How do I know that his repentance is genuine?

Dear Taiwo,
I am unhappy and heartbroken; I need your help and those of your teeming readers. I am passing through a situation I cannot discuss with anyone. I have tried discussing with one of my friends sometime ago, but her counsel and comments were not what I expected of her. She couldn’t see anything wrong with my situation; she even advised that I should glorify God.
A lot of factors are militating against the decision I would have taken. The major and most terrifying is the fact that I am a product of a broken home and marriage. My mother suffered a great deal in my father’s house, which eventually led to her leaving with my younger brother and I, she toiled day and night to make sure we went through school and gave us the best she could. Since we left daddy’s house, he abandoned us and never had anything to do with us. I used to pity my mother, at a level she became aged and she had no life of her own, all what she thought about was how my brother and I would make it. To the glory of God, her efforts were not in vain as we made it.
But now that she should sit back and enjoy the fruits of her hard labour, mummy is in and out of hospital. I pray, however that she would live longer in good health to enjoy more.
I am being very careful to avoid all that my mother went through and also the fact that, I won’t end up becoming a single mother like my mother.
I had a phobia for men, probably because of what I witnessed with my parents, especially the way daddy treated my mother, the bitterness, hate and cruelty, I almost became a man hater.
Not that I didn’t have admirers or men who wanted me, but I avoided this gender like leprosy, until my mother and some of her family members started raising hell about my single status.
In essence, I married late. I married at 38.
I dated my husband for about 11 years. If I could add our university years to our courtship. He was the only man I agreed to date and a lot of people, even Sola, my husband himself found it hard to believe that I remained a virgin until we got married.
Sola was two years older than I and by the time we got married, both of us were well established in our careers. Sola had a job with one of the then fast growing new generation banks and by stroke of luck and posterity, I had my youth service at the NNPC and I was retained. So, this made both of us comfortable at the time we got married.
We were blessed with our first child in no time; because of my age, my second child followed exactly 18 months after my first.
This was the way we both wanted it, since all we planned having was just two children. As the saying goes, man proposes, I became pregnant again when our second child was two years, I was delivered of a set of twins, but unfortunately, we lost one of them at birth.
Everything was okay, until Sola lost his job during what I referred to as the apocalypse of the new generation banks, after which he couldn’t retain another banking job for long. After few trials, he decided to go into business, but unfortunately, he was unable to sustain a business for long too. He tried his hands on so many things which did not work. In the process, he lost a lot of money; savings and a lot of mine too.
I cannot say when Sola started patronising, marabouts and juju men, as a result of which he was told that I am the reason for his predicaments. The first time he accused me verbally, I was shocked to my bone marrow, although he had been acting it. He started keeping late nights, sometimes he would not come home for nights and when I asked or inquired where he had been, he would quarrel with me.
On two occasions, he beat me up so badly that I landed in the hospital; those were the really bad ones. He would hit me at little or no provocation. My children, as small as they are, were not spared too. The day he voiced this issue, I was shocked, I then realised why he had been behaving funny. God knows, I never wished him bad and wouldn’t do such a thing, but he didn’t believe me. As if that was not enough, his mother and family joined too.
I came home from the office one evening and met that he had moved all his things out of our home; he probably would have sent my children and I packing if not for the fact that the house belonged to me. (To be continued)
We had to move into my own house when the bank took over his own house that he used as collateral to secure a loan.
He moved out even the furniture which belonged to him. The most shocking aspect was the fact that he moved into one of the flats in his mother’s house. I was chased away like a leper when I in the company of some of my family members.
I made several attempts to correct things; I went to the extent of involving our pastors in the church but he and his family members insisted that I and my children should leave Sola alone.
Eventually, I kept my distance, though painful, especially with my fears at the back of my mind. Few months after Sola moved out, I learnt that he married his smother’s friend’s daughter, a young lady who just graduated from the university and I learnt that they were planning to relocate to the US. I really didn’t know what happened but he did not travel with his new wife again, I learnt the lady travelled alone. All the while, he didn’t ask about his children talk less of being responsible for their up keep.
It is important to let you know that even when he married his new wife, we were still very much married. Some of my friends advised that I should press charges of bigamy against him, but my mother advised against it. Despite all my attempts at peace, sola and his people refused and rejected me and my children. They did not stop there, they also employed blackmail against my mother and I. when it came to this, I kept my peace and decided to move on with life. Late last year, I learnt that Sola’s mother was sick and that she’s been sick for some months. She eventually died in November. My children and I were not invited for the burial. In fact, I found out all these after she had been buried.
I was however surprised when my pastor paid me a visit two weekends ago. His mission was to make peace between sola and I. I was surprised, because this was the last thing I was expecting. I had to ask my pastor if it was his idea or Sola’s. He explained that Sola paid him a visit and asked that he should plead with me so that we can continue our life’s together as husband and wife. I told my pastor to give me some time, as this wasn’t a type of decision one makes in a hurry.
I told my mother and brother, but both of them were against my having anything to do with Sola again. I was trying to plead his case when I later learnt that he is having problems with his step siblings in his mother’s house where he is living. I also learnt that his supposed Americana wife married another man as soon as she got to the US.
I could plead his issue with my mother, my concern is; is Sola actually after sincere reconciliation or he wants to come back to me because he had no choice. Is he a changed man as he claimed or would he continue where he stopped? I suffered a great deal in his hands. I have peace now that I am alone with my children. I am a witness to what incessant physical and psychological abuse did to my mother, yet I don’t want to live the life of a single, bitter and miserable life she lived. How would I know if Sola is genuinely repentant or he only needs my children and I because he had no choice.
Please, Taiwo, what should I do
Omotara.

