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Title: Should I?

Message Body:
My babydaddy and I have been separated for like 3 years now our daughter will be 4 y/o in 2 months. Even tho we’re not in a relationship he and I have a very good understanding when it comes on to our child. He’s a good father for the most part, financially I’m taking care of the baby but that’s not a big deal because I can afford to. I send her to jamaica every summer to spend at least 2 months with her dad and he does a very good job taking care of her when she’s there. Now my babydaddy got his visa late last year and since then he’s been to NY to visit his girlfriend 3 times and he hasn’t been to FL to see his daughter not even once. Last time he saw her was August of last year. My daughter had a beauty pageant coming up and I called him to find out if he was coming to watch her for her first pageant and he told me that he didn’t have any money to buy the ticket and he was going thru some stress and all kinds of sad story. An yway 2 days before the pageant he called me and while we were talking he said oh I’m going to NY tomorrow….omg i went off!!! I just couldn’t believe that he would really go visit his girlfriend rather to come and watch his daughter perform. And plus the ticket to NY is much more expensive than the ticket to FL. So right now I have decided to erase him out of my daughter’s life permanently. I changed my phone number and I will not be sending her to Jamaica this summer. Do u think I’m being too hard? My daughter really loves her dad but at the same time if he’s not willing to make sacrifices for her then I don’t really see the sense of having him in her life. And that’s not the only thing he has done but that was just the last straw!

Please tell me what u think
p.s. my daughter won the pageant.

73 Responses to DEAR MET, SHOULD I?

  • Observer says:


  • G says:

    sender how do you know who is paying for the tickets?
    oh and you cant erase him out of her life he will always be her dad.
    also as your planning to remove her father figure do you have a suitable replacement??
    i think when he was telling you them sad story it was for you to pay for his ticket lol.
    i think your taking it too far.

  • Yep! says:

    Sender, congrats to poopsie poo for winning her

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Me naw hold my fingers pan dis one yah. No, no, no, sender!!! What u have done is the heights of pettiness & the only person who will suffer for it is your daughter. Stop di damn foolishness & get over ur petty anger & restore communication between your child & her father. I’m not saying the father’s action was stellar, but your action is far worst in my opinion. Actions like yours are the ones that gives women bad name in the struggle to maintain a cordial parental relationship. :marah

  • Dro says:

    Dont be the one to cause your daughter to not have a relationship with her dad… She will resent you for that someday!

  • MAGNUM PI says:

    @sender your being very hard on him,may be the girlfriend is the one who bought him the ticket to NY but than again i understand how your feeling about the whole situation,i think the best thing for you to do before you erase him from his daughters life,is just be polite about it and tell him you want him to be there and it’s ok if he brings his girlfriend! and see where it goes from there…..just saying!!

  • Yep! says:

    Sender, congrats to poopsie poo for winning her very first pageant. As for her deadbeat dad, leave him be. Him badmind gal friend is more than likely the reasoning for him abandoning his babygirl, but that goes to show you the kind of chicken shit coward that he really is ( sorry about the use of fowl language, by when it comes to the kids and deadbeat moms and dads, it’s a very sensitive issue for me) :mad:

  • TT says:

    Sender DO NOT be the one to cut off connection. If you don’t want to send her to Jamaica anymore fine, but let your daughter grow and realise that it was HER FATHER that refused to be in her life and didn’t give a damn about her welfare and NOT YOU. I understand yuo’re upset but children are very smart and grow smarter as they get older. Re-establish your phone connection but I would advise you to not extend yourself too much and try to force him to see his daughter.
    If he calls to speak to her, he will call. If he wants to see her, he will make the effort to visit. If he wants to come to see her, he will come, and if he wants her to come to Jamaica, let him send for her without you paying for it. If he can find the money to visit his girlfriend he can find the money to either send for or visit his daughter. Watch, pray and wait it out and it will be a matter of time before his true nature regarding his child will show.

  • STAR says:

    Maybe the girlfriend buy the ticket fi nyc

  • 187 Dem says:

    Sender, I completely understand how you feel, but I disagree with the choice you’ve made to keep your daughter away from continuing a relationship with her dad. Remember children get older & they eventually see right through B.S. after a while.

