This is another interesting story that was posted in an online column
I am sad, I am bitter and I am hurt. Not really at the situation at hand, but because I cannot have things my way or do what I really feel like doing without people pleading with me to have a re-think and look into the Bible and check out what God says concerning our parents.
My mother, though a Muslim, I am sure she did not checked the Holy Quran before she abandoned me. Because I am sure the Holy books will not support this act of hers.
What if I had died? Would she have asked my remains to take care of her?
Don’t get me wrong; I am not callous, but I am hurt.
My family — father, mother and I, is not the type you could call the ideal family. Then I didn’t feel I could have lived better, but let me lay everything down at the feet of posterity, because a terrible situation was the catalyst to whatever I am today.
My father was a tanker driver and my mother, a meat seller, at one of the popular markets in Ibadan. I had an elder sister, though not from my father, but he accepted and raised her like his.
Right from a very tender age, the memory of my mother had always been a mother who” ‘left the home very early, sometimes I would still be sleeping and she would return very late. I had my elder sister to take care of me, so I really did not miss her much.”
Dad was always away from home and whenever he came home, both of them would quarrel, because my mother was never at home. I could remember well, the day my elder sister’s father and his people came to take my sister away. Mum was away from home as usual. They didn’t even listen to our pleas.
And as far as I am concerned, that was the day my travails started. I became lonely and felt unwanted. Mother didn’t care; she felt I could take care of myself and that, was it.
Few months after my sister left, my parents quarrel became incessant and before I knew what was happening, dad brought home another woman with her four children. The children belonged to two other men. Her presence in our home fuelled more crisis which kept my mother away more than before.
When it was over a year after dad’s new wife moved into our house, my mother left to marry another man, leaving me at the mercy of a wicked stepmother which coincided with my admission into the secondary school. School and times when daddy was home were my only respite. My stepmother maltreated me and turned me into a slave for her children.
Whenever I tried to tell daddy when he came home he wouldn’t believe me. The final straw came the day the pepper she asked me to go and blend got spilled on the floor which incidentally was not intentional, but she did not believe me. In the end, she sent me away from the house and vowed to kill me if I ever came near my father’s house again.
I had no where to go. My mother left without looking back. Dad was away on one of his trips, I eventually slept in an uncompleted building that night. I stayed there with the intention of getting help the following morning, but fate had another thing in stock for me.
In the early hours of the morning, I was awaken by voices. Five men in black were talking in one of the rooms. From their conversation, I could deduce that they were thieves sharing their booty.
I made to run away, but they chased and caught up with me. That early morning, four of them raped and beat me up. They did not allow me out of their sight, because they felt I would spill what I saw and heard.
One of them, who I guessed was their leader took me home. He lived alone in a mini – flat and he raped me almost every hour. Whenever I tried to refuse, he would beat me up.
Eventually, I gave in. Three days later, when the others came, they equally took turns to rape me.
A week after I was taken away, I was informed that I had to work for my living. My job then was to steal petty things. Later, I graduated into surveying the houses they would rob.
Three weeks into my stay with them, I was smuggled into someone’s apartment through the window. The idea was for me to go and steal some money so that we could eat because business was bad and they had no money. They thought nobody was in the house, but it was a mistake. The lady inside raised the alarm and I was arrested. But the rest of the gang ran and left me at the mercy of the mob.I was beaten by the mob. But for the intervention of the police, I would have been killed.
By the time I was taken to the police station, I was so weak and feverish that I could hardly stand on my feet.
At the police station — a very popular one in Ibadan. I met a very nice woman. After listening to my story, I was kept there for two days. When they could not locate my people, she said I had to go to the juvenile home as I could not stay there.
Before admitting me, she took me to the hospital where I was treated for many things, including severe STD. My lower abdomen was swollen and I had vaginal discharge.
By the time I had spent almost seven months at the juvenile home, a nice woman took me to stay with her. I later learnt that she adopted me. She had a son, who was away in the United States. She asked what I wanted to do, I opted to learn fashion designing. I had always loved it. But when her son came back to the country, he insisted that I should go back to school.
I was too big to go to a regular school, so I had to register at an extra-mural class. I wrote my GCE examinations three years after. By this time, I had perfected my fashion designing and after my graduation, “my mother” established me, but “my brother” insisted that I had to go back to school. So I had to go to the polytechnic to study Insurance.
It was during the cause of my study that I met my stepmother’s second daughter. She was an assistant food vendor in one of the food canteens on the campus.
I guess she told my father she saw me, because he came to look for me. When he came, I told “my mother,” and she said I had no choice but to forgive and give him another chance. He wasn’t looking well. He told me he was involved in an auto accident not long after I left. He had aged and I also learnt he was having problems with my stepmother and her children.
He also told me that my mother too was ill. She had HIV and was very down.
