http://youtu.be/xrI5jy41I6Q

Can this be true?

Dear Taiwo,
Please, help me, I don’t know what to do about this situation. I am an only child, I lost my mother when I was 12 years old. My father did not re-marry, he brought me up by himself. I was never close to my mother’s relation because of a reason best known to them, none of them bothered to tell me.

My mother’s family members did not want to have anything to do with my father and his family, and they never stopped blaming him for my mother’s death.

Daddy too was not really enthusiastic about them. But funny enough, no one volunteered any information. Thus, my world and life are centered around my father while I was growing up. When I was in my late teens and I had to go to school, I encouraged my daddy to get married again, so that he would not be lonely. He told me he wasn’t prepared to allow another woman to reap my mother’s labour. Daddy was a hard working man and he made so much money. This meant I got everything I wanted. I was very quiet while growing up and throughout my secondary and university days, I had one friend. Fortunately, my friend and I had the same interests and we were likely to seek admission to the same university and study the same course. People who didn’t know us from home would think we were related or we were blood sisters, some even referred to us as artificial twins.

I spent most of my holidays with her and her family, being an only child too; when both of us were off to Britain or the United States on holidays. She was lucky to still have both her parents.

After school and my NYSC, I got a job with an advertising agency, although daddy wanted me to work with his company, but I refused. If I knew he was going to leave me very early without a goodbye, I would have agreed to work for him so that I would learn the ropes and rules of his work.

About a year into my job, daddy told me he was travelling to Britain for medical check-up. When he said this, I was surprised, because I had never thought for a day that he had to worry about his health. When I voiced my fears, he told me I had nothing to worry about. He then explained to me that he developed high blood pressure from the shock he experienced after losing my mother, and if he had been able to live with it since then, of course, he would still survive.

But he was wrong because he died during the trip. I don’t need to tell you what his death did to me. I became an orphan at 27, unattached and still single. I thank God for the support and love shown to me by my friend and her family. They were closer to me, than even my own family, daddy was never close to his family members.

Although my mother’s family members came around, I was very careful with them, because of the way they spoke about my father.

No matter what happened, which no one was bold enough to tell me, it was not my business and I wasn’t ready to allow them to destroy the memory of a kind and loving father that I had. It was during the mourning period that I met Gbola. He was a son to one of my daddy’s business associates. I won’t be very right if I called our relationship love at first sight, but I liked what I saw the first time I met him, although he said he felt love at first sight for me. On the long run, Gbola did not marry me for what I had, as he was from a very rich background too, but he lost his father years before mine. His mother raised him and his younger brother who was a little retarded. Because of this reason, I didn’t feel it was unusual for Gbola to be close to his mother, the way he was when I met him.

I was a novice, Gbola married me a virgin; I thought I could take his mother like my mother, because I missed mother’s love, but I was very wrong. Our courtship was short, and after marriage, I discovered that I had to compete with Mama for everything except sex. I maintained my relationship with my only friend (Funmi) and her parents and whenever I raised this issue with Funmi’s mother, she always advised that I exercise patience. I cried most times because of the way my mother-in-law treated me.

One fateful day, she came to our house and informed me that she wanted to cook her son’s meal, because her son complained to her that I didn’t know how to cook. I was shocked because Gbola never told me anything of that nature. Unfortunately, I was unable to conceive for about two years after we got married. I consulted different specialists, I was given a clean bill of health, but Gbola refused to see a doctor; he always told me that I was too anxious.

During one of mama’s visit, I was in the kitchen trying to get food ready, although I knew she wouldn’t eat my food, but, at least, I tried. I overheard her telling Gbola that he made the wrong choice by marrying me, because she knew girls like me would have had several abortions white growing up and that she wasn’t even sure that my father did not sleep with me before he died. I was shocked and I expected my husband to stand up in my defence, because he married me as a virgin, but he did not say anything.

When his mother eventually left, I raised this issue concerning his mother and I with him and I emphasised the fact that I thought he would stand up for me and defend me when his mother made that derogatory statement. I couldn’t believe my husband’s reply. He said, eavesdroppers never hear good about themselves and that I had no excuse at all listening to what they were discussing. I was hurt by this.

I discussed this as usual with Funmi’s mum and she counselled me to remain patient, I saw that I had no choice because I love Gbola so much. To the glory of God, I conceived and had a baby girl. Itunu’s birth also came with a lot of controversy, as Gbola’s mother felt I could do better by giving birth to a baby boy.