Title: Angry white woman……smh, must read

Message Body:

I just had to post this..

White women’s opinion of black women & a brother’s response Please take a moment and read this. Pretty Deep! Thumbs up to this black man.. Enjoy.

It seems that an article was written to Sister 2 Sister magazine by a Caucasian woman who requested a response from black men. I’m so glad she got what she asked for (and more) !!!

Dear Jamie: I’m sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to a Black male-good-looking, educated and loving. I just don’t understand a lot of Black female’s attitudes about our relationship. My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world. If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don’t they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we’re out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we are so appealing and coveted by them. Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 year s for one of us Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes… I could go on and on. But, right now, I’m a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly. Don’t be mad with us White women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I’m wrong, Black men, let me know. Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA RESPONSE

Dear Jamie: I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful black men. I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why black men date white women. Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The black girls in my neighborhood were raised in the church. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls. Nowadays, in my op inion, a lot of brothers date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses.

Because of this fear, many black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women. I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful black men date white women. Brothers like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestnut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth ”Babyface” Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong black women And, to flip the script, there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire black women over white women. Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don’t want a disgusted white girl to be misinformed Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess. Remember, when black Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling D ynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.

Read your history! It was the black woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the black woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was black women who were breast feeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the black woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail. Black women were born with two strikes against them: being black and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise! It is because of the black women’s strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could> never> date anyone except my black Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colors and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about black women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with black women. I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy more so than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin? If you are so proud to be white, then why don’t you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the black woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understands my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate. I am looking for a sister and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill. No offense taken, none given. Signed, Black Royalty Wow!! We must pass this on to make the day of the Black Queens and remind our black kings of what they have Old..! RE-POST

Title: SOUTH LONDONS FINEST

Message Body:
I really dont know why this idioy gyal ah call herself SOUTH LONDONS FINEST after she go all of di dance dem inna scandal clothes kmmmmt.

She ah chat people business but let me tell you hers.

1, she go jamaica and sleep on mans floor cah she nah have no money

2, she wear the same clothes go ah dance every week

3, she sleep with the whole dancehall man dem and ah beg dem money cah she nah have none ah Rassclart.

Then she ah walk an ah chat Dudus just cool and Lucky British after you inna di man dance and ah beg fren with the next ugly gyal yu spar wid how dare you.

The jamaican gyal nah stop laugh after you cah you hairstyle dont look good and you wear cheap clothes go ah big dance.

STOP CHAT AND WATCH YOUR OWN BUSINESS BITCH……

—

Justice Served’ – Buckfield Residents Happy Cop Freed Of Murder
Published: Friday | March 8, 2013 3 Comments
Carl Gilchrist, Gleaner Writer

Buckfield, St Ann:

In much the same way they stood with Sergeant Lloyd Kelly almost three years ago, residents of Buckfield in Ocho Rios, St Ann, have thrown their support behind the decision by the court to free the policeman who was charged with murdering Ian Lloyd in the community in July 2010.