    You have all right to be upset, yes, but don’t deprive her of having that relationship based on your feelings & disappointment in him. Most importantly, remember to never talk bad about him in the presence of yout child.

  • LUNDUN says:

    i agree with TT 100% sender.

    ur daughter will grow and can make the decision for herself, let her.

  • ISpy (With my two big black eyes) says:

    Sender one question is who buy the ticket..him or the girlfren, because if him really cant afford the ticket and di gf bought him the ticket den mi think you a overract pon that one..what if him never have the visit..please remember the dollar a like 97 to $1 Usd..And mi nuh think the man fi ask the girlfren fi buy him a ticket fi go see him daughter but if she wants to buy it fi him come up thats fine and dont act so petty in changing the number so that him cant talk to har..ok sender

  • SPAIN says:

    ok there is alot more to this.first maybe if the dad got a ticket where would he stay if cant afford a hotel and dont have family in fl.then again maybe the girlfriend bought the ny ticket should she could hav buy the florida one if shes a good woman and mean your childs father any i really think what you are doing is going to affect the child in the future.i grow up with a single mother and after time i still communicate with my father even though he didnt support me but is always there for my mom.

  • PhantomPhoenix says:

    Star you are so on point. Senda should offer him a ticket from Jamaica or arrange for him to come to florida from NY when he’s almost ready to return to Jamaica and fly from there to JA.

    Senda, where would the man stay if he came to florida, how would he get around? If you are his main source of a place to stay and getting around then that would be a reason why he doesn’t come to florida.

    Have you had a conversation about these minor things? Leave the child and her father in peace.

    *Before onu come bout him fi pay all the expense above (ticket, hotel)…onu gwan cause him nu muss have it like dat. Money isn’t love an affection.

  • Observer says:

    senda hav a suitable replacement e yer @ G..yuh so rite

  • Brightlight says:

    TT 3:38pm :2thumbup
    Sender please mi a beg you, think about your daughter an put your feelings to the side.

  • my2cents says:

    I don’t agree with cutting him out of her life. If she loves her dad, why would you deny her a relationship with him? You say that he has done other things. Like some of the metters said, maybe it was his girlfriend who paid his plane fare. I would say, allow the child to have a relationship with her father, don’t deny her that. If you don’t want to spend your money to send her to Jamaica, I wouldn’t blame you. But don’t cut off her phone connection to her father. I would also tell you to be an adult and have a serious discussion with your child’s father rather than using your feelings to determine whether or not your daughter should communicate with her father. You said that he is a good father for the most part, would you want your mother to cut your “good father” that you love out of your life without you having any say? I don’t think so. Put your feelings aside and do what is best for your child

  • Firebrand says:

    A swear my sperm caan enter certain woman. Some a unno a just straight lunatic!

  • Anonymous says:

    If your daughter loves her father then your answe is right there. Teach children to love vs hate. She will grow and see and learn to appreci-love u once she realize the difference in parenting style. And hipefu by then he will dedicate the time that is demanded from him. Pray on it. But trust me you will regret the day you chose to cut him off vs making him cut himself off. Not saying that you shouldnt change the way you as the mother of his child deal with him but you make no changes with their relationship as long as your child is happy and safe.

  • ISpy (With my two big black eyes) says:

    @Fireband dont say that because some woman will show yuh har good side fi years till she get the seed and taunt yuh fi di rest a di 18yrs weh she and yuh have to co parent…but yuh right senda is begin a bit irrational

  • Single mom says:

    First of all thanks for ur responses. Ok so first of all let me just say this my babydaddy and I have a very civil relationship there’s no knows of feelings or jealousy involved we have both moved on with our lives. He has a girlfriend and I choose to remain single until my daughter gets a little older. So with that been said if he had decided to come to Florida he could have stayed at my home because I have 2 bedrooms. When I go to Jamaica he gets upset if I stay in a hotel he gives me his bedroom. So we are way pass the whole emotional part of that. And the reason why I’m so upset is because even if his girlfriend was paying for the ticket he should have told her listen my daughter has a pageant and I would love to be there to support her and it would be unfair for me come to NY and not go to Florida to see my daughter. It’s not my place to say the girlfriend should buy his ticket to come to FL all I’m saying that he should have made the sacrifice .

