The site has been moved to the new server but I am hearing from a few readers that they are experiencing problems. Please post your issue here or send me an email..I have just noticed that a post today has suddenly gone m.i.a ”the truth about men”.
How would I forgive a deceitful husband?
I am a regular reader of your column and the story published two weeks ago was of particular interest to me. I was also privileged to read some of the replies sent in by your readers. There was a particular one where the respondent stated that, “Adeola would be very surprised if she learnt about what other women are going through”.
This particular response actually interested me and was the reason I decided to share my own story too. First, for this woman to know that she was not alone on this ship and not the only victim of a man’s deceit and to also seek your reader’s counsel on what to do was commendable.
I am currently undergoing a similar situation. Many people even some of my friends and family are of the opinion that I overreacted and that I should have forgiven my husband and let life continue.
As far as I am concerned, I am not talking about another person; it is very easy to forgive, but I cannot forget easily. The moment I still have this issue on my mind, I cannot be favourably disposed toward my husband ( Dele).
I was not Dele’s first wife, neither was he my first husband. I had a failed marriage which produced a son. I was young but not naive. The experience I had was very unpleasant and I vowed never to have anything to do with any man again. Dele came like a sheep, but I never knew he was a wolf in a sheep’s skin. We met at a friend’s birthday party, I had lost contact with this friend of mine for years, she had been out of the country, another friend of ours got me an invitation to her birthday party.
When she was in the country, we were very close, I was the first to tie the nuptial knot amongst my friends; but unfortunately, it wasn’t a good experience.
My friend, (the celebrant) couldn’t wait to hear all that happened to me, so as soon as the flow of guests to the party reduced, she pulled me into a corner so we could gist.
Dele came to her party on the invitation of my friend’s husband; he lost his wife some years before we met. We never knew that he was close by and he was listening to our conversation . According to him when he later approached me, he never intended to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t help hearing some of the things we were discussing. He asked me to give him a chance to be part of my life so that he could correct some of the ills my former husband did to me.
I refused and rejected his offer bluntly, but Dele would not leave me alone. He enlisted the help of my friend and her husband and they all pleaded with me to give Dele a chance. I agreed to give him a chance and when he told me all about his life, I felt he was sincere.
He told me about his late wife and their two childrend both boys. He also told me that after his wife’s death, he met and dated a lady who gave birth to a son for him. He said he would have married her but for the fact that she was very troublesome.
In fact, according to him, they had already quarelled even before he met me, but he was still responsible for his son’s upkeep. I thought he was honest and I appreciated his supposed honesty.
I never knew he was fooling me and that he had a lot up his sleeve that he did not disclose. I introduced Dele to my mother and family members after I had dated him for a year. Everyone in my family could not help but love him because Dele was very nice and loving.
My mother who is my only surviving parent approved of him and gave her consent to the union.
It was when I became very close to him that I realised that he was a cheat, a liar and full of deceit. We had our traditional engagement and had a plan to go to the registry. I did not want an elaborate ceremony, but I discovered that after we had our traditional engagement, Dele did not want to go to the registry with me again. Everytime I raised the subject, he would have an excuse to postpone it.
At the initial stage, I did not see through his deceit and I always took his excuse on the face value. The first thing I learnt and which eventually led to our first quarrel was the fact that Dele communicates regularly with the lady who had a son for him.
So many times I have had cause to listen to him speak with her on phone. He was always pleading with her. Several times, I overheard her shouting unprintable things to him on phone.
At a time, I had to raise the issue with him. At least, he told me that this lady even had another relationship, so why did he have to take all the nonsense from her? Dele had no explanation. He said he had to be very careful with her because of his son. Several times, she had threatened to kill the boy.
Later, I noticed that whenever her call came in and we were together, Dele would excuse himself to speak with her.
One day, we were in the living room watching a movie, when Dele execused himself and went into the bedroom to speak with this woman. I was very annoyed, but I managed to keep my cool.
After some minutes, I went into the room to give him a piece of my mind, and as I made to enter the room I heard Dele asking this question: “Is your baby kicking?’’ I waited in the room until they concluded their conversation”Is she pregnant?” I asked him. “No, she is not the one carrying a baby, he replied, I was speaking with her younger sister who got married recently”. Dele replied.
I was not convinced by his excuse, but I had no other proof to nail him so I forgot about it, but deep down in my mind I knew something was wrong somewhere.
