Dear Taiwo,

I give you kudos for what the Lord is using you to do in people’s lives. I have been out of the country for over eight years and I came back recently and met a friend of mine who had her problem solved through this column.

Although, our problems might not be the same, I will plead with you to help publish my story so that I can also get help. This would also act as an avenue for me to unburden my guilt. I need a listening ear, but I do not have the guts to come out and tell anybody the truth about what I did some 14 years ago.

It was something that brought me so much joy and relief, but at the expense of my peace of mind, I need to purge my heart of this guilt. I shouldn’t preempt your readers’ reaction. Most of them would think I am the most mean woman on earth, I wouldn’t mind, whatever their responses and reactions are because I have thought of worst things about myself.

Fate indeed, can be cruel, I plead that I should be judged in context and anyone in my shoes could have done what I did. As a young girl who married the only, and the first love of her life as a virgin, my expectation as a young wife was high.

Like every other woman, I believed that I would have no problems in bringing the fruits of my marriage to the world, especially because there was no history of barrenness in my family or of my husband’s.

My mother of blessed memory knew I married as a virgin, she was the first who started asking God the first series of questions. My husband too was also worried because according to him, I gave him the most valued gift he has ever had — my virginity on our wedding night. So why would the devil play a very expensive trick on us and our happiness?

We believe in the Lord and prayed hard. I knew God would visit me at His own time. Although, at times my faith was shaken, but I never had the intentions of leaving His presence or doing otherwise. Moreso, after all the tests my husband and I ran showed that we both could give birth to children without problems.

This, however, wasn’t the impression of my mother-in-law. Maybe I could understand her from the premise she came from. My husband, is her first child and her only son.

Of course, every mother, would be eager to see the fruit of such a child, but she wasn’t patient enough or maybe I should say she did not do a thorough home work to find out who really had a problem between the two of us. If she did, probably, she would have been able to uncover my husband’s deceit and help to look for a solution, instead of pushing me into the hands of another man which has led me to a situation where I have to carry this burden on my thin shoulder till now.

My husband and I were married for 10 years before I fell into this temptation. These 10 years were the most difficult years of my life. My mother-in-law started asking questions about a year after our marriage, but we continually pacify her to be patient. When the first year ran into the second, and until the fifth year when his other siblings who got married after us began to have children, she became troublesome.

She was coming to the house to call me different names. At a time, she insisted that my husband should take another wife if I was incapable of giving her the desired grand children. My husband’s refusal infuriated her, and she concluded that I must have charmed him. Then, I believed that my husband’s refusal was as a result of the love he had for me, I never knew it was because if he had done so then, he still wouldn’t have been asked to have children, a fact that I stumbled on few years ago after several years of marriage.

My journey into the abyss of “don’t talk-about- it” started on a fateful evening when I returned home from work and met my mother-in-law at home. The moment I saw her, I knew peace had been murdered. I greeted her cheerfully, but she returned my greetings with every terrible curse you couldn’t think of. She asked me to move out of her son’s house or die.
Dear Taiwo,
In a situation like this, I definitely would have looked up to him for support, but that I have not been able to get from him because he had become a drunk. He would beat me at every opportunity and to crown it all, he would also accuse me of not being able to have children, despite the fact that he knew that he was the reason for our childlessness.

But I tried to be calm, but she wouldn’t let me be. She provoked me to the level that I told her that I was not God and that He would give me children at His own time. She did not hesitate to tell my husband, when he came from the office that I was rude to her.

Without finding out what happened, my husband pounced on me and beat me. My mother had died few years before this time, and my other siblings had asked that I quit the marriage, but I refused. It was a situation of being alone in the whole world, but I kept holding on to God’s promise that there won’t be anyone barren in His land.

I went to work the following day because I was expecting an important client. I tried to look cheerful, but all my make-up couldn’t cover my bitterness.

My client came in promptly at 9 a.m and his first comment shocked me. He wanted to know why I looked that way and said I should have informed him before coming that I wasn’t okay. I tried to pretend all was well, but I couldn’t manage it.

