SHE SEH SHE WAA GUH BACK HOME

Dear Taiwo,

Please, help me. I am lost and do not know how to go about my situation or what to do because I have offended a lot of people by doing the unthinkable. I have destroyed the love and peace which existed in my family.
As if what I did initially was not enough, I still went ahead to do what my mother and two siblings who supported me warned me against. The chips are now down; I am alone, lonely and lost; I don’t know what to do.
I am the third child in a family of eight; six children plus our parents. My parents are very prayerful, quiet, loving and caring. I cannot say we were rich, but they made sure their children never lacked anything and we had the best of education any child could ask for.
Both of them were into business and they created enough time for us. One cannot rule out the fact that in a family set up, there will be daddy’s favourite and mummy’s. I and my immediate younger brother were our mummy’s favourite, while the others were dads, especially, my immediate elder sister.
Of course, that was not what prompted what happened or what I did, because I really didn’t know why or how it happened, but as at the time I was into it, I felt my elder sister didn’t deserve joy and that at least she was prettier and could have other men.
Adejare, was the cause and reason for discord in my family. If I had known that he was a no good devil, I would have been more careful and I would have sought the counsel of the wise and not my friends and those who said I should go on; after all he must have loved me more than my sister.
My elder sister studied accountancy, and just like daddy, very meticulous and intelligent. She became a chartered accountant the year she finished her youth service. She is also very intelligent and among us all, she was always the lucky one.
She was able to secure a good job with a chattered accounting firm, and in no time, her company not only promoted her, she was trusted enough to handle overseas jobs for her company.
It was on one of her trips out of the country that she met Jare. She said when she brought her home after they had dated for about eight months that they started as friends and she never knew it would turn out to be real. Jare is handsome, cool, rich and everywoman’s dream. He is very caring and nice. We all liked him and my father took an instant liking in him and we all used to joke then that if my sister had come home with a frog prince, dad would have accepted him, because she was his favourite, but luckily enough, she brought home a charming prince.
It all started when my sister asked me to go and see Jare in the office when I needed a job. I met him and the first day, I had no inclination of what was on his mind. After speaking with him, he took me out for lunch to meet some of his friends and he discussed the issue of my job with some of them promising to help out.
Jare wasted no time in inviting me out the following day to a club after close of work. He said I would be able to meet other men who could help me get a job, more so, there was nothing wrong with me keeping him company since my sister was away abroad.
He wasted no time in letting me know his intent. Jare kissed and fondled me when we left the club that night and even told me that I was prettier than my sister. Initially, I was shocked; Jare said I was a big girl and this should be between both of us. He, however, said it won’t happen again if I didn’t want it.
I was confused, I needed the job and at the same time I didn’t want to cause any trouble. He dropped me at my sister’s place. I stayed with her whenever I went to Lagos because we lived at the outskirt of Lagos.
Jare called several times later that night and told me that he had always loved me since the day he set his eyes on me; specifically the day my sister brought him home to be introduced to all of us. He said he wanted me for keeps and that his life would not be complete without me being in his life.
I was the only one at home; in my sister’s flat. It wasn’t a strange thing for him to visit, so when he came before going to work the following day, I was sure none of my sister’s neighbours would think anything of his visit.
He had sex with me for the first time that morning on my sister’s bed, not even in the guest room. He told me I was prettier and better in bed than my sister.
This was how I started dating Jare; my sister’s boyfriend. He got me a good job and rented an apartment for me where he used to meet me.
Whenever I asked him when he would leave my sister, because he promised to do so, his answer was always ‘soon, my baby soon.’
Nobody, not even his closest friend, Martins discovered that we were dating because whenever they saw us together it was always on the pretext that I was his girlfriend’s sister.

My eldest sister raised some salient questions when I got a job and an apartment almost at the same time in a high brow area of Lagos, but I was able to defeat her arguments with the lines Jare had already taught me. I used to feel like dropping dead with jealousy and envy whenever Jare and my sister were together. It got to a stage that I always prayed that my sister would be out of the country.
When all these were going on, nobody knew except my best friend and she encouraged me. Seven months into my illicit affairs with Jare, I became pregnant. I was scared and confused, but Jare said I should leave the pregnancy. He told me that his mother a founder of a white garment church had warned him that no woman must abort a baby fathered by him, that it would be dangerous. This was exactly what he told my parents when the chips were down and his mother also confirmed it.
When my family members learnt about my state, of course they took sides. Mum and my other siblings supported me. Daddy was on my sister’s side and two of my siblings. It was a trying period for my family. In all, I give it to my father, he is a good man. He talked my sister out of her various threats and assured her that she would find her own man. He even encouraged her not to hate me or become an enemy as Jare was not worth the emotions. I realised I had really hurt my sister, but I needed to put up a bold and courageous front. I confided in my mother and she supported me. Her words were always. “The deed was already done, trading blames won’t help issue, a solution should be the paramount”. I knew then that if not for the fact that dad and mum really loved each other, our family would have broken up. I was really touched when on a fateful day I stumbled on both of them holding hands and praying for my sister and I. That day, I wept like I had never done before.
I had some problems during labour and I was shocked at my sister’s reaction. There and then, I knew the saying: blood is thicker than water is really true. They all stood by me and to the glory of God I gave birth to a baby girl.
After the naming ceremony and all fanfare, my parents invited us all to their home, they said they would not support a marriage between Jare and I and that they would appreciate if I would sever every relationship with him for sanity sake.
In my mother’s words, it was a good thing he didn’t deny paternity of the baby, she advised that I should let him go so that peace would return fully to our family. Not long after I gave birth, my sister was transferred to her office branch in South Africa. Probably, this gave Jare a good footing, because we continued our affairs without my family members’ knowledge and before I knew what was happening when my daughter was barely nine months, I became pregnant again. Before I told him, I made several attempts to terminate the pregnancy, but I was unlucky until my mother came visiting and she noticed I was pregnant again.
“The only question she asked was, have you been seeing Jare again?” She couldn’t travel out of Lagos that night, because it was a little late. She went into the guest room and few hours later, I heard her crying. I felt really bad, but there was nothing I could do. She went back the following day without even saying a word to me. I haven’t the guts to go home, because she was my support at home. Few weeks after, my sister called and told me that she has forgiven me totally, but I should be careful and not cause more heartache for our parents.
Mum was hypertensive and what happened did not help her. Eventually, it was only daddy who communicated with me until I gave birth to my second child. By this time, things had gone sour between Jare and I. I learnt he was dating my friend. My best friend, the only one who knew about my relationship with him. It almost broke my heart. I was nursing two babies and I felt very alone and lonely. He hardly came to see us. Whenever he did, it was quarrel galore. At a level, he stopped coming, but give it to him, he made sure the children lacked nothing.
My son is seven months old; I have been staying alone for over five months now, I desire to go home to my parents. More so, my eldest sister will be getting married in a month’s time, I was not informed by anyone at home, my sister whose boyfriend I took called to tell me. Please, Taiwo what can I do? I want to go back home how do I go?