BITTER CANDY

Bitter Kandy

To be myself was more important than being anyone else I was not going to just let circumstances determine my life. I lived with my mother who was a teacher and my step-father who tried his best to support the family. I lived in a housing scheme and just like other families there my family was trying to find their way in society. To me a housing scheme project was just a step from the ghetto actually more like a ready made ghetto. At the age of 15 I had my first real boyfriend I thought l loved him so much and that he was my world. He was a footballer and well known to everyone. I thought he loved me and I gave him my virginity. After the fact I came to find out that he had another girlfriend at another school. This devastated me and I decided never again, it was too much for me. I had done so much to conceal the relationship and he just walked passed me hand in hand with another girl. There was so much pressure and I was not able to crumble because I had to maintain good grades for my mother. She thought education was the key and passed her aspirations on to me.

After the humiliation with the boyfriend situation I had no choice but to change my image so I started thinking about who I wanted to be and how I wanted to look. I changed my name from Kaye to Kandi to go with my new identity. I was kind of on the heavier side I was not a skinny person but I was not fat, I was thick. It all happened over night I started to make my self scarce I stopped eating my lunch at school and saved my money. I started walking to school instead of taking public transportation. I saw a lot of difference in my body I drank a lot of water also. I did not expect to be thin because my frame was not made for that but I wanted to be comfortable in my skin. While walking to school a car pulled up beside me and asked me if I wanted a ride. I refused because I did not know who it was. The driver was about 24 years old and not bad looking. He had a nice car too, but I still did not take him up on his offer. The next day I was approached by him again and he told me that he just wanted to give me a ride to school. I declined his offer again and he left . Two weeks had passed and I did not see him until one morning he waited for me and asked me if I was ready to go with him. I did go with him that morning and many other mornings. He even picked me up from school everyday when he was not away. My mother found birth control in my room and demanded to know what was going it caused a big argument. Dean was a good guy and he exposed me to a lot of things that I would not have known. I knew that his business practices was not anything legal but it did not bother me. I got money from him and he did his best to make me happy after all I was having sex with him. Dean and I would meet up with his friend and his girl who was 20 years old and he was in his early thirties. This girl carried herself really well she was not pretty but she was very attractive. She had her weave done well and she bleached her skin but you would not be able to tell because she did not go over board. The visits were always short but I was able to observe a lot. It also seemed that she was in this business and knew a lot about it. This man seemed as if he was the boss but he was not very far from Dean’s status.

My mother got concerned about my whereabouts and my late nights and told me that I had to shape up or leave her house. I chose the latter and Dean said that I could stay with him. So I packed my things and left the house. Before I left my mother said that I was destroying my life and that I should think about what I was doing. When I moved in with Dean I still went to school cooked an cleaned the same things I did at my own house. Peter was very hospitable but I realised that sometimes he stayed out late at night and sometimes he did not come in at all. I tried to ask him about it but he would tell me it was business and I understood because whenever I called him he would answer the phone most of the time. I was cleaning the bathroom one morning and I realized that his cellphone was left on the top of the cupboard. I took up the phone to bring it to him but by the time I got outside he was already gone. He was in a rush that Saturday and left his cell phone. Shortly after a text message came in that said “I miss you. Did you leave yet ?” I realised that this was not a code for business because this person sent quite a few messages to him. I was shocked but I was not going to give up my only support for this so I decided to play it off I was still young and this would not be the end of my world.

written by realking