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Why can’t my mother, wife be friends?

Dear Taiwo,

I am in a dilemma; I need someone to help me. How would I survive in the midst of this ensuing chaos in my family? I wonder why Adeola cannot find it in her heart to forgive my family, especially my mother.

I love my wife, we have been through thick and thin together and I would not want to lose her for anything in this world, but the war she is fighting with my family members is taking its toll on me. There is a lot of pressure from my family members even extended family members that I should call her to order or….Or what?

I am not interested in finding out what is after the or, but Adeola is not making things easy for me. Not that I am finding things easy with her people too, at least we don’t have a hitch-free relationship, especially between her mother and I, but I am able to manage and accommodate her, so why can’t Adeola for God’s sake take my people the way they are?

We met at a federal polytechnic; we were mates studying the same course. We were both new and we became close during the registration process. Our friendship graduated into a relationship few weeks after we met. We became inseparable and most of our classmates who didn’t know us before felt we had been dating before higher school. Adeola was God sent to me in school. Our worlds were worlds apart, with Adeola coming from the proverbial silver spoon background and I from a home and family where we could barely make ends meet.

I had to take up extra work to make money available for my education at every available opportunity, but since the day Adeola found out, she insisted that I stopped and made money available for me every time I needed money. In fact, I became her responsibility in school. She did everything for me never telling a soul. Nobody knew who was spending the money even up to clothes and other necessities.

Adeola loves me, this I know. Her action also relieved my parents of some tension and I was able to face my studies without the distraction of looking for how to survive.

The unexpected however happened few weeks to our final examinations. We discovered that she was almost four months pregnant! I deflowered her and we were foolish to engage in unprotected sex. She was having her menstrual flow quite alright, she only complained that her normal flow days reduced from five to three days and the last one she had before her mother raised the fact that she was pregnant came for only one day.

Her mother came to the school to check on her before we started our examinations, after a close look at her according to Adeola, she asked her some questions which she naively answered. Her mother took her home this fateful day and she was made to take a pregnancy test the following day, she was discovered to be 13 weeks pregnant!

As expected, her parents were angry and disappointed. Her father especially couldn’t come to terms with the fact that she got pregnant, probably because she was his favourite and the only girl in the family. He asked to see me and my parents. He raved and ranted, threatened fire and brimstone when we went to see him. At the end of the day in anger, he said Adeola should leave with us immediately and that we should come back when we have fixed the wedding date as all he owed his daughter was his blessing since she chose to do things her way.

Unfortunately, we never got to receive his blessing because he died three months later in a road accident before Adeola delivered our son and the reason we named him Babawale.

I don’t really know what happened, because ordinarily, my mother is a peace loving kind woman. Despite the fact that we struggle to make ends meet, she is amiable and accommodating, but I really did not know why she and Adeola couldn’t be friends.

After we left Adeola’s parents’ place, she went back to school to write her final papers. It was easy because we lived off campus. Her father insisted that she should go home with me and not return to their house, despite pleas. Unfortunately, from the very first day she moved in with us, it was one trouble or the other between her and my mother most of which were my mother’s fault. She just couldn’t stand or tolerate Adeola.

Written by Monica Taiwo


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