LIVING BY THE HOLY SPIRIT-GOODMORNING

Living by the Spirit

by Ian Drucker

Most of my life I have felt the presence of a battle being fought within the deepest portion of my soul. It started when I was thirteen, as a result of my cousin sharing his dad’s stash of Playboy magazines with me.

The sinful desires of my flesh screamed out to be satisfied every day afterwards for more than 30 years. That’s how long I was addicted to pornography, and continuously lusted for beautiful women. I know that many people may argue that magazines like Playboy and Penthouse aren’t porn, but I would strongly disagree. Let’s get real! Although these magazines may not show people engaging in sexual acts, the women they show and the way they are shown definitely causes sexual arousal. So, you may be asking, “Does that mean that the Victoria’s Secret and similar types of catalogs are porn?” To me, the answer is YES! I say that because I was addicted to them as well. I couldn’t wait until I could get my hands on the next Victoria’s Secret catalog. I am really saddened because I know first hand the damage that our society is causing to an entire generation of boys, that will eventually grow up (physically at least) to be men. This, however, is the subject of another column.

In the initial stages of my addiction the act of satisfying the desires of my flesh was followed by guilt, shame and sadness. This feeling would subside in time; and the desire would build up until I satisfied it again. This cycle would repeat itself over and over. With each cycle the feelings of guilt, shame and sadness diminished. Eventually, as I continued to feed it, my addiction grew to the point that these feelings were squelched, so much so, that they almost completely disappeared. The feelings of shame and guilt were replaced by a feeling of permissiveness. While in my twenties, visiting strip clubs (gentlemen clubs, etc.) became an integral part of my life. It got to the point that I actually considered it to be healthy red-blooded American male behavior, as I had adopted a worldly view of most things. I would visit them a few times a week. I looked forward to the outings, and it was the anticipation of the excitement to come that gave me the drive, strength and energy to make it through the week.

I would talk openly about going to strip clubs after work with my co-workers. Beyond and worse than that, I would go around the office and try to talk people into going on each outing with me and others (which didn’t include only men by the way). I had grown to really enjoy going to these clubs, and I became very disappointed whenever I could not visit one; when and where I wanted. I have to admit that saying I really enjoyed these outings is a bit of an understatement. The truth is that I grew to crave them. It is sad, but true, that these outings became addictive. I found myself scheduling my work day and developing work habits that would ensure my flexibility to leave the office at specific times, based on the women that I knew would be dancing on a specific day. Anyone in this situation knows exactly what I’m talking about. It gets to the point that you know the schedules of your favorite dancers. Eventually, their schedule becomes your schedule.

Galatians 5:16-17 indicates, “So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want.”

I have always believed that God exists, and that He loves me. I am confident that even before I became a Christian, the Holy Spirit was trying to convict me of my sinfulness. I believe that it was the Holy Spirit that encouraged me and worked within me to create the feelings of shame and sadness. The Holy Spirit was trying to convince me that my thoughts and actions were sinful.

I became a baptized believer in and follower of Jesus Christ in 1993. I came to Christ with a tremendous amount of baggage which included an addiction to porn. I was also the product of a broken home, I was sexually abused and I had one failed marriage. Need I say more? I thank God every day, that He accepts us as we are, baggage included. I am so thankful for Jesus because I know that I am the exact type of person that He came to earth to save.

Since my baptism, the Holy Spirit has really been at work on and within me. The Holy Spirit has been in conflict with my sinful nature. It is this very real Spiritual War that has created the battleground atmosphere within my innermost being.

I know that I can’t undo the past, or right all of the wrongs that I have committed. I wish that I could. However, I know that I must face each day with the renewed mind and heart that I have as a new creation in Christ. While God accepts us where we are, I am convinced that He doesn’t want us to stay that way. I am a firm believer that our old sinful nature must die, and that we must learn to live by the Spirit. For me that was quite a challenge and it took quite a few years. The point is that we don’t have a choice; it is something that we are told to do. It is a journey, and each person’s walk with the LORD in this regard is going to be very different.

People often ask me if I’m still tempted, now that God has delivered me from my addiction. The answer is, yes! Of course I am, and quite frequently. The difference, however, is that I now know that I must fight off and fight through the temptation, rather than give in to i