I told him in a plain language that I didn’t want to see my mother. I really didn’t know how they traced my house, but both of them came to plead with “my mother” to beg me.
They wanted money, and I am not ready to give them money. I am comfortable. Apart from the fact that I now have a good and supportive family, I also make good money from my fashion designing outfit, which is flourishing to the glory of God.
My question is, is it compulsory I help them? Then, what if I had died, who would have given them what they now want? Yet “my mother” insists that I help. Is this right?
A New Jersey babysitter admitted in court to recording herself molesting a 5-year-old girl she looked after, streaming it over Skype and sending iPhone videos to an Internet porno fiend.
Jennifer Mahoney, 33, of Manalapan, faces a minimum of 15 years in federal prison after pleading guilty in federal court in Trenton on Wednesday to sexual exploitation of a child.
The former waitress confessed to sexually abusing the little girl several times last summer and fall, the New Jersey Star-Ledger reported.
In addition to streaming the abuse over Skype, Mahoney confessed to recording the abuse using her iPhone and emailing videos to a man she only knew as “Robert,” the newspaper said.
The complaint detailed other cases where Mahoney laughed while performing oral sex on the girl and recorded herself abusing the child while she slept and while she took a bath.
Her lawyer, Herbert Ellis, told the judge that she suffered from mental illness, though didn’t elaborate, and told reporters after the hearing that she tried to kill herself six years ago.
“She’s numb,” Ellis told the Star-Ledger. “She cannot believe what’s happening to her. She’s upset with herself.”
Mahoney was arrested in December after authorities found some of the videos on the computer of a Texas man, Robert J. Ramos Jr.
Mahoney also allegedly told Ramos in a Facebook message that she drugged the child with Xanax.
Ramos, 33, was charged with production of child pornography and distribution, transmission, receipt and possession of child pornography.
(Washington)In what has been termed the US’ Evolution to Gay Marriage, president Barak Obama has gone down into history by supporting and calling for a change of law so the country can begin legally recognising same sex marriage.
Obama who reportedly gave in to pressure from the LGBT (Lesbians and Gay community) goes into history as the first US president to back same sex marriage.
History, as Obama declares Gay Marriage Rights
Hailed as having made a politically bold move, the president who still needs to convince 30 states to adopt his proposal, spoke on US television ABC:
“Over a course of several years as I talked to friends and family and neighbors; when I think about members of my own staff who are incredibly committed, monogamous relationships, same-sex relationships, raising kids together, when i think about those soldiers or airmen or marines or sailors who are out there fighting on my behalf, and yet feels constrainted, even now that don’t ask, don’t tell is gone, because they are not able to commit themselves in a marriage, at a certain point i just concluded that for me personally, it is important for me to go ahead and affirm that I think same-sex couples should be able to get married.”
“That’s a huge leap in a very short amount of time. I think the president should be applauded; his evolution of personal beliefs is very important but there is still a lot of work to be done of translating those beliefs into public policy, a political commentator said.”
The internet was awash with rumours of how well Obama will receive support from voters with commentators claiming a crisis of conscience, that he might lose support from black American voters.
Obama however said that he enjoys support from his wife and also obtained backing from his VP, Joe Biden.
My mother ruined my life; I hate her!
If my mother gets an opportunity to read this story, I am sure she will feel very bad because she went through a lot because of me and to her, all she is doing right now is helping me out of my present situation and she would feel I do not appreciate her efforts.
But this is not the issue at hand because I have to go on with my life. After all, she caused the whole problem from the beginning; so, I cannot see any justification for her to be so annoyed, but I am sure she will: I am using this medium to also ask for her forgiveness.
I am the only female child of my parents and perhaps, one could say that was why we are so close. I was not a lazy brat despite our closeness. I did not depend sorely on my mother for finances. I was quite dexterous and, thank God, I got on so well in my business.
You might want to know my background. Let me reiterate the fact that I am the only female child of my parents and the first; with five younger ones. We were not born with a silver spoon, but, at least, we never lacked anything and we were comfortable.
As the eldest, I didn’t have the opportunity of going to school; I opted for business, but I made sure my younger brothers got some education, the least being secondary school education.
Things started taking a downturn in my life when I met my husband, a relationship my mother never liked from the onset.
I was very close to my mother, but I knew her flaws and I decided to take only the advice that I deemed useful; but despite this, I couldn’t take charge of things; my mother almost sent Dele packing from my life at the initial stage of our relationship.
At first, I was overwhelmed by my mother’s reaction, how she had her hackles up the first time I brought Dele home. When he left on this fateful day, the first thing my mother complained about was his stature.
I think I should describe Dele, so that you can get a better picture of him. Dele was a stout man and not really appealing. But since I was not after his beauty, I gave a little thought to my mother’s lurid expression. After all, I am the one marrying him not my mother.
