FOR THE MEN

1. Squeeze your p*nis! Perhaps the most practical tip around, but it makes sense. If you squeeze the p*nis just below the head, you can greatly reduce blood flow, which is the main cause of stimulation. Plus, the head of the p*nis is the most sensitive part in general, so it all kind of works out. Simply squeeze gently for a good 5-30 seconds (however much time you can spare). Just don’t do it in such a way that, well, gets you off.

2. Think disgusting thoughts. Definitely not practical, but hey, it really works for some guys. Look down and imagine you are sticking it in Quasimodo or something. I don’t know, you decide. Anything that makes you want to throw up and is a complete turn-off… go for it.

3. Cause pain to your body. Okay let’s qualify that tip: cause pain to your body somewhere else besides your shlong! For the record, this is also a good way to pass a polygraph test while lying – and for the same reasons. It distracts your brain to focus on the most urgent matter at hand, which is ALWAYS pain. Biting your tongue is usually a favorite strategy, and probably the easiest to perform while under the sheets.

4. Only go tip deep. Recall Vince Vaughn’s monologue in “The Wedding Crashers” … where he proposes playing “a little game called ‘just the tip’ … just for a second!”… yah, you get the point. This takes some practice to find the angle that still feels good to her, but also gives him a small break from the “deeper” action. Anyway, good luck with your experimentation.

5. Go slower sometimes. Seriously. It’s a simple tip, but it’s one that we all forget when the lights go out. You aren’t in a race! Not only do you not always need to be in “deep” but you also don’t always need to go fast. A little change-up in speed never hurt nobody – and in fact, most girls will probably appreciate a little down time. It becomes a bit of a mental game as the minutes tick onward, so show some self-control and work on your pace.

7. Take some sort of break. Some of you might wonder how Fabio can last for 45 minutes in that latest Jenna Jameson video. Well if you cut out the 25 minutes of slap and tickle in the beginning, and factor out the 5 different drugs he took before the shoot, you’ll notice quite a few camera angle changes. This is because the average p*rn video is actually filmed across 3 days of shooting! So stop beating yourself up. Fabio’s other trick is that he takes frequent “breaks” whether it be from changing positions, grabbin’ a BJ here and there, and what not. The point is that if you want to last *super* long, you are going to need some regular breaks.

8. Clear the tubes beforehand. If you don’t want to be a minuteman on a big date, or screw up a romantic night with your woman, then it never hurts to unload your gun before you go out, and it usually helps you last longer later on. There is really no better way to illustrate this point than quoting from “There’s Something About Mary”…

9. Practice flexing your pubococcygeus. This is probably the best kept s*x secret in the entire universe. Both men and women have what are commonly referred to as Kegel muscles, named after Dr. Arnold Kegel. These are the muscles that you squeeze when you are trying to stop peeing mid-stream! It’s nearly impossible for most males, because we never practice flexing them. If you can build up strength and control of these muscles, however, not only can you learn to “hold in” your ej*culation for longer, but you can also have larger ej*culations because you will be able to blast more semen out of your system – and farther. Not only so, but rumor has it that some guys have learned to jack themselves off using only their Kegel muscles. Talk about weird sh*t.

10. If all else fails… drugs. Okay, this is somewhat of a joke as we hope you don’t give up on the above methods. However, if you do finally give in and have tried everything, you might as well give some drugs a go. There are absolutely TONS these days, so do your research first. Some of them merely give you a massive b*ner and might make it harder for you to last longer – who knows. Others are designed specifically for bigger org*sms or for lasting longer, or both, or neither.