I broke down and wept in his presence. He was a kind man who encouraged me to talk. I told him all I was going through; I couldn’t hold back all I had bottled up inside me except the fact that my husband was the root cause, because as of then, I didn’t know. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I had started dating him.

He was a businessman who travelled out of the country a lot of times. A happily married man with three children, but he made me happy. I couldn’t help finding solace and peace in his arms.

Two months into my affairs with him, I became pregnant. Initially, I never knew I was pregnant; it was strange, (10 years after I was deflowered) I had no symptoms of the first trimester. I discovered I was pregnant when the pregnancy was over 12 weeks; probably, I would have thought of doing something silly because of the shock; but my husband was right there when the doctor gave me the news of my pregnancy. I didn’t know what to make of it.

All along, I never knew he could not father children. It was the miracle we have been waiting for. Every one who heard was happy for me. My husband became a changed man, my mother-in-law started treating me like her own daughter. But I was afraid; I was not comfortable. My “friend” was away on business trip and I called him to inform him. He said I should keep my peace, that he was sure the pregnancy was his, but that he wouldn’t trouble me.

I had a baby boy; my apprehension almost ran me into trouble just before I gave birth to the boy. I was worried, what if the baby looked like someone else. God however, was magnanimous as my son was my exact carbon copy. Every one rejoiced at his birth and peace returned to my home.

My friend came back from overseas business trip when my son was about four months. We had sex again and to my surprise, it led to another pregnancy, which brought forth another boy. I was, however, convinced without doubt that both of them were his.

You won’t believe that I had to take a DNA test to confirm and my suspicion was confirmed. When I told (their father), his response was that he had no intention of disrupting his home and mine and that I could keep my children, but that he would love to be part of their lives. Since then, he pays their fees and carries out every fatherly responsibility. In fact, he facilitated my whole family’s relocation to the US.

We normally visited home and it was during one of my trips home without my husband that I discovered the secret he had kept from me for more than a decade. I was looking for some documents when I stumbled on a medical report which confirmed that he cannot father children; I was shocked, but I had no guts to confront him with this fact when I returned to the US because of my own secret too.

I told the father of my children about my findings. He advised that I keep quiet and not disturb the delicate peace in my home. We have ceased to have any intimate relationship, but we remained friends.

Aside caring for his children he has been really good. His children have his kind heart. I don’t know what to do. This guilt is killing me. I couldn’t even tell my friend who advised that I should tell you.

Moreso, my husband knows that he cannot father children, yet he is not asking me questions.

Please, Monica Taiwo, what do I do with this burden in my heart? Help! please.

Anonymous.

LADY SAW – Came, saw… still conquering
Stamina mama!
BY KEVIN JACKSON Observer writer
Friday, May 18, 2012