Dele had to move to Abuja, when he got a new contract, I couldn’t go with him because I didnt want to lose my job, I did not want a situation of leaving certainty for uncertainty. Initially, he insisted that I resign to go with him; but I pleaded with him to see reasons with me, he grudgingly agreed and we both decided to work out our programmes in such a way that when he was not down south, I would be with him.
This arrangement eventually became a saving grace and an issue of mixed blessings for me. Because if I had resigned from my office and gone to Abuja with him and he eventually showed me his true self, I would have been devastated, but thank God I still have my job and happiness.
His stay in Abuja gave him enough time to be on top of the situation in his three homes, the first one is where his kids and sister live, mine and the other woman’s. Honestly, I give it to him, Dele really is a super human, because it would take a man with something extra to keep three different homes.
Sometimes, when I was supposed to travel to see him in Abuja, he would tell me he had to make a trip out of town. I never questioned him because I trusted him.
The first major issue I had with him was when I needed him to go with me to see a gynaecologist.
Naturally, I desired to have another child. I tried getting pregnant but couldn’t, so I had to see a doctor. After series of tests, I was given a clean bill of health, the doctor said nothing was wrong with me, he then asked to see my husband.
I called Dele and told him, it was a private hospital and he could see the doctor during the weekend.
He consented and promised to go with me. When he came I reminded him, he gave me excuse. For about two months I kept asking him to come with me to see the doctor, I was shocked when he said that, I should tell my doctor to find out what was wrong with me, as he was medically fit to father a child.
I was shocked. His words and attitude led to a quarrel, which was our major quarrel. He eventually did not see the doctor and I did all I could even spiritually to concieve, but Dele did not help me.
There was a particular time we were supposed to fast together and pray, he was on leave, we agreed to do this; you wont believe that Dele pretended as if he was fasting but ate as soon as I left for the office. We were supposed to fast for three days, on the second day, our housemaid told me that daddy ate. I did not believe her, I eventually confronted him and he could not deny.
Thank God I hadn’t a child for him because if I had a child, leaving him would not be easy. Sometime ago, when I visited him in Abuja, his houseboy told me that I should make my visit more frequent because a lady used to come and stay with oga whenever I wasn’t around. I diplomatically confronted him with this, but he denied vehemently.
I did not make an issue of it but decided to find out by myself by paying him a visit during the week. Can you believe that I caught Dele red-handed.
I left Lagos with the last flight and when I arrived Abuja, I did not call him or go to his office because he normally closed late. I took a taxi directly to the house. I had my own keys so I needed no one before I would go in. Lo and behold, I didn’t need a key, I met a lady in the house. She was comfortable and even asked who I was.
I introduced myself to her and she was shocked.
She had never met me and vice versa, but I saw her photograph on Dele’s phone and camera at a party, but he told me she was a friend’s wife and that she was eager to meet me.
I asked her about her husband, but she was shocked. I never knew how Dele got to know I was around because he rushed in and demanded to know why I came without informing him.
I was mad at him and we had another quarrel. The lady left that night but I refused to share his bed or even drink water, till I left very early the following day.
This was however a minor issue compared with why I decided to part ways with him.
He was also fond of taking, or should I say stealing my money. Whenever he admit he took it; around, he was always picking my money. Sometimes he would agree to taking it, other times he would deny.
He also had the habit of accusing me of infidelity.
( To be concluded next week)
The site is almost complete, I have my web-builder checking out everything now..we will be back to normal some time today
WTF AFRICA- DIAPER TRAFFICKERS
The crazy quest for greener pasture by some Nigerians is pushing many of them to do dirty stuffs, adopting unimaginable tactics. The two Nigerian men in the picture above were arrested at the Murtala Muhammed International Airport in Lagos on drug suspicion. When searched, to the surprise of NDLEA operatives, each of them had a diaper full of drugs.
They were said to be begin for forgiveness, attributing their action to poverty and all sorts. What do you make of this show of shame? Old men wearing diaper because of greediness?
*PEOPLE REMEMBER I AM MERGING TOPICS UNTIL THE MOVE HAS COMPLETED*
Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
in the heavens.
2 Through the praise of children and infants
you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
to silence the foe and the avenger.
3 When I consider your heavens,
the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place,
4 what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
human beings that you care for them?[c]
5 You have made them[d] a little lower than the angels[e]
and crowned them[f] with glory and honor.
6 You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
you put everything under their[g] feet:
7 all flocks and herds,
and the animals of the wild,
8 the birds in the sky,
and the fish in the sea,
all that swim the paths of the seas.
9 Lord, our Lord,
how majestic is your name in all the earth!
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