MOTHER-IN-LAW PRABLEM

Can someone tell my mother-in-law that poverty is no disease

Dear Taiwo,
I never saw coming from a poor background or family as a disease or something to be ashamed of. I grew up in a home where hard work and struggle were the order of the day. Despite their very low financial status, my parents made sure that we lacked nothing.
Whatever inadequacies they had financially, they made up for in love and care. My father would not mince words telling us that both of them (our parents) knew what they were doing when they decided to have just three children. He said they would have stopped at two, but my paternal grandmother wouldn’t hear of it because my father was an only child.
A product of polygamy, his mother struggled to raise him alone and she did her best despite the hostile environment. My mother’s background was not better off either, so they decided they would have the number of children they could cater for, and give the best of everything they could to the best of their ability.
Our parents couldn’t go further than secondary school and they both learnt tailoring afterwards and met at their place of apprenticeship. With the determination to make it in life and give us the best, they worked extra hard and I am so proud of them. I am the second of their three children and the only girl, I am proud to say that all of us are graduates. Not just graduates in any course, but very good and lucrative courses.
My elder brother studied Geology; he got employed where he did his Youth Service in Warri, I studied Medicine and graduated as a medical doctor; the youngest; however is a lawyer. We all are doing well in our chosen fields and careers. We did not rest our oars on first degrees alone; that is to show how much our parents appreciated education and desired that we had the best.
I met my husband at the College of Medicine. Though, from a very comfortable home, I wouldn’t say they are rich, but I don’t know why his mother feels that my background should be a problem to our union. Both his parents are into business. His father is a popular fabric merchant; while his mother deals in household utensils. Without apologies, both of them are not as educated as my parents despite my parents’ supposedly low educational status. My husband’s uncle, (his father’s elder brother) who went to school at the expense of all his other siblings encouraged him to make education a priority for his children. His parents had seven children and all of them are equally educated abroad, only Oluseye my husband studied in Nigeria, though like others, he had been abroad several times on holidays.
I see no reason to feel deprived, because even if we did not study abroad, the Lord has been good to us; we have been there several times and my elder brother had taken my parents abroad on holidays too. What my parents however refused to concede to was the fact that we asked them to rest from their tailoring. They just wouldn’t hear of it.
Like I said earlier, Oluseye and I started dating from the Medical College. He took me home to meet his parents and I did same. My parents did not raise an eyebrow about his parents, but when his mother learnt who my parents were, she immediately changed towards me though she did not say anything, but her attitude said it all. I raised my fears with Seye, but he said I should ignore whatever attitude I perceived as he was going to marry me and not his mother.
Whenever I went to visit them or I had a cause to go home with Seye, his mother would ignore and treat me like a beggar. In fact, I overheard her telling some of her family members and Seye’s siblings that “mi o mo nkan ti Oluseye ri lara omo tailor, oju aye mi ko lo ma a fi se aya”.
One of his siblings who really liked me and heard when she told Seye and I all these words told me. I told her that I heard all what their mother said. I wouldn’t have gone to their house, I always avoided doing so, because of Seye’s mother, but it was his father’s birthday celebration, so I had to, because his dad personally asked me to come celebrate with the family.
Despite Seye mum’s hostility, his father liked and treated me like one of his children. He called me, “Doctor mi”, and I thanked God that when he was sick and was going to die, he did in my arms. I equally loved him like my father too. My husband was out of the country then, but I did my best.
I really cannot explain the basis for my mother- in –law’s hostility towards me, because she equally extended this to my kids. My husband and I agreed to have two children, and God blessed us with a boy and a girl. Seye is not the only one with two kids in the family, but I was shocked when his mother told me to my face that she was sure that the fear of my poverty-ridden background was the reason I refused to have more than two children. “O le ko oshi ran iran mi” were her exact words.
I have been married for nine years and I have taken all sorts from my mother-in-law and my husband’s siblings who think her way/ their attitude and words had never affected me nor changed who I am or what I feel for my husband. Despite our humble beginning, my parents are still up and doing, strong and healthy.
Seye’s mother suffered a stroke two years ago, and was affected by another early this year and she had to move in with us. I took care of her like I would take care of my own mother, but she just wouldn’t stop the insults. She relates to me even in my own house like a rival. I have learnt to ignore her. On the fateful day while she was at it, her son walked in, she was in the guest apartment and she was shouting, her son heard everything. I have had a cause to report her to Seye several times and she would deny whenever he raised it.
I didn’t hear what my husband told her that day, but afterwards she refused to answer my greetings or speak with me until the day my parents visited. My husband was away in India and our daughter fell ill, they heard and came to see us. There was no negative name under the earth she did not call them. I can take all she’s been doing to me, but extending her hostility and caustic tongue to my parents is what I won’t take.
I called my husband immediately; he spoke with my parents on phone and apologised to them. I told him I would only condone his mother until he returns. I can’t take her attitude any longer. She has other children, she can stay with. Seye has been pleading with me since then and my refusal is beginning to put a strain in our relationship, but I have had enough of her. Please, what should I do? Somebody help me before this woman destabilises my home or makes me go berserk.
Folasade.