DANCEHALL diva Lady Saw has enjoyed a prolific career, easily one of the most successful in a genre known for its share of one-hit wonders and flash-in-the-pans.
After more than 22 years in the game, the 43-year-old deejay is still a hot number.
Lady Saw
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“I am still durable as an artiste. Promoters still call me for shows and nobody is complaining about the price that I charge them,” the feisty Saw told Splash. “I am still able to pull a crowd each time I perform. I have the body of a 25-year-old and age means nothing to me. When I get old, I’m still going to be doing what I am doing,” she continued.
The dancehall mainstay, who was born Marion Hall in Galina, St Mary, got her big break in the early 1990s. After honing her skills on local sound systems, she set her sights on Kingston where she hooked up with the Stereo One sound system.
“When I was a teenager I would go to the dances even though I couldn’t afford to pay to get inside, I would still find a way to get in,” she recalled. “From there I would ask the selector to give me a touch on the microphone.”
It was at one of those dances that Saw met producers Castro Brown and Garfield ‘Sampalue’ Phillips from Diamond Rush Records.
Her first recording was for a producer called Piper. But it was the song Love Me or Lef Me for Olive Shaw’s (since deceased) Capricorn International label that got some traction on the airwaves.
Saw followed up with Half and Half Love Affair for producer Noel Browne’s New Name Muzik label. Her next song, the X-rated If Him Lef, was a hit and Saw’s career took off.
“When I started out I was just another female artiste getting the attention that I needed. Sampalue would go to the distributors with the records and they told him that female artistes don’t sell,” Saw said. “It was a bit discouraging but we still continued to push. And one night I was at a Stone Love dance and the song If Him Lef started to play and it mash up the dance. I stood there in awe; I just couldn’t believe how the people reacted to the song.”
Other hits like Good Man for Diamond Rush topped charts in Jamaica and overseas. Mama Don’t Worry, Stab Out the Meat and It’s Raining established the outrageous Saw as a dancehall force.
She later teamed with Beenie Man for Healing, which is considered one of dancehall’s classic recordings. She also collaborated with Luciano, Dennis Brown, Bounty Killer and Beres Hammond.
In the late 1990s, Saw maintained her hit run with Sycamore Tree, Dial Tone, Hoist it Up, No Long Talking, Glory be to God, and Woman We Name.
Your Boyfriend, Chat to Mi Back, Loser, Dreaming of You, Sunday to Sunday and Been So Long are some of her recent hits.
She has enjoyed international attention with Beenie Man on the song Boss Man which entered some of Billboard magazine’s smaller charts.
In 1999, Saw had even greater success with Elektra Records artiste Vitamin C on the pop hit Smile which peaked at number seven on the Billboard Hot 100 Singles Sales chart; number 21 on the Top 40 Mainstream chart and number 18 on the Hot 100. In New Zealand the single peaked at number 13 and stalled at number 29 on the Canadian pop chart.
Smile went gold in the United States and was certified by the Recording Industry Association of America for sales of 500,000 copies.
Three years later, Saw again tasted international success, but on a larger scale. She collaborated with pop band No Doubt on the single Underneath it All which was eventually certified triple platinum for sales of over three million copies.
That song peaked at number three on the Billboard Hot 100 and won a Grammy Award for Best Performance by a Duo or Group.
Saw rates performing with No Doubt in front of thousands of fans as a career highlight.
“That performance was major for me. When we finished performing Gwen (Stefani) said to me, ‘Saw you were the star of the show, why don’t you join us on the rest of the tour?’ Being at the Grammys hearing the members of the group mentioning my name on stage when they were accepting the Grammy for the song that we did. That was also a good moment for me,” Saw reminisced.
She says there has never been pressure to reinvent herself to stay current.
“It hasn’t been a major concern to me. People love me in a certain way. Sometimes it makes me blush or cry to see the outpouring of love that the fans give me. I love to do what comes naturally, which is to perform,” Saw said.

Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/entertainment/Stamina-mama-_11493876#ixzz1vHuxtu9N

Nature waiting for his big break
Howard Campbell
Friday, May 18, 2012

AFTER 10 years working the competitive dancehall circuit, singer Nature knows the feeling waiting for that big break.
“Patience is very important. Yuh can’t try to cross the river when it rough,” he reasoned.
NATURE… international issues like global warming and worldwide recession inspired him to write World Peace
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The dreadlocked Nature believes his time has finally come with World Peace, an acoustic song produced by Cordell ‘Scatta’ Burrell for Downsound Records.
He said international issues like global warming and worldwide recession inspired him to write World Peace. According to Nature, their impact shows how small the world has become in the last decade.
“Instead of singing about St James or Kingston, I did a song about the world because everything is relative in these times,” he said. “Wherever you are, you are going to be affected.”
The slender Nature credits World Peace’s music video for its appeal, saying it has recorded over 20,000 views since it was placed on YouTube less than two weeks ago. Despite the enthusiastic response, he is not ready to claim a hit record.
“Wi not going to jump the gun an’ say it bus’ or anything like dat. I will say it’s my fastest growing song,” he stated.
Downsound, which helped launch the careers of singers Fantan Mojah and Nanco, is the latest stop for Nature who was born Andre Ellis in Glendevon, St James. His first song, Dirty Closet, was recorded six years ago for the Ital Black label out of Greenwich Farm.
He did stints with producer Lloyd ‘King Jammys’ James and singer Freddie McGregor’s Big Ship camp, but saw little success. Nature was next signed to national footballer Ricardo ‘Bibi’ Gardener’s production company for which he did the songs Wasting Time and Hold On.
During his time with Gardener’s company, Nature did promotional dates in Europe and Australia. Last year, he linked with Downsound and Burrell, who has produced some of the popular dancehall beats in recent years.
Mama You Saved Me, another Downsound/Burrell production, is Nature’s followup to World Peace.

