A few months ago my son Liam developed Eczema on his face and on his knee. For those of you who like me, never knew about this skin condition it’s basically very dry skin that is extremely itchy and flaky and can cause severe scars, not pretty. Anyway, he never had it before so it was quite a shock to see, I decided I needed to make an appointment with a dermatologist as I didn’t even know that what he had was Eczema. I asked a lady I know who is a professional nurse to take a look at it and she said it was definitely Eczema because she had it as well. Naturally I was worried when she said this, Liam is such a handsome little boy, okay one biased mummy’s opinion and to get something like that on his face would have been traumatic.

I decided to pray about it and trusted God for healing. A few days later it just cleared up, completely gone without any form of medication whatsoever! How awesome is that? They say you can only treat the symptoms of Eczema but there is no cure. I beg to differ, there is a cure His name is Jesus Christ the Healer Divine. The word of God says “He was wounded for our transgressions, bruised for our iniquities, the chastisement of our peace was upon Him and by His stripes we are healed”. Jesus purchased our healing for us on the cross of Calvary. Jesus died so that we could “live”, He said that He came to give us life and life abdundantly, He wasn’t just talking about life after death, He meant abundant life starting right here and now and all the way through to eternal life with Him.

Recently Liam had a severe cold, his chest became congested and he started this noisy wheezing, it was so bad that we both couldn’t sleep from the noise. I laid hands on him and prayed in the Holy Spirit in tongues – I could feel an incredible heat on my hands and both Liam and I were shaking, Liam thought it was me shaking him but I knew it was the Holy Spirit flowing through both of us, and the wheezing stopped within a few minutes right there and then and he was able to sleep peacefully. The next day his chest was all cleared up and there was no wheezing! Liam tried his best to cough so he could stay off school but God had healed him so beautifully he was back in school the next day!

Why do some people experience healing and not others? I honestly don’t know, in the words of one of my favourite authors & preacher Kathryn Kuhlman “I can only give to others what I have personally experienced myself”. There is still so much I am learning about God and it’s not going to happen overnight, because it’s a relationship. Relationships involve building trust and experiencing each other, and that’s what God wants to do with each of us. He treats us as unique individuals, what builds your faith may not necessarily build mine, what inspires you may not inspire me. God knows this because He knows us intimately, so He handles each of us differently. He knows every thought you think, you will not believe the way He speaks to me, for example today I was feeling “unappreciated” at work (understatement of the century!) . God specifically spoke these words to me, Colossians 3:23  ”And whatsoever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;”. In other words He was saying to me keep doing your best even if it’s not noticed and not appreciated, do it like you are doing it for me and leave the rest for me to handle. This is called Rhema and is the most common way that God speaks to us. A Rhema is a verse or portion of Scripture that the Holy Spirit brings to our attention with application to a current situation or need for direction. Here’s an example from the Bible of how God uses Rhema to speak to us – God reminded Peter of His Word: “Then remembered I the word [rhema] of the Lord, how He said, John indeed baptized with water; but you shall be baptized with the Holy Ghost” (Acts 11:16).

The words of Jesus are significant on this point. “Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word [rhema] that proceedeth out of the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4). Jesus also stated, “The words [rhema] that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life” (John 6:63).

I know a lot of you have also experienced God speaking to you in this way, I also know a lot of people will think I’m Looney Tunes. I would have thought the same thing a few years ago, but now I know different so hey it doesn’t bug me. I stumbled upon an internet site the other day called Jesus Freak Hideout, I had to laugh – but this Jesus Freak is not hiding, no she will shout God’s goodness from the rooftops to anyone who will hear

Jesus is truly amazing, as a mother my heart fills with gratitude for what He’s done for my child, so it’s no wonder why I am crazy in love with Him! Everyday with Jesus is an adventure as I learn more about Him and He reveals more of Himself to me. It doesn’t mean life is always rosy, because we live in a fallen world with broken people so there’s bound to be difficult times. It just means there is a whole other dimension to life that we as believers are learning more about, that we have a Father in Heaven whose love is inconceivable, who is interested in every aspect of our lives and wants to guide and direct us – although I think God has his hands full with me. I’m an extremely impatient person, passionate & strong willed, but everyday I’m learning to be who God wants me to be, because I know His plan for my life is going to be exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ask or think.

