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I’M NOT BOUNTY KILLER

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No, I’m not Bounty Killer
Published: Monday | December 31, 2012 1 Comment

Bounty Killer

Robert Lalah1 2 >
By Robert Lalah

Believe it or not, I’m actually not Bounty Killer. I know what you’re
thinking – the resemblance is uncanny. Truth is though, that famously
cantankerous, sometimes awkwardly verbose dancehall artiste and I are
different people entirely.

Curiously enough, a few months ago, not everyone seemed convinced
about this. It all started with what I thought at the time was a
simple, misdialled phone call. It was close to three in the morning
and Halle Berry was on the cusp of giving in to my persistent
advances, when I was jolted from blissful sleep by my ringing
cellphone. Furious over the interruption and trying hard to retain the
mental image, I grabbed the phone and answered.

“Hello!” I barked, still groggy.

All I could hear was loud music. I called out again. “Who that?”
Nothing. I took the phone from my ear and looked at the calling
number. I didn’t recognise it. I gave it one more try. “Hello!”

A gruff voice crackled on the other end. “Rodney! Wah gwan mi don?”

“Who?” I queried, getting increasingly annoyed.

“Killa, mi will shout yuh back. Mi caan hear. Too much noise!”

With that, the person hung up. Fully angry but still only half awake,
I went back to bed, after putting the phone on the silent setting, of
course.

Later when I got up, I looked at the phone, and saw that there had
been eight missed calls from the same number while I slept. In the
light of day the situation was less vexing, so I laughed it off and
joked with friends that someone appeared to have called me when they
meant to call Bounty Killer. I wondered out loud if any attractive
groupies might soon make the same mistake.

The events of the ensuing days though, were not so funny. It seemed
that somehow my number started being passed around as the best way to
reach the DJ and so I started fielding calls from all manner of
would-be hangers-on, yes men and gold-digging Jezebels. You will
pardon the crass references, I hope. It’s just that it was all a lot
to bear. A fellow could go nuts from having to convince others over
and over that he’s not who they think he is, then feel the palpable
let-down they experience when they finally believe you. It does
nothing for the ego, I can tell you that.

Thankfully, that episode appears to have come to an end. I certainly
spent enough time explaining to people I didn’t know that I wasn’t
just some lackey trying to keep them from ‘di boss’ and that they
actually had dialled the wrong number. I tell you though, I learned
something from that whole affair. Being a high-level dancehall artiste
is not easy. There were times I didn’t feel like answering the phone
and would let it go to voicemail. Some of those messages, well, I
can’t repeat here. Needless to say, there are a lot of people seeking
to be best friends with the self-proclaimed ‘Warlord’ and are willing
to bend over backwards, so to speak, to please him.

Respect is due

I’ve always had a lot of respect for Bounty Killer. I might not always
like the music he releases but, just like so many others of my
generation, I’ve also loved a lot of his work. His rise from poverty
is also a fascinating story of success that should not be downplayed.

My short, mistaken stint in his shoes however, made me realise that I
would never want to be like him. Constantly having people throw
themselves at you, telling you how great you are, how foolish your
detractors must be, begging you for things, offering to do things for
you, sounds like great fun. But it gets old really quickly, I’m sure.
How do you ever know who to trust? Can you tell who among the
multitudes will stand by you when times get tough? I doubt it. The
real trouble starts when you start buying into your own hype. That’s
when you’ve lost it altogether.

So even as 2013 rolls in like a freight train and we all strive to
make it big in one way or another, I at least am able to appreciate
what I already have, a little more, thanks to the DJ and his
‘friends’. For this, I am eternally grateful.

6 Responses to I’M NOT BOUNTY KILLER

  • Cindy Royal says:

    Met, him seh “gold-digging Jezebels” :ngakak

    I would love to hear di messages.

  • Brightlight says:

    I would never want that life. How many of us are bitter or cold now because of being burnt so may times all because you cared too much? Now imagine everyday not knowing if someone is coming around you, hailing you, checking for you because they truly care of because they’re an opportunist. That’s no life to live. And family is the worst when they see you have some money. It sad bad.

  • tupac says:

    A TRUE STORY KILLA DON’T HAVE THE 298-DASH THE SKETEL NUMBER AGAIN #DEADMENTS

  • Foxy says:

    I love it! Well written and full of hilarity.

  • soap opera says:

    so Bounty naw ge out the new #, oh my

  • ... says:

    u si how man stay him woulda entertain those gold digging jezebel an end up inna problem!! lol Funny article

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