Read more: http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/entertainment/Nature-waiting-for-his-big-break#ixzz1vHw2YApB

Vashti may have thought she was being treated as a concubine, rather than as a wife and queen. She behaved with haughty dignity when she refused the king’s command, but unfortunately her answer was given in front of the officers of the empire, and she paid the price for humiliating the king.

Ahasuerus, still half-drunk, acted hastily. On the advice of cowed and inept councilors, he made the situation worse by issuing a public decree that Vashti was to be banished. This drew even more attention to the fact that Vashti had flouted his command, and made him look a fool to all his subjects.

At this stage in the story, it becomes obvious that this is not a traditional story about a good king. Ahasuerus was a despot who was also a fool. So a theme begins to emerge: unlimited power, exercised without wisdom, is a dangerous thing.

After a while Ahasuerus found that without Vashti, ‘the beloved one’, he was lonely. He could not call her back because his word, once spoken, was law. So his courtiers suggested a solution: to find another queen, a young and beautiful woman who would take Vashti’s place.

Then the King’s servants who attended him said ‘Let beautiful young virgins be sought out for the King. Let the King appoint commissioners in all the province of his kingdom to gather all the beautiful young virgins to the harem in the citadel of Susa under custody of Hegai, the King’s eunuch, who is in charge of the women. Let their cosmetic treatments be given them. Let the girl who pleases the King be Queen instead of Vashti.’ This pleased the King, and he did so.

‘The Grooming of Esther’ by Theodore Chasseriau

Read Esther 2:1-23.

A nation-wide search for a new queen began – the first recorded beauty contest in the world.

A young Jewess was among the candidates. Her beauty was so extraordinary that she ‘pleased’ even the chief eunuch Hegai, who had been castrated while still a young boy – there is a note of irony here.

One wonders too at the background story to all this, whether Hegai played some part in deposing Vashti.

Esther with all the other young virgins was taken into the harem, and twelve months of careful preparation began. She was shrewd enough to seek the advice of Hegai, who knew the king’s tastes. Eventually she went to the king, and pleased him so much that he set the royal crown on her head. She became queen in Vashti’s place – with all the wealth and power of an Eastern queen now suddenly at her disposal.

To get an idea of the magnificent surroundings in which she lived, see the ruins of ancient Persepolis at Bible Archaeology: Palaces

See more fabulous ancient jewelry

Esther was a symbol of Jews who lived successfully in an alien culture. As a woman, she was not in a position of power, just as Diaspora Jews were not members of the power elite. As an orphan, she was separated from her parents, as Diaspora Jews are separated from their mother-country. With both these handicaps, she had to use every skill and advantage she had, as Diaspora Jews did. They, like Esther, had to adapt themselves to the situation.

From the start, Esther had been helped by her uncle Mordecai, but nobody knew that they were related, or that Esther was a Jewess. Esther did not keep the dietary laws of Judaism, or retain the practices of an orthodox Jewess. God is never mentioned directly in the story. So the story is not a ‘religious’ story as such, but a secular one, about pragmatism in the face of adversity.

Not long after her installation as queen, Esther’s uncle Mordecai found out about a plot to assassinate the king. He told Esther, who in turn warned the king. The plotters were hanged, and Mordecai’s warning was recorded in the court annals.

Replaying this week in my mind compelled me to say something about where my people are headed. My fellow Jamaicans who seem less stressed than I am about where we are right now as a people.. The land will forever be green and the sun will continue to shine always, but my people are gradually getting yellow  much like foliage that have fallen at the foot of a tree. They have lost their vibrancy and have ceased to glow so much so that they have accepted this dull, almost bereft form of living.

