Monthly Archives: April 2013

This post is based on an email that was sent and in no way reflects the views and opinions of ''Met'' or To send in a story send your email to [email protected]






I want out of this marriage!

Dear Taiwo,
Please, Taiwo, my first question before I state my problem is, is it is a crime to get married to daughters of affluent parents? It appears most of them often get carried away by their parents’ riches, especially when they are married to men whose parents are not as rich as theirs.
I am not ashamed of my background, I am very proud of my parents and I am extremely grateful to them for making me what I am today through their hard work, sweat, honesty and dignity of labour.
I met Crystal during my National Youth Service in Abuja. I arrived the country from the United States where I went to study for my Masters degree. I did not participate in the compulsory NYSC scheme after my first degree, because I did not want to lose the opportunity I had to study for my Masters abroad. So, it became necessary for me to take part in it before looking for a job.
She had just arrived from the United Kingdom too and we made friends quickly. I really loved and cared about her and I guessed she did too. Both of us were not kids; and from the outset, we made it clear to our friends and families that we were altar bound.
The first time I met Crystal’s parents, I did not allow myself to be intimidated by their wealth and affluence, because to me, despite the fact that money is important, it is not everything; and I know that I would work hard and make enough money too without relying on them for survival.
Her parents were both in business while her father was also into politics, compared my parents who were both civil servants. But in our family, we had everything; love, contentment and above all, peace.
As the only son of the family, loved by all, Crystal, was welcomed with open arms by my family members. The only person who had a little misgiving about her the very first time I took her home was my mother. Although she did not show this, when she related with her. She called and spoke with me about her misgivings after she had left.
“Ayobami, are you sure this is the woman you want to share the remaining part of your life with?” She queried. I answered her in the affirmative. “I just have this feeling that she could turn out to be a troublesome woman.” “Why?,” I asked her. “I really don’t know, but call it a mother’s instinct. Please, be careful.”
If I had known, I would have reflected on my mother’s words before committing myself to a life of misery, pain and heartache.
I also did not have the opportunity of a re-think because few weeks after I took her home to meet my parents, Crystal informed me that she was carrying my baby. It was a thing of joy and I really loved her, so there was no reason for us to wait. What would we have waited for?
I was not dependent on my NYSC allowance; I had enough money to support a family. Apart from this, when I informed my parents, they were ready to support me. I wasn’t a young man. We planned our wedding and this was the time Crystal started showing her true colour.
Both of us are Yoruba and I believe she should have understood that on our wedding night before stepping into my parents’ house where she would be officially received, tradition dictates that cold water must be poured on her feet, but she refused to allow the women who received her to do this. She demanded that if they must pour it on her feet at all, the water must be warm. Everyone pleaded with her to use cold water, but she refused.
My mother thought she could speak with her, she moved close to her and whispered into her ears, but to my mother’s surprise, Crystal shouted at her and pushed her away. She refused the cold water. Eventually, she stepped into our family house without observing the tradition. We all overlooked this so that life could go on, but the next thing I noticed was the fact that whenever we visited my parents, she would refuse anything given to her, even drinks. These were things she had been eating before we got married.
We had a month’s honeymoon in a hotel in Badagry, which was sponsored by my uncle. When we came back, once in a while, we would go to visit our family members. Whenever we went to her parents’ house, she would feel free and eat, I also ate several times. When I noticed her change in attitude towards my parents and the fact that she had stopped eating their food, I asked her the cause of her change and her reply shocked me.
Can you believe that Crystal told me that she could not eat my mother’s food because she did not want anything to upset her stomach or anything that could make her lose her pregnancy? I was so shocked that her response led to our first quarrel.
Two days before we were supposed to travel to Abuja, her parents organised a dinner party for us. This party was supposed to bring the two families together, but I told her parents that my parents wouldn’t be attending. They were disappointed, but I made up excuses for them. I ensured I did not taste even water till we left. When my wife noticed this, she asked me in annoyance when we got back to the hotel. I replied that I did not want to eat anything that would upset my stomach. This made her so angry and she accused me of being rude to her parents; but I was quick to point out that she did the same thing to my parents.
If I had not been patient that day, I would have given her the beating of her life but thank God, I did not. I could go on and on to narrate all the things she did, but I think it is important to tell you that she eventually lost that pregnancy which in the first instance made me rush into marrying her. She lost another and she became pregnant again the third time, she was placed on bed rest.
All these were after our service and I had to travel back to the United States (US). Obviously, I had to ask her to come to Ibadan so that she would be close to my family and hers.

She eventually gave birth to a baby boy who really resembled me, but I don’t know what Crystal had against people who commented that my son, Adebobola, looked every inch of me. Anyone who said that received a portion of her caustic tongue.
Adebobola, is now 13 years old and Crystal is yet to get pregnant again; her attitude is so nasty and she is so troublesome.
Adebobola and I are always at the receiving end of her trouble and she is becoming more violent by the day. Just last week, she hit me on the head with a bottle which of course, wounded me. I don’t know how long I can take her violence before I beat her up or I would be forced to either leave the house or throw her out of the house.
I am handicapped because her parents are very nice people. Whenever she misbehaved and they learnt about it, they would apologise, more so, she is the only spoilt one out of their five children. Her other siblings are well-behaved.
I am really fed up with her and the marriage, please, help me.
Ayobami Ade.





