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This post is based on an email that was sent and in no way reflects the views and opinions of ''Met'' or Jamaicangroupiemet.com. To send in a story send your email to [email protected]

BAD PEOPLE NEED CONFIRMATION

LOL

From: Nice Boldness
Title: Batty-man Fowley beat up picture man Long jon

Message Body:
Met

A whats going on mi hear sey battyman fowley beat up picture man long john is it true can someone enlighten me.

CHEATING WHILE BABY PAN DI BREAST

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I don’t even know where to start. Sorrow, depression, dejection, resignation etc, all now knows me by name. The love is dead, I loathe her forthe betrayal, sex is dead, joy gone. It’s been 8 months since I made the startling discovery, I have tried to live like It didn’t happen but that didn’t work. I have tried to brace it like a man and move past it that too didn’t work.

We have had several talks about it hoping it will heal my wound but it ain’t working too. I have lost my strength to move on, my drive for success and happiness is dead. I roam aimlessly now most times not having a clear vision cos my mind is messed up. Several times I narrowly escaped ramming into a car ahead of me. I look at women now with disdain (my apologies) and infidelity boldly carved on their foreheads.

What got me all messed up like this? I found out my wife was having an affair with her senior colleague in the office who also doubles as a family friend. How did I get to know, I stumbled into an amorous email exchange between them when I wanted to help her apply for a job which has a better prospect than where she was then. It was the subject of the mail that excited my curiosity. The subject says”omwanchi” which in Kisii means “My Love”.

What is more disturbing is that they were having unprotected sex while my baby was still bosom feeding (no wonder my smart girl stopped suckling at 5 months). Our marriage will be 4 years in a couple of months time and is blessed with anadorable daughter. They both claimed it was a mistake. While I am battling to believe them, it will be of interest to note that, they didn’t go to bed just once which nullifies the claim of it being a mistake. And it will be foolhardy for anyone to believe that. One cannot make a mistake twice. The second time usually is a choice that is dully premeditated.

I am barely sticking what is left of the marriage just because of my little girl. She will be 2 in no distant time. Separation and divorce is my only option now since every other option has left me worse off. I have lost so much weight in these few months. I also want to state here that I have never cheated on my wife before. I keep asking myself what will push me to cheat because sincerely, my wife has it all; beauty and brains. Like the few people both male and female will say when they see her picture either on my phone or ipad “Guy, you have a nice wife in the market”.

DWL..SMADDY SEND IN THIS TO THE AFRICAN PAPER

1 (1)

My boyfriend KISSES ME and leaves a fountain of saliva in my mouth

UNEDITED

So I just met this guy 2 yrs ago and so far, its been a good relationship.

Could it be better? Definitely.

I say this because he doesn’t know how to kiss me deeply without leaving lots of his saliva in my mouth which I usually have to swallow because I don’t want to hurt his pride by going to spit right after he kisses me.

I’ve talked to him about it though jokingly. He says it’s because he’s usually so turned on when we kiss deeply that he doesn’t have control over how much he salivates.

Do I leave a small bowl at the head of the bed whenever we want to get it on? Or do I say bye to this man. I don’t know what to do as I have my own saliva and don’t need extra.

Advise please.

QRADA PAGE DEM GONE OO

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WTF AFRICA- ADULTERER WAKES UP TO FIND MISSING PUNASH

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A 29-year-old Bulawayo woman from Matshobana suburb got the shock of her life when she woke up in the morning and realised that her private parts were missing, it is alleged.

Chipo Sibanda reportedly learnt the hard way in the early hours of 29 April when she visited the toilet but could not urinate upon discovering that her vagina had mysteriously sealed. The woman is said to have nearly collapsed when she noticed that her ‘most sweetness spot’ had mysteriously sealed.

However, a ZImbabwean online publication says it has learnt that Chipo was in the habit of sleeping with married men – a claim which was confirmed by the alleged hubby-snatcher. It is reported that Chipo approached one of the women whose husband had allegedly ‘strayed’ to Chipo’s ‘honey jar’.

A source who stays in Bulawayo’s Matshobana suburb where there incident reportedly took place, said a woman popularly known as Mai Tawanda had previously warned Chipo to stay away from her husband. The source said after the spine-chilling incident, the ‘vaginaless’ woman approached Mai Tawanda and begged for forgiveness.

“She didn’t have a choice in this case but to approach Mai Tawanda and apologise. No one remains calm upon realising that her sexual organ is missing. If she had not approached Mai Tawanda we could be talking about something else,” said a source close to Chipo.

It is reported that Mai Tawanda first thrashed Chipo but much to the surprise of everyone, the bashed woman did not cry. The alleged husband-snatcher was saved by Mai Tawanda’s sister who had been summoned to hear the confession.

“She was set free 3 hours after the beating. She made a promise to Mai Tawanda that she would never see her husband or even come near him. That is when she was told to go to the toilet and check if her organ was back,” she said.

After several attempts to get hold of Chipo, our news crew eventually managed to hook up with the woman who openly revealed that she had learnt a big lesson.

“I am sorry to all women I have wronged. It wasn’t my intention to break their marriages. It (the disappearance of her organ) was so scary and the thought that I couldn’t piss was frightening. I could feel that my bladder was full but I couldn’t do anything,” she said.

Efforts to get a comment from the much dreaded Mai Tawanda proved futile by the time of going to press.

WANT BEER?

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GOOD MORNING

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