Blood For My Tears – True Story

Blood for my Tears

My name is Natalie I am now 16 years old I have never met my fahter. I live with my mother and I have a sister . My life is rough and always was. I lived in conditions that I cannot will not explain because you will not understand. When things got bad with my mother her head couldn’t manage and we still had to live with her at age six I already missed two years of school. The yard that I live in was mainly family, some good, some bad and some should be dead. My mother was the poorest in the yard and was not respected at times. “Dman” my cousin was the don fi di yaad, although he was only 22, he was wicked and he was not from around ther but he saw where he could do his deeds without interfernace. “Dman” did not know his father either like almost all of us, he died when his mother gave birth. As a young girl nobody showed interest in me and if they did it was for the wrong reason. Mommy was getting better but couldnt manage and gave me to “Big Mother” who lived at the top of the lane Big Mother had a decent house and she had a shop and everything but she was not kind to me. Her daughter had a job and it was decent not common where I lived and would drive too but they still lived in a place where a lot of people would not go freely. I complained to my mother several times of the beating and illtreament and my mother took me back. I was happy but still life was still not good but I was happy to be with my mother. During this time my mother had a friend she met while the girl would come and by “Ganja” I thought the girl was very brown. And she would talk to my mother and everybody else. Sometimes she would bring food and clothes. She did not live in Jamaica but when she came she she would bring me to her house and she baked me my first birthday cake. I did not speak to her much because I could not speak like her. Anyway she like everybody else did not really know what was going on. One night when I 12 years old my friend came to me and told me that she was going to a nine night I agreed to go with her at a place called Doom Town. My mother said no but I agreed to go I thought I am twelve and I can go where ever I want. While we were there my friend and her man left me when she came back I was being raped she ran when she saw what was going on. I bled and bled someone my mother new gave me some paper and tried to clean me off. My mother saw me and started crying “Dman” was called alerted as he was for everything. He came around the back running and said to me ” A who do dis? A yu gi him? A wah gwaan? Tell mi a who ? Dem nuh know mi ? My mother told him. He told my mother to bring me to “Big Mother” to check mi out. I was ashamed to admit that I was raped so I said that he used his finger, clearly I was lying. Big Mother said “mi buss up” and the message was passed on to Dman. Dman fly down the gully and beat di bwoy to a pulp and made him eat dirt. I was not taken to the doctor and and Dman told my mother to avoid “babylon” cause dem a problem. Lucky for di “waste bwoy” it was broad day light so no machine neva rise. Days passed and my life was not the same and I did not see my friend for a long time and to add insult to injury. My mother would curse my friend saying”if yu neva go wid dah whoring gyal deh yu would neva get touch, di gyal an ar waste mumma ova a deh a tek man like trouble. Dman’s baby mother came to visit and she was also a teenager. Shi called me and said ” Yu know seh a violate dem bwoy deh violate, an him luckee seh him neva dead ova deh caw him a gwaan like him nuh know yu a who fa fambily ova yah”. I had to go on because it was just one of those things, time went by and now I have to wipe my tears and smell the blood