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HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GOOD…- SUNDAY DUGGUH DUGGUH

Good Sex Makes For A Lasting Marriage.

When it comes to choosing a lifetime partner, sexual attraction is huge.
As I’ve traveled the country speaking to women’s groups since “The Secret Lives of Wives” was published a year ago, I’ve fielded hundreds of questions on what it takes to stay married. Most of the queries have to do with how to sustain “intimacy”, a fancy word for sex. I’m hardly surprised about this prevailing obsession.
While researching the book there was lots of sex-talk during my interviews with 200 women in long-term marriages. Staying hot for each other was one of the primary reasons their relationships had endured, I heard from satisfied wives married more than 40 years.
One of my favorite stories came from 86-year-old Libby, married for half-a-century and a widow of five years:
“We never lost our physical attraction. I have to tell you, sex was always very, very good. This business that women over 70 don’t lubricate is bullshit: We had great sex nearly up until his death.
“I guess people would call us sex addicts because we thought about it and did it all of the time. My grown children now tell me, ‘When we were kids all our friends parents took them out on adventures on Sunday afternoons. You and Daddy closed the door at 1 p.m. on Sundays and didn’t come out until 4 p.m.”
Hundreds more husbands and wives reached out to me about the importance of sustaining sexual crackle when my blog post, “The Fine Line Between Marriage and Divorce,” appeared. One 77-year-old wife wrote me that her husband of 57 years still buys her Victoria’s Secret lingerie. The response to my blog — which is one of Huffington Post’s most viewed posts ever — re-affirmed my belief that sex matters big-time.
I heard over and over that the choice on whether or not to cross that line often had to do with what was going on, or not going on, in bed. Here is a typical letter from a 47-year-old wife who described her “dry two decades” of matrimony:
“I was never that sexually attracted to my husband, even when we were dating. But my family really urged me on — he had everything else going for him, successful parents, a good job. We were good friends. I figured sex would get better.
“It got worse, even after years of therapy. I am now trying to have my cake and eat it too — I am staying in this marriage as not to break up my family. But I am sleeping with another man.”
Of course, when scouting for the right mate you also want to find someone who listens, someone whose opinion you respect. You want someone who makes you laugh and who backs away from an argument before it turns into a nasty fight. You want someone who is not too stubborn to say, “I was wrong and you were right.”
You want a teammate, not a control freak.
Yet it is chemistry that you want most of all, and it is chemistry that makes the fights shorter and the relationship longer. Feeling sexual attraction and sexually attractive is a life force like nothing else. When our bodies are regularly stroked and our libido is ignited our outlook on life is hopeful and youthful, no matter how many birthdays we have had.
Sex is the crucial connection that keep things flowing in a marriage, not buckets of money, not a spouse’s lineage, not even the edicts of religion. The wife above in a sexless marriage is a “good Catholic” who defends her behavior with this: “God wants me to be happy.”
Take heed young men and women searching for a spouse. Make sure you pick someone that makes you tingle at his or her touch. Figure this out before you order the wedding invitations, hire a band and book the venue.
Sex does not get better with time if you never had the spark in the first place. Marriage means mortgages, dealing with icky in-laws, raising defiant children, getting older and larger. This does not make for a hot climate for sexual re-awakening if an initial awakening didn’t take place.
Chemistry is that magical ingredient that draws two people together and holds them together when things get tough, which they inevitably do. You cannot invent chemistry. It is either there or not there, a force of nature not of your own will. With a healthy sex life comes other good things, a sense of natural ease and good communication. These are the ingredients for a marriage that lasts.
I will leave you with a last word from 69-year-old Ed, married 40 years. This is his response to how he stays married:
“My wife and I have had our share of challenges, mostly because of problems with our children. But I am still intensely physically attracted to her, and I am certain she would say the same thing. We argue and disagree and have different views on things but because of that attraction, a part of me still always looks at our relationship like it is new. I will be 70 next month and my wife is 66, and I’m telling you that chemistry remains as strong as the day we met.
“Obviously sex is not as frequent as it was in the old days. In our 30s we once went 90 straight days having sex three times a day. Now I’m using some Viagra and we have sex about once a week. But it’s still as good as ever.”

“The Secret Lives of Wives” is released in paperback this week, and is currently being made into a Lifetime TV pilot.

45 Responses to HOW DO YOU MAKE IT GOOD…- SUNDAY DUGGUH DUGGUH

  • simplicity says:

    :cystg

  • Met says:

    nuh badda ……………ansa di question oo

  • Met says:

    I like to go into my reserve sometimes…I will not go all out every single time mi ok some time and other times mi gi a bum bakkas style :nohope:

  • simplicity says:

    :tkp

  • Little Willie says:

    Give her money and the spreshal ride….tell her to treat her friends to drinks and enjoy herself for the evening, because a seeruff sitt’n when yu reach home. Massage the brain.

  • Little Willie says:

    Make her an equal and ensure you help her “achieve” her goals.
    Nothing better than some “I’m so grateful” sex. Believe dat!!

