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FOR ALL OF YOU, HE DIDN’T DESERVE A DAUGHTER OR SON LIKE YOU

I went on Jada Pinkette-Smith’s page and saw this …so for all of you from Jada and from me too..

 

The Trials of a Fatherless daughter:
I’m sitting here, and I am hurting today. Now as I tell you this… I don’t want pity. I have learned to take pleasure in pain because it is simply a signal that a truth is stirring and I must wake up to find it. And usually for me waking up means letting go of a belief.

That’s what happened today because I found a little girl who can’t understand why she didn’t deserve to have a “daddy” in this lifetime. It hit me this morning that I will never call any man “daddy”. It hit me how significant that role is to any girls development and life. All these years I had denied that significance in order to forge ahead. The motto has always been, “Nothing can stop me” and “NEVER let them see you sweat”.

The worst part was… I had no one to blame… no one to throw this pain to and say, “YOUR FAULT”. But this pain did expose areas of immaturity in my relationships accompanied with unreasonable expectations. It explains why when I hear the sweet voice of my daughter call her father “daddy” my heart cries with joy and pain all at once. And it did explain my incompleteness. Yes, this Virgo woman is incomplete. What a horrifying but fulfilling admittance.

This is the void I will have to reconcile without blaming two men, my father and step father, who did the best they could. And no… sometimes our best is NOT good enough, but… the capacity of the human heart and the Great Spirit that breathes within it… makes it all… well.

Thanks for listening:)

And…lovelovelove on your children.

J

17 Responses to FOR ALL OF YOU, HE DIDN’T DESERVE A DAUGHTER OR SON LIKE YOU

  • goodso says:

    Very touching met…thank god i have my dad in my life…i always luv to see the bond between a father and daughter…unfortunately not alot of us get to experience that bond

  • LadyWoW says:

    I have been seperated from my father for a long time becaue I come to America very young. I make it a ting fi keep in touch abd call him – I truly belive if he had the same opportunities as my mom he could have dun better. I know when I was a child in JA I spent alot of time wid him and when I go home my daddy treat mi like a little princess. The bond can never be broken,

  • murasaki..lazy fi sign innnn says:

    I wish I knew my father. It makes me angry and drives me madddd when i see women jumping from man to man , breeding fi dem and moving on. So many underestimate the power of a father daughter relationship and how not having a relationship with your father can affect your life. Life the story wid lucky british breeding 4 woman at the same time, both mothers and british need a rasssss link for the hurt they will unleash on these kids….smh

  • wife a wife says:

    Met, She also had a post about step mommies. “When you partner comes with baggage”. This I think oh so hit the spot. Majority of these men have Children and females acts as if they didn’t know this when they get involve.. I never knew Jada had such a wonderful heart, she always depict a don’t care attitude .

  • Very honest, profound and touching. As men, we have to ensure that we do the best humanly possibly when it comes to being fathers and role models.

    Tupac has also touch on the impact that his absentee landlord father had on him. It is the same for both boys and girls–a present, just and active father is a requisite…

  • Observer says:

    sumtime jada mek fi har likkle ones duh sum tings mi wonda if she ritid but nevertheless mi ere wah yah seh maam…EVERY CHILD NEEDS THEIR DAD..touchy to say the least.

  • ISpy (With my two big black eyes) says:

    Oh Lord Jada you are reading my heart..mind and soul….I use to rebel so bad as a teenager because I did not have a relationship with my dad ( it hurt as hell when my frens at school use to talk about their dads),To this day it affect me because I keep telling myself how can a man love me (relationsho\ip wise) but my father was not able to show me. Now he is reaching out to me saying that he wants forgiveness as he feels as if he has no one. I am yet to have that conversation with him and I know when I do I am going to feel a hundred percent better.

  • sweet says:

    DEEP, VERY DEEP.

  • Amazing Discover says:

    WE AS WOMEN NEED TO BE CAREFUL WHO WE HAVE CHILDREN WITH, ITS ALSO FUNNY HOW MOST WOMEN SAY HAVING A CHILD CAN’T MAKE A MAN STAY WITH YOU BUT YET THESE SAME WOMEN WANT THE MEN TO REPLACE THE FATHER THAT LEFT THE CHILDREN THEY HAVE, ANY MAN COULD BE A FATHER BUT IT TAKES A GOOD MAN THAT TAKES CARE AND SPEND TIME WITH IS CHILDREN TO BE WORTH THE NAME DADDY. BOY OR GIRL A CHILD NEED THEY FATHER, THE BOND IS A LIFE TIME. TO ALL THE GOOD FATHERS OUT THERE KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. JADA IS SO RIGHT ON THIS ONE, I LOVE HER BLOGS.

  • LUNDUN says:

    i understand wanting to have a father play his part in his child’s life and be there to play his role. i however believe that sum of these kids are better off without their fathers.

    sum of these men are more of a destruction in their child’s life than contributing good.

    sum children will never understand, and will feel bad not having their father around, they feel incomplete and this incompleteness lives with them for the rest of their lives. they need to just live with what they have and stop thinking about this man who is a non factor.

    my father was a yoyo in my life, and to tell u guys the truth, i didn’t care if he was around or not. my mother is a different story, i would die without that woman.

  • Met says:

    Lundun a some fi mi feel , some children are better off without them but in life its easier to live with a ”know” than a ”what if”

  • LUNDUN says:

    that’s true met, and we are all built differently.

    but i have never understood the saying that most women who never knew their father have, which is “how can i expect a man to luv me when my own father didn’t”. easy, every man is not the same, and the man u r dating is not ur father.

    sum things that we don’t have in life met, no matter how it glitters, we are better off without it. that’s just my belief anyways.

  • Met says:

    It is human nature I think , that the first place to look for love is from the parents and when that is lacking there will be a disconnected

  • LUNDUN says:

    true met

  • LUNDUN, knowing that your father was a ‘yoyo’ in your life, provided you with a frame of reference and unfortunately for you, you father was a ‘yoyo’. The irony behind all of that is that if your father was absent 100%, your childhood and formative years could have been miserable at best.

    You would have so many questions and no matter what you are told, you would have been bothered by your father’s perpetual absence.

    Your father’s state gave you a peace of mind that an absent father would have never afforded you.

    I hope I am making some sense. Those men are created equally, we don’t function as equals and most seems to have taken the path of least resistance… When we live in a society where moral boundaries are ambiguous and the fiber is very thin, men will be derelict in their duties and responsibility.

    Can a person be of any good if that person does not ‘know’ God? Absolutely and emphatically no…

    Not all men are fit to become fathers and we should hope that the ones who see to become fathers, that they honor their responsibilities…

  • We to first understand the role that a true father/parent plays in one’s live before we can reconcile with the notion and magnitude of that person’s absence…

  • LUNDUN says:

    lalibela i understand what u are saying.

    sumhow i didn’t care if he was around even b4 i knew him. maybe if i had grown up without him in my life completely, i would feel different. but sumhow i don’t think so. i do understand what u and met are saying though.

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