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Why men will ALWAYS cheat (even if they love their partners and don’t want to leave them)
UPDATED: 17:37 EST, 7 January 2012
Comments (591)

A provocative new study shows that men who don’t cheat are setting themselves up for ‘socially-compelled sexual incarceration.’
Men who cheat, however, gives them the best of both worlds, sociologist Eric Anderson says.
And most of them who do still want to stay with their partner – they just want to have more sex on the side.

Prone to wander: A sociologist says that if and when men cheat, it’s only to fulfill carnal desire
The American sociologist who teaches at the University of Winchester in England says monogamy has ostracised men from doing what they most want to do.
He writes in his new book The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating, that cheating is the norm, not the exception to it, and it’s high time that people start embracing ‘sexually open relationships that coexist without hierarchy or hegemony.’

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In the study, Mr Anderson surveyed 120 undergraduate men – both gay and straight. He found that 78 per cent of those with partners cheated, ‘even though they said that they loved and intended to stay with their partner.’

Professor Eric Anderson says men cheat because they simply like sex
In an interview with the Huffington Post, he says men want to be emotionally monogamous, though their ‘body craves sex with other people somatically.’
For the purpose of raising a family, he says, it’s the emotional – and not the sexual factor – that counts.
He says: ‘Our physical desires don’t die; they just change from our partner to other people…When the sex dies, the relationship has just begun.’
To Mr Anderson, it’s better for men to cheat and repent for it, since telling their partner that they want sex outside the relationship is a tried-and-true relationship-ender.
‘When men cheat for recreational sex – not affairs – they DO love their partners,’ he tells the Huffington Post. ‘If they didn’t, they would break up with them.’

Societal norms: His book, The Monogamy Gap, says the institution is ‘failing’ men
He states that the feelings of betrayal many partners inevitably feel after a man cheats is simply because of a ‘socialised victimhood.’
The Huffington Post noted that in the study, men were perfectly alright with sex outside of a relationship for them, but not for their partners.
To this, Mr Anderson says it’s not necessarily fair, but he says monogamy often drives men to pursue sex with another in the future.
The sample size and targeted group is questionable to stand alone as a study, the Media Research Centre Network said, and asking undergraduate men about monogamy – in a time many are exploring and pushing boundaries.
In the article, the writer criticises the idea that society is to blame for the issue and makes it an impossible standard for men to uphold.

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27 Responses to WHY MEN CHEAT PART II

  • Foxy says:

    ‘socially-compelled sexual incarceration.’ Yuh si dem shit here????????????
    Wi all find a way fi pathologize fidelity. How yuh fi have faithful man wid dis crap. Let me finish reading.
    I’m sure your Anonymous from last night will agree though.

  • Met says:

    ping :hammer

    dem need an article pan why men go crazy when cheated on

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Met, having read the article in its entirety, I’m inclined to agree with every bit of it. It absolutely validates my very position last night, that they are genetically engineered that way and it doesn’t mean that they are attached emotionally to their extra curricular activities. I just think society makes it harder for them to repress those urges.

    My friend who is an attorney and an author, I don’t think he minds my calling his name, has an article that states that monogamy and marriages are the reasons for failed relationships. At first, you will reject the concept because as women we believe what we hope but if none of the men are expressing what women are expressing then we cannot tell them how they feel and why they do what they do.

  • Met says:

    but foxy if u are not emotionally attached to something why can u stop…that is the part i dont get

  • Foxy Lady says:

    That comes back to the whole hunter/ territorial /ego thing. A man will go crazy even when he doesn’t love the woman. A man said, we give it, it’s different but the thought of you laying on your back, taking that dude and screaming will make a nigga kill ya ass.

