DOUBLY BLESSED

Dear Taiwo,
I pray the Lord will continue to bless you and strengthen you to carry on the good work. I am in a state of total confusion. I will appreciate if you keep my identity private. I committed an abomination. I don’t want your readers to know my identity, but I will cherish their advice and counsel because I know that I need help.

Let me start by saying that I don’t need anyone to tell me what I did was bad, I am aware of that. But anyone who had at one time or the other been desperate about anything will understand me.

I wouldn’t say I regret the situation, but I wish it were otherwise. I will only introduce myself as a minister of the word. That is the only form of identification I will give. Although, I am not fully into the ministry, I have another job.

I met my wife when I was in my final year at the university. We were mates, but we studied different courses. Both of us were members of the Christian Union on the campus. In fact, I would say that, my faith was stronger than hers then because several times she would have backslidden, but I was always there to encourage her.

Right from day one that I asked her out, I told her of my intention – which was to marry her. Because we were Christians, it was expected that we maintained a strictly no-sex relationship before marriage.

We both consented to that. It wasn’t that both of us were novices, we had had relationships and seen a little of the world, so to say before we gave our lives to Christ, so maintaining a no-sex relationship was very easy for us.

We got married seven years after we met each other. For some, it was too long a courtship but it was by choice. We agreed that we must attain a level of comfort before tying the nuptial knot.

While we were waiting, I received a call to go into the vineyard, I agreed and took up the mantle, but I still had the opportunity to continue with my career.

Our joy knew no bounds the day my wife and I finally became husband and wife. As expected, our first night together was fulfilling and so were the subsequent days. I can say and beat my chest that we had and enjoyed a blissful and happy married life.

Our happiness, however, became short-lived when two years after our marriage we were yet to be blessed with the fruit of the womb.For my wife and I, we had no problems because we believed and knew that at His time, the Lord would bless us.

This however wasn’t the impression of our family members from both sides. The pressure became more serious when we were unable to have a child after seven years of marriage.

Let me however state that we did not rely on religion alone, we also sought medical help. We took several tests and went through a lot of treatment, the result stated that both of us were okay, nothing was wrong with us and we could have children.

Our patience and comforting words from the doctors and those who understood us however became inadequate when after nine years of marriage, the story remained the same. As if we did not have enough on our hands; my wife’s attitude also changed and our once peaceful home became a lion’s den and I began to dread going home.

We stopped praying together; in fact we stopped doing so many other things together. She began to blame me for our childlessness. Her attitude changed because I refused to follow her to all the places her mother took her to.

In a bid to help us, my mother-in-law invited us to go to some spiritual churches and even visit Muslim scholars (Alfas). I refused, and because of my refusal, my wife began to accuse me of several things.

In fact, sometimes for months, she would refuse to have sex with me and several times I pointed out to her that, a baby won’t jump into her womb. God, who ordained marriage as one of the tools of procreation, meant business.

At times, like this her excuses were that she was on a concoction or the other and she had been advised to abstain from sex, sometimes she would go away from home for days. Her father was dead and there wasn’t anybody I could report her to in her family.

When I couldn’t stand what was going on any longer, I confided in my parents. My mother advised that if following her to all these places would give us the joy of a child, I should consider it, but my father advised that I should maintain my belief in God and at God’s time, our child would come.

My wife was very smart despite the challenges we were going through at home, outside home and in the church we were a happy couple.

I used to marvel at her change of attitude. The way she could switch from good to bad and vice versa, I give it to her that she was a good actress. Our marriage clocked 11 years in June last year but our situation remained the same, and I must confess to you that I became worried and sad about the situation too. I am only being human.

There was this lady in my office who also had a similar problem. She had been married for 15 years and of course, she was older than me, and childless. Sometime last year, precisely in April, her husband married a lady who got pregnant for him and brought her into their matrimonial home. When the situation became unbearable for her, she had to move out. She was always sad and probably because she knew my story too, she made me her confidant.

As expected, I led her to Christ and I always encouraged her and prayed with her that her husband would see the light and make amends.

As our relationship and friendship became serious, don’t get me wrong we had a platonic relationship; I began to visit her in her rented apartment.

One day, she didn’t come to the office; she called to inform us she was ill. After close of work, I stopped over to visit her. I was lonely at home and there was no evening service in the church. My wife once again had gone on one of her trips.

I didn’t really know what came over me, but what I remembered was that I made love to this woman, not only that, I equally passed the night there. The following morning, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me.I raised my fears, but my colleague said there was nothing to it. Both of us were lonely and we helped each other, but we must ensure it did not happen again.

Don’t be shocked that it happened again several times.

Taiwo, I am in a deep mess. This lady told me two months ago that she was pregnant. I asked what would become of it, she told me not to worry myself that she was old enough to take care of her affairs.

How is that possible?

As if that was not enough, few days before she told me, the doctor confirmed that my wife was six weeks pregnant!

Please, somebody help me. I know I have betrayed not only human beings but God. How do I get out of this mess? Somebody, please, help me.

Anonymous.