My mother ruined my life; I hate her!(2)
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Thursday, 10 May 2012
Taiwo, at this stage, I think I should be sincere with you. What attracted Dele to me was his wealth. He was a banker and one of the topmost managers at that and it was by sheer luck that I met a guy like him.
It is not as if I am bad looking, but our class difference was glaring.
Notwithstanding, he came to me and I decided to go for him and mind you, Dele was not stingy. He was ready to lavish his money on me to any extent, but the problem was that, the day he came to my house, I decided not to reveal his identity to my mother; she had always wanted a very rich man for me.
Eventually, my mother got to know everything about Dele and his wealth and since this awareness, she insisted I must marry him.
Taiwo, you can’t believe how people can change in such a short period! My mother became exceptionally kind to Dele and anytime he came around, she would even cook the best dish for him.
To these gestures, Dele was apt to reciprocate. He showered my mother with gifts of different sorts and the whole story drastically changed to a good one.
Soon, Dele proposed and before we knew it, wedding bells were ringing. We fixed the wedding date and it was wonderful.
I must confess that I didn’t marry Dele because I loved him, I did because of his wealth, pressure from friends that I shouldn’t let this big fish escape and finally from my mother.
I was so sure that everything was going to be alright; Dele being one of the top managers would not in any way run short of money and this was what I was after.
One important thing I dare not leave out was the fact that Dele left his former girlfriend for me. He told me this only later and I wasn’t disturbed as long as there was money and I didn’t know her.
Our wedding ceremony was elaborate and was the talk of the town. Every nooks and crannies of the town was agog with the news of our wedding. It was the most memorable day of my life.
In fact, it was worth the memory because my wedding gown was specially sewn and brought in from overseas. Every of my friends were envious of me. My joy that day knew no bounds and I guessed that was also the last time I ever laughed from the deepest part of me.
After the wedding ceremony, we settled down and I had to learn how to cope with my marital life which I didn’t find easy at all. Because of my closeness to my mother, I was always going home to report everything Dele did to her and she would in turn advise me.
Sometimes, I found myself reacting to Dele based on my mother’s advice and before I knew it, my marriage was crumbling before my eyes.
It also came to a point that my mother was misbehaving and even insulting him whenever she came to visit us. I tried to stop this, but all my mother did was to make me realise that I should not take things cool with any man. She was right behind me even when I knew that I was wrong.
My mother became a regular visitor in my home. And at this time, I was ready to comply with whatever my mother said. She became more or less, the mistress of my home, always dictating to my husband and I.
The birth of our baby boy, Seye, was the straw that broke the camel’s back. My mother had all the excuses to be in our house. She was up and doing and anytime my husband tried to complain, she would rain abuses on him.
I heard her saying,” Do you think you are right for my daughter? Of all the men, you should count yourself lucky that you are my daughter’s choice.”
Taiwo, I wasn’t so pleased with this statement knowing how Dele had stood for us when things were not going on well; also, knowing he left his former fiancee for me, but I couldn’t just reason the other way round. I joined my mother and rained abuses on him.
Dele was so disturbed by these happenings that he kept away from the house for almost a month. When he came back, he refused to interact with anyone not even the little baby.
During his absence, my mother took me to a herbalist and introduced me as her daughter who had been having marital problems and that was when I knew that my mother had been patronising a herbalist so as to gain control of situations in our home. According to her, she would not fold her arms and watch her only daughter suffer in the hand of a cruel man.
I was so confused about what to do and so, I had no choice but to carry on with my mother’s wish; after all, I never loved Dele, but still, I had his child.
When Dele absconded from home, my mother and I went to report him to his family and there, we raved and ranted to the extent that Dele’s mother burst into tears. She pleaded with us to take things easy, but my mother only told her that things would not get better until Dele changed for the better.
But what was Dele’s offence actually? Taiwo, whenever I sit down to consider some of the things he did, I always found it absurd that I actually overreacted.
Anyway, Dele came back home and took a drastic step. As I said, he maintained a total silence and kept away from us. He would stay back late in the office and whenever I raised an eyebrow, he would not say a word.
Things got so bad that I couldn’t cope with it any longer. Then one day, the big shock came. Dele brought home divorce papers and asked me to sign them. I was shocked to the marrow and I became more confused.
I could remember that, our marriage was exactly a year when things really began to fall apart. I pleaded with him for a second chance, but he wouldn’t budge.
We have pushed him to the wall and it was then that I could see the reality of what I had been doing. When I told my mother, she ran to her herbalist but nothing came out of it all (I guess when a game is over, it is over).
Dele sent me packing from his house and now I am back to square one, my mother’s den. I am so ashamed and confused and I regret ever joining my mother in her evil plot.
Please, Taiwo, what should I do? The more I see my mother everyday, the more I hate her, but she seems in control of every part of my life. Please, help me. I need your advice.
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