SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER- GOODMORNING

by Ian Drucker

Pain, sorrow and depression is often used, I believe, by the enemy to lead people in addictive behaviors to a point where they seriously consider taking their own lives. While steeped in my addiction to Internet Porn there were times that I became very depressed.

I felt hopeless. I also felt compelled to take my own life, thinking that death would be the only way out of an inescapable and very consuming addiction. I thought that my wife and family would be better off without me around.

I came very close a number of times. This prompting became extremely strong after a number of cycles in which my wife discovered me surfing the Internet for porn, after I had promised never to do it again.

I will never forget the night she caught me in the act after I promised again, to stop. The look on her face revealed more pain than I could bear. I saw in her eyes a cold stare that I had never seen before. She seemed to be looking right through me, as if she didn’t know who I was. It was then that I realized that I may loose her for the rest of my life. Suddenly, the pain of my sin overtook the pleasure that I had been experiencing from the act of my sin. I pray to God that I never have to see that look on my wife’s face again. I am now aware that Satan would have been very happy and satisfied if he could have influenced me enough to the point that I pulled the trigger on myself.

2 Timothy 2:25-26 indicates, “Those who oppose him (A Workman Approved by God) he must gently instruct, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

During the times of my addiction I opposed many workmen approved by God. If I had in fact killed myself, as I believe that Satan was whispering for me to do, then I never would have come to the point of repentance and faith in Christ Jesus. That means that I would have been condemned for all eternity. I still get chills up and down my spine every time I realize how close I was to that becoming my reality. I am so thankful that God has granted me repentance, and that I was led to the knowledge of the truth that is found only in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I am also very aware that such a decision would have caused a great deal of pain to my family and friends. The ripple affect that would have resulted if I did commit suicide, would have been far reaching. That, however, was not a major concern during the time I was contemplating my fate. I can’t say for sure why I never really went through with it. All I can say is that I was spared by the grace of God.

It is interesting that one of my favorite Bible verses is now Romans 8:28. It states, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

The fact that I am now saved is nothing short of a miracle. It seems so unlikely given that I was born and raised in the Jewish faith, that I have had a terrible addiction which started at age 13 and that I did not accept and believe in Jesus Christ until I was 33 years old (I am now 44). Our God is an awesome God. He has a plan and purpose for my life. Now free from my addiction (not from temptation), I have been called by God to spend the rest of my life working to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and to help others by leading them to Jesus Christ. I know that I am, with the power of the Holy Spirit, more than a conqueror. Therefore, I am able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil.

I want to encourage anyone reading this article that is suffering with these same issues to stop thinking about suicide. Suicide is not the answer. The answer is Jesus! It is time for you to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Do not give up hope. Do not take your life. Know that God loves you, and that He wants you to be saved by His grace and your faith in His Son Jesus Christ. Life is worth living, and will be eternal, when you decide to live it for Jesus.

-Ian Drucker