“I think justice has been served,” a community member, Donald, told journalists yesterday.

“Kelly is a good cop and the guy that died wasn’t an angel. He was guilty of a lot of things; he had the whole community terrorised.”

Kelly was freed yesterday after Justice Marva McDonald Bishop upheld a no-case submission by his attorneys.

FOOTAGE CAPTURED

Kelly was charged for the July 29, 2010, murder of Lloyd after a video recorded by a cell phone was aired on television in which it was alleged that Kelly shot Lloyd.

Lloyd had been accused of killing a woman shortly before that, prompting residents to call the police.

McDonald Bishop told the jury that the Crown failed to make out a case that Kelly murdered Lloyd.

McDonald Bishop pointed out that the person who did the video recording was not called as a witness, a medical report was not tendered in evidence, and the doctor who did the post-mortem could not be located. As a result, it could not be proven what had happened, the judge said.

Yesterday, several residents declined to speak to the media but openly voiced their support for Kelly.

But according to Donald, the community was generally satisfied with the outcome.

“When I called a friend of mine and tell him Kelly get off, him seh, ‘Thank God’. He is a very good cop; he solved a lot of crime,” Donald said.

‘JUSTICE HANDED OUT’

Another community member, Michelle, also expressed support for the controversial police officer.

“The person who (died) had just killed somebody, and within a short space of time, he was killed. A lot of people who are sticking to the straight-and-narrow rules and regulations would say he should go to prison, but I say justice was handed out to him,” Michelle said.

She was asked if she was glad Kelly was free.

“Yes, yes!” she replied. “I know of the individual who was killed and he was a menace to society; the mother must feel it down to her womb, but he was a menace.”

Meanwhile, Donald voiced support for Kelly returning to Ocho Rios.

“I want them bring him back to the community. I am sure the whole community would like to see him back in Ocho Rios.”

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‘Hearsay Cannot Come To Court’ – Judge Dumps Buckfield Case Over Missing Videographer, Pathologist
Published: Friday | March 8, 2013 2 Comments
Supreme Court judge Marva McDonald, in upholding a no-case submission for Detective Sergeant Lloyd Kelly, who was charged with murder based on the alleged video recording of an incident in Buckfield, St Ann, remarked yesterday that “hearsay cannot come to court”.

The judge said if someone took a photograph of an incident, then the person has to come to court.

Kelly was freed because the prosecution could not establish that the policeman murdered Ian ‘Chen-Singh’ Lloyd or contributed in any significant way to his death.

Kelly, who has 25 years’ experience in the Jamaica Constabulary Force, said he was happy that the case had ended and was looking forward to going back on the job and moving on with his life.

Following a no-case submission made by the defence team comprising Queen’s Counsels Churchill Neita and Delano Harrison and attorney-at-law Renae Barker, the judge outlined in detail why the case could not be left to the jury’s determination.

Kelly was accused of murdering Lloyd at Buckfield on July 29, 2010.

Prosecution witnesses testified this week in the Home Circuit Court that Lloyd was being beaten and stoned by residents in the community before the police came on the scene. He had allegedly stabbed to death 65-year-old Lovelita Wilson.

THREW STONES AT OFFICER

The witnesses said that Lloyd was armed with stones and a piece of a broken glass bottle and he began cutting at the police when they tried to apprehend him. They said Lloyd threw stones at Kelly and when one of the stones hit the policeman in the groin, they heard an explosion. One witness said after she heard the explosion, she saw Lloyd holding his shoulder.

A police witness who went to the post-mortem said the doctor removed two expended bullets from Lloyd’s body. The witness said one was taken from the abdomen and the other from the right knee. He said he placed the bullets in an envelope, labelled them and took them to the Government’s forensic laboratory.

Dr Dinesh Rao, who performed the post-mortem, could not be located and, therefore, the post-mortem report could not be tendered in evidence. The judge remarked that there was no evidence to establish cause of death, adding that the authorities must ensure that doctors in homicide cases attend court.

Rao left the island at the end of June last year after the completion of his three-year contract as the nation’s chief pathologist.

The judge said there was a break in the chain of custody of the bullets, and the policeman who took them to the laboratory was not available to testify. She said the prosecution would have a difficulty to negative self-defence and pointed out that all the prosecution witnesses sounded as if they were defence witnesses.

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