Speaking to a colleague tonight helped to spin my mind’s replay into action, after hearing him speak proudly of a press release that spoke about the state of many a Jamaican mind, at this time. The blatant narcissism, unnecessary fibbing and the haughty boasting about the narcissistically inclined fib, just about made me empty the contents of my empty stomach. It shook my very foundation! Just who do we have as role models these days?

Many will say that society itself does not owe us a model to be modeled after, but where are the people that make us look good? For years they have covered our poverty, lack of intelligence and our steady demise, sheltering us from a world  that only saw us as ‘’One Love, One Heart…Come to Jamaica and feel alright’’. We are all now too sick to cover our ills; the bad apples have finally spoilt the whole bushel. We have no exemplary figure to even give the full respect a decent human being would deserve. The minute someone comes to mind, their ill deeds attack your train of thoughts much faster than it would take to gather their outstanding goodness.

My colleague elaborated on the recent rekindling of a friendship that had gone awry and excitedly commended the new togetherness citing ‘’brains and dollars’’. This made me ask, just which brain he was talking about, and if the brains and dollars over-shadowed the accusation that caused the friendship to go awry? Murder in 2012 is like stepping on someone’s toes without saying sorry in 1980. It left me thinking:-

1. Was there ever an accusation?
2. Were we really to forget?
3. Does money replace fear?
4. Were we the public gullible fools?

Money is said to be the root of all kinds of evils, yet my friend slithered over the facts as if they really didn’t exist. When did we get to thinking of people as less than human and ultimately less than us? Was this because of ‘’brains and dollars’’? One would think the majority would come in defense of ‘’brains and dollars’’ if both of them in some way benefited the mob, but from the angle I have observed the mob from, they are hungry and unfed, so clearly the ‘’brains and dollars’’ aren’t being spread out. Yet the mob has been in acute support. When asked what they were supporting, the answer quickly gets lost in the long, very silent pause.

Who are our role models, and what positively have they stood for?  The recent announcement by BeenieMan got him a speedy, warm welcome in Belgium but has left our island’s religious aura in cold, wrecked shambles. Wrecked because, again it’s about ‘’brains and dollars’’, this time choosing to forfeit our prided values. The strength that has made our island known from every corner of this earth. Our pride that has made many nations immitate our music and language, we held our heads up proud to be Jamaican because being Jamaican meant something. Strength is never determined in how much blood you draw, it’s determined by being able to endure long enough to fight the fight again and again. Hardships they are, but the land is green and the sun shineth, a description of the people missing, could it be that the land has never betrayed us, but we have and were prophesied to betray this land? Betrayed we have, in standing for nothing, trading our rights for dollars, patriotism nonexistent.

If we stand for nothing we will fall victim to ‘’brains and dollars’’ without realizing that the dollar needs a hand to spend it and the brain needs a head, to function. It will be too late when we see that what we have exchanged equates to nothing.

Every human on the face of this earth deserves  basic human rights which includes freedom of religion and speech. If we were to sell our voice boxes, we would become dumb and void of speech, the person buying our voices will have an edge, having their speech and ours too. Small trade, for something priceless. And just where does our religion that we have the freedom to choose come in? Two separate entities, one advertised, but both sold in the deal, all for what? To show the world that we can bow, and we shall bow, to the master: – Brains and dollars

Gradually, we expect less and less of the people that should cover the holes in our draws by showing that they have good draws on, free of holes and vibrant in color.  They can’t cover us because they too are wearing what we are wearing and cannot cover us because their draws too are in shambles.

We expect less when our young women who are appointed as our role models blatantly switches sides telling us openly that what they showed us before, was a great pretense. Only because we expected nothing, they filled us to capacity with the nothing we expected. Hypocritically we cried out shed ‘’tears’’ in numbers but failing to come to the realization that we had no visions or expectations. The phrase ‘’you get out what you put in’’ totally forgotten because as a society, we have embraced single motherhood, randy manhood and wherever you lay your back, call it your home livelihood.  A visionless young generation with little regard for the elders that have visions. This is what we have embraced.