In June this year I received a letter from my company – a notice of retrenchment. To add insult to injury I was told I had to stay on until December because there was nobody else qualified to do my job and I had to train someone to take over from me. I prayed about it and asked God to show me what to do. His words to me were to just be still and know He is God and that’s exactly what I did. He gave me the strength to get through the uncertainty for 6 weeks before the final decision was made and God was true to His word. I received a letter from the company stating that the decision for retrenchment was reversed. I don’t think this has ever happened in the history of the company, usually when a notice of retrenchment is issued it’s a done deal and it is never reversed. Hmmm…but they don’t know My Jesus! Turns out I also got a “pat on the back” for very good performance and next year they are looking at developing my position to grow into a Management role. How’s that for a complete turn around?

I had an outstanding debt that I couldn’t afford to pay in full – so I prayed and asked God to make a way where there seemed to be no way – the debt has now been reduced substantially to what I can afford to pay – the guy who gave me the reduction on the debt I owed said to me, “Well, I feel like Santa Claus”, I thought hmmm…well you don’t know my Jesus

My desire is for others to come to know the treasure we have in Jesus Christ. God has shown me that He wants me to have a ministry in writing (I wanted to be a rock star but I ain’t got the face, wanna be a rock star but I ain’t got what it takes -LOL). I want to use the gifts He has given me for His Glory! I want the promises Jesus gives us in the Bible to become a reality in other people’s lives too, I want to see lives changed and healed in the name of Jesus. What He has done for me and for others, He is able to do for you. This is one of the beautiful promises of Jesus from the book of Isaiah:

“Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me; because the Lord has annointed me to preach good tidings unto the meek; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom to the captives, and the opening of the prison to them that are bound; 2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the LORD, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all that mourn; 3 To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness”.

John 3:3 – Jesus answered and said to him, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” What does being born again mean? When I heard this phrase years ago, I thought people were smoking something, I wish I had taken the time back then to learn what this meant. The natural man cannot know God because He is a spiritual being. So unless your human spirit is regenerated and becomes joined to God’s spirit we cannot know or experience God. When you say the sinners prayer for Salvation and invite Jesus into your life and your heart – you become “born again” and you are “Saved” and reunited with God. God’s spirit becomes joined to your human spirit and you are then able to have a relationship with God. It’s a bit like airwaves, they are all around us even though we can’t see them, unless you switch on your radio and tune into the frequency, you won’t hear the music! So whatever you may be going through right now, be encouraged. Call on the name of Jesus and I can assure you, He will answer you. Jesus is an ever present help in times of trouble and has proved Himself to me in more ways than one, I hope my testimony and those of others will help you to realise this truth.

Hosea 4:6a
My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because they have rejected knowledge. What knowledge is God talking about here? The knowledge that His word is Truth. Truth is not some ideology, Truth is a person, Truth is Jesus Christ. God is a reality, the knowlege that He exists and that He is far greater and beyond anything our natural minds could even conceive. The world is in a state of needless suffering and spiritual blindness, we need to get the Truth of the Gospel out there – we need to get our testimonies out there – we need to be “The Light on the Hill” that Jesus spoke about. This is where we as believers come into the picture, if we don’t tell them how will they know of His love, His mercy, His power and His grace? Are you up for the challenge? I know I am.

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Matt. 6:26

To many who know me, this testimony may seem to be only a fleeting phase. I admit that I have undergone many transformations in the past few years. I have gone from a former would-be minister, to volatile adolescent, to a dilettante of eastern philosophy, to avid atheist. The latter being with what most people are familiar. I have written in many blogs, “preached” to many people I know about atheism (Oh, the irony), attempted to debate with public Christian groups, and been an overall ‘troll’ on the internet in order to further the ‘cause’ of atheism. I can only hope then, that people see this testimony as both a sincere recantation of those beliefs, and a firm statement in my belief in Jesus Christ. I have prayed to God for the strength to show the world my faults, and through Him, I am able to do this without shame.