  • good girl gone bad says:

    Mi undastand where the sender is coming from because some of these fathers can be so selfish when it comes to their children. Unlike women a lot of men dont pree certain things as important. Take my children’s father for instance, him love pickney dem, support dem financially, spend a little time wid dem (could be more but ah fi him deal dat), but if he had to choose between a school pageant and work he will not take off work for it. As a mother on the other hand we see those things as very special and important. Now that doesn’t mean they love their children any less. It looks like changing the number was a kneejerk reaction and the sender still has time to make it right. Like the rest of the metters said make her see for herself that her father doesnt have the time for her. As a mother just be there to cushion the blow. Don’t take her father away from her though. A father is just as important as a mother in regards to the development of children.

  • missmention says:

    Mi understand how yuh feel….but be the bigger person…if he brings any amount of happiness to your child’s life. allow him to continue doing that…..nuh men the fact dem huh in touch be on your conscience….he doesnt sound like he deserves to see your daughter by the length of time he never contact her, but trust me, let her decide when the time come…

  • good girl gone bad says:

    You have all right to be upset @single mom. But u shouldnt just cut him out of her life. She will hold you responsible. Let him be responsible for his choices because trust me one day she will remember the special moments when daddy wasnt there and he will have to answer for it.

  • Met says:

    I agree he should put the effort out to see the baby but don’t cut him off. Talk to him about it and tell him that your daughter expects him to put her first. Also, that you don’t want that if God forbid that something happens to you that you want to be comfortable that he will put his daughter first. It is not a good look for him in no type of way where his daughter is concerned. I do not think it was a concious decision he made to go to his girlfriend and not see the baby but address the issue and tell him the ramifications of his actions if he continues to think like this

  • Single mom says:

    @ fireband ur an idiot any man in their rightful mind would give anything to have a babymother like me. I could have put him on child support or act stupid towards him but no I didn’t my daughter is mine she’s my life and all I am asking from her dad is that he gets involved in her life just be there to celebrate her achievements. U sound like a sissy u shouldn’t even be on here I don’t think it’s ok for males to gossip! Do u even have a job? U on here getting all up in female mixup go get a life douchebag!

  • Met says:

    Single mom whey u a get offended fah u know u head hot…dont pay firebrand no mind please and thanks :ngakak

  • Yawdie says:

    Sender, unfortuntely u still dont get it!! And if u were not willing to pay for the ticket y wud u expect the gf to pay for it? I would agree with u that it wud b unfair for him to go to NY vs Florida if both options were open to him. If such was the scenario then u cud totally blame him. If he couldn’t afford Florida and someone (poss gf) sponsored NY, what is he supposed to do- neither? That’s not a fair way of thinking especially considering u already sang him praises as a dad. If thats how u think through issues and situations then its no surprise the relationship didnt last. Do u usually have relationships that last?

  • Met says:

    Yawdie think about the child..It nuh matter who pay fi di if di girlfriend pay fi him ticket fi ten years him fi jus go to she and not to the daughter…She know him have a daughter so if she is a good girlfriend and willing to foot his ticket bill…include di baby to since she good like dat

  • Firebrand says:

    Why put ur business out there, ask for random people to comment on your personal life and then get mad when they say something you don’t like.? Your lunacy is once again raging.

    BTW…I don’t gossip and I consider my self to be rather masculine actually. I also have a 4 year old daughter with my wife (don’t do baby mothers) and I see my kid every night because chose not to have her with some random crazy chick.

  • Cc says:

    If yuh seh him and him daughter hav a good relationship dat mean him lov him youth dis prolly jus a case of weak finance, an if a di girlfriend a sponsor di NY trips am almost sure shi naa guh pay fi him com a FL com stay a ur house, I tink him check fi him yute and is prolly workin on comin to see her as we speak jus hav a likkle more pateince and restore bac communication between him an his kid

  • Met says:

    Firebrand people share things here because they can be anonymous and get to see different sides of their problem’s spectrum. She nuh crazy because she waa get drastic pan him. Also people can change so nuh too bank pan ur wife not flipping out later down the line. The father is not thinking

  • Toni Ann says:

    Evening Met and Metters.