Despite this, she did not allow me to take care of Itunu. She forced me to wean the girl at six months, and she took her away. Her initial excuse was that I wouldn’t be able to train her well. But I stood up to her for the first time in years and she said she wanted to take the burden of taking care of Itunu away from me, so that I would be able to conceive again.

Again, my friend’s mummy advised that I should take things easy with her. That was how Itunu started living with her. I was shocked when she started calling me aunty and not mummy. I stood my ground and made sure she called me mummy.

Unfortunately, I was unable to conceive again after giving birth to Itunu and my mother-in-law made it a point of duty to make me realise I was a failure, although it wasn’t my fault.

Three years after Itunu’s birth, I noticed a change in Gbola. He was always away on business trips and he started to spend less time at home. I was always alone at home and I had to plead with my mother-in-law before she would allow my daughter to spend few days with me.

Funmi was equally married, but she was not going through the same experience.

Although Gbola’s absence made me lonely, but it gave me enough time for my father’s business which I made a success of.

Five years after Itunu’s birth, I discovered Gbola’s secret and why he was always away from home. I stopped over at mama’s place to check my daughter one evening on my way from the office, she was away to the church and I met Itunu, mama’s housemaid and Gbola’s retarded brother, Dare. Although, I saw a car being driven out of mama’s house as I made to enter, but I thought nothing of it and none of them told me anything.

But as I made to leave, Dare asked if I saw Gbola and his new wife, I said I didn’t. I was sure it was not possible because Gbola was outside the country attending to his business concerns. Dare told me all Gbola’s trips were a lie and that he just left with his new wife (Titi) as I came in.

Dear Taiwo,
I refused to believe his story because I felt his state of health has affected his thinking, I was however shocked when Mama’s househelp confirmed his story.

She went on to tell me that Gbola had an elaborate church wedding with his new wife and that Itunu, my daughter was the little bride while mama and her friends were in the same aso ebi.

To confirm her story, mama’s househelp showed me the wedding programme and some of the photographs taken at the ceremony. It was all like a dream and I begged God to allow me wake up and discover that all what I heard were tales, but unfortunately, they were all true.

Mama’s housemaid said Gbola and his new wife who was about six months pregnant had just left as I came in. She urged me to call Gbola’s mobile number.

Ordinarily, I never called him whenever he told me he was travelling, he normally did the calling and of course he would call hiding the caller’s identity, which gave me the impression that he was calling from outside the country.

Gbola had two lines; I called both lines which went through, but he refused to pick my calls. I was devastated and heart-broken. I love Gbola despite all his mother’s attitude towards me. I took in all the insult and humiliation from her because of my love for my husband. I couldn’t wait for mama, because I could not trust myself not to misbehave or be rude to her.

I left before she came back from the church and went straight to Funmilayo’s house. I just couldn’t go back to the apartment I shared with Gbola; I couldn’t comprehend the gravity of his betrayal. I knew mama didn’t like me, but I thought Gbola, at least, would stand up for me.

I broke down and wept bitterly while narrating everything that happened to Funmi. Her husband was there. Funmi phoned her mum and she equally joined us.

It was unanimously decided that Itunu, my daughter should stay with me. Funmi’s mother offered to go and speak with mama. I was advised to keep my cool and wait for Gbola’s reaction whenever he decided to return home from his alleged trip. His reaction would dictate my next line of action. Gbola committed bigamy and I could take him to the court of law if I wanted. I called him several times, he refused to pick his phone. He had been away for seven days before I learnt of his hidden secret and he was supposed to spend 11 days; but he did not return home.

Funmi’s husband called his line in my presence and he picked the call. He made an appointment to meet with him in his office and when he did, Gbola told him that I could go to hell and that he decided to take another wife since I could not produce a heir and was unable to give birth to another child after Itunu. Funmi’s husband gave me a feedback and it was decided that I should leave Gbola alone, but not before Funmi’s parents went to see his mother. His mother also said the same thing. Both of them made me feel bad and guilty as if it was my fault that Itunu came as a girl or it was my fault that I couldn’t get pregnant immediately after her.

Mama (Gbola’s mum) told everyone who cared to listen how magnanimous she had been by taking care of Itunu so that I won’t have any stress taking in again, but I failed.