Before I reached High School, I wanted to be a minister, but in retrospect, this did not come from a real devotion to the Lord, but rather, it was an outlet for a shy young boy to stand out amongst his peers. Being ‘religious’ was my way of gaining praise from my peers and loved ones, but by ‘religious’, I just mean that I had certain gifts in academics that allowed me to remember an awful lot about what we learned in Bible school, and what I read in the children’s Bibles that I had. I never really had knowledge about putting those lessons to use though, as I was a loner when I was young. I did not have many friends until I was in middle school, and I did not go out very much even when I did finally have a set group of friends.

It is important to note that I did not consciously manipulate and fool those around me into thinking that I was pious. I simply thought I was religious and therefore in the right. There was nothing sinister about it, and in fact, realizing that hardly anyone wakes up in the morning and says, “Well I’m going to be a manipulative asshole today”, is an important lesson that I have learned. We, as people, always think we are in the right, but so often, we are victims to our own arrogance and vanity.

My ‘faith’, which I now see as having been weak, began to seriously crumble when I entered High School. I had a girlfriend and more friends, and I was finally being exposed to the temptations of actually ‘having a life’. I began going out more and more, and when I say my faith crumbled, I certainly do not mean that I started using drugs or drinking alcohol. I actually only drank about two times before college, and I never touched drugs…ever. I just mean that I failed to have God with me. I did not live out my faith. I was morally weak, and my immaturity, unwarranted sense of self-importance, and arrogance played a large role in it.

I was never truly ‘real’ with myself, and that carried over into my college years. I was also having small spurts of things like training for long distance running of weight lifting, but I never had the commitment to actually improve my athleticism. I always had the capacity to be a straight A student, but I never really applied myself as much as I should have. I made the Dean’s List several times, but then I would have semesters and classes that I just thought I could blow off. I was ignorant to the blessing of being in college, and to my ‘shortcomings’ in the more social realm of life being a byproduct of my own insecurities and willingness to blame others.

Once in college, I became disillusioned with the world. I saw how much gray there was, and I somehow took it personally, as though I had been lied to my whole life. I thought of myself as a good, strong, moral person (as no one usually sees their own mistakes), and my own arrogance lead me into a rut. I became very cynical. I was cynical against institutions that were praised, individuals for being regarded as heroes, and especially of religion, as I thought it to be more or less a delusional lie.

I found, however, a temporary peace in my arrogance and ignorance. I had always been told how ‘smart’ I was, and I began to thrive off that. I began reading more, and one of the books I read was “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins. That book moved me from ‘fence sitting’ about my belief in God to being an out and out atheist. I became active in my atheism. I treated it as though I was trying to convert people. I would go into blogs, chartrooms, online forums; I would post videos, and even openly challenge ‘theists’ to debating the existence of God. I would do this as often as I could. I came across many interesting people, who adamantly challenged me. When I say ‘challenge’, I mean they answered my call for a ‘debate’, and they used their faith and knowledge about God to combat my ignorance and arrogance. They did not penetrate me much though, but they still played an integral part in my salvation as I would find out later.

As much as I had ‘faith’ in science and reason, the only real satisfaction that I had was telling myself how much smarter I was than the rest of the world. I felt better about myself because of all the fools around me who put their faith in nothing, a delusion. I got such a kick out sites like www.gotquestions.org, which would go to such lengths to contradict the infallible science. I thought that all of the ‘born again’ Christians were fools, fakers, or weak conformists. Yet, the only arguments that I was really proposing to them were just regurgitations of Dawkins, Hitchens, and other cynics, or I was speaking out of my own personal pain. I was still very much disenchanted with life, and felt that I deserved so much more than I had.

This disenchantment helped me start a very unhealthy lifestyle. I used marijuana, but not every day, but I still looked forward to getting high in order to have a good time. Partially due to this, and being in a new school environment, I found myself alienated from many social activities, and it only declined.
This pattern of behavior continued until last winter, when for about three days I found myself in a depression. I simply did not want to talk to anyone, be around anyone, or even be awake, because being asleep was so much better than bearing the loneliness and emotional pain that I was feeling while awake. I felt unable to ‘make anything’ of myself. Then somehow, I thought of my Grandmother and what she would have said to me. She would have told me to stop crying and get on with it. This was a stepping-stone into a life with Christ, as my Grandmother has always displayed amazing strength and love, and she is deeply religious.