Before you SLEEP with him, READ THIS

(A lot of our young black women in and out of the DH need to understand their worth) Addicted

What’s between your legs he can get anywhere; what’s in your heart is rare, it can only come from you. Value increases when something is considered rare. A real man finds glory in the hunt, the chase, the wait. Every time a man “enters” a woman he gives her his strength, every time a woman “receives a man” she gives him her beauty, her vulnerability. Why give up the greatest and most precious part of yourself to a man who has not proven he is worthy or capable of caring for your heart?
Giving our bodies, forsaking our hearts
Let me make this very clear, I was FAR from a virgin when I got married. For many years I used sex to numb the rejection of my father and men in my past. I gave my body to men to validate me, to help me prove my worth, to numb the pain and fear of the life I was half-living. And sure the conquest was fun, but the relief was momentary, never lasting. The confidence in my soul was broken, so my body screamed for instant gratification. Then as a “party girl” high on drugs and alcohol, sex just accompanied that lifestyle, but getting drunk and high to open my legs, only proved that my heart’s deepest longings were simply being masked, numbed, hidden.
The greatest gift a woman can give a man
A few years before I met my husband, I made a decision to be celibate, to find out beyond sex, what did I truly desire? Fortunately when I met my husband he carried this same conviction. This current culture has diminished women into believing we have nothing to offer besides our bodies.
How many times have you laid besides a lover after he has released inside of you and felt dulled, disappointed, numb? Don’t you want more? Women scream this false bravado independence “I can do whatever I want!” But whose truth are you living? Are you living out your sexuality like I was; reacting to your wounds, attempting to meet your own needs the only way you know how? Or are you living from the truth of how amazing, cherished and priceless your heart is?
Real women know their value
Women who know their value, know they are worth more. They have learned what their heart truly needs, and they are not afraid to ask for it. God wired us to be loved, cherished, protected, fought for. Our hearts deepest longing is often times not for sex, but to truly know who we are…we don’t find the answers to the deepest questions in our souls in a man’s bed; we discover them by seeking God’s heart. Many of us never had an earthly father to affirm our beauty our value, but we have a merciful God waiting to lavish upon us a passionate love beyond our wildest dreams.
Dare to be honest. Learn how to ask for what you need with your heart and not your body. When you truly see your value as a woman, you will know you are worth the wait, and so will the man who has decided to wait for you…




Nine students are now in police custody in connection with a robbery incident in which a Jamaica Urban Transit Company (JUTC) driver, was stabbed and injured this morning, along Constant Spring Road.

A Calabar High School student, described as the ringleader, was taken into custody immediately after the incident, while eight others were detained shortly after.

Communications Manager at the JUTC, Reginald Allen says the driver, 46-year-old, Errol Lemard, has been released from hospital.

He explains that the driver was stabbed after he went to investigate a sound coming from the back of the bus.

Allen says the robbery and stabbing incident is cause for concern as it was carried out by students.



82-year-old church deacon caught having S*X with donkey

An 82-year-old Seventh Day Adventist deacon is bracing for a dose of unwanted attention from his village after he failed to control his penchant for sex and allegedly had intercourse with a donkey.The detestable incident which left villagers in Filabusi’s Gangabezi village, Zimbabwe shell-shocked transpired sometime last month. According to sources who spoke to our news crew and requested anonymity, it is alleged the sexual predator, Deacon Canaan Ncube (82) was caught pants down while ‘feasting’ on a hapless donkey.”I strongly believe that it was not his first time to be intimate with the donkey. The way he had positioned himself and the donkey showed traces of experience,” said the source.The bestiality issue came to light when Sibangani who was heading home from his sojourns allegedly saw Deacon Ncube with a humble animal. When Deacon Ncube realised that his escapades had come in the open, he freed the hapless animal and vanished from the scene, it is alleged. Sibangani then blew the said issue to the whole village.”The news of Deacon Canaan and his donkey swiftly spread like veld fire. Everyone knows about this issue. It is not even a secret, you can ask anyone,” said the source.When the senior village headman, Patrick Ndlovu, was reached for comment, he said he was aware of the issue.”I am aware of this issue. I am waiting for the village head Mechat Masuku and her entourage to deliberate on the issue. They will then report the matter to the police because it is out of my jurisdiction. I do not deal with such cases,” said the senior village head.Village Head Masuku said she was waiting to hear from the village neighbourhood committee members to give her feedback.”I left the issue in the hands of village neighbourhood committee members to see to it that they bring down the culprit but up to now nothing has been done. I do not even know why they are taking too long,” she said.Meanwhile, Adventist church Deacon Ncube said he was aware of the rumours but dismissed the allegations as false statements meant to tarnish his image.”I am very aware of the whole saga. I heard this issue at the church service last week, but the truth is that I know nothing about it and the neighbourhood constables have not contacted me,” he said.The alleged incident transpired barely two weeks after two sexual predators in the same area were caught having a three-some with a donkey. The matter came to light after they failed to pay a R100 bribe to a fellow villager who had spotted them taking turns to rape the donkey.

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