A HUSBAND’S CONFESSION

Dear Taiwo,
TAIWO, I am in a state of total confusion and will appreciate if you keep my identity private. What I did was an abomination. I don’t want your readers to know my identity, but I will cherish their advice and counsel. I don’t need anyone to tell me what I did was bad, I am aware of that. But anyone who had at one time or the other been desperate about anything will understand me.
I wouldn’t say I regret the situation, but I wish it were otherwise. God! Please, save me. I am a minister of the word. That is the only identity of myself I would give. Although, I am not fully into the ministry, I have my career.
I met my wife when I was in my final year at the university. We were mates, but we studied different courses. Both of us were members of the Christian Union on the campus. In fact, I would say that, then, my faith was stronger than hers. Several times she would have backslidden, but I was always there to encourage her.
Right from day one that I asked her out, I told her of my intentions – which was to marry her. Because we were Christians, it was expected that we had a strictly no-sex relationship before marriage. We both consented to this. It wasn’t as if both of us were novices, we have had relationships and seen a little of the world, so to say before we gave our lives to Christ, so maintaining a no-sex relationship was very easy for us.
My wife and I got married seven years after we met; for some, it was too long a courtship, but it was by choice because we both agreed that we must attain a level of comfort before tying the nuptial knot.
While we were waiting to get married, I received a call to go into ministry, I agreed and took up the mantle, but I still continued with my career.
Our joy knew no bounds the day we became husband and wife. As expected, our first night together as husband and wife was fulfilling and so were the subsequent days. I can beat my chest that we had enjoyed a blissful and happy married life until recently.
Our happiness however became short-lived when two years after we got married, we were yet to have a child. Left to us we had no problems because we believed and knew that at His time, the Lord will bless us.
This however wasn’t the impression of our family members from both sides. The pressure became more serious when we were unable to have a child after six years of marriage.
Let me however state that we did not rely on our religious conviction alone, we also sought medical help. We took several tests and went through a lot of treatments, the result stated that both of us were okay, nothing was wrong with us and we could have our own children.
The patience and comforting words from the doctors and those who understood us however became inadequate when after six years of marriage, the story remained the same. As if not having a child was not enough, my wife became a changed person totally.
Her attitude changed, our once peaceful home turned into a lion’s den and I used to dread going home.
We stopped praying and doing many other things together. She began to blame me for the fact that we had no children. Her attitude changed because I refused to follow her to all the places her mother took her to.
In a bid to help us, my mother-in-law invited us to go to some spiritual churches and even visit Muslim scholars (Alfas). I refused, and because of my refusal, my wife began to accuse me of several things.
In fact, sometimes for months, she would refuse to have sex with me and several times I pointed out to her that, a baby won’t jump into her womb. God, who ordained marriage as one of the tools of procreation, meant business.
At times, her excuses were that she was on one concoction or the other and she had been advised to abstain from sex, sometimes she would go away for days. Her father was late, there wasn’t anybody I could report her to in her family. When I couldn’t stand what was going on any longer, I confided in my parents. My mother advised that if following her to all these places would give us the joy of a child, I should consider it, but my father advised that I should maintain my belief in God and at His time, our child would come.
Do you know that my wife is a very smart woman, despite, the challenges we were going through, outside home and in the church we were a happy couple raising holy hands and waiting on the Lord.
I used to marvel at her change in attitude. The way she could switch from good to bad and vice versa, I give it to her that she is a good actress. Our marriage became eight years last year, our situation still remained the same, and I must confess to you that I became worried and sad about the situation too. Can you blame me? I am only human.
Along the line, there was this lady in my office, who also had similar problem. She had been married for 13 years, and she remained childless. Of course she is older than me,. Sometime last year, precisely in February, her husband married a lady who got pregnant for him and brought her into their matrimonial home. When the situation became unbearable for her, she had to move out. She was always sad and probably because she knew my story, she made me her confidant.
As expected, I led her to Christ and I always encourage and pray with her that her husband would see the light and make amends.
As our relationship and friendship became serious; don’t get me wrong we had a platonic relationship; I began to visit her in her rented apartment.
One day, she didn’t come to the office; she called to inform us that she was ill. After close of work, I stopped over to visit her. I was lonely at home and there was no evening service in the church. My wife once again had gone on one of her trips.
I didn’t really know what came over me, but what I remembered was that I made love to this woman, not only that, I equally passed the night there. The following morning, I wished I could reverse what happened. I voiced my misgivings, but my colleague said there was nothing to it. Both of us were lonely and we helped each other, but we must ensure it does not happen again.
Would you be shocked if I told you that it happened again several times?
Taiwo, I am in a deep mess. This lady told me in November that she was pregnant. I asked what would become of it, she told me not to worry myself that she is old enough to take care of her affairs. How is that possible?
As if that was not enough, few days before Christmas, the doctor confirmed that my wife was six weeks pregnant!
Please, somebody help me. I know I have betrayed not only human beings but God. How do I get out of this mess? Please, help me.
Anonymous.

Friday, 24 May 2013 00:00