    Why should a single mom have to pay for his ticket to go see his own daughter?? So if he should watch his daughter perform, attend her birthday party, graduate, then she must come up with the money??? Am i getting this correct? him a wah, man or mouse?

    if he could find his way to NY then he could of easily find his way to NY……. right now some of the comments making it seems like its her fault for not offering up the ticket.

  • Toni Ann says:

    If him ask fi mek up fi guh FL now, and she say no, then thats a difference.

  • GoodEye says:

    Sender let me tell you something a wise woman once told me…..not because you r willing to make sacrifices mean that he is willing to do the same. Dont expect him to put out the same interest u r putting out for ur daughter. U a man n him a woman. So u guys have two different minds n mentality on things. What u r doing is wrong! Plain n simple. This is just one incident so me cant say whether or not the man need to show more interest. What if him a do him best with what is given. N like other people say how do u know if a him buy the ticket? Oh cut the crap bout if the woman a good oman she would see to it that him go Florida fi him daughter.backside u a grown woman stop expect others to do things….it will make ur life easier. Just do ur best when it comes to ur daughter n stop worry bout wah her father doing n not doing

  • good girl gone bad says:

    @met thats exactly what it is…most men dont think like we woman and sometimes we can get rather upset when dem nuh get it. Mi cyan knock di sender cah mi have one tuff head baby daddy and sometimes mi haffi ruff him up fi get di point! The sender is basically saying she made other things slide but this situation was an important moment for her daughter and she basically fly off the handle.

    @firebrand stop making a big deal about her blowing up about this one issue. U dont know how many other issues she has had with this man not being there for the child, as she stated, it was not the only thing he’s done but the last straw.

  • Met says:

    3gb I can understand exactly how she feels and maybe I would do the same for a short while..If the child grows up to think that he is wiling to choose/ see his girlfriend over her..It will not be just a blow over

  • GoodEye says:

    @GGG di man livr a Jamaica n she live a America. She knew the cards that were being dealt to her.. di man bruk n a look life fi himself n maybe him daughter. ….she a be too hard on him. But then again maybe him need two rass lick too yah

  • good girl gone bad says:

    Thats just what it is met. Children always realize certain thing in due time. I can attest to that fact because a lot of things my father did when i was a child i looked over because mi did love mi daddy. But mi grow big and realize certain things and get mad, then mi get a little bit older and say a man is jus a man smdh. Dem nuh get it sometime. Mi love him same way doe

    *claps* @goodeye mi learn dat lesson ahready. Not expecting things from ppl prevents u from getting mad when they dont live up to ur expectations. Life became so much easier after that!!

  • good girl gone bad says:

    goodeye him sound like one ah dem weh need two rass lick lol..yuh nuh hear di sender seh it was the last straw!

  • No Joke says:

    Don’t delete that man from the Childs life. His daughter will grow and see him for what he is.

  • @firebrand you either married the first woman who took your virginity or you married the first girl who got knocked up by a loser like you cause we all have our ups and downs stop lease don’t come on here with your goody two shoe bullshit cause you sound like an arrogant ass moron. f— outt here wid dat Forrest Gump bullshit!

  • Met says:

    true no joke

  • Too much says:

    Sender I under the sentiment, BUT, u do all u can do to ensure she sees her father. Pickney will figure out If daddy’s interest is real or not as she gets older. Now I don’t thinku should be buying any ticket for him to come to FL, but I wouldn’t stop sending her to JA, if it is he continues to do a good job with her as u stated. maybe he really doesn’t buy any tickets for himself, he will need to figure out a way to afford coming to Florida. But u know, if ur child loves her father, continue to facilitate that. But mi have to say, I completely get ur concern, but keeping her away will backfire on u

  • Yawdie says:

    No Met- sorry to say, i totally disagree!! While it wud’ve been nice of the gf and wud’ve given her more “props” if she paid for the ticket, thats not her obligation. U cannot impose that responsibility on her because its not her child. In this case all financial obligations end with the mom and dad. While our emotions may want us to think otherwise, the logic doesn’t allow us to. (Remember, as outsiders we are afforded the luxury of using a logical argument vs an emotional one). Again- if she chose to, more props to her!! That said, Met let me ask you, if he could not afford to pay his way to Florida should he have refused a trip to NY courtesy of a ticket paid for by the gf? Some wud argue (and i cud accept) that it would have been in better taste for him to stay put @ home n not go anywhere based on the timing. Beyond that the fact still remains-the man had two choices; stay @ home or go to NY. Unless it was going to b paid for by him or the mom, Florida was not an option. I think any desire to blame the girlfriend would be justified if and only if she maliciously purchased the NY ticket to counter any attempts the dad was making to go to Florida. While thats a distinct possibility, I also believe there may be some unresolved feelings on the mom’s part and this caused her to take it to the extreme. Anything outside of that, in my humble opinion, would just amount to being plain “ignorant and dark.”

  • Met says:

    I am saying that it is not too much for the child’s mother to want him to be there for his daughter and yes he could have refused the ticket that his girlfriend offered him. There would be nothing wrong with that. A mother would do it in a heartbeat so of course it would seem far fetched to you. I would not be comfortable coming back and fourth into a country and not see my child.I would rather not come..The only unresolved feelings here are that men really think different from him and there are very few fathers that would go all out for their children

  • R u serious? says:

    1. Sender I do not believe you should cut the father out of his daughter’s life. Simply do all you can and play your part, do not expect anything from him. when the expectations start to set in, we make room for our own disappointments.
    2. I see several comments asking if the sender is going to buy the plane ticket? r u serious? did yall miss the line where she also said he doesnt contribute financially?!! so she should cater for the child’s needs year round then buy a plane ticket? what kind of MAN r we talking about here? anywhere the money need to come from, he needs to make that sacrifice!! a job like normal people perhaps! His sob stories are not the sender’s issue, he needs to sacrifice to see his child. some MEN nowadays, have lost the concept of being a MAN… and judging by what I am reading, some women have also lost the concept of what a MAN should do… hiss!! I cant believe readers are asking if the sender is willing to buy the plane ticket.. yall acting like is a screw she looking!! she is asking him to visit HIS child!! As women we need to support each other and remember, always remember that sometimes, we need to allow a man to be just that, A MAN!!

  • Met says:

    And I am saying this as someone who had their father go all out for them. When my parents broke up and my father was dating his girlfriend knew that she could not come or ask him to come over on weekends and holidays and none of them could offer him a million to spend the time with them when it was time for us..But I have grown to see that my father is one in a million and so is my mother.

  • Met says:

    If it were her and she came up to see a man many times and did not even ask the man to help her go see her daughter then the whole world would say what a bad mother she was. I know of women who when dem man go outa door go breed next woman and dont want to give those children a dime…di ooman a yard tek time squeeze a little something gi the outside children..nothing is wrong if she offered to pay or paid for him to go see his daughter..and maybe I am unfair for blaming the girlfriend , maybe if she knew how important his daughter was to him she would have offered…dont it? I withdraw that part then

  • Na says:

    I think ur over reacting or jealous. I do feel like he should be there though— u sound like ur doing a great job..congrats on the pagent. I think u need to stop being to chumey with him. Be cordial get along, but u don’t need to know his whereabouts and he don’t need to know ur. Kill that BFF stuff. Ny sounds like his meal ticket. Not being mean. i respect a man who do for child, but he seem like he need to step up his finances or trying. sit back see what he do. But going forward, he need to make efforts to see his daughter—and dont pressure him either. I would have lost respect after he told me that… But I wouldn’t cancel his fatherhood. Hell come around when ur child is calling the next man daddy… And I would send her to ny for the summer without meeting his girl and getting to know her

  • Na says:

    I meant wouldn’t send her..damn auto correct

  • Jafaican says:

    I’m TORN in this situation. I can say be the BIGGER person but truth be told…if I were in that situation… I don’t know if I could be! If di gyal a buy him ticket fi cum a NY then I’m sure if he suggests going to FL…she would BUY the ticket still! Ah one ting mi know… there are tooooooo MANY men in America for me to be financing a man that lives in JA…UINLESS he was a childhood sweethart.

