognise another woman as my mother and there would never be a place for another mother in my life, and, believe me, I meant just that.

Mum told me amidst tears that her only surviving sister, who she believed was still living, gave birth to me.

Their mother (my own grandmother) gave birth to just two of them and my mother came almost 11 years after her. When their mother died, she had the responsibility of taking care of her sister. And, of course, her sister moved in with her when she married dad. Her sister became pregnant with me when she was in her second year at the School of Nursing. She advised her to leave me with her from the time I was 40 days and go back to school, which she did.

Mum told me that I was barely six months old when she became pregnant for another man and eloped with him to the UK, leaving me behind for her to take care of. According to her, she got in touch with her at the initial stage, but later, she stopped communicating. On her sickbed, that day she told me the story, she prayed as she always did that wherever her sister was, God should keep her safe and that she would locate me so that I wouldn’t be alone.

As mum was telling me this story, we were both weeping. I told her I had always loved her and would continue to love her. I didn’t need any mother. I also wanted to know why she told me she said it was important for me to know who I was and she also wanted me to hear if from her and not from any other person. It didn’t change who I was. Mum and dad adopted me when I was seven years old. Thank God, because I was their only child, and I did not miss anything while growing up. If anything, I had the best childhood any child could hope for.

So this is the sister who left me. Now how does it feel to come back 38 years after? She didn’t know why I was crying, maybe she felt I cried because she was crying or because of mum’s demise.

“What do you want from me I asked her?
“Please, my daughter, I can explain”.

“Your daughter? Did I hear you say? I beg your pardon”

“WHAT do you want from me”, I asked her? “Please, my daughter, I can explain”. “Your daughter? Did I hear you say?,” I beg your pardon. “Please, hear me out,” she replied.
“I am not asking for anything, you might even refuse to forgive me, I don’t mind, but please, all I ask of you is to hear me out.

“I might not have a say in whatever concerns you, but I am happy that I left you with my sister. She did what I could never dreamt of doing. If you had lived with me, I cannot beat my chest that you would have had things this good”.

“Enough of that, tell me whatever you have to say”, I don’t have much time, I told her.

“Titilayo, she said. I wondered who told her my name; life could be cruel. I am not excusing myself from any blame, but sometimes, you do things that you live to regret for the rest of your life.

“I am sure my sister must have told you I got pregnant and ran away with my boyfriend then who promised to marry me, and then I believed that going away with him would be a better deal than staying behind and facing the shame.

“As for your father, he was a happily married man who wanted nothing to do with me the moment he learnt I was pregnant. I was not totally naive not to know what to do with an unwanted pregnancy, when I realised I was pregnant. This made it difficult for me to attempt an abortion.

“So, it was, indeed, a shameful thing for me to become pregnant again, just six months after you were born. I felt lucky because my doctor boyfriend then promised to marry me.
“Let me tell you that he did not pay my fare to England. He actually lent me the money for my ticket. As soon as we arrived England, pregnant or not, I had to work and refund his money.

Of course, I stopped schooling and eventually lost the pregnancy when stress and pressure were too much.

“I worked my way to send Godwin, that was his name, to school and after he graduated, he quarrelled with me, sent me packing and married a lady from his home town. He is from Edo State.

“His excuse was the fact that I could not give him children. I was unable to conceive again due to the complications which arose after I lost the pregnancy.

“I stopped communicating with my sister after Godwin threw me out. This was because I used to tell her what I was going through and she advised me several times to leave and return home when I could, but I refused. In fact, Godwin’s issue generated a big quarrel between us. So when the relationship broke up, I stopped communicating with her for the fear of an “I told you so.”

“I had other relationships but my inability to conceive always ended the relationship, I could have married a white man if I wanted, but I never liked them.

“I came back to Nigeria a wealthy woman, but unfortunately, I was duped by a 419 guy, who was supposed to be my boyfriend.

“It was after I lost everything that I realised there were no friends. All my friends left and since I had no formal training, I resorted to the baby sitting job I baby sat in England several times so I had no problem with babies.

“I saw you and I knew I couldn’t miss who you were.

“I am not asking you to see me otherwise or forgive me, but talking about this burden I have carried for so long made me feel better”.

We sat together for a long time, not saying anything. I still don’t know what to do with her information. I haven’t been able to share it with my friend or husband.

I haven’t been to Seeni’s house , because I don’t know how I would react to Sisi Mi.

Seeni and my husband had asked what she wanted to see me for, but I told them I would talk about it later.

My husband is becoming very worried. Please, how do I handle this situation

Titilayo