Young men who no longer feel its masculine to work, but to comb the internet in search of unfilled women looking for an equally unfilled man..to fill with nothing. We have denounced masculinity and have embraced ‘’fem-man-ity’’ because we now train our young women to take the place, men should always have. Still without vision but with ‘’dollars and brains’’, headless to nowhere.

It is sufficing to say that we have accepted hell as our homes. JAM-hell-AICA…See you there!

Dear Taiwo,
SIX months ago, I was a single lady seriously searching for Mr Right. I was living a solitary life until something happened to turn my life around. What I am not sure of is whether the turning around would be for better for worse.

I am a 43-year-old lady who had a rather eventful life and over the years, I have come to the conclusion that life may not be fair, if God’s favour is upon one’s life.

I was born and raised by a single mother, and till this date, I cannot say who my father is or what happened to him. My mother told me he died during the civil war after I was concieved, and because they were not married, my father’s family refused to accept my mother with my pregnancy.

As years rolled by, I began to doubt my mother’s story for two reasons. One, she couldn’t point out my father’s family. Two, she has so many men in her life, the number I cannot count. She even encouraged my sister to date a married man.

There was no love lost between my mother and her family. She was the proverbial black sheep of the family. She and my sister were the only family I had until she died mysteriously when I was in secondary school. Of course, none of my maternal family members wanted to have anything to do with us. It was Aunty Caro, a close friend of my mother, who came to our rescue. We had to go and live with her in Calabar.

Aunty Caro had a provision store somewhere in Calabar, and like my mother, she was a single mother, with a son who lived with his father and came home once in a while to see his mother. Aunty Caro was an affable fellow who would go to any length to keep her fellow human being, but she was always falling ill . Whenever she was too weak to go about her business, my sister and I would manage her store. The implication of this was that we grew up too fast and we were exposed to wordly vices earlier than we were supposed to. Aunty Caro’s gentle nature also did not help matters, this really made us grow up with very wild adults. I dated quite a number of boys in my school and one or two Igbo guys who had shops in the same market where our aunt’s shop was, and that was where I met Samien.

He used to sell clothes in the same market. I was so infatuated with him that I believed him when he said he loved me and would marry me. I eloped with him to Onitsha where he decided to re-establish his business after leaving Calabar. You can guess what happened to me when I got to Onitsha, within weeks of staying there, it was obvious that Samien only intended to use and dump me.

One night, he told me it was over between us and he threw me out. One of our neighbours accommodated me for few days before I was able to find my feet in Onitsha.

I was able to get a job as a sales girl in a supermarket and squatted with a colleague, Chinwe. Chinwe was also full of stories about Lagos. She had an elder brother in Lagos whom she had been opportune to visit several times. She told me so much about Lagos that I began to yearn to visit the no man’s land and also the means to get there was not available.

The opportunity came when Chinwe’s brother asked her to come over and she felt it would be nice if we could go together. I didn’t even think twice before I followed her. And before I knew it, I became a Lagosian and this marked, the beginning of another episode of my life. On getting to Lagos, I enrolled at a catering and hotel management school courtesy Chinwe’s brother and after graduating I started a small catering business.

Life in Lagos wasn’t easy especially when it came to relationships. After the kind of life I lived in Calabar and the experience I went through in Onitsha, I became wise in my dealings with men, but it didn’t stop me from being used and dumped. That has been one major battle I have fought in my life, it was as if my life was marked for doom in the area of marriage. It seemed all men wanted from me was quick sex and nothing more.

In an attempt to find a lasting solution to this problem, a friend of mine took me to a pastor for prayers. It was during prayers that it was revealed that I had a water spirit which gave me an aura was repelling men. The pastor advised that I should go through a spiritual deliverance, and I did. After the deliverance, everything seemed okay. I met Clement, a businessman who appeared to be genuinely interested in me. We dated for about a year and we fixed our wedding date. I was glad that things were finally going to be okay and my dreams of settling down in my home with a man I loved were finally coming true. But unfortunately, a week to my wedding, Clement disappeared and I later heard that he had married another woman.