    At the end of the day though, I would send my child caz one ting mi know…when she becomes of age… she will see right through his BULLSHIT!!! I know I did. No matter what my father did my mother NEVER said anything negative towards him. Even now as an adult I don’t talk to him and she is like…you have to FORGIVE him. I had to let her KNOW please don’t tell me how to deal with him!!!

    A man should be a father… not just a SPERM DONOR! It’s bad enough he doesn’t support his child finacially. He should do whatever it take to be at his daughter’s side! Why is it that most of us women are willing to go ABOVE and beyond for our kids and some of these men don’t feel obligated to???

    Shout out to all the single FATHERS out there! Thumbs DOWN to all the looser…so-called mothers who left thier kids on the FATHER!!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous says:

    If he really wanted to be there he could even if the gf purchase the ticket I would let her know about my daughters event and if she was a good woman she would purchase the ticket to go to Florida and then y’all figure it out from there if he hold his grounds for his kid he would have been there ur daughter is not a option she’s a priority so you better check him on that but at the end of the day it’s her dad so keep the communication as you say he’s not a bad dad.

  • As a stepmother to a 8 yr old little girl. I as the girlfriend would have bought the ticket for him to g to the pageant since its cheaper from Ja to Fl and then let him take the greyhound or Train to Ny, but that’s just me. And giving that she said they’re not in anything, then he and the gf could have made an effort to go see the child.

  • Humble says:

    Single mom, maybe, just maybe the father don’t like to be in ur presence…. becuz if u can blow such a simple situation like this out of proportion, just imagine when a real situation do a rise, what u would do…. A next thing, maybe his new girl is not yet comfy with her man so close to u…. just saying….

  • desiree says:

    Never a good thing to try and show ur anger and disappointment in this manneras its ur childs father no matter wat let her grow n see for herself why not instead of sending her to JA maybe u tek a trip to NY cheaper for u all. We as mothers have to be prepared sometimes to do wat we really dont want to do for the love of our children so put ur pride aside and do ur bit wen uve done your best and he still isn’t complying u can hold ur head up high!

  • The problem with this story is that the sender is not over the man/baby daddy she is very much in love with him and that is the problem. I agree with firebrand and I am a woman.

  • Bze says:

    It seems to me that the BabySitter what’s to put the man in a “choose” situation. She said it herself that the man is a father so logic would tell her that if he could he would. My personal opinion is that this woman haven’t leg go of this man and using her daughter as excuse. i say this bc she see nothing wrong with staying at the man house when she visit nor have a problem with him staying with her if he was to visit. She knows this man has his good woman, Why would she put this man in such compromising positions? now she has the gall so expect this man to tell his woman that she need to take her money & buy ticket to send him to his ex- who can:t let it go..smdh..How rash this woman sound, It’s obvious that she would never tolerate her man sharing residents with his ex, daughter or no daughter.

    ps….changing # and cutting communication had nothing to do with the daughter but had everything to do with the babysitter feeling rejected by her ex for the new gf

    babysitter needs to stop lying to herself, swallow her pride, send a ticket for the man & tell him how she feel about him or simply accept that the man has moved on.

    I bet 1 million dollars that the man stress is him arguing with his new gf over his ex over stepping her boundaries & using the daughter to do so.

  • Bze says:

    * babymother
    *is a good father

  • Flex says:

    I think what is missing from the arguments put forward here is the expectations of the child. If the child loves her dad as postulated my the mom, then it follows that she [the child] would have wanted/expected her dad to be at the pageant. Consequently, the mom who adores her daughter would have expectations of the dad for the sake of her child. Naturally, if the child is disappointed that her dad didn’t show up, it is the mother who would have to explain [usually make excuses for the dad], why daddy didn’t come to see his princess. It is implicit that it is not the first time the dad has shirked his responsibilities, only this time, it is with regard to one of those moments the mom deems ‘extra special.’ Princess was probably heart broken daddy wasn’t going to show up and mommy feels helpless; then in this highly charged emotional atmosphere mommy finds out daddy is going to NY. The mother snapped!!! Albeit, she is wrong, I think a cultural relative attitude rather than ethocentricism would be more befitting in relation to the mom.

