My heart bleeds because of my children’s behaviour

Dear readers,
To err is human, to forgive, divine. Sometimes, even after we have forgiven, forgetting the pains and hurt could be difficult.

This is the case of our writer. Please, read her story and counsel her.
Thanks, Monica Taiwo.

DearTaiwo,
How do I begin to tell my story or what do I want to say? Would I disown the children who are my life? They have always been my source of joy, so what would I do?

Probably, if I start my story from the very beginning, you will appreciate what I am saying and my pains. I am not trying to be tribalistic, because my former husband and I are not from the same tribe. He is Yoruba, while I am Igbo. Although I am not so used to the culture, I cannot deny my root.

I was born in Ghana; my father worked with one of the big household manufacturing firms in Nigeria with a branch in Ghana, my siblings and I were born and raised in Ghana.

We all, however, had to come back to Nigeria when Ghana had her economic crisis. When we came back, my father took us home; our village is in the present Imo State.

An unfortunate incident however happened when we returned from the village; my elder brother died three days after we came back, and he was said to have died of food poison. As if that was not enough, two weeks after my brother’s death, we lost our father, too, to food poisoning. This singular act made my mother, two younger siblings and I to distance ourselves from our family members.

When I was to get married after I finished from the university, I made up my mind not to marry from my ethnic group because I already have a bad impression of them. Though I had admirers, but I pointedly ignored men from my place. I eventually settled for a Yourba man.

Sanu was a nice man when we started our relationship. He was nice, romantic and kind. The only problem I had with him was his mother, who refused to accept me, but my husband said I should not worry, that she would eventually accept me.

We got married and just like every new bride, I prayed for marital bliss. I was lucky; my children came in quick succession. The only snag was that I had them through caesarian section. I really cannot say why, when or how Sanu changed, but my home and marriage which used to be a peace haven became hell.

After having my first son, my mother-in-law came and when she was leaving, she concluded with my husband without my consent that one of his brothers would come and stay with us. I really couldn’t say anything when he came because I was not given any opportunity to either accept or reject him.

If I conclude that Gboyega, Sanu’s brother stole the peace and happiness of my marriage, It wouldn’t be an understatement because things started changing from bad to worse. And it was always one complaint after the other. Gboyega complained about virtually everything. Before I could say Jack, Sanu and I started living like strangers.

He would hit me and beat me mercilessly and after receiving one of his beatings, I almost lost my second pregnancy. At this stage, my mother and siblings asked me to leave him. I pleaded with them, but I had to leave two days after I came back from the hospital and he beat me up again because I insisted that I did not want his mother to come over and help take care of our baby.

My mother and siblings came to take me back after this incident because I had just delivered my baby through caesarian section; he was not bothered. I had to name our son at my mother’s place. Nobody from Sanu’s family came and that was how my marriage broke up.

I raised our children all alone. Sanu did not ask after them. He married six months after my exit. I later learnt that he was dating the lady even while I was with him. My friends and family members asked me to press charges of bigamy against him, but I didn’t. Not because I loved him, but because I was not bothered with whatever he did. I was only too happy to leave him alive.
My heart bleeds because of my children’s behaviour (II)

Dear Taiwo,
Few weeks after I left Sanu, I learnt that a lady was staying in his house. I did my findings and learnt that the lady in question was a lady who had always been visiting Sanu, even while I was in his house. He had introduced her to me as his cousin; in fact, we have had cause to quarrel over her issue several times. If it wasn’t because I made food late, it would be because I cooked a meal she did not like and I would go back to the kitchen to cook what she wanted to eat.

When our friends and some of my family members heard what Sanu did, they advised that I sued him for bigamy, but I wasn’t interested in stuffs like that. I was just happy and contented with the fact that God gave me the grace to leave his house with my children alive.

So it was with the grace of God that I raised my children alone. And to the glory of God and by His mercy they are outstanding children. With my experience, I became convinced that God never leaves His own alone. No matter the situation, God is always around to help.

My sons never met their father when they were growing up, neither were they old enough to recognise him, but I showed them his picture, which was one of the things I was able to take away from his house.

My first son graduated as a medical doctor, while the younger one graduated as a geologist. I bless God for this favour, because I was able to raise my children in an environment where the general belief is that children from broken homes or raised by single parents never do well, but I thank God Almighty for giving me a good story to tell.

My first son specialised in gynaecology and obstetrics and, according to him, an elderly man who shared the same surname with him came into the private hospital where he works, with his daughter who needed urgent medical attention because she had complications associated with unsafe abortion.

After treating the young lady, her father came back to thank my son. While they got talking, one thing led to another and they both discovered that they were related. When my son came home that day, he only told me about the young lady’s situation, which, according to her father was because her mother left her and her three other siblings for him to marry another man and he was unable to take care of them.