  • Met says:

    oh mi dus get it..dem cyaa stop cause di wiring ? :nerd a cyaa tek it

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Met, I smoke cigarettes, everyone tells me how unbecoming it is and it doesn’t fit me. I am acutely aware of the health hazards yet I continue to buy a carton every week. It’s comforting, it’s something that comes second nature and I do it for lack of anything else to do. I am not emotionally attached as a matter of fact, the moment I found out I was pregnant, I quit for all of 9 months and on my way home from the hospital, I stopped and got my cigs.

    Some people are more prone to addictions or certain behavior and the culture encourages it and then it becomes the norm.

    But oonuh cyaan beat up the men that tell it like it is just because we don’t like it or we think that’s not how it should be.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    LMAOOOOOOOOOOOO, Met yuh sure have a way wid words. Look at Bill Clinton, well look at Hillary lol. But the more a man has, the more he feels it’s an entitlement tantamount to the new Bentley. It feeds their egos. All that men do and all that men have is for women. If women did not exist a pure kruff woulda deh pon di planet. A woman is a man’s biggest motivation, and then they want nuff woman and prettier woman and younger woman. It’s all about women.
    I can’t explain why because it’s painful and it hurts like crap when you love someone. So this is my philosophy, If yuh a cheat, duh it damn good cos when mi find out mi gone. When mi call yuh answer yuh phone even if yuh ontop of a chick, tell har fi shut har mouth. Mi nah search yuh wallet, yuh car and nothing gone look fi wey mi cyaan handle cos at the end of the day, only a fool hurts herself.

    If yuh disrespect mi by not answering my calls, not being available for me or anything else, mi gone but as long as I know the love and respect is there, get up and leave my man for another man that’s gonna do the same thing, probably beat mi and worst? No dat nuh mek it to me.

    I don’t want to know what yuh doing when yuh not in my presence but if mi call yuh, act like a mi alone ina yuh world till mi hang up yuh guh duh yuh ting again.

  • Met says:

    Foxy dat same do u ting emotional monogamy deh can switch one day …………… love is a dangerous thing pan we humans…so as much as dem talk like men become emotionally unavailable ..that same cheating man can find him right fit one day and what happens then? When dem do the cheating stats they should have asked the men how many of them have left…not if they want to leave…or check them back in a few years..Bill and Hillary lef long time is just a shell of a relationship dem have..u can hurt a woman just so much……..but a woman can and will stay in an unhappy and emotionally unavailable relationship..I say love me and love me right…love me the way u would want me to love u and if u cant do that gwaan please

  • Met says:

    Society justify everything that is pleasurable and demotes things that are morally good…Nuh same way dem find justification for homosexuality and come up wid scientific evidence?

  • Met says:

    Foxy u cigarette comment did get bite…but of course u are emotionally attached…for the 9 months you were emotionally attached to someone who you loved more than yourself and who meant more to you than the cigarettes…you knew subconsciously that it was unhealthy for the baby so you stopped..but it says that the cigarette is filling a void…more so because when the baby was born u returned to it…

  • Met says:

    Cheating is an addiction as you said…some can beat it and a lot of other cant because there isnt the willpower to do so..when an addiction consumes a person they lose a sense of self and reality of self because just like a cheater will say they love their spouse and cannot stop addict will say that they love themselves and still continue with the addiction….as much as we understand this concept…there is no going around it that , that individual lacks the will power and strength that the other individual has who stopped being an addict

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Yes, that’s true. I subscribe to the same principle, don’t do me any favors by staying with me. Being with me because I’m the one that makes you happy and puts a smile on your face, when I no longer do, then gwaan cos if I’m not making you happy then what’s the point?

    But remember Met, the best part of a relationship is the beginning when the novelty is still there after that, most people end up living like brother and sister with occasional sex. You can’t really blame anyone for that. Sometimes love dies or fades and people go outside to be stimulated physically, mentally, intellectually and emotionally.

    Relationships are hard and when you invest many years, usually you end up staying because it’s home, you feel obligated, you feel a sense of loyalty to stay, or guilt for leaving but if people accept that, listen, life short, let’s be responsible, respectful and realistic then we wouldn’t have so many broken homes, relationships and marriages, everybody would be happy. Look at Will and Jada.