It was then that I realized that so many people around me experience similar things. As much comfort as I thought I was receiving by listening to ‘highly artistic’ and ‘super emotional and deep’ music to heal my wounds, I simply was not helping anything. I was just being reassured how wronged I was. Therefore, I decided to take matters into my own hands. I set goals for myself for my grades and physical health.

After a few stutter steps…I had the best semester of college that I ever had. My grades were fantastic. I was able to finally quit smoking cigarettes and marijuana (cold turkey mind you!), I met a wonderful young lady who is quite inspiring, a whole lot of new interesting people, and with all of that it was easier to just be a happier person.

I still felt slightly empty though. This is where I find it a bit hard to explain. I just somehow started going to church a little bit more, and I started to reopen my mind to the idea of religion. At first, I told myself that it was a cultural thing. Church and religion was just a community thing where people could come together to help heal each other of the mutual problems that I thought I had conquered myself.
But I still was not satisfied. There was still emptiness in my heart.

Then one lazy afternoon on the coattails of the cruelest winter I had ever experienced, I was listening to a Podcast talking about philosophy. It questioned our very existence. Then in some of my classes I was reading absurdist and existentialist works. I just felt lost in meaninglessness. So I was trying desperately to fix it.

I was overwhelmed once again. The conclusions and reasoning that I came to on my own failed me once again.
Even with all of my accomplishments that semester: the grades, the physical health, the friends, etc. I still felt overwhelmed and alone.
Then I found myself picking up a Bible, that came to my apartment by offhand chances (I had brought it down with me from home shortly before, just because I thought to have it), and I opened up to a passage in Matthew that I had highlighted when I was younger and a believer.

It was a parable about not worrying about things. That God provides. God provides for all of the other creatures of the world, and do they complain? Do they feel sorry for themselves? No. So why do we feel sorry for ourselves? Do not worry, God was telling me. And that was another stepping stone.
I found myself becoming more and more accepting of the idea of God. Then I understood faith. Faith is believing that God will lift you up and stay with you, despite your sins and inadequacy. I understood that God was not simply a ‘sapient’ creature with a beard in heaven who was the pinnacle of what a man should be. God was beyond me. Beyond any of our comprehension. A force of nature, who speaks to us in terms that we can understand and communicate with each other, but is so beyond all of us.

I understood that the world we live in is nothing without God. All of our arrogance and accomplishments are not greater than the Him. I understood that humans were more than the sum of their parts. We are more than just a hunk of cells. As wondrous and Biology is and how much splendor it shows us about life, they only illuminate the glory of God. We are more than just a mass of matter. We have souls, we have personality, we love, we hate, and we do so much. If I lose my arm, I am still the same person.

I realized that all of the stock I put into art, science, and the ability of man to conquer everything was folly. We cannot cash our own checks.
I realized that all of the pain I had in my life, from problems with my parents and friends, with the world around me, and most importantly with myself were all cured. I realized how blessed I actually am to have the life that I do and the friends that I do. Instead of simply being grateful, I am now inspired to show my gratitude through a life under God’s will. I have asked Jesus into my heart, and for him to take control of my life.

I have never felt a contentment like this; one so consistent and satisfying. He truly is the bread that always satisfies.

This was all progressive over a few weeks time span. I was talking to some of the Christians that I ‘battled’ as an atheist, and what they were saying was starting to make a whole lot of sense to me. I have been talking more and more to ‘born agains’, and their stories and what they are talking about makes total sense to me. I know exactly what they are talking about, and I know that they feel things that they cannot totally express in words. And they were strangers at the time.

Strangers, who I never met before, were experiencing the same things as me. I felt God then, and knew that Jesus was in my heart.
I pray that I can continue to be humbled and be in his care. And I have faith that I always will, and that He will be there until death.
I challenge everyone to lay down their arrogance. Read the Bible. I mean READ it. Read it all. It is entertaining to say the least, and understanding the messages and the truth in it are essential to developing a personal relationship with Jesus. I am working on forming a network of friends and loved ones who have also found Jesus, so that I can strengthen myself that way. We are called to serve in a ministry and show God’s love in all that we do, and I am undertaking that in my journey as well.

I challenge you all to do the same.

I pray that this testimony of an atheist has given hope to you, and that I can continue to be God’s instrument.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good. His love endures forever.