WONT GET OLD? THINK AGAIN

And a stranger took his place!

Dear Taiwo,

I read a story on this page some weeks ago titled,”My heart bleeds because of my children’s behaviour” and my curiosity led me to follow up the story, I felt happy when I read the responses of some of your readers to this woman’s story. Though pathetic, it is a story of victory and the triumph of good over evil.

I am not trying to condemn or judge anybody, beacause I am not God and I cannot put myself in His place, but what I know and is so certain is that God never forgets things and whatever we do here on earth, the rewards and punishments for them start here on earth.

I am not saying that what happened to my husband would happen to her husband, neither am I praying for the same thing, but I was encouraged by her story to share mine and also for both men and women, especially our men to learn from these stories.

I got married to my husband when I was very young (I would not want to mention names here because of my children). In fact, some of my school mates felt I was stupid to have married him as soon as I finished from the school of nursing. My parents, however encouraged me because my mother, especially was of the opinion that getting married would not hinder me from proceeding further in my education if I so wished.

That was how I got married at the age of 22. I started work at one of the teaching hospitals in the country. My children came on time, at least, the first two boys and when my second son turned four years,

I told my husband, who was then a civil servant, and my parents that I would like to travel to Scotland for my midwifery course.

My husband’s initial fear was how he would raise money for such, but my father who was a successful business man came to the rescue. He reminded me of his promise to sponsor my education to any level.

I was my father’s favourite; the fact that I am the only daughter of my parents also won me everyone’s affection. My paternal uncles and aunties also had soft spot for me because they all claimed I resembled their mother, who died just before I was born.

I was a pampered child, and I really enjoyed my childhood. Arrangements were concluded that I should go to Scotland, but I couldn’t go with my boys, they had to stay with my mother, and I was sure that they would be well taken care of. It couldn’t have been otherwise because my husband’s mother died long before I met him.

I however, had to make my husband promise me one thing, and that was the fact that, once I leave for Scotland, he also would make efforts to return to school and study to obtain his Higher National Diploma. He had an ordinary diploma in engineering then.

Once again the issue of finance came up, because my husband was responsible for his siblings being the first child but I assured him that we would work out things.

Being a proud man, if I asked that he spoke with my father, he wouldn’t agree with me, so I did and my father, who would do anything to make me happy agreed to help out anytime he was ready.

My husband started his Higher National Diploma, a year after I travelled abroad. I never told him where the money came from, the impression he had was that I sent the money. I never knew that my insisting that he furthered his education was at my own peril.

It was during the cause of his study for HND, that he met and legally married another woman while I sponsored his studies and other family members. When I finished my course, I was interested in studying for a degree in Nursing, B.sc, and I told him, since I could work and at the same time study, I asked that my husband should come over with my children, but he said he wasn’t interested.

So I had to come back to Nigeria, and made arrangements to go back with my children. Things were easy then, not like now that visa and jobs in foreign countries is a tug of war.

When I came on a visit to Nigeria, I stayed in our matrimonial home, my husband was very smart, he did not give me an inkling to think anything was wrong; not even my parents who were here in Nigeria knew he had another family. When I was going back abroad, I went with my children and his youngest sibling and the pregnancy of my daughter, who I had months later.

When my daughter was two, my husband signified his interest to go to the United Kingdom for his Masters programme. I encouraged him to come over to Scotland, but he said he would prefer to study in London, which he did. Like I promised him, I supported him with some funds and my father equally did. I never knew he insisted he wanted to stay in London so that he would be able to convince his wife that he wasn’t married and she could come over and visit him at will.

He returned to Nigeria after five years, but I had to wait to see that my children were doing well before I could come back home and this took me another seven years after he came back home.

I did not remain incommunicado, while I was there, I always came home during holidays and he also came over on several visits. He never gave me a cause to suspect that he had another woman, wife or family.

However, one of my friends called to inform that she suspected that my husband had another family. She said she met them at a family function, she did her findings and she learnt that she was his wife. I asked my husband, but he said there was nothing like that.

Of course, like every typical man, he would deny) but I still believed him because I had no cause not to trust him.

I suspected something was fishy when I told him I was ready to come home. I had a vision of having my own hospital and nursing home and to this effect, I purchased a landed property during one of my visits and I kept sending money for him to complete the building.

When I eventually came, I discovered that one of the reasons he did not want me to return then was that he did not do what he was supposed to do with the money I had been sending.

Apparently, he used most of the money to build his own house, where his other wife lived and he continued to stay in our own house. When I returned, I became suspicious because our house was too neat; it looked like an apartment no one has ever lived in.

I raised an alarm, but he told me that he had the whole house cleaned because I was coming back. The issue of my house became something my parents and his siblings had to intervene in, everybody pleaded with me to let go and I did.

I was however, shocked when a woman about my age came to the site one day to accuse me and wanted to know who I was. She accused me of wanting to take over her husband’s property. I tried to reach my husband immediately; it was not the days of GSM, I couldn’t. When we both got home later on in the day, I asked him and insisted that he told me the truth.

He owned up to having another family, and the year he got married. I was shocked and told him I wanted to meet the woman, he said I couldn’t because she doesn’t know anything about my children and I. I was shocked, one thing eventually led to another, and I travelled to London to purchase some equipments I would need for the hospital, I came back to discover that he had moved out of the house to his other home, and that was it.

I felt bad and cheated, I felt used and abandoned. All through the time we were together as husband and wife, I trained and raised our children alone; I equally contributed immensely to his own life too. I trained and made sure his youngest sibling had a good life. Instead of building my hospital, he spent my money building his own house.

I was hurt, I almost became a mental wretch, but the grace of God saved me. And people kept on asking that I forgive him. What would I have done any way, but his other wife would not allow my children and I to rest. She called us thieves who came to reap where we did not sow. Every time she came to the house; it was one trouble after the other. And when I make a report to my husband, instead of calling a spade a spade, he would quarrel with me. Eventually, he moved away from our home and moved into his house with his other wife and that was the end of the story.

Of course, I would not die; neither would the world come to an end because of his betrayal. My clinic was doing well and my children had no cause to give me any trouble.

We lived in the same town, but we did not see each other for a long time, until when my second son wanted to get married. Just like this other woman, I refused to allow him be a part of it, but we all know the way Yoruba and Africans are, they pleaded that I should allow him be a part of his son’s marriage.

When I saw him, Taiwo, the rest is history, he had depreciated seriously and he already lost an arm and leg to stroke. I equally felt sorry for him. In fact, he could not play the part of the groom’s father during the engagement and wedding, a stranger took his place.

My dear, God’s ways are just not our ways, now my children are the ones who take him to the hospital and take care of his bills. Instead of enjoying the fruit of his labour the way he should, he is at the hospital taking drugs. Thank God my kids are there to take care of him.

My dear woman, take care and take heart, the Lord will always fight our battles, Amen.

Monisola, Lekki, Lagos.