    On another note, as was alluded to by Ms Met (I think), a man or woman who comes into your life, will treat the people in your life with the same level of importance that you treat the people in your life. If the woman (girlfriend) knew that the child was important to the dad, the timing of her efforts would have been different or her actions would have been different. The man clearly has not demonstrated to the girlfriend that his daughter is the most important person in his life and that is the reason she would have opted (whether she bought the ticket or not-she should not have encouraged him to be with her at the same moment his child needed his support as a cheerleader) to have the man in NY at such an inopportune time. The man has his priorities very wrong. I will not elaborate on the financial aspect but will say this, irrespective of what his finances are- it is his actions which has indicated that he needs to check himself as a dad…

    Mother while I appreciate your reaction to the situation, it is wrong. Do not cut him off, but equally do not force parenthood (which is different from the biological) on him. In the end constant disappointment from the dad will affect the psyche and esteem of your daughter who may believe all men are disappointments. Explain to her that there are different levels of love and dad does love her but may be incapable of expressing it. Whatever you do, find an amicable way to prevent her from being disappointed by him and make up for it by surrounding her with people who live up to expectations or who clearly articulate why they had to break a promise and ensure they make up for it.

    I wish you all the very best.

  • NUFFY says:

    I’m agreeing with the sender on this one. So many men would choose another woman over their own child. Wether he was the one who paid for the ticket or not, IS NO EXCUSE!!! The same breath weh him accept the rass ticket him coulda use and seh babes(IF A HIM WOMAN A NYC PAY FAH) how bout you buy it fi mi go see me baby this one time, me will tek a train or bus come see you after me daughter performance….IT’S CALLED SACRIFICE!! This woman naw get cent from him to raise THEIR child, yet he can find/accept ticket fi fly over florida and his daughter to go see a woman? Naw!! Me can’t sympathize with him. As for the change of number, plenty of you who claim she a cut off communication forget seh unnu have feelings too. I’m sure she hasn’t said to her child “sweetheart, daddy is here but he wont come because him gone a woman yard”..she is merely trying to save her daughter from yet another disappointment!…she left the window for communication open for years and like many worthless fathers he took advantage of the ladies efforts while he sits and does NADA!!

  • Brightlight says:

    @Flex :2thumbup

  • NUFFY says:


  • Bze says:

    Excellent summation Flex.

    Nuff, you are correct is saying that the man could have made the request for a flight chg

    please answer these simple questions;

    1. How do we know that the dad did not make that request to chi travel arrangement?
    2. how do we know that it’s not the comfort level of the relationship the babymother is looking to maintain with this man, that’s causing stress to the relationship.

    3. What if the man only wants a relationship with his daughter but the babymother wants more

  • NUFFY says:

    Mi cant answer that–NEITHER CAN YOU!!…..No where in the email does the sender mention anything about her AND the daughter going to Jamaica to visit for 2 months…If the father tried to change the travel plans and the girlfriend didnt want to do that- he should’ve cancelled that trip out of respect for his child and go at a later date!…. If a woman and a man is no longer together but shares a child, the next woman he gets with needs to respect the mother of his child as well as the child(granted there is no disrespect from the childs mother to the woman)…I’m not blaming the girlfriend– but more so the man….Him know right from wrong! as per the email, the lady also mentions this isn’t the first thing but it ws the final straw- which leads me to believe the man knows exactly how she feels, how his actions makes his daughter feel and has had years to make a change…No such thing a wanting a relationship only with his daughter, the child is 4! so any relationship with his daughter also includes the mother–the same would go if the roles were to be reversed.

  • NUFFY says:

    as wanting**

  • NUFFY says:

    What I get from this is a mother wanting her child and the father to build a relationship– makes the right steps in doing so, but the efforts fell short on the fathers end..There are two sides to a story, however, me nuh see nothing in it that shows she still wants him… No one can force anyone to do what they do not want to do..He is the biological father yes! But if he isn’t willing, he doesn’t have to play an active role in his childs life..thats the sad part….

  • cocomix says:

    Single mom, i feel your pain, and i don’t think you are over reacting, when a man tek up a woman with kid it’s the package, so why u baby daddy woman no tek the package of his child. She could have offered to send the man a ticket to go look fi him dawta then come fi har way. Plain and simple. argument done.

