SHOULD HE WANT OUT……….REALLY?

I want out of this marriage!

Dear Taiwo,
Please, Taiwo, my first question before I state my problem is, is it is a crime to get married to daughters of affluent parents? It appears most of them often get carried away by their parents’ riches, especially when they are married to men whose parents are not as rich as theirs.
I am not ashamed of my background, I am very proud of my parents and I am extremely grateful to them for making me what I am today through their hard work, sweat, honesty and dignity of labour.
I met Crystal during my National Youth Service in Abuja. I arrived the country from the United States where I went to study for my Masters degree. I did not participate in the compulsory NYSC scheme after my first degree, because I did not want to lose the opportunity I had to study for my Masters abroad. So, it became necessary for me to take part in it before looking for a job.
She had just arrived from the United Kingdom too and we made friends quickly. I really loved and cared about her and I guessed she did too. Both of us were not kids; and from the outset, we made it clear to our friends and families that we were altar bound.
The first time I met Crystal’s parents, I did not allow myself to be intimidated by their wealth and affluence, because to me, despite the fact that money is important, it is not everything; and I know that I would work hard and make enough money too without relying on them for survival.
Her parents were both in business while her father was also into politics, compared my parents who were both civil servants. But in our family, we had everything; love, contentment and above all, peace.
As the only son of the family, loved by all, Crystal, was welcomed with open arms by my family members. The only person who had a little misgiving about her the very first time I took her home was my mother. Although she did not show this, when she related with her. She called and spoke with me about her misgivings after she had left.
“Ayobami, are you sure this is the woman you want to share the remaining part of your life with?” She queried. I answered her in the affirmative. “I just have this feeling that she could turn out to be a troublesome woman.” “Why?,” I asked her. “I really don’t know, but call it a mother’s instinct. Please, be careful.”
If I had known, I would have reflected on my mother’s words before committing myself to a life of misery, pain and heartache.
I also did not have the opportunity of a re-think because few weeks after I took her home to meet my parents, Crystal informed me that she was carrying my baby. It was a thing of joy and I really loved her, so there was no reason for us to wait. What would we have waited for?
I was not dependent on my NYSC allowance; I had enough money to support a family. Apart from this, when I informed my parents, they were ready to support me. I wasn’t a young man. We planned our wedding and this was the time Crystal started showing her true colour.
Both of us are Yoruba and I believe she should have understood that on our wedding night before stepping into my parents’ house where she would be officially received, tradition dictates that cold water must be poured on her feet, but she refused to allow the women who received her to do this. She demanded that if they must pour it on her feet at all, the water must be warm. Everyone pleaded with her to use cold water, but she refused.
My mother thought she could speak with her, she moved close to her and whispered into her ears, but to my mother’s surprise, Crystal shouted at her and pushed her away. She refused the cold water. Eventually, she stepped into our family house without observing the tradition. We all overlooked this so that life could go on, but the next thing I noticed was the fact that whenever we visited my parents, she would refuse anything given to her, even drinks. These were things she had been eating before we got married.
We had a month’s honeymoon in a hotel in Badagry, which was sponsored by my uncle. When we came back, once in a while, we would go to visit our family members. Whenever we went to her parents’ house, she would feel free and eat, I also ate several times. When I noticed her change in attitude towards my parents and the fact that she had stopped eating their food, I asked her the cause of her change and her reply shocked me.
Can you believe that Crystal told me that she could not eat my mother’s food because she did not want anything to upset her stomach or anything that could make her lose her pregnancy? I was so shocked that her response led to our first quarrel.
Two days before we were supposed to travel to Abuja, her parents organised a dinner party for us. This party was supposed to bring the two families together, but I told her parents that my parents wouldn’t be attending. They were disappointed, but I made up excuses for them. I ensured I did not taste even water till we left. When my wife noticed this, she asked me in annoyance when we got back to the hotel. I replied that I did not want to eat anything that would upset my stomach. This made her so angry and she accused me of being rude to her parents; but I was quick to point out that she did the same thing to my parents.
If I had not been patient that day, I would have given her the beating of her life but thank God, I did not. I could go on and on to narrate all the things she did, but I think it is important to tell you that she eventually lost that pregnancy which in the first instance made me rush into marrying her. She lost another and she became pregnant again the third time, she was placed on bed rest.
All these were after our service and I had to travel back to the United States (US). Obviously, I had to ask her to come to Ibadan so that she would be close to my family and hers.

She eventually gave birth to a baby boy who really resembled me, but I don’t know what Crystal had against people who commented that my son, Adebobola, looked every inch of me. Anyone who said that received a portion of her caustic tongue.
Adebobola, is now 13 years old and Crystal is yet to get pregnant again; her attitude is so nasty and she is so troublesome.
Adebobola and I are always at the receiving end of her trouble and she is becoming more violent by the day. Just last week, she hit me on the head with a bottle which of course, wounded me. I don’t know how long I can take her violence before I beat her up or I would be forced to either leave the house or throw her out of the house.
I am handicapped because her parents are very nice people. Whenever she misbehaved and they learnt about it, they would apologise, more so, she is the only spoilt one out of their five children. Her other siblings are well-behaved.
I am really fed up with her and the marriage, please, help me.
Ayobami Ade.