  • Met says:

    true true Foxy..a relationship is constant work..but also add lets be loyal grateful and try to meet all our obligations..also wid di sex part it usually starts off when one partner is slightly turned off by the other..because u do have people whey married 20 years and still sex regular

  • Foxy Lady says:

    We are imperfect beings and we harbor underlying issues on one level or the other. As far as the cigarettes, some people do have addictive personalities where they trade one addiction in for another. My big fear is that if I quit smoking I will replace that hand to mouth compulsion with food and I’ll get fat.
    And from a psychological standpoint, that also is an issue, maybe mental lol.

    But do you honestly believe that cheating is an addiction and that men can beat it? Because I truthfully don’t know any man in any committed relationship that have said “no, I can’t because I’m married/committed”. I think the fear of getting caught will prevent them only if they know the woman will definitely leave but when the man has been broken so bad and his bad behavior rewarded, what’s to make him stop? He’s cheated, you got mad and cussed/cried whatever but you are still there.

    We know walking away is not easy, it hurts just as much as the cheating and disrespect but for me, my pride won’t allow me to not retaliate. If I stay, it’s only because I have cheated and made sure you found out. And bet you, at that point, him wouldn’t stay and wouldn’t feel the same about me anymore.

    We are just wired differently. Men are stupid and simplistic and women are nurturing, caring and too fass fi dem own good.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Twenty years? With the same person? Regularly? Buoi mi nuh know. Here’s the problem, many women are with men for money and material gains. Oftentimes, they trade love for money with the notion that ‘love alone can’t pay the bills’. Yes, it is true but we also compromise on the most important aspect of life. There is nothing sweeter than being with someone with whom you are googoo gaga for. So dem must cheat. A nuh man alone cheat, women just get caught less because we’re more strategic about covering up her tracks.

  • Met says:

    Yes Foxy 20 years regular..everyday

  • Foxy Lady says:

    A you Met? lol

  • Met says:

    Yes cheating can be beat Foxy but brb mi a do something

  • Met says:

    no foxy is not meeeeee mi nuh reach nuh whey yet fi married 20 years…a mi fren

  • toni ann says:

    night met and metters….

    i wont even address dat uppa top.
    i just ask my partner if he would like a relationship weh him can sleep with anyone, just any woman, with no strings attach, he can come home, i know about it an dont care as long as him come home to me how would he feel, him seh “GREATTTT!!” mi seh to him WHAT ABOUT ME, CAN I DO IT?? him bawl out “YUH MADD!!” i say why not? him seh “NO, JUST NO” so tell me now, not story up a tap is shit…. its society dat change things das all.

  • toni ann says:

    i have friends that cheat and friends that do not cheat, and this is what they told me.

    the friend that cheat told me that when he cheated on his babymother, it made him feel disgusting towards her, he said sometimes when he get home he would sleep on the couch because he didnt want to touch her, little by little after being in the relationship for 8 years and a child, they broke up he said because he no longer felt good making love to her.
    my other friend now, he never cheated, he told me he have went to many of places, met plenty of beatiful women, but his women his is beyonce, rihanna, model, he said his love for his woman will not permit him to cheat, he told me no matter how the other women look, they could not compare to his woman and the love he gets from her both physical, spiritually, and emotionally.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Toniann, I think those are more the rarity than the norm. I told my ex, since we’re having problems, let’s just have an open relationship. He said “any open relationship a gwaan, a me alone a have it”.

  • toni ann says:

    @Foxy lady

    i said that plenty of times and get the same damn answer all the time. man si black and white when it comes to their woman cheating.

  • toni ann says:

    @Foxy lady
    real men, honest men, loyal men, and MAN or rare, very rare.

  • Foxy Lady says:

    Very true sis

  • kgn13 says:


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