Gbola abandoned me in our home and never came back even to take his clothes. When it became obvious that he wasn’t coming back, I had to forcefully take Itunu from his mother. At least, Itunu is my daughter, let me have her. Apart from this, I needed a companion and I would rather have my child. Immediately I discovered Gbola’s secret, I fell ill. Everyone thought it was as a result of the stress I was going through. Nobody thought I could be pregnant. Not after what Gbola and his mother said. I didn’t think of it too. But my God is a great God.

Funmi’s parents advised that I should take a break and go on holiday. I needed a change of environment and some peace. Fortunately, Itunu was on holiday, so Funmi, her two children, Itunu and I travelled to England on holiday. When we arrived in England, I took ill again and Funmi insisted that I saw a doctor. I was however suprised when the general practitioner referred me to a gynaecologist. After all said and done, I learnt I was four months pregnant with a set of twins. This news elated me to put it mildly. We phoned Funmi’s parents and told them. I wanted to call Gbola and inform him but my friend advised against it; in fact, if Funmi’s parents would have their way, they would prefer that I stayed in England till I gave birth, but I refused because I have a business to run.

We all returned to Nigeria, after the holiday and life continued. I decided to move out of the house Gbola and I shared and got a new flat, somewhere in Surulere close to Funmi’s parents’. I informed Gbola that I had left the house and I later learnt that he went there to pick his things.

I met mama’s housemaid at the market one weekend, she was shocked to see me pregnant because as of then, I was heavy. She told me that Gbola was having a serious problem with Toyin, his wife, because it became obvious that she tricked him into marrying her. She was never pregnant! She equally said that they never had a day of peace; it was always one quarrel or the other.

I also learnt from her that Dare, Gbola’s brother was seriously ill and was hospitalised for over two months. Well, that explained why mama did not come to look for Itunu.

To the glory of God, I delivered a set of twins, two boys. My joy knew no bounds and nobody needed to question their parternity because they both looked like Gbola. They were his carbon copy.

I did not inform him, I had a quiet naming ceremony at the hospital, because Kehinde developed jaundice after birth and we had to stay back. At about the time my boys were a month and some weeks, Dare died. I heard this and had to go and visit mama. I was shocked at who and what I saw; mama had aged and she asked if it was true that I delivered a set of twins. I answered in the affirmative. She asked why I did not bring them to see her. I told her point blank that since I wasn’t a good wife to her, how would she want to see my children.

Initially, she shouted and cursed the devil who made her destabilised Gbola’s home by making him marry her friend’s daughter who later turned out to be a thorn in all their flesh, she pleaded with me to forgive her and let her see the boys. I promised to bring them to see her. It never was, because mama took ill two days after and was rushed to the hospital and was in coma for 15 days before she died. Although, I took the boys to see her, but she didn’t even show a sign that she heard all that we said beside her bed that day.

During mama’s burial, I did my duty and it was obvious that Toyin, Gbola’s second wife was in the mood for competition. I allowed her to have her way, what business do I have competing with her?

Gbola did not come to the children and I, neither did he give anything for their upkeep. Fortunately, I have a good business. I was however surprised when I learnt he came to look for me in my office some weeks ago. I was away in the US with my kids. The twins are now two years and eight months old and Itunu is almost eight years.

Eventually we met, can you imagine? Gbola wanted me to forgive him. He wanted us back. His Toyin could not produce a heir, not even a child. He looked unkempt, dirty and he had aged, I told him to leave.

What if God did not bless and compensate me, what if Toyin had kids for him? Would he have remembered me? He has been to everyone who could talk to me, but I still cannot find it in my heart to take him back.

Now everybody thinks I am the bad one, because I am unforgiving. What do I do? I can’t take Gbola back.

Usher strikes back at ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond after bad dad court claims
The R&B singer testified that Tameka wanted to get violent over the custody case

Usher testified Tuesday that ex Tameka Raymond threatened to get violent in their custody battle.

Usher struck back at ex-wife Tameka Foster Raymond in court Tuesday – a day after he cried on the witness stand over allegations that he’s a bad dad.

The R&B superstar testified that his former spouse once went berserk and threw food, spit on his girlfriend and tried to start a catfight during an explosive jealous rage.

“She wanted to fight,” he told the Atlanta court hearing his bitter child custody trial, E! News reported. “She said, ‘I’m gonna kick your a–. B—-, get out of the car. How dare you bring this woman into my subdivision.”