    I’m pretty sure girlfren know of his kid, well respect the kids needs as well.

  • Optimistic says:

    @SingleMom, I know exactly how you feel, I had to make that decision about 4 years ago, having to always make excuses and try to explain to a child why their father is not there for them, or wants to spend time with them is a hard thing to do especially when him dey a road a run up and down..I couldnt take the hurt and pain it caused my son so I cut it off and it was the best decision I could have made. I know what it feels like because I also had one of those father’s and nothing worst for a child to experience constant disappointment from someone that you just want to love you…My mother didnt cut him off, I did when I was old enough to see who he was and the way he treated me…Then in my early 30s he call and asked if he could have a relationship with me and my response was ..For what???….What nuff a these men dont realize is the time they dont put in when the child is young is time they will never get back, and kids dont forget anything and they will remember and treat you with the same accord when they get older and one day its going to be them who need their children around..

  • Bze says:

    I think a not of u are looking at this thing from a personal viewpoint, based on experience and not the information the singlemom has given.

    the mom said it herself that the man is a good father. I see no place where the mom write that the father has let his daughter down over & over nor where he put his new lady over his daughter.

    understanding is everything and i this this mother over reacted

    how i draw the conclusion that this woman said it herself that when she visit Jamaica the man give up his bed. which man will ten floor or sleep in couch until them babymother leave town..please due for me.. 2nd. this man have his woman in the US & the babymother see nothing wrong with him staying with her…Its beyond obvious this lady want Di man.

    I think u guys are being unfair to the man bc of what other man are doing.

  • oh,well says:

    @Sender. Urban areas in England are full of pubs that are full of frowzy and “gyallis” old black men from Jamaica. The poor sods spent all their productive years f—ing and ducking and pallaving with any rinky dink jezebel. They are alone, stink, having to use their spare pension to buy punanny and women to clean their yard. When I see these men, I laugh to myself. They are alone. Their kids do not want them, no woman wants them for themselves because they are rinsed out drunkards. All that they can talk about is past glories.
    If this man is bright enough to go to New York and hasn’t got the social skills to beg a greyhound ticket from his girlfriend, I for one am very suspicious as to how much the New York chick knows about his sentimental life. Either way, this man has violated. I am not going to tell you to cut off contact. I am going to tell you to lower your expectations to gravel level. Thus anything that he does do is a bonus and a contribution. For sure, you carry on phone communication between father and child. Send the child to Jamaica as well, until she does not want to go. ( as she grows, him nuh must get wan work, nuh chue? Furthermore she may want to integrate with her friends at summer camp when she gets older, etc, etc.) We have come to normalise rubbish behaviour from mainly (not wholly) bad fathers . I’m not going to give you any sentimental nonsense. Keep the moral high ground, put your daughter’s feelings first. Lower your expectations to save yourself potential stress, thus anger which will prevent your child from seeing the situation clearly for herself. You know how confused gyal pickney like to blame the mother because the mother couldn’t be circumspect. I hope and pray that your daughter’s father is not one of those fathers that can only deal with a child as an abstract and not something that should be part of his soul. Too many amongst us tend to over sentimentalise and normalise bad behaviour. The father acted appallingly. Any hypothetical reason about who buy ticket from who never is excuse making. You have a right to be vex and disappointed. Keep the lines of communication open. Your daughter may need a father, but she has the right, just by seeing his example to find out what a good or bad father can be. It is up to him to decide which side of that fence he wants to be on. I pray he does not choose the selfish short cut and ends up talking about who he had and which dance him did guh when he was “fine”, in some pub or rum bar. There is nothing more pathetic that I have seen in this world yet.

  • Yes Bze it’s pretty much clear the child is being used as a pawn at this point. She is now punishing the man for being with another woman.

  • dick r harde says:

    dear sender…as a man to whom this has happened in the past i will tell you dis…yuh want a bloodklaat shot inna yuh face……if a di man decide say him no want di pickney round him is one ting…but fi you tek it up pon yuhself fi mek dat decision yuh fi bloodklaat dead……di only reason mi babymadda no bloodklaat dead arready is because mi, she and di judge at court have an understanding……she fpppk wid mi and mi pickney dem visitation one more time and custody will come to me……

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