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40 Mistakes men make during Sex

1) NOT KISSING FIRST:
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you’re paying by the hour and trying to get your money’s worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of for*play.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there’s a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you’re trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner’s face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it’s not passion, its avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER ni**les.
Why do men fasten onto a woman’s ni**les, and then clamp down like they’re trying to deflate her body via her breasts? ni**les are highly sensitive. They can’t stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they’re a doggie toy isn’t.

6) TWIDDLING HER ni**les.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the ni**les between fingers and thumb like you’re trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breast Ville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you’ve ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

Error! Filename not specified.GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you’re going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man’s responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don’t pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she’s not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when n*ked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid’s toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING for*play.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it’s all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you’re trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you’re not careful, it can hurt – so don’t get carried away. It’s best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You’re attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood.
Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don’t force the issue by stripping before she’s at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it’s just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst. Lose the socks fist.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the pen*s-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool – she’ll soon feel like an assembly line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man’s fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it’s more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you’re playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don’t know, don’t ask

23) PERFORMING oral s** TOO GENTLY.
Don’t act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she’s eyeball-to-pen*s, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-pen*s. All women hate this. It’s about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it. When she’s performing oral s**, warn her before you come so she can do what’s necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don’t thrust. She’ll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don’t grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM p*rn MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn’t feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don’t think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, “Can I take a photo of you?” she’ll hear the words “__to show my buddies.”
At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It’s as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she’s a Romanian gymnast, don’t get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostrate. Women don’t.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don’t shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It’s not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she’ll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

—
Life is like a grammar lesson; you find the present tense, but the past perfect.
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Benjamin Nana Banyin Rhule
When is part 2 coming?…educative n funny..
Friday at 4:39pm · Like
Sarafina Arsenal
hhmmmmmmm nsem piiiiii
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Dell Creppy
**********
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Vincent Akonor
Saved!!
Friday at 5:34pm · Like · 1
Nana Adez
Hmmmmnnnn! Dis one be free consultation. He’s spoken on our behalf so ovr to u guys, u knw wht to do. Lets see a change.
Friday at 6:02pm · Like · 6
Bluv Bright
Serious lecturing.
Friday at 7:23pm · Like · 1
Autfatt Mattary-Gyamfi
very interesting!
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Andrew Krapa
great!!!
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Shaka Bello
REALLY?
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Issaka Azara
Sure
Friday at 11:57pm · Like
Ntombi Casiwe
Iyoooo how i wish u can put it in his head worse 28 dis is soo true man de is a project if u follow it & pass blv me u would be a good student Hahaha : )
Friday at 11:58pm · Like
Kwame GH
Oh yeah… Some laudable education
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Prince Mbah
Lol!
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Selasi Kumassah
masters class lecture
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Kusi Amankwaa
Ei. Mpenyinsem paa
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Nana Osei
Whrecks Ahsareh & Tony Abban Brown, i know u guys were doing ur thesis, any thing to learn from?
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Ras Kpobi
A lot learnt in fee minutes
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Bernie Kobby May-Adams
Ede beeeee keke
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Darlington Richard
hmmmm
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Cuba Kofi Adunkwaa Antwi
Free lecture worth thousands of cedis.lol!
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Quuqua Aidoo
Just hope de men will pay more attention to dis, very true.
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Daniel Ennim Amuzu
Wow…very informative…
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Tony Abban Brown
yep and what about u? hahahahaha
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Justina Quist
wow’ fetched from a deep well of a woman.
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Selom Dzotsi
PG 18
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Phebe Nelson
Well said
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Amere Martins
quite expository.
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Okeh Clement
hmmm
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Natasha Moncrieffe Dunn
You ain’t never lie !!!!
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Blue and Bey. (HBO/Twitter)More than a year after her birth, Blue Ivy Carter is finally being shown off.
In Beyoncé’s HBO documentary, “Life Is But a Dream,” which premieres on Saturday, the singer shares a touching moment of her with her now-13-month-old daughter.
But 24 hours before the baby’s big debut, a still from the 10-second interaction was leaked on Twitter … and instantly became a retweet phenomenon.
In the shot, Blue – clad in a white crochet sundress – is standing up on her mother’s lap as Beyoncé, her hair in braids, is beaming from ear to ear at her pride and joy.
[Related: Beyoncé’s Interview With Oprah Touches on the Singer’s Miscarriage, Her Father, and Jay-Z]
Although Beyoncé and Jay-Z did reveal their newborn’s face on Tumblr when she was first born in January 2012, they have made it a point to cover her up when out in public ever since.
In “Life Is But a Dream,” the “Halo” singer also reveals her pregnant belly, squashing rampant rumors she faked it and instead had a surrogate carry her daughter. In one scene, before she announced she was expecting at the 2011 VMAs, Beyoncé tells the camera, “So this is my belly and I’m 20 weeks … if you can see that I’m pregnant I’m just going to have to own it! My baby may be debuting itself on the awards.”
[Related: Beyonce Calls Blue Ivy Her ‘Best Friend,’ ‘Homey,’ and ‘Road Dog’]
She also talks about the first time she felt Blue kick from inside her belly. “Made me cry,” she says. “Kicked five times, I’m so excited!”
However, there was another big Beyoncé-centric revelation on Friday. In her Sunday night interview with Oprah Winfrey, the singer reveals that while pregnant with Blue she packed on a good 57 pounds … which she then had to quickly lose for a big four-night concert weekend last May in Atlantic City, New Jersey.
“I did a show three months after giving birth, which was crazy,” Beyoncé tells Oprah. “I had clearly never given birth, and I didn’t know that I would gain 60 pounds … 57 pounds.”
But Beyoncé managed to shed every single pound in time for her first post-baby performance thanks to a strict diet and exercise regimen. “Y’all have no idea how hard I worked!” the singer, clad in a body-hugging silver bodysuit, exclaimed at the time to the first night’s sold-out audience. “They had me on that treadmill. I ate lettuce!”
However, it’s not all about Beyoncé and Blue during the OWN interview. The singer also gushes to Oprah about her husband, who she says she was friends with for a year and a half before they even went on their first date.
“I would not be the woman I am if I did not go home to that man,” she shares, adding that what the two have “just gives me such a foundation.”