My son thanked me for being there for him and his younger brother. I wouldn’t say taking care of them alone was easy, but with the grace of God, I made it.

During my 60th birthday celebration, both of them came to meet me after they had congratulated me and said they wanted to ask me for a favour. It was a day of joy for me so I told them to ask. I thought they were going to speak about my eldest son’s wedding because we were also preparing for it. But I was shocked and almost had an heart attack when they came out with their request.

Can you imagine what they asked of me? They wanted me to forgive their father and reconcile with him. I couldn’t believe my ears; I asked if they know who their father is because I don’t even know where to get him. I was shocked when they told me they knew how to find him.

As if that was not enough, my eldest son wants him as a part of his wedding. I really did not know what came over them, even the younger one who cannot identify who his father is.

At this stage, I asked the two of them how they expected me to locate him after all these years; they replied that I do not need to worry about this because they already know how and where to find him.

It was then my son told me that the man who brought in his daughter due to abortion complication to his hospital was his father. He got to know this during the course of their conversation. He later took his younger brother to meet with him.

I was very angry and saw their action as betrayal. I never introduced any other man to them as their father, although I had some relationships, but I decided not to remarry because I wanted to take good care of them without distractions. Now see how they want to pay me back. They did not only betray the trust I have in them, they also spoilt my day. I cannot remember my 60th birthday celebration without this incident.

I told them I wasn’t interested in their proposal. They pleaded with me, but I didn’t budge. They solicited the help of my siblings but I couldn’t see myself doing what they were asking of me.

I am not angry over the fact that they met their father, but because they decided to keep it from me till the day of my celebration and for my son to have the guts to ask me to allow their father take his rightful position during his wedding ceremony.

Where was he when I was struggling to raise them? Where was he when I had to sell all my jewellery for them to go to school?

Where was he when I had to go to their schools to sign undertakings that I would pay their school fees later?

Now, everybody feels I am being unnecessarily hard. I am hurting, and my heart bleeds. My pastor asked that I see him, but I am yet to do so.

Please, Monica, help me. What should I do? I am so unhappy. I await your reply and those of your readers.
Anonymous

Continue reading →

Shock As Flies Swarm Out Of Woman’s Private Parts

By Zim Diaspora

RESIDENTS of South Africa’s Umlazi F Section-outside Durban circled around a house when rumours surfaced that a woman was discharging flies from her vagina. So bizarre was the rumour that people kept on coming until the family had had enough and confirmed it.

The woman Sane Vilakazi might now be forced out of the house by her brother and his wife who say Sane had been bed hopping with a policeman from Durban Central police station.

“Before the incident there were rumours in the suburb that flies had been spotted coming underneath the woman’s dress,” said the source. Sane’s brother Mzamisi and his wife Mabel Chiya say they do not know what is inflicting Sane.

“Mzamisi and his wife have been on the defensive since the day the rumours started spreading but they had a change of heart on the day. You should have been here, it was a sorry sight. She (Sane) just stood there and could not defend herself as her brother and wife took turns to tell the whole world about her puzzling situation,” said the source.

It is alleged that during the onslaught, Sane’s brother narrated to whoever cared to listen how the woman ended up in the state.

“He (Mzamisi) accused his sister of bed hopping, which might have resulted in her falling into a trap of witchcraft,” said the source.

It is reported that since the day, Mzamisi and his wife have sought different avenues of chucking out the woman. “It has been war since then. The three are not seeing eye to eye. The man and his wife have gone to the extent of forcefully trying to evict her but she maintained her ground,” added the source.

When our news crew visited Sane at her home, she was at home alone and narrated her ordeal to us.

“This has created serious difficulties for me as I can no longer work on my on my employment with the municipality. This (flies coming out of my private part) started in February this year when I fell in love with Thami, who is a police officer in town. He told me that I was his only girlfriend but few weeks later, a female called Thembi phoned me and demanded to know why I was having an affair with his man. I denied it and she said if I continue to have sex with Thami, I ‘ll see what will happen to me. She said she doesn’t mind if I have an affair with him but she will not allow me and Thami to have sex -as this is for her alone” said Sane.

Quizzed on whether she had sex with Thami after this call and also the nature of her problem, the woman said “Thami denied knowing the woman and he said if I don’t want to have sex with him, he will leave me and, fearing to lose him, we had sex and five days after that I noticed flies coming out of my private part. Since February I’ve been having this problem and it hurts because since then I’ve never had sex as flies keep coming out even when I’m sitting or walking. I cannot mix with other people since these flies come anything and they make a loud noise when they appear” said a sobbing Sane