The singer claimed his ex-wife hit him during the alleged attack but that he decided not to press charges for the sake of the couple’s young sons.

“I didn’t want the boys to know that their father put their mother in jail,” he testified.

Foster Raymond’s lawyer countered that Usher provoked her client and that his account was exaggerated.

On Monday, Usher wiped away tears as his testimony centered on allegations he cares more about partying than he does about his kids.

He dabbed his eyes with a white tissue as his ex-wife’s lawyer confronted him with photos allegedly showing him carousing in a European nightclub in February, TMZ.com reported.

Usher broke down in court Monday over claims that he cared more about partying than his kids.(David Goldman/AP)
The “Yeah!” singer tried to explain the circumstances surrounding the snaps, but the judge suggested he let his lawyer finish her objection.

“I was actually in Holland. I was in Holland when this picture was taken. It was for…” he piped up as the judge cut him off.

“You’re paying your lawyers to talk for you, so you don’t want to talk over them,” the judge said.

Usher, who’s fighting for more time with his boys, also was grilled about his drug use, TMZ said.

The crooner admitted he has smoked pot in the past but insisted he never used drugs in front of the children.

He hedged on the subject of seeing his boys while under the influence, TMZ reported.

Foster Raymond is asking for full custody of 4-year-old Usher Raymond V and 3-year-old Naviyd Ely Raymond.

The couple tied the knot in 2007 and divorced two years later.

With News Wire Services

[email protected]

K

IT WAS NOT ALL IT CRACKED UP TO BE…WE KNOW

Extremely excitable acts and violent encounters among uniform police officers in Nigeria are now periodic sights in the public view. These abnormal behaviors which could further give the police bad image around the nation require full psychological attention.

The occasional eruption of fights between armed police officers, the exhibition of drunken behaviors and sporadic shooting by male officers mostly, in public places are sights that any reasonable citizen would hate to see.

These personality-disordered behaviors send a wrong message of indiscipline, character disorder, impulsiveness, dangerousness and madness about anyone in police service.

There is urgent need for the new management of the Nigeria police to reduce these ugly messages, horrible perceptions and unpleasant images particularly when these behaviors are not reflective of most police personnel, and these public images even in one wild or hostile officer remains all too many.

The sometime hostile police-public engagements which have sometimes resulted in outright violence by an officer against a citizen could be the hand work of a few officers and those are the ones that need to be weeded out during enlistment periods, and fully identified if they are already in the police service.

The demand on police to fight crime remains enormous and as such the stress of the work could be so exerting on some officers that they end up acting out in public between themselves with some of these responses been directed to a society that does not fully appreciate and celebrate their hard work.

Nonetheless and in spite of one’s condition, a police officer must constantly stand the test of meeting the full standards of law enforcement professional.

As such the all too common exposure to corruptible, pilfering, intoxicating, sexual abuse and other kinds of illegal/unethical/bizarre behaviors by some police officers are detrimental to the police organization and to the people; therefore these acts need full taming now.

A more control measure to fighting these problems lies with psychological testing of the soon-to-be and the already serving police officers.

The Acting Inspector General of Police, Mr. Muhammed Abubakar as part of his renovation agenda should mandate that anyone entering the police work must go through psychological screening, testing and evaluation.

With the use of psychological testing, clinical and forensic psychologists are able to fully reveal the inner side of humans in terms of intellectual, personality, and visual-motor and ethical functioning, as well as security and law enforcement tendencies.

To become a certified entrant to the police training college either as a recruit or as a senior police officer the individual must pass a series or battery of psychological tests carried out mainly by a licensed or certified Clinical and personality psychologist, and certainly not by psychiatrists as they are mainly certified in medication aspects of mental health issues.

By involving psychological tests in police work, cases of psychological imbalanced individuals are caught earlier and cutoff quickly , and for those already serving but psychologically shaky, treatment in form of therapy may be offered, and in some cases they could receive medication—this where the psychiatrist comes in mainly.

In the face of many challenges that the Nigerian police is currently fighting with it will be unusual if psychological testing does not become mandated in training matters except the current police management does not mind hearing and seeing of very disturbing police behaviors in public periodically.

The Acting Inspector General of Police, Mr. Abubakar and his management team should assist the nation in moving the police into modernity in terms of continuously professionalizing the Nigerian police.
Nigerian Govt to borrow $7.9 billion, insists country is not broke

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