  • Met says:

    dat grateful sex contains what moves? :angel

  • simplicity says:

    :hammer

  • Little Willie says:

    Met….dat is when she seh ….Step up an order whatever yu want….for as lond as yu want??? wooiiiieeeeee

  • Little Willie says:

    Met….stop gwaan like seh yu nuh know di tings….cho bumbo.

  • Met says:

    :angel

  • Met says:

    how u fi order sex as long as u want ????????? the time is spontaneous doe? :tkp

  • Little Willie says:

    Met….yu know mi inna skool admin? The top admin!! Suh mi order by time. A weh you come from?

  • Little Willie says:

    Simply…..yu neva experience “grateful” sex??

  • Met says:

    willie mi nah :maho

  • Little Willie says:

    The act may be spontaneous Met….but if di woman is a five minute gerl….that becomes an issue. NO MAX TIME LIMIT TO DI WERK!!! (def min time limit or it nuh wert getting dirty)

  • Little Willie says:

    Simply…..mi have a question fi yu….Likkle off topic….but still sundeh skool ting.

  • Met says:

    if di girl? mi did tink a woman can tek it all after she cum…u mean if di man is a 5 minute man

  • good girl gone bad says:

    U know wah mi notice wid my man. Him enjoy di sex more when mi upset wid him. Him nuh know mi upset but mi ah cuss him inna mi head…Its the funniest thing ever to me. Mi jus smirk and say if him only know how mi ah cuss out him rass! lol

  • good girl gone bad says:

    Also, a quickie every now and again doesnt hurt. Its a teaser and a total turn on…

  • Highclass says:

    Wha FUCKERY dis. Mi wife ah Christian and only want missionary sex.. Make wha good.. No swiping nothing no gettin head here.. Suh mi have mi freak pon d side and I do all a husband must do at home we tight Suh til

  • simplicity says:

    ask yuh kwestan sah

  • Little Willie says:

    Whe yu mean by afta she cum Met??? Di first cum fi di woman is just the start for most. However, there are some that are just like men….one bruk an she dun, baay yawn an dropsy.

  • Little Willie says:

    Simply….do women suck dick with condoms on?? Mi axin causen mi alway see HERE some of the bloggers a cuss others bout suck nakid buddy of man whe dem juss meet.
    I really don’t know how to put it tactfully.

  • Met says:

    Willie it depends but u a bank pan di man like seh him really can give a woman 1 hr if she ask and some man cannot do dat

  • Met says:

    highclass :tkp

  • simplicity says:

    yes sum woman do with the flavor condom sum man even request it..met even had a pic up wid a man a hold on pon de condom fe dear life wen de gurl a give him head funny enuff wen dem a cum dem waan tek it awff fe cum inna d suckee face ar ask dem fe swallow

  • simplicity says:

    yuh knw sumtin highclass mi nah luk pon yuh nope

  • Little Willie says:

    OK…..Thanks Simply.
    Mek I trod dung a Canal Street a mawnin see if di Chiney man sell it wholesale.

  • simplicity says:

    luk ere nuh :tkp

  • Little Willie says:

    Met….das why me konduk a proppa interview before di first button pull.

  • Met says:

    a wha do willie :hammer

  • Highclass says:

    Is wha now. Me cahh talk echute

  • Little Willie says:

    Met….mi get a “grateful head whe day….mek I tell youuuu….mi haffi draw fi two Wriggleys when di gerl start suck….mi ears start pop like when Air Jamaica level awf at 37000 feet.

  • Met says:

    den whey di wriggles do willie? u know sunting :tkp

  • simplicity says:

    _____________________________________________________________________:ngacir2

  • OBSERVER says:

    No words. Mi long fi sex mi tink mi turn a second han virgin all ova agen :nohope:

  • Tawkchuet says:

    U gotta do Wat I did this evening we went to an Indian restaurant u know they are poorly lit both my breasts were out my dress n his fingers were u know where can’t remember him getting so rock hard only in the beginning when we just met anywho couldn’t even make it home had to pull over on a block n let him beat it up in the car back. Now my back a kill me whew the things we have to do as women smdh

  • Anonymous says:

    Me love de man dem…real talk! Observer whey u do wid de husband mums

  • Dwrl says:

    Observer you not alone, all dis shit is making me yawn. Guess met a cater to married folks dis week.

    But if me did married my answer knowing me would be…..a new buddy, shit if men can dweet why can’t women?? HEY AIN’T NO DCK LIKE A BRAND NEW ONE :travel :nohope :selamat

  • Dwrl says:

    @talk I missed those moments. Back problems you getting old lol. Love car sex something about fogging up the windows turn me on

  • Met says:

    u know sunting :tkp

  • Tawkchuet says:

    Haha getting old fi real @dwrl yup the car sex ting nice I did try the other dick ting n decided I was gonna stay in my safe relationship so these days I go the extra mile to make it exciting r else it’s easy to stray

  • Dwrl says:

    Met me save the car sexing feh people man, give them something to reminist bout when they on long boring trips. Too bad I’m a bad girl gone good, I would anymore getting some car sex as we speak :ngacir2

  • Dwrl says:

    You tend you work better in small space because you make due with what you have, a bakkas with your head hitting the dashboard or a split taking from and back seat siiiiiick

    Back to regular program :thumbup

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