White House immigration bill offers path to residency
Alan Gomez, USA TODAY6:28p.m. EST February 16, 2013
The legislation is being developed as members in both chambers of Congress are drafting their own immigration bills.

(Photo: Mel Evans, AP)
STORY HIGHLIGHTS
An administration official said the plan is being distributed to agencies
Plan calls for more security funding and status checks
Illegal immigrants would apply for “Lawful Prospective Immigrant” visa
WASHINGTON — A draft of a White House immigration proposal obtained by USA TODAY would allow illegal immigrants to become legal permanent residents within eight years.

The plan also would provide for more security funding and require business owners to check the immigration status of new hires within four years. In addition, the nation’s 11 million illegal immigrants could apply for a newly created “Lawful Prospective Immigrant” visa, under the bill being written by the White House.

The draft was obtained from an Obama administration official who said it was being distributed to various agencies. The official requested anonymity because he was not authorized to release the proposal publicly.

The bill is being developed as members in both chambers of Congress are drafting their own immigration bills. Last month, four Republican senators joined with four Democratic senators to announce their agreement on the general outlines of an immigration plan. In the House, a bipartisan group of representatives has been negotiating an immigration proposal for years and are writing their own bill.

In his first term, Obama often deferred to Congress on drafting and advancing major legislation, including the Affordable Care Act. He has openly supported the efforts in Congress to move immigration legislation, and just this week met with Democratic senators to discuss their proposals.

But two weeks ago in Las Vegas, while outlining his immigration plans, Obama made clear that he would not wait too long for Congress to get moving.

“If Congress is unable to move forward in a timely fashion, I will send up a bill based on my proposal and insist that they vote on it right away,” he said.

White House spokesman Clark Stevens said Saturday that the administration continues to support the bipartisan efforts ongoing in Congress.

“The president has made clear the principles upon which he believes any common-sense immigration reform effort should be based,” Stevens said. “We continue to work in support of a bipartisan effort, and while the president has made clear he will move forward if Congress fails to act, progress continues to be made and the administration has not prepared a final bill to submit.”

According to the White House draft, people would need to pass a criminal background check, submit biometric information and pay fees to qualify for the new visa. If approved, they would be allowed to legally reside in the U.S., work and leave the country for short periods of time.

Illegal immigrants would be disqualified from the program if they were convicted of a crime that led to a prison term of at least one year, three or more different crimes that resulted in a total of 90 days in jail, or if they committed any offense abroad that “if committed in the United States would render the alien inadmissible or removable from the United States.”

People currently in federal custody or facing deportation proceedings also could be allowed to apply for the Lawful Prospective Immigrant visa. Application forms and instructions would be provided in “the most common languages spoken by persons in the United States,” but the application and all supporting evidence submitted to the federal government would have to be in English.

They would also be given a new identification card to show as proof of their legal status in the country.

The immigrants could then apply for legal permanent residence, commonly known as a green card, within eight years if they learn English and “the history and government of the United States” and pay back taxes. That would then clear the path for them to apply for U.S. citizenship.

To combat fraud, the draft proposes a new Social Security card be developed that is “fraud-resistant, tamper-resistant and wear-resistant.” The Social Security Administration would be required to issue the new cards within two years.

A major requirement for many Republicans is enhanced border security. The bill calls for an unspecified increase in the Border Patrol, allows the Department of Homeland Security to expand technological improvements along the border and adds 140 new immigration judges to process the heavy flow of people who violate immigration laws.

It also orders U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) to study whether a land-border crossing fee should be implemented to help offset border security costs. The draft also proposes raising many inspection fees that border-crossers already pay.

The draft bill proposes a new plan to allow Homeland Security to “accept donations” from citizens, businesses and local and state governments to improve ports of entry and security features along the border. And it would require CBP to begin collecting statistics on deaths along the border and report them quarterly.

The draft also expands the E-Verify program that checks the immigration status of people seeking new jobs. Businesses with more than 1,000 employees must begin using the system within two years, businesses with more than 250 employees within three years and all businesses within four years.

Homeland Security, working with the U.S. departments of Labor and Agriculture, the attorney general and other agencies, would engage in a $40 million-a-year program to educate business owners and workers about the program.

Homeland Security also would be required to submit a report within 18 months showing how the worker verification system is working, and specifically explain how it is affecting the nation’s agriculture industry, which relies heavily on illegal immigrant workers.

The draft obtained by USA TODAY does not include sections that would alter the nation’s legal immigration system to adjust the future flow of legal immigrants, which is expected to be a critical component of any immigration overhaul.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ALAN GOMEZ

Alan Gomez is an immigration reporter at USA Today. He has covered Florida, Congress, hurricanes, the Tea Party, Iraq, Afghanistan, Gitmo, cops, courts, high school football and suicide squirrels.
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