Devastated, I went back to the pastor, and after a long interrogation and mind search, I realised where I went wrong. The pastor said I shouldn’t have had sex with Clement before marriage, but I did. Sex with him was like breaking an edge and the water spirit dealt with me through that. I really did not know what got into me, I had kept to the pastor’s advice, I didn’t have sex with Clement all along, but I succumbed to his pressure two days before the day he left me, which was about a week to our wedding.

Having learnt my lesson, I resolved within myself I would not have sex with the next man who comes my way until we get married. This resolve, however, marked the beginning of another phase in my life.

I met some men, who wanted sex but I refused. I continued that way until eventually, men stopped asking me out. At a level, I became confused, obviously, I didn’t like the idea of being used and dumped by men and at the same time the fact that men stopped asking me out became scary, because I wasn’t getting any younger, and when I thought I was through with men, just six months ago, Biodun came into my life and it was a big break after a long period. He was an answer to my prayers. We were matchmade, Bayo resided in London, and he had also experienced some forms of troubles with the opposite sex. He was careful and that was why he mandated his sister here in Nigeria to help him out. His elder sister was a member of my church, she told me about Bayo and I agreed to give him a trial. I told my pastor about the whole issue, he prayed with me and said God did not reveal anything either negative or positive to him. He, however, advised me to keep an open mind and be prayerful.

The first time I spoke with Bayo on phone, my heart immediately went out to him. We related as if we had both met earlier and we had many things in common. When Bayo came to Nigeria two months after we spoke on phone, I must confess that I was not disappointed with what I saw. He was exactly what I dreamt of. He made me very happy and his family members were nice to me. My problem with him started when he was about to leave for London. He asked to have sex with me and I refused, although he did not force me or pressurise me, but I knew something changed.

He has since returned to London. He has called me several times. We chat, but I am not comfortable whenever he speaks with me on phone. I can feel his anger and disappointment. He has also become jealous. When he calls and he hears a male voice in the background, most of the time when I am in my shop he becomes angry.

I am really not happy about the way things are between me and Bayo. I have grown to like him and I hoped our relationship would lead to a positive end. I am no longer young neither is Bayo. We are agemates.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have given in to his demand for sex. Well, I would have lost him. My refusal is not making things easier either.

I have prayed about Bayo like my pastor advised, and I also depended on experience to hold on to him, but all the time, I have this feeling that I am losing out, and I don’t know what to do.

Bayo is coming home for Christmas. He has not spoken with me or asked me to marry him. The only thing close to that was when he said he would love to meet my family. Fortunately, through the help of my pastor, I have been able to reconcile with Aunty Caro and my sister and they are also looking forward to seeing him.

The last time we spoke, he told me he would not take no for an answer. He has not proposed marriage. Should I risk it? Should sex come before marriage? I am really confused, please, help me.

Hello all,

Just passing on some information –

I received the following statement from Tanesha “Shorty” Johnson, common-law-wife of my former client Adidja Palmer. In response to published reports that proceeds from the May 22nd concert at Club Riddim will be donated toward aiding Kartel’s legal fees, she insists that Kartel is not in need of charity, stating:

“Dem reporter deh bright. Dem fi lose dem work. Me babyfada get 4 lawyer fi himself, plus 1 for Shawn Storm, 1 for Kahira, 1 for Nigel, 1 for Leng, 1 for Gaza Slim, and 1 for Madsuss make 10. And any time dem get pay, a me go bank go draw money. Plus a me have him debit card. Me three youth dem school fee pay every term. Light and water pay and me house have food. So all who a talk can’t stop him. A di benz truck him a go buy when him come, fi match di car.”

*Mi wudda like know if a shawtie really seh dis or dem publicist mek it up…btw is only here run di story so please tell shawtie seh mi a nuh reporter………… so di man dem pay still under inspection?***